I'm so fed up of this cycle 😞 ....

[Ceecee1983]

Hi,
I've stumbled across here so I can talk anonymously and feel no judgement. It's nice to get it all down and unload tbh.

I'm 39, work full time, very happily married and have daughters, 11 and 16. Lovely house and life yet this part of my life I can't seem to tackle for more than a few days before rewarding myself with the same thing that makes me feel the way I do. I drink cos im sad and im sad cos I drink. Annoying!!!

I first started drinking at home about 9 years ago. A bottle of wine would last the week and id enjoy it. Seems crazy to me it would last so long considering I only get 2 glasses out of a bottle now and it doesnt touch the sides. Im not proud of that. Im now doing a bottles a night, if not wine - half a bottle of vodka cos id somehow convinced myself it was better for me as it was less calories when in theory, I was drinking just the same.

I dont drink to get drunk and If the wine/vodka runs out - oh well, time for bed. I wont drink the other alcohol in the house etc. There's lots of stuff in the house I dont like, I wouldnt dream of drinking so I guess i have some level of control, not sure what that means exactly.

I dont drink in the mornings, never have unless we're at the airport. Midweek, I like a drink from 4ish until about 11pm. Weekends I can start earlier. I still so everything im meant to and I can afford to keep drinking this way, I just dont want to! I dont like what i see in the mirror as I've gained weight from drinking, not food. My diet is incredible but I'd happily skip a meal if it means I can have a large pinot instead. It's making me so sad but I always find myself with 2 bottles in my basket and im home, it's poured and I promise myself we go again whilst enabling myself with todays excuses. - Its been a tough day at work, the girls are being a pain, you need to relax, your husband is working late etc. I'm so done with my own bullshit!!

I've been to AA twice and it's not for me, i felt worse when I left after hearing everyone elses problems, im not into it! There's no way i'll go the doctors either, I need to do this alone or with a sponsor which i would love.

Can anyone point me in the right direction please? How do I get one without AA?

If you got this far, thank you - I appreciate it so very much

xx

Losing weight seems a ridiculously trivial reason to go sober if you have alcohol addiction 🙄

If it helps, many alcoholics that go AF crave sugar and end up eating a lot of sugary foods.

Op

I feel for you.

It really is a slippery slope - all those years ago the bottle lasted a week and now it’s a few hours. Your husband isn’t concerned but rightly so you are starting to become a touch worried.

Do you not worry about what you have normalised for your children? You are their role model - you are showing them that this is what you do on a evening

You start at 4 and earlier on a weekend - you don’t drive or go out much then. Do your friends and family know you start drinking at 4 most days? Are you not drunk by 8pm? Has anyone ever mentioned your drinking to you?

Your weight gain - that’ll be to do with the wine, or seeking out sugary foods the following day, but depriving yourself as your brain knows it’s going to get its sugary boost at 4pm so I guess that’s why you manage a great diet

have you never blacked out?

alcohol is not your friend, it does feel like a good friend though!!

believe me that wine is hurting your liver, it’s only a matter of time before your bloods tell the GP what your mouth won’t. it’s also aging you and if you don’t look rough on a morning it’s only a matter of time before you start to at your age.

I am not telling you to stop but you are in a lot deeper than you realise

i wish you well and you have far too much free time on your hands after 4pm - your first task should be finding something to fill some of your evenings up otherwise they’ll be very sad, boring & miserable to begin with

good luck

I merely wondered if giving up alcohol would make a difference to one's overall diet. As you say, the sugar will make a huge difference, I hadn't thought of that.

No need to be so abrasive, it was just a question I was hoping you'd possibly help to answer given you'd been sober for 10 years. I won't bother asking anymore!

Hello! My drinking definitely became a problem. I loved it but..... Well, the hideous anxiety I was getting with hangovers and the constant guilt was horrible. I stopped on 1 jan. Who knows if it is forever, I can't think about that. It is for now.

There are a few of us in the early stages of dealing with our difficult relationships with booze over on the 1 Day Sober thread if you fancy joining us? Lots of support and a warm welcome if that would help you.

The problem when you give up anything you're addicted to is that you have to face the real problem. The 'thing' that is driving the addiction, you are left with the real you, its raw and a lot to deal with. Once you've done that you then become free.

