Those who are long-term sober, are you happier than when drinking?

[Sillymummies123]

I know this is a hugely complex question. I imagine some the length of alcoholism, amount consumed, personal genetics massively factor into this. I suppose I'm asking more "moderate drinkers" (whatever the hell that is) - say one or two bottles of wine a night, none during the day, happily drunk of an evening, grotty in the morning but largely functional.

I'm a few weeks into quitting now and am proud and trying to take each day and new experience at a time. I'm a bit blue, though - the crutch I've held onto all these years and my main source of happiness gone (I've read lots of quit lit - don't believe alcohol really made me happy, just made itself overly important to my brain).

Months - years in, are you much happier than ever before? I've been drinking since my teens, so I suppose I'm wondering whether that childish exuberance will come back down the line? I don't really know what happiness looks like as an adult.

I think this is dangerous thinking to be honest. I would really really reconsider this and think it through. It's addictive thinking.

Reading with interest as I’m thinking about dry January. Earlier this month I had 3 consecutive nights of Christmas meals/drinks and the morning after the last one I woke up under a heavy cloud of depression. I assume this was caused by alcohol, it’s never happened before and was quite scary. By the end of the day I started to feel better and have drunk warily throughout the rest of this month, I really don’t want that to happen again.

I’ve always been something of a lightweight but the older I get, the less alcohol agrees with me, and I really enjoy the calm/clear/bright feeling I have on the days when I’ve had no alcohol the night before.

Normal drinking for me is a few glasses of wine on Fridays and Saturdays, so I haven’t coped well with the extra this month.

18 months sober. I can't say that the little van that was supposed to deliver this marvellous life (where I would have dewy skin, shed loads of weight and generally spend my time like a woman in a tampon ad) ever turned up. If it did, the porch pirates made off with my tampon life.

What being sober DOES mean is that I am not looking at my problems through the magnification of the bottom of a glass. Not that I have many, TBH, and the ones I do have are eye-rollingly first world. But drinking always made them seem so much worse and I fooled myself into believing that I drank to blot out my problems whereas in truth the drink made them seem much worse than they are.

Hmmm, feel better for getting that off my chest. Now, where are my roller skates?

2 years dry and the good definitely outweighs the bad. My self-esteem is higher, I feel more in control of things and life feels a bit fuller without the crap hangover days. Stick with it OP, keep in mind the reasons why you wanted to change things in the first place.

It’s a biased selection as people are less likely to boast that they’re haggard and ropey but…
I regularly get mistaken for my 27 yo daughter (albeit with extenuating circumstances like dark, from behind, dressed up for a wedding, meeting someone who’d met my dd not me a year before) It’s a family running joke- I love it, my daughter not so much.
I made a video 7am Boxing Day morning of my new bean to cup machine and turned the camera to me- honestly I doubt there was a 55yo in England looking as fresh faced. That 5 second clip 15 years sober Boxing Day morning would encourage anyone.

18 months sober. I can't say that the little van that was supposed to deliver this marvellous life (where I would have dewy skin, shed loads of weight and generally spend my time like a woman in a tampon ad) ever turned up. If it did, the porch pirates made off with my tampon life.

@Kittensat36 i haven’t had any alcohol since Christmas Day and I’m already feeling semi-tampon! Although maybe that’s because I’m going to the gym every day as I’m off work?

Hi, obviously this is your call, but after seven weeks, I think it's a risk. It's not a case of getting a taste for it and going straight to glugging out of the bottle, but the association of having a drink with getting drunk.

I suppose a lot depends on how long you were drinking and how much, but if you don't have an 'off switch' you do have a problem, and if you really want to stay sober you'll probably find that trying to moderate now won't work. Seven weeks seems like ages when you're drinking and thinking about stopping for that long, but it's nowhere near long enough to break an ingrained habit, let alone a dependency. I'm speaking from experience here, btw, not preaching.

My life is definitely much better - I quit nine months ago and drank a bottle of wine nearly every night, and possibly a little bit more on weekends. I lost a lot of weight, which was welcome, but honestly, it really changed my outlook on life. I'm much more settled now - and thoughtful, whereas before I think I was trying to get through each day. I'm happier in some respects - because my anxiety is less but, you still have your standard s**t to deal with, it's just easier to deal with when you don't drink any more as I'm more rational and capable now. It did increase my confidence too - knowing I've actually stuck to being sober has made me believe I'm capable of changing other things about myself. My relationships with friends and loved ones are a lot better too. Overall, I really don't miss drinking - occasionally I do miss a romanticised view of it but sadly my drinking was never what I wanted it to be and accepting I can't moderate has given me a new lease of life. I think it took about four months for me to feel happy about it and like life was better - your body and brain take time to adjust. Previously I'd done a few long stints, convinced myself I could moderate and...rinse and repeat!

I relate so much to this - it's amazing how much it transforms. I didn't realise how much I was lying myself each day by pretending things like that were fine and dandy, when they clearly weren't!!

There's a line in the AA Promises which goes:

'We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace'

That's the best way I can describe my own personal sobriety. Everything is just better. The shit still comes, as it does for everyone, but I handle it so much more calmly. My relationships are immeasurably improved. My high blood pressure has mysteriously resolved itself. Every aspect of life is real, emotions are real, not created or exacerbated by alcohol.

I've gained weight since getting sober nearly 2 years ago, it's been a combination of the initial sugar cravings and actually really enjoying food, but weight loss is my project for 2024. In any event, slightly overweight and sober is a million times preferable to how things used to be.

This is why my friend won't stop even though it's killing him. He'd rather have a few happy years left then decades of being "unhappy, with his autistic brain and anxiety" his words