Those who are long-term sober, are you happier than when drinking?

[Sillymummies123]

I know this is a hugely complex question. I imagine some the length of alcoholism, amount consumed, personal genetics massively factor into this. I suppose I'm asking more "moderate drinkers" (whatever the hell that is) - say one or two bottles of wine a night, none during the day, happily drunk of an evening, grotty in the morning but largely functional.

I'm a few weeks into quitting now and am proud and trying to take each day and new experience at a time. I'm a bit blue, though - the crutch I've held onto all these years and my main source of happiness gone (I've read lots of quit lit - don't believe alcohol really made me happy, just made itself overly important to my brain).

Months - years in, are you much happier than ever before? I've been drinking since my teens, so I suppose I'm wondering whether that childish exuberance will come back down the line? I don't really know what happiness looks like as an adult.

That's so great to read! I am 3 or 4 months into Pissing About And Not Actually Quitting and I am too scared to take the plunge. Every morning I think "today is the day I stop" and by late afternoon I'm starting with excuses.

I've read a bit of Quit Lit but not much. Is there some anyone would particularly recommend?

I am a moderate drinker by your definition OP, and I am definitely an alcoholic. Never drinking and remaining functional doesn't mean I'm not an addict.

This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Do the 30 Day Challenge as well. The online community is so supportive. I started it to see if I could do 30 Days, and I’m celebrating 3 years sober this month!

Wow, congratulations, @LunaNorth !

Awww. This has been a really uplifted and positive thread, thanks guys.

Apologies to anyone who rightfully called me out on calling 1-2 bottles of wine a night moderate drinking. I was just trying to hear from people on that point of the spectrum, not 2 bottles of spirits all day every day just as the brain and emotional response to quitting and long term happiness is, I imagine, likely to differ between those two examples.

Great to hear from so many long term sobers! I'll stick to my quit lit and keep pressing on!

15 years sober. My life is immeasurably better. Of course my life still has difficulties and ups and downs but I deal with them. I'd never ever go back to drinking

This! This explains it perfectly.

I grew up in a family where drinking was the norm. Going out with friend always involved getting drunk. I was always thinking about wine.

I haven't had a drink in 5 years and I wouldn't change a thing. Life is so much more fun!

My circle is smaller now, I dropped excess baggage. My relationship with my partner is better than ever.

I'm a better version of myself without alcohol.

3 years and 5 weeks Alcohol Free.

I am so happy I quit so in that sense I’m happier.
I no longer get twitchy, watching the clock for it to hit 5pm, waiting until I can crack the seal on a fresh bottle. No more waking parched at 3am with a thumping head or waking up and wasting a weekend because I don’t have the energy or inclination to do anything.

I’m thinner, richer and happier. Above all I really do feel FREE of the pull that alcohol had on me.

I read the unexpected joy of being sober. It helped enormously.

I didn't use 'quit lit', as I felt that it would be like looking at cookbooks on a diet. I didn't want to be reminded that I wasn't drinking, or that I couldn't have a glass of wine. I preferred hypnosis mp3s which doubled as a way to help me to sleep. My sleep was buggered up for some time, as basically I was used to passing out, and I had to train myself to do it naturally.

I don't know if they worked, but they did make me much more relaxed when waiting to drop off, which was better than tossing and turning. Maybe they did - I didn't find it anywhere near as difficult to stop as I'd expected.

Just to say, two bottles of wine and happily drunk every night is not moderate drinking.

Good for you for stopping.

You will feel blue - in fact it was probably to blot out sad or difficult feelings that started you off drinking anyway.

Sad or difficult feelings are normal parts of life. I think that's what you have to come to terms with really.

Out of interest what was the crunch point for you?

@Sillymummies123 I was a 1 bottle a night drinker and then realised I had a problem, tried to quit and ended up at 5 bottles a day. The two types aren't necessarily exclusive... (Unfortunately)

I didn't say they were 🤗

X amount of drinking is going to have X impact on neurotransmitters and have a recovery duration and severity of X with a long term mood prognosis of X

Y amount of drinking is going to have Y impact on neurotransmitters and have a recovery duration and severity of Y with a long term mood prognosis of Y

Honestly, I only specified an amount because I'm quitting right now from X and wanted to have a more specific look at what the future might hold for me - not for any moral judgement or anything 😍😍😍😇😇😇

@Sillymummies123 , sorry didn't mean to suggest you were. I was just pointing out that X drinker can easily turn into Y drinker even when trying to go in completely the opposite direction.

Hope you settle into the sobriety. It's a super lifestyle, it really is. I find it funny now when people insist on buying me alcohol free spirits or wine so that I can have a drink when they do, it's lovely of them, but I no longer have that urge to need some kind of special drink. I think you really start to appreciate the little things. As PPs have said, stopping won't stop any underlying trauma or issues, but it certainly helps you begin to tackle them and gives you a chance to lead a better life.

