Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Alcohol support

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

16 year old DD drinking problems

76 replies

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 16:40

I’m sorry that I keep talking about my DD but right now she is going through a lot and turns out it is too much for me and DH to handle.

DD likes to drink a lot, and when she does she drinks too much she blacks out. Once we have had to take her to the hospital as she was threatening to kill herself. At this point we all ( DH and our 3 other children) feel absolutely helpless and cannot seem to find ways to help her as she is experiencing too many problems at once. She currently attends CAMHS and has been for the past year or so. They seem to help her but she lies to make herself seem better when we all know she is not stable and hasn’t been for a while now. We do not know how or where she acquires the alcohol but it is very worrying as she could be doing anything to get it. Please help!!

OP posts:
Original poster
annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:29

Changeau · 01/04/2023 08:14

I mean the OP has explained a few times niw that she bought the alcohol before she knew of the problem, but by all means keep laying into her 🤷‍♀️

I hope you get this to a better place OP. Do you have a partner?

Thankyou so much for this comment I really appreciate it. Yes, me and DH are still together

OP posts:
Original poster
annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:31

HeidiWhole · 01/04/2023 08:26

OP she is is clearly self-medicating because of her depression. I also parent a child with poor mental health and I know how utterly devastating and incredible difficult it is. Your DD needs better help from CAMHS for her MH - what are they doing for her?

She attends CAMHS once a week, one week for her ED and the other for counselling. I agree that they need to offer her better help as it doesn’t seem like it’s working

OP posts:
Original poster
annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:32

Villssev · 01/04/2023 08:39

You say that is no longer the case?

well in this post, it very much sounds like you’re talking in present tense

Show quote history

I meant to say I bought her echo falls. I’m sorry I was really stressed and tired last night and couldn’t think straight, that’s why I may have been rude to a few people.

OP posts:
Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:32

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 23:28

Her friends are having these parties, I do not supply her with booze anymore as I only recently found out about her drinking problems. I have to let my my year old DD live her life as I feel trapped to keep her inside the house as all she does is argue with me if I don’t let her out then she ends up going out anyway.

There is a lot to unpick.

She is still very much a dependent. Not driving, not earning etc.

So… you try to reduce access to these “friends”. You never drive her there for example

You certainly never ever buy her alcohol andYou have none in the house

any rules you impose, does she exist ignore?

what does she say when you ask her about how she’s getting all this booze.

She is 16. A child in my eyes. I think you need to up your game with rules and parameters

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:33

Is there a very close family member who doesn’t live locally that she could stay with to get away with these friends for a short while?

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:34

How long has all this excessive behaviour been going on?

what is she like with her siblings?

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:34

Excessive drinking

Original poster
annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:35

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:32

There is a lot to unpick.

She is still very much a dependent. Not driving, not earning etc.

So… you try to reduce access to these “friends”. You never drive her there for example

You certainly never ever buy her alcohol andYou have none in the house

any rules you impose, does she exist ignore?

what does she say when you ask her about how she’s getting all this booze.

She is 16. A child in my eyes. I think you need to up your game with rules and parameters

Show quote history

We have alcohol in the house but it is upstairs in mine and DH room and is locked up in a safe which she cannot get in to. When I ask her how she is getting this booze she ignores me or lashes out at me and doesn’t answer my question. I will try talk to her about her friend choice. Do you have any other advice I could take in?

OP posts:
Original poster
annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:38

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:33

Is there a very close family member who doesn’t live locally that she could stay with to get away with these friends for a short while?

We have family in essex but as she is doing her GCSE's it's a lot for her to stay five hours away at the moment as we are trying to get her to work hard for her exams

OP posts:
Original poster
annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:40

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:34

How long has all this excessive behaviour been going on?

what is she like with her siblings?

Me and DH found vodka bottles hidden in her draws, most of them being half empty. We found them around two days ago and that's when we realised she has a problem.

