I'm so fed up of this cycle 😞 ....

[Ceecee1983]

Hi,
I've stumbled across here so I can talk anonymously and feel no judgement. It's nice to get it all down and unload tbh.

I'm 39, work full time, very happily married and have daughters, 11 and 16. Lovely house and life yet this part of my life I can't seem to tackle for more than a few days before rewarding myself with the same thing that makes me feel the way I do. I drink cos im sad and im sad cos I drink. Annoying!!!

I first started drinking at home about 9 years ago. A bottle of wine would last the week and id enjoy it. Seems crazy to me it would last so long considering I only get 2 glasses out of a bottle now and it doesnt touch the sides. Im not proud of that. Im now doing a bottles a night, if not wine - half a bottle of vodka cos id somehow convinced myself it was better for me as it was less calories when in theory, I was drinking just the same.

I dont drink to get drunk and If the wine/vodka runs out - oh well, time for bed. I wont drink the other alcohol in the house etc. There's lots of stuff in the house I dont like, I wouldnt dream of drinking so I guess i have some level of control, not sure what that means exactly.

I dont drink in the mornings, never have unless we're at the airport. Midweek, I like a drink from 4ish until about 11pm. Weekends I can start earlier. I still so everything im meant to and I can afford to keep drinking this way, I just dont want to! I dont like what i see in the mirror as I've gained weight from drinking, not food. My diet is incredible but I'd happily skip a meal if it means I can have a large pinot instead. It's making me so sad but I always find myself with 2 bottles in my basket and im home, it's poured and I promise myself we go again whilst enabling myself with todays excuses. - Its been a tough day at work, the girls are being a pain, you need to relax, your husband is working late etc. I'm so done with my own bullshit!!

I've been to AA twice and it's not for me, i felt worse when I left after hearing everyone elses problems, im not into it! There's no way i'll go the doctors either, I need to do this alone or with a sponsor which i would love.

Can anyone point me in the right direction please? How do I get one without AA?

If you got this far, thank you - I appreciate it so very much

xx

I hate those conversations. Arguing with yourself daily, the push/pull of drinking is tough.

Congratulations to you, what an achievement!!

🥰

Just to add, you need to dig deep to the actual REASON you are turning to alcohol and address that. Is it boredom? Stress? Feeling inadequate? Then target those feelings and deal with that problem.

I've been there btw. Almost same scenario. You've got this OP 💪

I actually disagree with this. I turned it around, I was drinking far far too much and knew I had to make massive life changes.

I've been sober for nearly 10 years now
It was really really hard at first- I did it alone as AA really messed me up - but I had a fabulously supportive dh and kids who were so relieved they helped me too.
I went through 2 weeks of feeling rubbish then realised I never wanted to feel like that again. My life is so much better. You may lose friends but they may understand.
Whatever happens, you will not regret it

I appreciate your reply, i agree 100%

Oh amd my replacement was running! From passing out after a minute, I've now stepped into half marathon territory!!

It’s easier to give up than moderate. You need to see it as yourself doing a good thing by going AF. It’s not your friend. Change the mindset.

You will have alcohol related health issues very soon at the rate you’re drinking. Think about what you’re modelling for the kids too.

I gave up 3 years ago and the PP who said Technicolor has it right. Life is immensely better. You need to understand why you’re drinking though.

Get yourself some good AF books and podcasts. Get your husband on side. Get some nice AF drinks and go for it. Life is so much better AF. Good luck.

I’m reading this, and also thinking, not ready.

not saying as a put down, just an observation. Been there, done that :)

you will probably dabble with the idea of cutting down, being sober for a good few more years, until something changes

so within the 3,4 years I was in this stage, here are some things I tried

cutting down
alcohok free days
aa
gp
hypnotherapy
jason vale book
one on one drug and alcohol counsellor
group therapy for addicts
bright eyes support site
pychiatrist
Naltrexone

the 2 last things on that list are the ones that worked for me

I’m now coming up ten years sober. I’m lighter, brighter, happier and more me. I no longer live with the fear, I’m not full of shame and hate for myself. I look better than I ever have, have meaningful, authentic friendships.

I know things could have worked out very differently for me, and every day I feel so fucking grateful that I managed to stop. I got the support I needed, invested the time and energy into learning about alcoholism and addiction. I confided in a couple of people who were my rocks

im so proud, and feel I’m a better wife, friend, daughter and mother. That makes it worth it

I stumbled on this thread trying to distract myself from a craving. How ironic. I've been an alcoholic and drug addict for most my life and been in recovery now 3 years but just dealing with a recent relapse. Friday night that ended up staying all up all night on my own doing very grim things which gave me some kind of real but false release. Im only 39 and everything going for me and still do thanks to my incredible supportive boyfriend his family and my beautiful kids. I totally understand how you feel about AA. I love AA but it's dark and people have been through seriously dark times. And it's not what most people can in anyway relate to. I unfortunately can relate and it gives me a space to feel understood. Im also spiritual and get such peace with the higher power ethos and the 12 steps. But I went to rock rock bottom and depravity in my addiction and have experienced real trauma I had to face up to. And I appreciate that's not where you necessarily are or anywhere near that. Thank god. But don't let that happen because it can spiral. Annie Grace is amazing and I could imagine you would really relate with her. She is amazing and logical and her whole experience is exactly the type of addiction you are describing. but unfortunately for me I needed much more help. Therapy rehab etc etc. don't let it get to that place. Well done making this change!

