The Freedom Thread (continued) - A thread for people wanting to enjoy an alcohol free life. Everyone welcome!

[BunniesBunniesBunnies]

This is a thread for people who want to live an alcohol free life! These threads were started about three years ago by @DryBird2020 and they have been a continued source of support for people at all stages of sobriety. Whether you are one day, one month or one year sober - You are welcome! The only thing we ask if that you have committed to stopping drinking when you join the thread (as talk to drinking or moderation may be triggering to some of our posters).

My name is @Bunnies and I am almost 1000 days sober, in no small part thanks to this amazing supportive community. I hope to see many new and old posters on this thread!

Happy sober 2023 all!

quit lie - quit lit of course

kind of, it is about addiction though very amusing so yes but not so much in a self help way..

Favourite quit lit;

• Unexpected Joy, as mentioned above
• sober diaries, by Claire Pooley - source of the field of fluffy bunnies reference “it takes 100 days to see it, and 6 months to get there”
• Quit like a Woman, by Holly Whitaker - a “kick up the bum” kind of book, and source of one of my favourite sober quotes”World domination, bitches!”

That quote in full ..

awesome... it is one i haven't read yet. maybe i will ;-)

Thanks for the quit lit suggestions. Just downloaded 'the unexpected joy of being sober'. Must get through a few chapters before Friday to help stay on track for the first wkd.

Any suggestions for a good AF alternative to wine to accompany cheese and crackers? (Usual fri and sat night indulgence!)

Hi guys. I really need your help.
Been on denial about my alcoholism for years

I was functioning, eating well, paying the bills etc.
Things came to a head when a close relative became unwell and died a few months later.
My drinking became our of control and I had a series of blackouts.
I recognized the damage it was going to me and my don ( I'm a single parent)
I admitted to my lad that I was indeed an alcoholic ( late father and grandparents were too).
Went to my first AA meeting and was blown away with the incredible

welcome I hot and how lovely a d healthy they looked. I might add this was a women only meet.
Attended meetings every day for about 4 weeks.

Managed to keep of the grog for all but 4 days.

I continued to attend meetings but I dont think AA is a good fit for me. It seems like a series of Ted Talks.... all these amazing success stories but as much as I know it works for many ( I including my late Dad) I xan5 get my head around how it works.
I'm not neurotupical and struggle with understanding how the "mormal" mind works.
Are there any alternatives to AA . I really am begging for help.
I was invited to a lovely ladies hone for Christmas and I only want and got shit faced ( of course!I dont remember) I'm racked with guilt.
I'm a kind and generous person at heart and feel so ashamed of my dreadful behaviour to such a sweet person.
My son is currently staying with maternal grandparents as he cannot bear to be in my presence.
I might like to add that I've secured a new job and excelling in the role. I don't know how I manage to be two people of polar opposites at the same time.

Welcome @Iamafeckinmess . I’m sorry you are going through such a rough time. The alternative to AA that I’ve heard about is SMART

Smart

but I’ve never used them myself. Some of the other posters on here have, so hopefully one of them will be able to tell you more.

Morning all and welcome @Iamafeckinmess

Personally I’ve not used AA or Smart although both are highly rated. I enjoy reading quit lit, listening to podcasts featuring ‘sober coaches’ whilst dog walks and sharing on this forum! I’ve previously had counselling via the GP and a program called ‘fresh start’ I’ve also dabbled with medication. So don’t get discouraged, there are lots of resources out there.

I found Jason Vales book a good starting point, it’s almost like hypnosis and challenges all the myths we have around drinking. Ultimately after dealing with the physical dependency you have to really drill down on the emotional dependency - why you want to disconnect/numb out/escape life. This is uniquely personal and might be why other peoples stories didn’t resonate, some 121 therapy might help and your new job might be just the tonic you need. xx

Good morning all.
Welcome newbies.

@Iamafeckinmess welcome. I have never tried smart but did AA for a while.
Some people don't get the higher power thing others the doom and gloom. (one drink away from death blah blah) I found it useful but I analysis everything and that it is typical of a ND brain.
I was two people whilst dependant on alcohol. Sav the professional business woman and Sav party thrower and loud mouthed drunk. I got invited to a fair few dos where I disgraced myself (I drunk the hosts special wine!) . You cannot changed the past but you can apologise and learn from it. My DC hated my drinking. My son (23) moved out partly because of it. Alcoholism is an illness and needs help and compassion. We are here for you.

Morning all Day 4.

