It's day 1! Anyone else?

[Thepeppapigfanclub]

I'm 45. I've been drinking a bottle/bottle and a half a night for as long as I can remember with the odd dry January/ Stoptober along the way - but I always end up back on the wine again.

I'm a parent to a 13 year old and the shame that comes with this is crippling. It's not good and I know I HAVE GOT to stop. I am sick of the self-loathing, the fear, the anxiety and the money down the drain. Most of all, I'm worried about shuffling of this mortal coil leaving my child before I should.

So it's day one (again) for me. I just wondered if anybody else has picked this as their day one too for some support.

Any tips for the first week?

Many thanks - there's some seriously inspirational people on here reading some of the other threads - I'm in awe of all of those who've made it to six months, a year and beyond. It feels beyond my grasp.

I'd normally be a bottle and a half in by now - full of self - loathing and pouring another small one while asking myself when this is going to stop.

Well done on another day @MamaGhina!

Withdrawal is rubbish and I don't know about you but I'm hyper alert to any mention of wine. Today has been hard and I just really wish I was one of those people who could 'take it or leave it', but I'm not. I got a berry botanical alcohol free spirit from M and S that I tried tonight. Rubbish! 😂

This will get easier and better - eventually. Is it time to get the motivational quotes out. Haha! Nobody regrets giving up and everyone who gets to the other side is waving us there. It will just take time to learn and find a new way that works better. The wine isn't working for us or we wouldn't be here. We can do it because it can't be harder than all the wasted life and problems that alcohol brings.

I did treat myself today to some new make-up and a new necklace (nothing fancy) to reward my good efforts. 😂Are you planning on giving yourselves some rewards?

Any chance of you pulling a sickie this weekend re the in-laws @BrassicaBabe ? I'm so shattered too.

Yes @Mummykins54 I hope the meeting went well. Tell us how you got on.

I’m day 21 but had a curious trigger moment today that I hadn’t expected.
I started my tax return. A tedious job at the best of times, trying to find various bits of paper and endless “have you forgotten your password”? Adding up endless tiny sums of interest earned on bank accounts. I always did it with a bottle of wine, and today I had a bit of a craving. But I ploughed through it, and probably got it done more quickly than before.

Well done to all of us. I’m really surprised that I haven’t had a blip yet, but it seems the longer I’m going without, the less I want a drink. Would never have imagined it.

@Thepeppapigfanclub , I know what you mean about being hyper alert to mentions of wine. Yesterday I was in a busy supermarket, I was chuckling over a family of a granny about my age, her daughter, and two little boys who were larking around as little boys do, they were very comical. Granny caught my eye, and said “Is it too early for a glass of wine”?
Stopped me in my tracks really. That would’ve been me, and it wouldn’t have been too early.

@SoosanCarter Blimey - even the thought of a tax return is enough to make you think about drinking so it's brilliant you got through that! It's great to hear that the longer you go the less you want a drink - you're nearly at a month.

I'm not tempted to buy a bottle this time because I know exactly how the this story goes - I wish I could just stop thinking about it though. It's going to take a lot of time so I'll just have to be patient and it makes it harder when it is absolutely everywhere.

I can't say I'm looking forward to the very romanticised version of drinking coming up with the Christmas ads. I've already decided I'm not going on the works Christmas do this year, so that's about £150 saved for a start.

Hope everyone has a great day.

I am strong. I feel great sober. There's no place for it in my life this is exactly where I’m at @PNDshame. I’ve had enough too.

Sleep was shocking again last night. The 5 hours Thursday night was obviously exhaustion. I’m back to not sleeping for hours, regardless of what time I go to bed. I know cutting back on the caffeine would help and believe me I’ve tried but that just feels like a step too far right now.

Will try and get a long walk in later. I’m sure that helps keep me mentally strong and get better sleep. I’m not going to lie, this will be my first Saturday night not drinking in maybe 6 months. Feels odd.

Yes, it’s so hard. It seems our society revolves around alcohol. Meeting up “for a drink”. “Let’s have a drink”. I spend Christmas without humans so it shouldn’t be too difficult. I’m going on holiday soon with lovely understanding friends who have said they will go AF for me, but it’s really not necessary. I know that one is worried about their own drinking.
But funny, popped to my local Spar for emergency chocolate. They used to have two rows in the fridge, Villa Maria Sauvignon and Pinot Grigio in two neat lines, always topped up. But now, a single line, only 3-4 and both types mixed up. Could it be due to me? I didn’t dare ask! It’s not cheap so it makes my savings on the Try Dry app look very pleasing.