One year no beer on fb are an amazing source of support and you needn’t sign up for a whole year.

@userxx I'm with you. I've made changes and I don't live in a state of constant agitation and exhaustion, and I'm not teetotal. Abstinence is the right path for many people - and for some it's their only path to freedom and health. But it's not the only path. Only OP knows what her goals are and what is reasonable and feasible in her life, but the abstinence or failure mentality can be a significant barrier to folks seeking out help, and it is possible to make positive changes and reduce harm and risks without abstinence.

I relate to so much of what you’re saying op. Deep down I know I have to give up for good but I can’t quite face it yet. Every 6 months or so I have a couple of weeks - month off, I feel so much better but so bored and flat.

Im doing dry Jan at the moment but I’m also really focussing on loosing weight, not drinking is going so much better than it ever has before because I’m so focussed on my diet. Cravings just aren’t happening, probably cos I’m so hungry all the time the idea of drinking makes me feel a bit queasy! Obviously not a long term solution! I normally also spend ages reading about alcohol support on mumsnet etc when I’m having a dry spell but haven’t at all this time, actually taking the focus away from alcohol is working wonders.

The reason you feel back to normal after having a drink and having had a day off is because you’re stopping the withdrawal. Hate it say it, but the level you’re at you will be dependent.

You remind me of me when I was 27. I got sober when I was 33 and I’ve just celebrated 7 years sober.

It can be done, but just from the way you write you’re not ready. Most people I know who got sober go to AA a couple of times and say it won’t help them. As someone who has gone to AA (and tried everything else!) it’s because the blunt confrontation of truth hurts. It did with me.

Best wishes.

Thank you. I think it started as boredom and just became a habit.

x

10 years is amazing!!! Wow!!!

Thanks so much, Im really going to try with dry feb first, get some books etc and go for evening walks to distract me.

I appreciate your reply, thanks xxx

Thanks so much for replying I really appreciate it xx

It's not that i'm 'not ready', i just didnt realise it was an all or nothing situation. I thought I'd be able to get to a place of moderation. Im aware now a lot of people in recovery see it differently.

You sound very happy and im made up for you, how amazing!! No wonder you're proud, I would be too!

Thanks so much for your reply xx

My husband worked with a woman in her early 30s who drank like you do. She didn’t think she had a problem, knew she was a heavy drinker but it never stopped her working, busy planning her wedding.

One morning she didn’t come to work. She died in hospital of liver failure three days later.

Is that the experience you want for your husband and children?

3 years is incredible and one slip up doesnt take away from that. Seriously, well done!! Not only giving up alcohol but drugs too, I cant begin to imagine the battle.

Keep pushing, you've got this!!!

Thanks for replying, means a lot. Good luck xx

I'll be honest, this is the goal and the dream and I was hoping if this wasnt able to work, then abstinence would be the option. Ive never took trying to moderate serious enough to make it the end goal.

Well done for getting to a new happy medium, sounds like a great place to be.

Thanks so much for replying xx

Ahhh amazing! Well done you!!

I too need to lose 2 stone, i feel so horrible and this isnt normally me. I hate what I see when i look in the mirror and even cancelled plans over xmas cos I felt so ugly. Have you been losing weight not drinking?

Thanks for your reply xx

I could have written this post. I signed up for ‘the path’ with this naked mind (Annie grace). It’s a 90 day programme with lots of coaching available and a support community. The first 60 days are about absorbing information and being aware of your drinking/ patterns. No judgement, no pressure to change, just observing why you do what you do, how it feels etc. There are daily (very short) lessons that challenge your beliefs around the job you’ve given alcohol. The last 30 days are an alcohol free challenge. I’m only 2 weeks in but I’ve already had a few alcohol free days which is totally unheard of for me. it’s very American but there are some English coaches and participants. Worth a look!

my guess it’s all or nothing for most, but you may be a lucky exception. I’d love to be able to enjoy a glass or two on a sunny day… alas, I’d get the taste fairly quickly for more.
there are programmes to work on moderating, I’m sure with determination you can do it.

whatever the path, there will be a certain amount of white knuckling!

(the bloat and pounds dropped off me :)

Well done on 7yrs sober, incredible!!!

As I said above, its not that im not ready, i just didnt realise it was all or nothing. Huge changes need to happen, 100%. I dont want to carry on like this, its making me miserable!

As for AA, was nothing to do with the blunt confrontation of truth, I just couldnt relate to their levels of trauma. It was harrowing.

Thanks for your reply, really appreciate it.

This was me last year, what I did was join a gym challenge, so it's either 4 week or a 6 week one, its calories controlled and each week has different rules and you have to go to the gym at least 3 times a week minimum, alcohol is the devil and isn't allowed, you can have 1 cheat meal a week and you can play a joker card only once for special occasions, so this is when you could drink (a wedding etc)
You have to post everything you have eaten that week on a WhatsApp group and are accountable for your eating and they call you out in the bad things you have ate, but more of a guidance thing. It's really helped me to stay off the booze as I can see the results, last 4 week challenge I did I lost 9 lbs and 22cm and the before and after pictures are amazing, which has spurred me in to sign up to a 6 week one. It's get me on the straight and narrow and now I don't miss alcohol and I feel mentally better.