Hey,

This post made me smile a lot, thank you so much and more importantly - well done!! 2 weeks is incredible! Everything you've said is so relatable, we could be the same person 100%!

When you asked if I wanted to drink - I wont lie, I really enjoy it. I love everything about it. Opening the bottle, getting my favourite glass, getting cosy on the sofa, few few sips and the shoulders come down and I feel relaxed. It's almost like a comfort blanket. If I could carry on drinking 'normally' I'd love to carry on doing so but right now I'm not sure.

Yesterday was my Day 1, I started getting craving by 5pm but I went out for tea and drunk sparkling water with fresh lemon. I enjoyed it tbh.

Thanks so much for your reply and good luck - keep in touch xxxx

Surely any reason to go sober is a good one, trivial or not?

Weight loss is also high up on the list for me to quit drinking too as its one of the things I notice when I look in the mirror which then makes me question the cause which brings it back to alcohol.

I'm with you @Iamwhatiam52 - Good luck xx

Hey,

No, I dont worry about the effect them seeing me drink has on them, if anything my husbands overly sweet tooth has rubbed off on them more. My eldest is almost 17 and never touched a fizzy drink in her life and has no desire to drink really. Her whole friendship group is the same. She has drunk but doesnt really. She doesnt like how it makes her feel. My drinking is just a small part of who I am as a mother and a woman.

No, I'm not drunk by 8pm most nights. Infact, im not drunk much at all. Do I feel like i've has a drink? yes ofc, drunk? No! I'm not drinking how you imagine I might be. 1 drink may last me an hour, plus I'll have had breakfast, lunch and tea so im not doing all this on an empty stomach. I work 6 days a week, 6am- 2pm so I may start at 4pm cos it feels about 8 with me being up so early. No I dont drive and if I did, I would never drink drive. Ever! I may be many things but I'm not stupid.

No, I've never blacked out thankfully.

I wouldnt say I had too much time after 4pm at all. Im not sure what Impression I have gave you but as i said, I have a family so im busy. I finish work at 2pm, go shower, get changed, make myself look nice, have lunch, walk the dog or get a big chunk of my steps in, wait for the children to return, make them a snack, all sit down to discuss school etc and then they go do their thing, i pour a drink and begin tea, cleaning, washing and just sip as i go. Im not slumped in a corner with a bottle.

I appreciate your reply, thank you x

Well done!!!!

Thanks you, I'll pop over now.

xxx

So last night I didnt drink. I had sparking water and fresh lemon which I enjoyed actually. I slept solidly for 8 hours but I feel super tired today, bit of a fuzzy head too and like i could sleep another 8hrs. So proud of myself!

Brilliant. Well done you. And thank you for your previous response to my query about weightloss. I guess my thing is that I can't believe how alcohol has such a massive profound effect on our bodies (I've not read any quit lit so I think I need to) from our appetite, skin clarity, eyes, hair, nails, concentration levels, meno symptoms etc. It seems, holistically, along with smoking, that it's the best thing to pack in/reduce if all of the above is to improve. I wish you luck OP x

Try listening to Sober Dave’s One for the Road podcast, in conjunction with the books people here are suggesting. Read The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley too.

Well done on having an AF day yesterday. You’re starting to break the cycle. I’m doing Dry Jan and following the thread which had been helpful, especially in the early days. Some people are planning to carry on past January and others joined late, so join that thread if you want.

Hi Iam.

I’m currently doing low carb boot camp to once and for all, get a grip on my health and well-being. I want to lose @ 15 kg, most of which is wine (and hormone) related. At first I was a bit unsure about giving up wine and most carbs at the same time !! but I’m actually finding it doable. I realise it might not be as easy for others though but just wanted to add my tuppence.

It’s obviously far too soon to comment on longer term benefits of not drinking for me but in the last 3 weeks I’m sleeping so much better and have lost 4kg.

Good luck to yourself, OP and others who are thinking about or are on the road to a healthier life.

Well done. You will feel exhausted for weeks (probably) as your body detoxes

Take it hourly to start with. Each hour you don't drink is a huge success

Plan for the weekends as they will be the hardest

It takes 16 weeks (or something like that) to create new habits

Op

I think you have misunderstood my post slightly

Who was your role model growing up? I bet they liked alcohol?

