Those who are long-term sober, are you happier than when drinking?

[Sillymummies123]

I know this is a hugely complex question. I imagine some the length of alcoholism, amount consumed, personal genetics massively factor into this. I suppose I'm asking more "moderate drinkers" (whatever the hell that is) - say one or two bottles of wine a night, none during the day, happily drunk of an evening, grotty in the morning but largely functional.

I'm a few weeks into quitting now and am proud and trying to take each day and new experience at a time. I'm a bit blue, though - the crutch I've held onto all these years and my main source of happiness gone (I've read lots of quit lit - don't believe alcohol really made me happy, just made itself overly important to my brain).

Months - years in, are you much happier than ever before? I've been drinking since my teens, so I suppose I'm wondering whether that childish exuberance will come back down the line? I don't really know what happiness looks like as an adult.

Just to add that I’ve lost a stone and a half now post giving up alcohol and was today told I look 10 years younger!!

I quit drinking last December. I intended to try one year. Eight months in and I can't imagine going back to alcohol. I like af alternatives and they are enough to make me feel as though I'm in the party moment.

I stopped drinking alcohol about 3 months ago.
Alcohol has never agreed with me and as I’ve got older it’s got worse and worse.
I never drank loads but whatever amount I drank would always make me extremely ill the next day. Often, days would be lost and things were impacted.
I’ve found some nice non-alcoholic drinks other than coke, lemonade which are too full of sugar for me. Tripp and Medahuman are great.
Living a life free of hangovers is liberating, wish I’d done it earlier.

I am SO MUCH HAPPIER!!!!

I actually don't miss it at all and I used to drink about 60 units a week. I think it was just a habit I had got into, and it wasn't hard to stop really. I did read ALL the quit lit - William Porter, Alcohol Explained is my favourite. I read that and just didn't even want to drink alcohol again.

So I don't really feel like I have given anything up IYSWIM? When I am with friends who are drinking, I am not sitting there thinking oh I wish I could have one. I am just happy drinking my own drink, and have no interest in alcohol at all.

My skin looks AMAZING and I have lost weight. I feel so much more in control of my life, and am far more present.

I look back on it now as a big con, like smoking.

Yeah. I'm starting to think of it like that. Something that is absolutely disgusting. I occasionally imagine having a drink but the thought of a hangover, it just seems ludicrous.

It's so great that you feel that you're not giving up anything @rothbury! I totally agree. When I was trying to give up, oh so many times..., before the final time, it was like having to give something up, making a huge effort to avoid something that I wanted. But as soon as my head clicked, I realised that alcohol was not something I needed or wanted, it did evil things to me. I wasn't giving it up, I was taking on life, joy and all the good things.

I've never been an alcoholic or a problem drinker but I did drink far more than was good for me physically for about 25 years. Now almost teetotal.

The best thing about not drinking is the mental clarity. Being able to focus on things properly and not being derailed by booze is worth its weight in gold. I've got more done in my life in the three years since I (almost) stopped drinking that I did in the previous 30. I'm productive and organised in a way I thought was beyond me.

This was brought home to me yesterday because on Friday I had my first two alcoholic drinks since New Year's Eve (close friend's leaving do) and spent half of Saturday feeling confused, anxious, unsettled, lazy, unmotivated. Couldn't run or eat healthily. Was like a flashback to a traumatic period of my life. I actually don't like it or miss it at all any more.

970 days for me! My life has improved immeasurably, after 25 years of boozing, and coming from a long line of alcoholics. I went from a bottle a night (was creeping up to two on occasion, if I'm honest), or nights out with friends where I'd experience black-outs and not recall huge chunks of the evening, always worrying for days afterwards about if I'd made a tit of myself or offended anyone etc.

I went on a bender one night and fell over on my way home and the next day thought to myself (whilst trying to convince self it definitely was NOT a tiny black eye I spied in the mirror) 'where is the point going to be when I realise enough is enough? is it where I break my arm, falling over? or knock out my teeth? Or have my bag snatched whilst staggering home alone? Or wake up in a bed that I shouldn't be in?' - and then I realised I couldn't wait around for that dramatic event to occur - I had to stop then and there. I deserved better than to continuously self-sabotage and treat myself so cruelly.

I stopped cold turkey - and developed a (temporary) intense relationship with sugar, and sparkling water + lime/juice/cordial - GALLONS of the stuff. I wrote. I felt shame. I felt guilt. And anger. I read all the quit lit. My mantra for dealing was cravings was 'play the tape forward'...