@Iamafeckinmess the others have said it well. I haven't used AA or SMART but again have immersed myself in quit lit and I'm listening to alcohol explained at the moment.

I too have done things I wish I hadn't but I am learning to forgive myself.

You have made a great step into accepting your an alcoholic and one day at a time is a really good approach. Taking time to learn and love yourself through maybe therapy or journaling and being honest with yourself is helpful

Morning all, checking in from my desk in the office. Kids back to school, dog in the day bed at work. It's all looking rather organised this morning.. 🙌 we have our wonderful dog back which completes our little family. I'd had a moment early this morning drinking my tea in bed, I've bloody done it! Wow it feels good 😊

Welcome to all the newbies, this is a lovely place to openly express how things are going and get support from others. I've been knocking around since that awful day in early August. I woke up with a smashed up face after the worst black out from the night before. I recently read back through my journal of those early days .. it amazes me I'm still standing quite frankly. So, if I can get through that shit storm you've got this! A positive mindset and some sheer determination is all you need, day by day things will get better.

@Iamafeckinmess your name resonates with me as I started on this very group with the name rockbottombird and I really was at rock bottom. I found podcasts were very helpful to me, sober stories (from real people not celbs) by Sassysober mum were a godsend to me. I listened for hours, she talked at length about her own experiences with alcohol as did her guests. Somehow knowing I wasn't alone and others had had these embarrassing moments / black outs and relapses all helped my own healing. I walked for hours some days just listening with my headphones on along the prom - sometimes with tears in my eyes. I've also recently picked up the books again, currently reading alcohol explained by William Porter. It's quite scientific but incredibly informative. I know of someone who attends AA and she's found god and is forever telling people to have a blessed day (I'm not a spiritual person) so totally wasted on me! It works for some and that's fabulous, it's all about working out what's suitable to you. Sending love and strength your way.

Have a wonderful day whatever your plans are. Much love xx

@Iamafeckinmess have you reached out to any medical professionals?

I appreciate that being on your own, you may not want to go down that route (I am newly on my own, DP and I no longer live together but I do have his help and support and I would have concerns about involving HCP's) BUT it may be another option for you? They may be able to sign post you to somewhere suitable for you.

I used to give up all the time. Every Monday I made a vow to make the coming week different and it I lasted until the Friday it was a miracle. I felt like I'd never be able to stop, but I did (and everyone here has stopped).... I don't have the answers, I can't tell you what was different for me this time. BUT after years of failed attempts I finally stopped.

You can find something that works for you, it is never too late. You can try and try and try again but never stop trying to stop.

Thank you everyone for your words of support.
My son has told me everyone knows I'm an alcoholic. I suppose I was in denial about this for a long time.
I feel so much shame and embarrassment...I really hate the awful person I have become.
I find AA so depressing and I cant het the higher being thing at all. I lost my faith in God about 3 years ago and have been on a downwards spiral ever since.
I need to feel grounded iykwim.
My family aware not speaking to me since I lost my Dad.
Tttthis I believe isn't connected to my drinking..I dont drink in the day but Sad left me a bit more than my siblings. ( small pension)
My house is a bloody tip and I have arranged for a team of cleaners to come in and blitz it to the tube of £400. Yes it really is tat bad.
I'm in a fortunate position to be able to afford this but I'm not living.

I go to work, come home and get pissed repeat.
I never chose this life. I struggle to keep a job as I'm not neuro typical and get myself into all sorts of issues with misunderstandings etc.
I will try smart.
I was put on medication a while back to curb my cravings for alcohol but it didn't with for me.
I have few health conditions that prevent me from taking certain medications so I know I have to rely on willpower alone.

Please excuse the typos. My eyesight is poor and I've not had an eye test or new prescription in 4 years . Ditto hair teeth..

Checking in quickly - all fine and booze free. Have a nice lunch out tomorrow which I’m looking forward to.

I have the Alcohol Explained 2 audiobook for if I wake very early, as it sends me right back to sleep in an instant. DH positively traumatised about all the information that washed over him at 6am this morning. He’s pretty moderate really so I’ll have to keep it under my pillow!

Welcome Feckinmess - I’m not really wise enough to offer proper advice but I am in a really good place coming from drinking heavily pretty much every night - usually a bottle minimum plus a couple of gins, three bottles of wine if I really went for it. You can put shame behind you, you truly can.

