Those who are long-term sober, are you happier than when drinking?

[Sillymummies123]

I know this is a hugely complex question. I imagine some the length of alcoholism, amount consumed, personal genetics massively factor into this. I suppose I'm asking more "moderate drinkers" (whatever the hell that is) - say one or two bottles of wine a night, none during the day, happily drunk of an evening, grotty in the morning but largely functional.

I'm a few weeks into quitting now and am proud and trying to take each day and new experience at a time. I'm a bit blue, though - the crutch I've held onto all these years and my main source of happiness gone (I've read lots of quit lit - don't believe alcohol really made me happy, just made itself overly important to my brain).

Months - years in, are you much happier than ever before? I've been drinking since my teens, so I suppose I'm wondering whether that childish exuberance will come back down the line? I don't really know what happiness looks like as an adult.

I wouldn’t aim for happiness. I think contentment is more realistic. To be happy in your own company. To enjoy peace. To find ways to enjoy reality, rather than blurring it out.

I'm 10 years sober and can honestly say I'm in the best place I've ever been. It's not been easy, and there's still the occasional pang, but physically, mentally, and socially, I would never go back.

Stick at it.

I'm also with you in the not knowing what happiness was. I'm not quite there (for lots of other reasons too) but contentment is enough

I’m nearly 4 months sober. I don’t know that I would say I’m much happier than when I was drinking. Because the reality is that most people who have a drinking problem drink for reasons that don’t just magically go away when they stop drinking. You still have all that shit to deal with and that takes time and can be difficult.

But 4 months in, I can without a doubt say my life is better. Better doesn’t necessarily equal gloriously happy all the time. But it’s definitely not worse and there are definitely things that have improved. Certainly, it has its moments, but I wouldn’t choose to go back to where I was before I stopped.

Hi OP I’m much happier - I haven’t drunk for about 8 years now. I think I was fooling myself when I felt happy as a drinker, it was more the fake ‘whoosh’ feeling I’d get with the first glass (of course I was never happy if I had to stop at just one, so that tells you everything) but honestly, much happier now. Went to a big party with dancing, people doing shots out of teapots etc the other night. So happy to be there just the first couple of hours, chat, dance, catch up with old friends - then leave just as it was getting really messy and people were repeating themselves. And even happier to get up the next morning and take my kids for a day at the beach, pounding waves, beating sunshine - all felt fantastic without a hangover. Got back to town, happy and windblasted, picking up fish and chips for supper, bumped into friend from party who was just waking up at 6pm, clutching head and sides from hangover, his wife furious he’d been passed out asleep leaving her - also overly hung - to deal with 2 small children all day.

yes I’m definitely happier! The trick is to really value what being sober gives you, not what you perceive is lacking. For me, it’s time. No more wasted days while I feel like seven types of shit because I’m grumpy and bad tempered with my kids, or just not up to doing much in the mornings.

It’s so hard isn’t it when you have spent your whole adult life drinking? I feel much better when I’m not drinking.

I think your definition of a ‘moderate drinker’ is way off - that level of drinking is a problem, even if you’re ‘functioning’.
I haven’t had a drink for over a year - I still have worries, down days, stressful times etc but alcohol is now no longer compounding these, as it had down previously.

I’m only 7 months in but yes I’m feeling much happier. I don’t suffer with hangxiety anymore for one thing. I was a 5-6 bottles of wine drinker. Just come back from my first diner holiday as an adult and it was lovely waking up fresh every morning. I’ve also lost 17 pounds without too much effort and am happy to be able to buy nicer clothes. I definitely look much better too.

• 5-6 bottles of wine a week drinker

I'm getting in for 23 years sober. If someone guaranteed me I could drink moderately again now I still wouldn't bother.

I am happier two years on. I get those dreams where I'm drunk and the relief when I wake up just instantly proves to me how much better sobriety is. Alcoholism had me totally in it's grip, if I'd continued I would have died. So yes, I am much happier!
I've also discovered the joy of laughing loudly, freely and with joy totally sober. I can do silly things, joke around with my kids and know that it's all me - no alcohol to make me think later, was I laughing because of the alcohol?

10 years sober, and by god, I wish I had never touched the stuff. It’s like recovering from Stockholm Syndrome. My life is so much better now.

Over a year sober now. 3 months in a hospital liver unit with cirrhosis was enough to sober me up. Don't miss it one bit. Every aspect of my life has improved dramatically without alcohol "getting in the way "

I am one year sober and I am much more content and grounded compared to when I was drinking. I am a much better parent as well. I think for me sobriety has been about finding peace and stability in myself rather than expecting to feel really joyful all the time. I still experience anxiety (one of my main reasons for drinking in the first place), but I am able to manage it now and understand that it’s normal to feel anxious sometimes and I don’t need change my mood by drinking.

