Alcohol free in 23

[DancingSober]

Hello!

This is the thread for doing a whole year alcohol free beginning tomorrow (although some have started a bit early).

This isn't a moderation thread, so it isn't for cutting down. It's absolutely no alcohol for the whole of 2023.

That said, slip ups happen and I will not be throwing anyone off the thread if they have a blip, (or several blips), but please don't post if you're planning to have a few drinks here and there, as it may affect people who are struggling to remain AF but want to.

Tagging everyone from the initial thread:

@SerialMover
@Metalhead
@nancydroo
@blondie87
@TooSunny
@Preparedforjobnottolast
@thenewaveragebear1983
@limitededitionbarbie
@afaloren
@hashbrownsandwich
@Wantmyownbed

I think that's everyone, but please join if you want to (it's open to everyone) and huge apologies if I have missed anyone with my tagging.

I have my first social event this weekend. It’s on my mind a lot this week. Easy option would be to drink to blend in with friends but I’m determined not to but I can feel the event overshadowing my week. I can’t not go unfortunately.

Difficult one @Pollypower. Can you drive? Even offer someone a lift?

Yeah I will be driving but going with OH and he will be drinking so I feel like I can’t just leave at any point.

@DancingSober hope your joviality increases as January progresses.

@coodawoodashooda totally agree! I can smell DH's wine and it's 🤢

@Pollypower could you ask your husband to get a taxi home if he wants to stay later than you?

I could but we live fairly rurally and it would cost a lot of money in a taxi which would be fine and worth it if I get to leave comfortably but I almost feel a stigma of being boring for not drinking and leaving early almost confirms that.. not sure if that makes sense. My OH is clear that he’s absolutely fine with supporting me not drinking but that he doesn’t want it to affect our relationship and the fun we have together. We have very much bonded over drinks etc so I’m finding it difficult to navigate this new way

@Pollypower that's a hard one. I was out at the weekend with friends and husband and honestly would have left an hour earlier if it was just up to me. I'm using social occasions as an experiment to see what I really like and don't like about going out when alcohol is not a factor so I can maximise the situations I like and try to minimise the ones I don't. It's also been very interesting to see how people change as they consume alcohol. Maybe if you can reframe it as a social experiment you'll feel differently about it (and you may bump into some interesting sober people and have a really good night!).

I drink tonic water and pretend it is gin.

It’s interesting how we think others will perceive our non-drinking status. I’ve got a party on Friday and using Dry January as an excuse, but I can see it being tricker later on.

Today I went out for a celebratory lunch. Initially really wanted a glass of wine, but had a lovely mock tail instead. I felt great after lunch, whereas even just one glass at lunchtime and I’d want to spend the afternoon on the sofa. Instead I went for a gorgeous walk and felt really happy with my life choices 😂

Still having problems posting on a pc I don't have my log in details on my phone otherwise I'd be on MN all day.

Just lost a long post but wanted to update. I'm on day 18 and feel really good. My skin feels noticeably softer. Probably a combination of no alcohol, no caffeine and drinking loads of water. I relaxed the diet over the weekend but was straight back on it come Monday. I need the routine of work to keep me on track, it's so easy to overindulge at the weekend.

I wanted to recommend a tip I saw on another thread. I've started to get up 30 minutes before everyone else. It's a game changer. 30 minutes of peace, of no one talking at me, when no one wants or needs anything from me. I use it to have breakfast and get my bag ready for work before the kids are up. It also means I'm less stressed because I'm not rushing so much.

My sleep has settled down and the headaches have significantly improved. It's starting to feel almost normal to feel so well.

I'm just about to catch up on the thread but hope everyone else is doing well.

@NoTimeForWine totally agree about getting up a bit earlier! I started doing this, during the working week, in November - and now it has naturally rolled out to my days off and the weekend too. It is a great start to the day! I'm getting up 45 min/ 1hr earlier and getting to work (teacher) earlier too, so I'm feeling the positive impact there too. It is my day off today and I got up at the same time - feel like I achieve a lot more (I still usually do some work!)/enjoy my days off more too.

That's great that you've really noticed a difference in your skin! I can't say I have put I am yet to tackle my diet/caffeine/water intake. All definitely on the list.

@blondie87 I've been thinking about that too - partly what spurred me on to think about what the months are called. I think my main plan is simply not to drink alcohol but also not highlight it. I think in general people are better at not making a big fuss about others choosing to not drink these days...so hopefully won't need an explanation or 'don't really fancy an alcoholic drink will do' if probed. We'll see...I really hope that we past this year I feel confident enough to say 'I don't drink'.

I've got a couple of weekends away with DH (around a concert but staying in the city longer to explore) coming up - I'm most concerned about the evenings there. He will want to have a nice meal out and have a lot of wine. I've already had a meal out locally with him and not drunk - which is fine for 1-2 hrs - but beyond that...I'm worried about being bored/being boring if we're out for hours on end. I guess this is a major thing I'm going to have to work on. Also being around him as he gets increasingly drunk is bad enough sometimes when I'm drinking but sober...

@Coppergate I feel the same about weekends away. I have quite a few planned this year and think they'll be really testing.