With her siblings she is normally nice to them and gets along with them very well. They barely argue as most of them are grown and have matured

OP posts:
Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:43

annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:35

We have alcohol in the house but it is upstairs in mine and DH room and is locked up in a safe which she cannot get in to. When I ask her how she is getting this booze she ignores me or lashes out at me and doesn’t answer my question. I will try talk to her about her friend choice. Do you have any other advice I could take in?

Show quote history

Bin the booze. In front of her. Empty it.

she needs to know the tide is turning

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:43

annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:40

Me and DH found vodka bottles hidden in her draws, most of them being half empty. We found them around two days ago and that's when we realised she has a problem.

With her siblings she is normally nice to them and gets along with them very well. They barely argue as most of them are grown and have matured

Show quote history

Not when she blacked out and was hospitalised?!

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:44

annierodgers1 · 01/04/2023 14:38

We have family in essex but as she is doing her GCSE's it's a lot for her to stay five hours away at the moment as we are trying to get her to work hard for her exams

Show quote history

She’s doing her GCSEs? How? And if you are honest - does she stand a hope in hell of achieving any passes whatsoever?

she can always do next year. This year needs to be about bringing her back on to the straight and narrow

misssunshine4040 · 01/04/2023 14:44

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 18:03

I only buy her alcohol (echo falls) around every two weeks for parties, but only when she attends parties as I don’t like the thought of her drinking in the streets as it is extremely dangerous.

No just no.
Do not do this.

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:45

Op I am trying to help

but I don’t think you’re being honest

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:46

DD likes to drink a lot, and when she does she drinks too much she blacks out. Once we have had to take her to the hospital as she was threatening to kill herself.

but now you only realised a problem two days ago 🤔

misssunshine4040 · 01/04/2023 14:48

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 23:26

I only bought her booze before I knew about her getting alcohol herself!!!

This makes no difference at all.

SlipSlidinAway · 01/04/2023 14:49

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 23:25

I only bought her wine before I knew any of her problems and knew about her getting alcohol her own way!!!

Well you may have stopped buying her alcohol now you know she has a problem. But it wasn't really a great thing to be doing before you knew she had a problem was it?

My kids are all in their 20s, but no way would I have been buying booze for them at 16.

HeidiWhole · 01/04/2023 15:18

Have CAMHS offered any medication for her depression, OP? Reckless behaviour can also indicate ADHD, has anyone suggested any kind of assessment? The ED would also fit with neurodiversity.

If you use Facebook please consider joining the group Parenting Mental Health which is full of parents who understand the challenges very well.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 01/04/2023 15:21

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 18:06

She currently does not attend school and hasn’t been since the start of year 11, around september/october, as she struggles with depression and anxiety.

Her depression and anxiety is that bad she can't go to school, yet you're purchasing alcohol for her?!?

I've suffered severe depression from a very young age and I ended up with an alcohol addiction before the age of 30. Thankfully that's in the past now, but alcohol is a depressant. If your child is suffering depression then why the fuck are you plying her with it?!? Do you realise how dangerous that is?!?

tonystarksrighthand · 01/04/2023 15:37

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 18:03

I only buy her alcohol (echo falls) around every two weeks for parties, but only when she attends parties as I don’t like the thought of her drinking in the streets as it is extremely dangerous.

I am an alcoholic in recovery OP. There is no safe way to drink at this level.

MumOf2workOptions · 01/04/2023 16:03

annierodgers1 · 31/03/2023 18:03

I only buy her alcohol (echo falls) around every two weeks for parties, but only when she attends parties as I don’t like the thought of her drinking in the streets as it is extremely dangerous.

Stop buying her alcohol to start with!

shutthewindownow · 01/04/2023 17:00

Villssev · 31/03/2023 18:12

She’s going to parties every fortnight
doesn’t go to school
who’s having these regular parties

What difference does it make 🙄

Villssev · 01/04/2023 17:18

shutthewindownow · 01/04/2023 17:00

What difference does it make 🙄

Show quote history

Seriously? You can’t grasp the difference in concern between a friend from school having a party and… a group in their early twenties, with driving licenses and able to buy booze?

Villssev · 01/04/2023 17:18

Well clearly you can’t. So I hope that helped you along