Being told I had damaged my liver. It’s a very sobering feeling.

Tell me about it... I had some baseline bloods done for a medication I've recently started and my ALT was elevated 😐

Thanks for this thread op. Like you say, it’s so good to hear from people who have stayed alcohol free. I am on a bottle of wine a day and have set a quit date for 1 September. I’m receiving support from my local substance abuse place.

I don't think it's my sobriety that makes me happier, but I think it's everything that is possible because of my sobriety that makes me a much happier person if you see what I mean?

I'm free from the mental load of wondering how much I can drink and when. I am balanced, I am reliable, I sleep well, I am a better parent, I read more books, watch more films, get up to exercise, have more confidence - all of these things and more add up to a much happier life.

I was a bottle of wine a day, sometimes more. Never developed a physical dependency, but im sure that was just around the corner for me.

They say you can choose - give up everything to keep one thing (alcohol), or give up one thing and keep everything.

I thought I was physically dependent but I wasn’t. It was a deeply ingrained habit, and a fear of going without a drink in the evening. I switched to alcohol free drinks to deal with the habit - I still opened a bottle and poured a drink into a wine glass - but cut the booze altogether.

I’m not going to be cured of cirrhosis, but I feel so much better, and am a lot nicer to be around.

Thinking about it, since I stopped drinking I do so much more with my life.

I have art lessons, yoga lessons, French lessons, singing lessons, I go wild swimming, I have a PT - and obviously I practice all these things between lessons. My life is totally full, when my day used to stop as soon as the first bottle opened. It would be all I could do to walk the dogs!

This is the best thread in Alcohol Support in absolutely ages - so so helpful for those of us who struggle with alcohol and try and try and try to fuck the evil bastard off. Everything everyone has said is SO relatable and non-pink-cloudy - thank GAWD. I feel like I am finally loosening it’s horrible shackles on me having taken up yoga in the last year and really getting stuck into it. Alcohol is a vile substance and really needs to be made less available- every where you turn in supermarkets and corner shops it’s staring you in the face. It’s not good! Really sorry to read of your diagnoses @shymaryellen and @ThereIsIron - that is really shit to have to deal with. Do you mind if I ask how old you are and how many years you drank for, please? Thank you. And best wishes to all X. Thanks for the thread OP - best thread in aeons.

Lovely and supportive thread! I am 2.5 years sober. My observations:

• First year was hard for me, socially - I wondered if I had any charming stories or sense of humour anymore? Really felt quite insecure in social situations
• Second and now third year have been brilliant, I don't even think twice about socializing sober
• Amazing sleep
• Huge decrease in anxiety
• no more "shame spiral" the morning after, eg "what did I do, what did I say" etc
• Better parent, partner, friend
• Mental freedom, no longer fixated on how much wine is in the house, how much I can drink before falling asleep on couch and losing all motivation
• Space for better things for myself - exercise, spirituality, friendship, books, hobbies
• Awareness of how insidious alcohol can be, especially on mental health and family dynamics.

PS Congratulations, keep going!

Happier, I'm not sure, but what being sober adds to my life is worth so much more than alcohol gave me. Being clear headed and motivated mean I have to resilience to tackle the truly challenging life events of the last decade.

It really is a wonderful thread, and just what I wanted / needed to hear.

From a biology/medicine background, I kind of knew in my heart that mental health would take months/years to fully normalise (which I actually think is good to know, rather than a downer, because the early stage is so full of doubt and fear (is this what sobriety is!?!!?)). Compound this against websites on alcohol withdrawal - they focus on the immediate physiological withdrawal - tremors, hallucinations, diarrhea, pains, sweating - and conclude almost exclusively with, "But don't worry- it'll all be over in 1/2 weeks", which I know is supposed to be helpful and provide hope, but when that time runs out and seeing friends is still horrible, going out sucks, life is generally "not fun", it's good to be reassured that the changes alcohol has wrought to reward pathways, pleasure centers, general mental health, takes longer and will get better.

I'm noticing I'm much happier at 25 days. I'll have the occasional craving, which annoyingly comes with an insatiable thirst - but largely I'm fine. I've been to the pub a few times for soft drinks. A few changes are obviously going to be needed. Any activity which is exclusively a medium for drinking is probably going to have to go.

Thankfully, my OH has come along for the ride. I'm very cautious not to link my sobriety in anyway to theirs, and jve actually encouraged them to keep drinking if they want to, but they took interest in the books I've read and have done their own thing - I think they're bored of it all at this point.

Anyway, not sure why I'm sharing my life story - just happy to report it's going well, and even now I can see the gradual shift from "happy enough, but a bit blergh" to "I can actually enjoy other things".