What you are showing your children is how to cope with life

Im saying when they are grown up with children and husbands of their own they too are likely to resort to wine

To what extent you won’t know yet and as this has been going on a long time I’d say it is highly likely one of them will be the same as you or if not they may marry someone who likes a drink (too much)

Im not criticising you at all. Far from it.

I do think that you are in deeper than you realise though. That will become apparent over the next few weeks.

Of course you work and do your parenting duties and you are functioning very well. But as you have realised you have been on a very slow slope. It is a slope. Maybe you think you could just stay stable continuing as you were.

Im saying you do have a problem and it led you here.

Wishing you success X

I didnt look up to anyone growing up really, not in the way i think people do now. My dad went to the pub once or twice a week after work and my mum didnt drink really, nobody drank at home. I was never influenced by alcohol as a young woman either until I started work. People would go for a drink after work etc. I started mostly after I had my first child. I would meet with a mum from play group and we would hare a bottle, most of my friends were out every weekend and my husband worked nights so it became company.

I understand what you're getting at, I really do but if either of my children decide to hit the bottle after a stressful day as their coping mechanism, I wont be blaming myself. I dont know anyone who doesnt resort to a drink to relax at the weekend etc. Thats possibly part of my problem.

I dont think I can carry on as I am, thats why ive reached out. I know 100% theres an issue here, trust me.

Thank you for you well wishes, same to you x

Good luck @ThistlyPerf ! Hope all your efforts pay off!

*I understand what you're getting at, I really do but if either of my children decide to hit the bottle after a stressful day as their coping mechanism, I wont be blaming myself. I dont know anyone who doesnt resort to a drink to relax at the weekend etc. Thats possibly part of my problem'

This startled me a bit OP,not sure why.

Not sure how old your dcs are but when mine were teens they would have been very aware of the fact I opened a bottle at 4pm.

Plenty of people don't drink and manage to relax at the weekend.

Don't let it startle you, I still stand by what I said. We dont all become what we witness or go through. If one of them decide to drink a bottle of wine every friday night after work that wont be because of me. Drinking is what we all do as a society. Happy, sad, celebration, stress, new job etc etc. Thats just life and why some of us are where we are now. What if they decide to cope with stress by binge eating a family size pizza every friday? Thats not come from me, so why?

Everyone has a crutch, this is mine but it soon wont be.

My children are 11 and almost 17. They've not mentioned my drinking once because as a society and family, its what we all do. Go for a meal - wine. Celebration - champagne. Party? Drinks.

Im not really sure what you're expecting me to feel but I feel no guilt for what I've done so far, I feel happy with myself for wanting to move forward. Im a very good, present mum and amazing wife. Im proud of that.

Thanks so much, looking forward to feeling shiny and brand new again xx

Good luck!! Thats amazing. You'll be falling down grids in no time😜 xx

AA isn’t just for traumatised low-bottom alcoholics who lost everything. Maybe try a different meeting? There are hundreds online nowadays, so attending is very low stakes.

I know people are well meaning, but two bottles of wine / half a bottle of vodka a day is pure and simple alcoholism. I’m wary of self help books and podcasts for this level of alcoholism. It’s like telling someone with serious depression to forget about the doctors, therapy, meds and read a self help book. It’s not enough.

Once your drinking gets to this stage, without serious intervention, it is only going to get worse. Soon enough, you will up your alcohol intake again (look at your pattern so far…) and the consequences to your life will start to come thick and fast. I’ve seen it so many times. I bet you never thought you’d be a daily drinker? Morning drinkers never meant to start drinking in the morning, either. Alcoholism is progressive.

I hope this doesn’t come across as harsh. I’m teetotal, have been sober for several years, and my drinking was almost exactly like yours. I got sober with AA (secular AA - it’s a thing!). Whatever you decide, get support. Don’t do it alone. It rarely works.

"I understand what you're getting at, I really do but if either of my children decide to hit the bottle after a stressful day as their coping mechanism, I wont be blaming myself. I dont know anyone who doesnt resort to a drink to relax at the weekend etc. Thats possibly part of my problem."

Sorry I don't know how to make this bold (quote from op) but I think you're seriously underestimating the impact your drinking is having on your kids. They are with you everyday, they are learning from you everyday. You cope by drinking, they are taking it all in like a sponge. I think you're being very flippant.

Sorry. I've just read your updates, but I still think you are hugely minimising the impact of your drinking. Having an alcoholic for a parent will affect them.