Could it be due to me?
This did make me laugh @SoosanCarter and exactly the sort of thing I would be worried about! I used to hate the way the lad in the Co-op used to look at me when he served me. It was a combination of pity and disgust.

Pizza on Thursday night gave weight gain on Friday morning. Normal for me. EXCEPT it's gone today. Normally that pizza weight gain would hang around for an AGE. Related to AF I wonder?!!

Haha. My shop keeper would to tell me when he'd had 'my' delivery in. 😮He's looked a bit confused the last few times I've been in.

My sleep is still shot to bits as well. I'm not tired until really late - toss and turn then awake at the crack of dawn.

I understand about the caffeine. I need to tackle my weight as well because I caught sight of myself in a shop window yesterday and I could have cried. I knew I'd put weight on but...OMG. That's next but one step at a time.

It sounds like you've got some good friends @SoosanCarter . Maybe you're friend will be tempted to join you. I won't lie, it used to terrify me when my friends we're giving up because I knew deep inside I was worried that I couldn't.

Lol. Yes, coop had "my" wine on offer. I'm convinced I'm the only one buying it. 🤣

How old are folks? I'm 50 now (how the feck did that happen?!) Peri menopause led to MASSIVE caffeine anxiety. My caffeine habit is on I've had WAY LONGER than wine. I tell you life is not fair!

My face is a shocker. Puffy with a bit of sunburn high lighting the puffs!!

Morning all.

im here on day 7… day 7!! I think the last time I had a whole week off was 2019. It’s been oddly okay except for yesterday when finishing work. I logged off and had to hot tail it into the bath to get past the “it’s Friday and it’s wine time” craving.

I tried to play it forward and see that it would just end up here, now, feeling sick, grimy and disappointed. and I am very glad that is not the case. I actually genuinely felt I had all of those books in the back of my head saying “right, so what do you do in response to this”.

@Thepeppapigfanclub @MamaGhina yes I think my son has had enough as when I am drunk I am not nice to him - the hynop session was fine but she was talking about a concept called havening which concentrates on particular parts of your subconscious mind - for me kicking the drink and trying to move on from my past live/and still pending divorce. Went to an AA meeting last night and everyone was lovely - heard some real horror stories - I need to go to one every night for the next 2 weeks to see my grandson again

Oh @BrassicaBabe 45 here, though look about 90. Crows feet - forehead wrinkles. Fat. This is all a bigger problem than I thought. If they used my face on a poster in schools to deter kids from drinking, it would probably be pretty effective.

@Mummykins54 That is BRILLIANT that you went - I know how nervous you were. You can do it Mummykins - and hopefully, as well as seeing your grandson again, hopefully this will help YOU. It sounds like an awful time you've been having and a lot of sadness to deal with. Do you have any friends that can support you?

A whole week @TimesaChangeling. That's great. Playing it forward is good. This time feels different for me because I'm thinking I either get on with it - or just keep going back to the beginning like Groundhog day. Forever is daunting though so still concentrating on one day at a time.

@Thepeppapigfanclub thank you! I have good friends - two in particular but I sense they are starting to get a bit sick of me as I am not helping myself - only one of the girls know about the AA meeting. She lost her beautiful sister to alcohol a few years ago. This divorce is killing me as I stbexh is putting me through hell - it should have been a straightforward process and it has now been 3 years! Hope all you girlies are doing ok - the support on here has been fab!

@BrassicaBabe in early 40’s, so my DC are still young. I’ve never lost that exhausted look from the newborn days. I smoke too which is obviously not going to help although between these 4 walls I haven’t had a cigarette since I had my last drink.

@Mummykins54 I also feel super proud that you made the meeting. Well done. I was thinking about this last night. If I was obese people would probably be sympathetic to the food addiction. I know eating loads doesn’t alter behaviour in the same way as alcohol does but the element of addiction is the same surely? Not many people would suggest leaving if their partner was unable to stop eating.

I haven’t told anyone that I drink too much. It’s obvious to my DH and close friends but I think I’m going to start being a bit more honest about it. I’m seeing a very good friend next weekend and I’m going to tell her.
Last time we met I had a gin and tonic at the bar. Then I got a glass of wine with my meal. Once I’d finished that I ordered a bottle of wine for myself (and drank it). That whole time she had 2 ciders. I feel quite embarrassed about it but she didn’t and hasn’t mentioned it. Most people know that level of consumption isn’t normal? I wonder now why she hasn’t said anything. Too scared in case I reacted badly? I don’t know.