Nowadays, I'm creating this incredibly beautiful, rich, interesting life for myself - I've started therapy, finished with a narcissistic unfaithful partner, bought my own fucking house!! I am so immeasurable proud of myself and all the things I continue to explore and examine and deal with. I'm learning how to manage my anxiety (actually, this has HUGELY disappeared now) and regulate my emotions. I have genuine friendships, better self confidence, more energy, motivation and self belief. I also (quote) look fit as fuck hahaha. So, there we are. I feel that at the age of 44 I've been given a fresh start and for me, it is a glorious opportunity. I don't preach to anyone that they should stop but I hope I lead by example, fly the flag showing just how beautiful life can be without booze.

I thank myself every single day for deciding to stop and choose better.

Wow well done @ThirstyWork ! 225 days for me.

I've just checked my sober days and it's at 3572 days! I can't even begin to explain the difference in my life. I never thought I could de more than a week or two, but after going through the shittiest week withdrawing and feeling like death, I decided that time, to never put myself through it again.
Yes, I still miss the odd glass of very good Rioja (not that I had it often!) but I remind myself that it will never be one glass.
It's definitely the best thing I ever did

I spent a couple of decades drinking what I told myself was moderately, but really wasn't - 5 -6 bottles a week and more. As I got older alcohol was increasingly making me feel ill all the time and was beginning to stop me enjoying my days. I wouldn't plan days out as I knew it would mean I couldn't drink a bottle of wine the night before. I'd wasted what should have been happy times by thinking 'how soon can I get away and have my first drink'.

I didn't give up for years because I thought it would make me miserable and I wondered what I would do with my evenings if I was sober.

Six months ago I gave up and my life is transformed. I've lost 3 stone, I make better decisions (oh God, all the terrible decisions I made pissed!!), I'm healthier, calmer and sleep better. I feel more authentically my true self than I ever have. I fill my days with what I want to do, not what I'm able to bumble through with a hangover.

I calculate I've saved at least £1,500 on booze already this year.

The only downside (it's not really a downside) is that I realise how crap most telly is now. I don't like to think of the hundreds of hours I wasted with a bottle and rubbish telly.

When I go to the supermarket I watch people pushing around their clinking trolleys of booze and think they're missing out on a secret.

Totally agree with the poster who said she wishes she'd never drunk.

Really sorry to read of your diagnoses @shymaryellen and @ThereIsIron - that is really shit to have to deal with. Do you mind if I ask how old you are and how many years you drank for, please?
I was in my 50s when I was diagnosed and had ‘enjoyed a drink’ since my 20s. I was drinking heavily for maybe 5 years before I decided enough was enough and had the tests.

Don’t wait for a ‘rock bottom’. There doesn’t have to be one, in the way there is on TV. The truth is that we never know which will be the drink that tips the balance.

PM me if you like. I am happy to answer questions but the bottom line is that if you think you have a problem you have a problem and the only way to solve it is to stop drinking. I don’t identify as an alcoholic- to me, that is an addict, and the fact that I’ve been sober for so long shows that I am not addicted. I choose not to drink, which is much more empowering than fearing that one sniff would push me over the edge. I don’t think it would, but I prefer being sober.

This is an inspiring thread. I’m just starting, on day 11, and already hopeful for the future.
of everything I’ve read here, I love this by @JoyousAsOtters ,
“The trick is to really value what being sober gives you, not what you perceive is lacking.”

I’m also surprised, but shouldn’t be, how many people are going about their daily lives, outwardly fine, but as I was, consumed by the “have I got enough for tonight? “ etc etc. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Well done to each and every one of you on here! I'm about to pass the 100-day mark. OP I was you, 1-2 bottles a day and very much 'holding it together' - or so I thought... I've since discovered that many saw through what I felt was successful hiding and minimising.

The benefits are just never-ending... my blood pressure is back to normal; my psoriasis has cleared up; my depression and anxiety better than in years, so much so that I'm finally off my meds; my skin and hair are noticeably better; my eyes are clear. Oh and the sleep - the glorious feeling of not waking at 4am in a panic and lying awake til the alarm goes off!

I wish I'd done this years ago. There is no way I would ever, ever go back to drinking. Why would I? Everything about life is better without it.

The Alcohol Experiment was what worked for me. Planned to do a 30-day 'reset' but just didn't want to restart!

I’m also surprised, but shouldn’t be, how many people are going about their daily lives, outwardly fine, but as I was, consumed by the “have I got enough for tonight? “ etc etc.
It is honestly the best thing about stopping when that feeling goes. You don’t realise how time consuming it can be. See also the elaborate thoughts about what happens when an activity is not going to include a drink. Do you call at the pub on the way home, get a bottle on the way and wander around with it in your bag, or what?

I didn’t realise how trapped I was at the time - it feels like you are exercising free will - but when it doesn’t matter any more it is amazing. And yes, it’s surprising how many people are in that trap, and if anyone’s wondering - yes, people do notice, however nonchalant you think you’re being.

Ou, wow! More like me than you realise. I also have psoriasis. I was just giving up as I finally paid for a private dermatologist and started acitretin (I wonder how much that's impairing my enjoyment of sobriety as I'm tired as heck lol), which it's ill advised to drink with anyway.