I suppose I'm asking more "moderate drinkers" (whatever the hell that is) - say one or two bottles of wine a night, none during the day, happily drunk of an evening, grotty in the morning but largely functional

this describes me during the periods I'm drinking (although I'm only ever one bottle of wine a night) and I class myself as a heavy drinker.

I do go for for many weeks / months at times where I stop drinking and although physically I feel much better, mentally the stuff I've been suppressing with alcohol resurfaces and I've still not dealt with that properly (because I'm not even sure what it is) so I always go back to drinking as a type of self medicating as it makes me feel normal again for a bit.

basically for the happiness you want to achieve I think you also need to look at why you are /were drinking 1 - 2 bottles of wine a night as well as doing the actual not drinking bit.

the Annie Grace method looks good for this and I started it a couple of years ago but about a week in they did a complete revamp/relaunch of the whole programme and I didn't have the energy to go back an redo what I had done so I dropped it.

I drank a bottle of wine every night for 20 years and have now been T-total for over a year.

I drank for all those years to self-medicate and it was very effective for the most part. However, I eventually reached a point where the opposite was true and alcohol was making me more emotionally unstable instead of less. I was waking up at 2am every night, sweaty and terrified, feeling like the world was ending.

I am calmer now without it. Not happier and TBH I don't feel any healthier, although I must be, but definitely calmer. My life is pretty steady these days so I don't have the need to self-medicate so much.

By far

nearly 2 years sober now

this

it takes a good while to get to that point or at least it did for me. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t have cravings or want it but I still thought about the fact I didn’t drink and noticed other people drinking quite a lot. Now alcohol isn’t even on my radar. I can tell if people are pissed and annoying of course but I don’t even register really if people around me are having a drink.

its so good not having the anxiety or head space taken up by it. Do I have enough in, what if I run out, can he tell how much I’m having, better buy more and alternate the bottles, omg what am I doing to myself, am I having a heart attack, what is that pain is it my liver packing in, when will I be able to drive, why have I got to be the designated driver and not drink it’s not fair, am I an alcoholic, how many units is really too many, fuck it Im useless and don’t care if I die, what if I die and the shame it’ll bring to my family, right I won’t drink tonight, fuck it I’ll start again tomorrow, OMG I feel like shit I drank again when I didn’t mean too…etc. it’s amazing I had headspace for any more thoughts.

Time is another great factor. My husband doesn’t drink to excess frequently but he was on a night out at the weekend. I had not a shred of envy as he passed out on the sofa and surfaced at 10 am the next day. A good few hours wasted. What’s the point.

I now find alcohol totally rank and even if I could safely and moderately drink I wouldn’t as I find it gross now.

I was a heavy drinker for years and couldn’t go 2 days without due to withdraw if I stopped.

Yes.
500 days sober today.
I never realised how much alcohol was taking from me until I stopped drinking it.
It robs you of time, sleep, energy, joy, and collagen.

And I’m actually more self-confident sober than I ever was drinking. I am quiet by nature, and when I started drinking in my late teens it seemed a miracle substance to bridge the gap between how I am and how I thought I should be.

But I ended up watching myself so carefully (am I being too loud? Do I seem drunk? Can I get away with one more?) until I got too drunk to do that.

If you’re drinking, little things that aren’t funny seem hilarious. I’m probably harder to please now, but I am sound and rooted. And when thing’s really are funny, or beautiful, or moving, I experience them to the full.

Hmmm. I quit for four years. Then I started drinking again, albeit infrequently. I’m actually much happier drinking small amounts on occasion than none at all! I know that’s not what the quit lit wants you to believe though.

So much happier. I can still be a giddy goat. Big family party at the weekend I was pointed out as an example of how you don’t need to drink to have fun. DCs in their 20s cite me to their friends as proof that sober life is good.

I was never an alcoholic but I stopped drinking when I had depression and I've never looked back really. I haven't had a drink in a couple of years and my life genuinely feels better for it. I get great sleep and feel healthier. Really don't think I could cope with a hangover anymore. I always get a nice mock tail or nice tonic water when I'm out with friends so I don't feel like im missing out. I can't really imagine drinking again now, but I appreciate im really fortunate to not have experienced addiction so it's not that straight forward for most people

I've been clean 14yrs and while I'm not always swinging from the rafters life is so much better. There's still crap times because I still live with me but I wouldn't go back. I don't have any regrets or anything to miss from when I did drink so it's not something that I generally miss. I still go out socially and have a good time and don't contend with hangovers. Only major downside is soft drinks are so much more expensive and some people expect you'll be a taxi service as you're not drinking anyway!

I was a moderate drinker by your definition (which is not moderate at all, sorry!), and I haven't had a drink for six years now. I'm much happier and feel (and look) a lot better, but my drinking left health issues that involve a lot of clinics and tests, which are a pain, and also a lot of guilt - particularly surrounding my children. I wish I had stopped long before I did. I didn't think I could at the time, but when it came to it, and I was diagnosed with cirrhosis, I just stopped and didn't start again. It was surprisingly easy.