I take a positive approach to quitting alcohol. It is a myth that it’s fun. Or it is to me. I can’t stop after 2 drinks and get on with the rest of the evening and enjoy it. I look forward to sleeping very well, to waking up with a clear head, having energy getting out of bed in the morning to the point I don’t even want to lie in.
I like that I’m richer, that my eye bags have gone, that I can drive anywhere whenever I like, that I don’t have to pay for taxis, or huge mark ups. I am excited that I never ever have to drink again

if you can be excited about this amazing positive change, please do be. Get some quit lit - and don’t be scared. Loads of people have been a more of a problem drinker than you are and have kicked the drink. You can do it. You have a lot to look forward to!

Welcome all newbies☺️ Just checking in and wishing everyone a peaceful day.

Morning all

@Iamafeckinmess how are you this morning? Hope you got some sleep.
don’t hate the person you are - admire the person you aspire to be and keep looking for the AF path that works for you. Did you go back to the doctor who prescribed the medication?
take care everyone

Morning all!
That sounds so tough @Iamafeckinmess - I hope you find the support you need. The first few chapters of Alcohol Explained are available for free Here - might be worth a read?

Good to see you @Tramma - that’s a really beautiful post.

I’ve noticed recently that I am really, really angry a lot of the time! I don’t think this is a new thing, just that I’m more aware of my emotions these days. It’s often over really stupid things, too. Because I’m more aware of it, I can talk myself down, but I find it interesting that this is only now (9 months in) that I’ve realised this. Has anyone else discovered they have anger issues?

Have a good and peaceful day all.

Morning all

Back to the early starts, but wow! I’d forgotten how much easier they are with a clear head! I love all your reasons @Tramma I’ve found personally that approaching sobriety from a place of positivity as opposed to deprivation makes a huge difference.

@Onewildandpreciouslife I find myself FURIOUS at times! I found alternative rebellion (part of DBT I think) really helped. I realised part of my ‘fuck it’ button was anger related but actually I was projecting that anger into myself and ‘rebelling’ by drinking too much (classic self sabotage) it’s a work in progress but awareness is definitely a positive first step!

Morning all.

Yes to angry. I lost it yesterday with the doctors surgery who offered my dd an urgent appointment in February! Having spent 7 hours outside a hospital in an ambulance just before Christmas I despair.
Tbh I have always been angry, the booze masked it, a sort of 'what ever' sticking plaster. Two of my nieces are nurses and they have both left hospitals because of the poor management so I am not NHS bashing. Two friends GPs who have recently retired. And won't go back!
Other than that all is well.

Good morning everyone. Please may I join? I want at least a period of time alcohol free but I am struggling to do it by myself.

My brain is hardwired into thinking that relaxing and enjoying myself is linked to drinking wine with nice food. I tell myself I won't because I want to feel more energetic at the weekend to exercise but when I am in the supermarket on a Friday night I think, 'Ah well. There's no real reason why I shouldn't.'

But there is really. Life is very demanding and I need to sleep well at the weekend. I need not to be dragging myself through the week because I haven't rested properly. I need to exercise so I need to not feel too tired to do it. I need to be fully there for all the people who rely on me just now.

More than anything, in order to do this, I need to get out of the mindset that drinking is my treat and my escape. I can't do this on my own which I know because I have tried lots of times.

I have really enjoyed reading the positivity on this thread and I am hoping that continuing to read and post sometimes will give me the boost I need. So, hello everyone.

I get angry too🙂 Anger can be a normal and healthy emotion sometimes. It’s good go explore why and when we get angry; when it is helpful to us and when it is not. What are our triggers and what are helpful coping mechanisms?

I found it helpful to read more about anger (www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/about-anger/). I used to have a lot of trauma related anger and rage. I am much calmer now but I still get angry from time to time. When it happens I try to acknowledge my anger (sounds silly but it helps!), understand the root of it and then address it.

Hope this helps🙂

Welcome @MerylSqueak ! Really, life is soooo much better without alcohol. The joy of never being hungover, or even slightly jaded in the morning, is absolutely wonderful. And your body will be so much better at exercise when it’s not being poisoned on a regular basis (this was a revelation to me - doh).

Although any period without alcohol is good, for most people these benefits don’t really start to appear until 3-6 months sober. Please don’t be daunted by this - you can only get there one day at a time.

Have you read any quit lit? Annie Grace (The Alcohol Experiment / This Naked Mind) is very good on reframing how we think about drink

And lots of people have found this blogpost useful, from Claire Pooley, author of the Sober Diaries, about the field of fluffy bunnies… So posting again for those who feel like they’re slogging through the mud at the moment

The Obstacle Course