I (somehow) tapered citalopram around the same time I stopped drinking and am doing pretty well at the moment. I'm quite tired, but I tapered the SSRIs slowly and got through the acute alcohol withdrawal with support of my OH. I'm at 33 days I think? I'm not counting as much as I'm just viewing it as "normal life" but I have the app running so I'll always be able to check. Dreams are horrible this week and I wake up absolutely shattered, often with a headache, but that could well be the gradual return to normal of my brain and the acitretin.

I can honestly say I don't miss drinking most evenings. I don't even think about it. I know there'll be plenty of reminders, cues, cravings and challenges but it's going OK so far! I'm enjoying things like hiking and eating (the former necessitates the latter).

I’m 11 weeks in and although didn’t make a conscious decision to give up alcohol per se, I don’t think I’m going to bother drinking again. I decided to try and lose weight on a very low calorie diet. If you’re in ketosis it’s dangerous to drink.

I was probably drinking a lot of double measures of spirits every single evening - and guzzling wine/Prosecco when going out. The mornings after, I’d feel dreadful and worry about what I’d said and to whom, plus I’d wake up at 3am with a racing heart.

My skin is so much clearer and and my lipo-lymphoedema inflammation is much improved. Legs are no longer blotchy and they’re less swollen. I’ve lost almost three stone and need to lose another four.

The only thing that I find difficult is dealing with my husband when he’s had a few. I’m irrationally irritated by him and find myself monitoring how much he drinks (far too much) and can probably see it becoming an issue between us before too long. He quits drinking for a period (lent?) every year and quickly loses loads of weight but soon piles it back on again when he’s back to ‘normal’ again.

I know I need to not become all holier than thou and am absolutely fine in social situations, but realise how bloody annoying I must’ve been when on the booze.😳

Inspirational thread, thank you.

I’m on day three, in part inspired by this thread. Thank you op and all contributors.

Tinyrebel, yes!!! I get really pissed off with my husband after he's been drinking. It's completely irrational as you say because all he does is talk too much and get irritating. I used to scream and smash things up so there's no comparison at all!!

He doesn't drink much, and I'd never dream of asking him to stop, but I totally understand what you mean

Yes! 5 years teetotal and love it! The feeing of never having a hangover or the post drinking shame is priceless!

I think you know but your drinking was very from moderate. You are looking at probably 100 units of alcohol per week. I'm not judging I was the same for a long time, until I wasn't I was made redundant and then things I thought I'd never do happened, such as drinking in the day 'sure I've no where to be a G&T won't hurt'

I have been on/off thankfully mostly off alcohol since Sept 2019 and my life without alcohol is so much better it really is. BUT it took a long time, 2 stays in a MH hospital and some deep deep sorting of my head. I thought alcohol helped me, but wow did it only make things worse.

It can take a long time for sleep to get regulated again. I found sleep hypnosis helped.

I am going to be really honest here.

I was a young alcoholic (started drinking heavily aged 15ish, then worked in bars and basically spent my teens / 20s insanely drunk) and I gave up drinking when I was 29, I’m now 42, nearly 43. Up until recently I hadn’t missed it much. What helped what I met dh and he didn’t drink at all, and I had been through a break up which also meant I had ditched my usual social circles. So it was manageable for me to just stop. And I felt good about it. My health got better. I was a better person. But just these last few months I’m struggling. We’ve gone on holiday and I’ve had the occasional drink. Just the one or two at dinner but it’s been enjoyable enough to ping off that part of my brain that is now thinking I really want a drink again. A lot.

But I also have insight to know that I am feeling this way because I’m actually really depressed at the moment. My health isn’t good. Dh and I are arguing about things (non drink related) and I’m looking for that magic “forget it all” crutch. It’s a constant battle and just when you think you’re over it it comes back and bites you.

Hey! I know this post is a few months old but I am feeling the same as you... I've been 7 weeks without a drink, and it has felt great on the times I've been out with friends and not drank to be fresh the next day, I had a great Christmas there without drinking, and it's a nice feeling to not be thinking 'when can I have a bottle of wine' etc BUT I am now wanting to play about with moderation... I have a different outlook now and I think it is doable. I personally don't have any issues in my life that I drank for.. I just enjoyed it, but when I was out out, I didn't have an off switch. In the house I could happily have a bottle last all weekend, but when I was out it was all or nothing! Now, I think I could be out in certain occasions and limit myself. A wedding etc I know I would need to drive to, but dinner with friends I could do.
Im Gona to try it and see how I go. I'm not going back to drinking every weekend in the house, I haven't missed that but there's just a little something missing...

I was af for all of last year. Have had alcohol over the last week. Stopping again for another year. Its such a horrible habit.