My DH can't drink large amounts, he has always had a lower tolerance than me, but I do think it'll be hard when he has one or two to stay strong. He's doing dry Jan with me at the moment x

I feel the same. We have a child free trip to Croatia planned in April. First time since covid we have went away for a city break. Any previous ones were just spent exploring and drinking lots & lots of wine. That’ll be a challenge for me.

taking each weekend at a time. This weekend is my first test. oH was supposed to be doing dry Jan with me put he’s stopping for the party on Saturday. 3 weeks is good enough he says 👍, the thought of going is definitely affecting my mood although I know I reality it won’t be as bad as I expect. It never is.

I know I reality it won’t be as bad as I expect. It never is.

Very true!

It is going to take some working out to realise what activities I feel like will be grim without alcohol and why, and then decided what to do about it.

e.g. adult parties around someone's house - can easily cope with standing around in someone's kitchen from 8 pm to 1 am when getting increasingly merry chatting to everyone. Sober though? No thank you! It is just plain boring/tiring after a couple of hours unless you stumble on some really interesting topics of conversation. Same with meeting a friend for a coffee catch up 1-2 hours, lovely...5 hours...probably not without some other kind of activity.

Sadly, DH is very attached to his drinking and isn't even attempting dry January. I can't remember the last time he had a day off drinking now - maybe September? He's not even making rumblings yet of cutting down. Thankfully he never drinks during the day but evenings on weekends away will be dominated by being able to get a drink from 5/6 pm onwards - I think I'll stay in the hotel whilst he has pre-dinner drinks by himself and just join him for dinner later. First two are in March so I've got some time to plan/think about it/get more used to doing things sober...

Yeah I have a few long weekends planned with Professional Drinking mates and am a bit worried.

Will they not want to include me in future trips if I can’t drink? That’s really unlikely but I am a worrier!

Will I get bored and be stuck somewhere until everyone else is pissed enough to call it a night? Fairly likely.

Best not to dwell on it now though.

Good luck to everyone with the tricky weekends away etc. I can definitely see why that's a worry.

It won't be practical for everyone, but I did read that having your own room to escape to can help with 'boozy' holidays (where you aren't boozing).

I am going to try to stay off Mumsnet for a few days as I'm hooked on it 😂. I will try and update on this thread, but if you don't hear from me for a bit then that is why.

It's such an interesting observation about the extent of time spent with people when you're not drinking. When drinking you can spend hours and hours as it's nonsense and probably the same conversation over and over and parallel conversations and saying things you don't mean or believe. I have found certain circumstances lean themselves really well to a sober/drinking mix, e.g. a long meal with good friends and some become interminable e.g. Christmas party. I think you need a solid escape plan for those. Am currently debating whether I go to a school parents night out coming up as the other (lovely) parents get very drunk, as that's how these evenings tend to go.

I’m wondering what I actually might like to do in my spare time as my main hobby was drinking wine. Thinking to just stay as relaxed as I can and see what the year throws up?

Yeah. I am wondering this too. I really like that I am committed to the whole year. I think if it was just a month or so it would be easier to waiver. I'm a very single lone parent so the idea of dating is years and years away. Wondering if I'd actively seek out an af partner. That would seem strange as evening wine, especially at the weekend, is something I've always 'enjoyed'.

Day 20... is anyone else suffering with their skin? I have a huge sore red spot right on the end of my nose that just won't go away! I guess it's my body purging itself of the toxins?

Yes… a Saturday night is going to look different for me. Usually I would have 1-2 bottles of wine starting from 5pm. We would play music, maybe play some board games but that fell away in the last year. Mostly just hope the kids would entertain Themselves.

I have booked an early morning yoga class on a Sunday which is nice to look forward to.

also my daughter loves arts and crafts. Usually I would leave her to it but I’ve joined in with her and really tried my best. I seem to have picked up an expected hobby - painting. Even when she isn’t around I have started getting her paints out and really trying my best. This is something I would never have done and might be something I do more often. I find the hours pass without realising and I’ve never experienced that before - unless drinking.

I have attached some examples as I’ve been so proud of myself 😊

@Pollypower your paintings are great! How nice to find an accidental hobby and talent 😁

Those pictures are beautiful.

The pictures are terrific, well done.

I have taken up knitting. I am not very good but it keeps me busy in the evenings.

Very good indeed @Pollypower - you definitely have a talent!

My piano playing has got better since I've given up drinking (I think!) - this is a hobby I picked up in March (played a little/at a low level as a child), so that is one thing. I know it isn't enough though but I'm trying to change other things before tackling that. I guess that is my other hobby - actively working on habits/routines that work for me.

Ultimately I want at least one activity to be both social and exercise but not to bring that back in yet. I used to do reformer Pilates and loved that but I've gained so much weight I know I won't enjoy it at all until I lose at least some of that.

Work has been pretty intense this week and I am tired! I know what I would normally be doing now...but no! So not worth it. I would be lying if I said I wasn't tempted though. I'll see if having a shower makes me feel better I think...

Evening everyone. Feeling happy starting the weekend sober and looking forward to relaxing!

Definitely interested in taking up a hobby or something new to pass the extra time. I've given myself January to mooch about and eat what I want, just focusing on being sober. Then maybe I'll kick myself into action February.

Those paintings are really good. It must be quite relaxing too.