@Thepeppapigfanclub its one day at a time here too but I feel strangely optimistic this time that I might actually do it.

@MamaGhina my problem is that I don't eat properly. When my husband was here he worked from home so I came home to a cooked meal every night. Even though he was a nasty piece of work. I cannot remember the last time I cooked a dinner and that is typical. McCain baked potatoes, Lidl ready meals are my best friends and the wine

@Mummykins54 very gently, not eating properly is a really bad sign because the damage from the alcohol is so much worse. I’m talking from experience here having lost a good friend to liver disease. She always seemed ok until she stopped eating well. Then she stopped eating at all and that’s when she fell really ill. That’s also when her body started to bloat and by then it was too late.

I’m honestly not saying this to scare you but try really hard to get on top of this. Do you have much of an appetite? I’ve done loads of diets in the past but nothing really clicked until someone told me to use food to nourish myself not punish myself. That really hit home. I think a lot of the time I used the alcohol almost as a form of self harm. I used to do the same with food but I found it 10x easier to change my eating habits then I did to quit the alcohol.

For me it all comes from a shit, abusive childhood. Followed by a bad relationship and awful divorce. I started using alcohol to escape. To cope. To avoid. I’ve done dry spells in the past and felt so much better but I always went back to it. I’m desperately hoping this time is different because having seen my friend’s child at her funeral I know I can’t do that to my kids.

I'm glad you've got some friends @Mummykins54 and I hope today's meeting goes well. Is the end for the divorce nearly in sight?

I was meant to be going AA myself but child's father has cancelled having him 🙁so it won't be until next Saturday now. It's a very, very, very difficult relationship.

I've been glad for all the support on here too. One day at a time. ❤✅

Just found this thread and today is my Day 1. I have a 13 year old and 11 year old and have suffered from crippling depression. Alcohol has been my self mediation of choice but I need to stop. I am so tired every single day. And I want more for my life.

I'm 49 about to be 50. :)

I had an abusive upbringing and have been stuffing alcohol down my throat for coming onto 40 years in order to cope.

Welcome @NewLifeHappyLife. I’m on day 6 and so happy I didn’t drink tonight. I won’t lie, I was tempted but I managed to distract myself with a nice long walk.

So desperate for better sleep tonight. It’s nearly been a week, I deserve a good nights sleep!

Wow @Mummykins54 you are strong and brave. Glad you've got good friends to lean on too.

@MamaGhina quitting smoking AND drinking?! That's hard core! 💪💪

Welcome @NewLifeHappyLife

I ran today. The best run in an AGE. Don't misunderstand, my running isn't fast or impressive but its weirdly important to me. For too long now I've been hand wringing and "woe is me"... why are my runs going so badly, why do I feel so bad on a run... knowing full well that a bottle of wine per night MUST have a huge impact!! Twonk!! Kidding myself!! But also fully aware at the same time so then angry and ashamed with myself for sabotaging my own goals. I hope that I can keep the feeling from today at the front of my mind the next time temptation is knocking!

Thanks so much for the welcome. I have read and re-read the thread and so much of it resonates with me.

My anxiety this morning is bad. I am in the middle of an unpleasant job situation (that hopefully will be resolved next week) and I am definitely using alcohol as a crutch.

Today i hope to have alot of distraction techniques up my sleeve- I need to catch up on ironing. I need to go and buy things for DS1's forthcoming school camp (Why does everything cost so much MONEY!!!!) and I need to sort out my papers for my own tax return.

I agree about the scary amount alcohol costs though. I also would save about £300 a month if I stopped. If I got a £300 a month pay rise I'd be delighted... yet i am just drinking away £300 on rubbish!

best wishes to everyone today.

I hear you!

My "go to" wine is (was!) £11 per bottle. 😱 £77 per week. £330 per month. £4004 per year 😱😱😱

And that's conservative I guess. It doesn't include the weekends where I get through 2 or holidays etc 😱

I have an announcement… I had a good night’s sleep. I guess it must have been going for the long walk? Or swapping my tea for water last night? Or exhaustion.

Either way, isn’t it nice to wake up on a Sunday morning without that awful hangover? Feeling sick. Looking at food like 🤢 the kids testing my already thin patience. The worry of what happened? What did I do or say? Looking at the bottles the next morning and quietly trying to put them in the recycling bin before anyone clocks them. That feeling of shame.

Day 7, it’s nice to see you again.

Thanks @BrassicaBabe, I’m an all or nothing type of girl 😆