The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

Evening all. Always makes me laugh as a coppers daughter
@Tramma 21 units, wow. I could start on a third bottle but it would take two days to recover. My birthday last year we drank 8 bottles of champagne between three of us. Some silly money and there was a fight!
I was fine, my friend pasted out.
Birthday this weekend. I will have very expensive seafood and a bottle of noughty which I am usually too tight to buy😀
I am treating myself to a new mattress with my saved wine money.

Morning all. Day 37/38 here and I'm surprised how easy it is so far...that will probably come back to bite me on the bum in the coming weeks but I'm going to go with it for now. I think it's because this time I'm cutting it out for good...I'm my mind at least...no more random x days targets, no more plans to moderate...I'm telling people I don't drink at all and practicing saying no.

DH is drinking enough for both of us it seems and it's making his mood terrible. I can't tell him that though of course

Morning all.

Hello all.
Just had a revelation moment. Have been really glum the last few days, and just sat down with a coffee and had a proper sob. And I’ve finally worked out why I’ve been so down - it’s missing out on a big “family” Christmas. I’ll be spending Christmas with my DH and my kids, which is wonderful and I’m very lucky, - but dad’s been dead nearly 20 years, mum’s got dementia, my brother’s been dead nearly 30 years, and my sister’s not well. I’ve been ordering Christmas presents for my brothers and sisters families, and I just feel like I’m missing out.

I KNOW I’m hankering after the impossible, and being really unreasonable and all the rest of it. It is just such a relief to have figured it out!! I can move on from my pity party now, and work on sorting my head out. No bloody wonder I used to drink.

Hope everyone else is surviving x

@Onewildandpreciouslife i am sorry you are down. I come from a big family but the elders are all gone now. We use to have a very jolly time but my siblings are on 2nd and third marriages and one set doesn't speak to the other, etc. I miss my mum's turkey dinner and throwing a boxing day party. We use to have large house where everyone stayed over. Smashing times.
I don't know the answer as this is my first booze free Christmas. I have hidden from parties thus far. I have a lunch this week and one next for my birthday. I need to drive so I think i am safe.
Perhaps we should do a af party meet up next year wearing badges saying 'guess who?' An alternative Christmas gathering of the Sober Sisters. Happy to arrange😀

@Onewildandpreciouslife - handhold, hug or a shoulder to cry on - all yours. Well done for taking the time to stop and think, that’s a few losses to take into account. I hope the week gets better.

@WendyWagon I'm sure this AF Christmas will be okay for you. You’ve worked hard to gain your sobriety, I do love your SS party idea! I can make cake for it x

Evening all..! Signing in from my new forever home on a mattress on the floor 🤣 have have my hot chocolate and bedding and that will do me just fine for tonight. Boys beds are built, clean bedding and fast asleep. It's been hard going.. snow didn't help! Hey ho.. not like I have face the odd curve ball this year so this is just another one of many and I'm still god dam standing.

How are you all? Christmas is looming.. the pubs are full and the spirits are most definitely flowing. Soooo tempting isn't it! But what about tomorrow when I wake up and don't remember how much I've drunk, what is said/done and all with a banging head. 🥴 every time that little voice tries to lure me in I play it forward. All that hard work undone for 'just one'. I don't know about you but I just can't moderate alcohol, one is not going to cut if for me. Sooo none it is then!

Going to spend some time reading back through the tread and having a catch up on all your posts until I pass out with exhaustion.

Lovely to read your post @rockingbird - new home, mattress on a floor and hot chocolate sound a perfect combination. Sleep well.

Hooray @rockingbird so happy for you! I totally agree about not being able to moderate. But it is a difficult time of year like you say. Departmental Christmas party this evening - gulp! The venue does some ace mocktails though plus some AF beer so am happy.

Hope everyone is doing well x

Morning all.
Great news on the new home @rockingbird
I was crock yesterday but did manage to get my hair done at home. I am sparklely for Christmas.
The flat is giving me the pip now so I am only going for a mini tree. I also need to finish my present shopping. I love Christmas but hate new year.
I have been hiding from the shops but think I can hold myself together today. An old friend came round with a birthday gift yesterday and paid me the compliment of saying 'I didn't bring your favourite wine as I know you don't drink anymore'. She bought me lipstick and shower gel instead. 11 months, bloody hell.

@rockingbird great news! Happy new home wishes for you and your boys 😍
@WendyWagon well done on 11months - glad your friend came with appropriate gifts it must mean they are thoughtful and hope you had a good catch up.

happy hump day all

Morning all.

@rockingbird enjoy waking up in your new home, what a wonderful achievement! @WendyWagon it will be your turn next and hopefully the thing that brightens the new year and makes it all more manageable. 11 months… amazing!
@Johnnyfartpants have your friendships mended now? You are rocking the early days, I hope you are feeling proud of yourself? I hope the mocktails were nice!

@SillyLittleMargaret if you read this I hope you are doing ok and just busy! xx

Dav 1 year and a bit! Working on plans for my Dad's funeral. Dealing with a whole load of family shit and some legal and financial issues that my Dad has created. It's a very sad situation and not what he would have intended at all. Feeling angry that it's all on me and sharing here for a vent! Can't create a new post because it would be too outing! Tell me though, does anyone have experience of dealing with abusive behaviour? I could do with some wisdom on this.

Hope you are all set for a sober Xmas. This will be my second and I am looking forward. We are having Xmas dinner on Xmas eve and because I won't be drinking, it means I can still take my son to the crib service afterwards ❤️

@Newmum738 morning.
My bff had a horrible second marriage very abusive. I know quite a fair bit. DM me if you like.

Happy new home rockingbird! Wishing you much peace and happiness in your new home. Mattress and hot chocolate sounds a great way to begin. And to do it all sober!! Fantastic!

newmum first of all, congratulations on one year and a bit! Well done. I am so sorry that you are not only dealing with the death of your dad and the funeral arrangements but difficult behaviour from someone. It's fine to vent on here and talk about it. Dealing with other people's challenging behaviour is so hard at the best of times. Are you able to distance yourself as much as possible? Or sit down and tell them? (This is often impossible). Or just grey rock them as much as you can. Nod and smile and ignore them. Kind of say in your head that it's not to do with you. It's their behaviour and their thing. Not yours. It depends on who it is, how much you can step back from their behaviour and what they are doing or saying.

We are here to listen/offload to.

onewildandpreciouslife. I am sorry you are feeling down. It is hard with all the expectations of Christmas in our face on a constant basis.

What I got from your post was that, (for me anyway) I used to attribute a lot to drinking or not drinking. So, when I was drinking I would often think I was feeling bad because I was drinking too much (which was the case some of the time). And when I stopped I presumed I felt bad because I wasn't drinking and I felt "left out" or whatever. But I've realised now that I'm not in the haze of drinking pr the haze of the early days of not drinking that I can sit with my feelings and then then have a much better idea of what it is that's at the root of my difficult emotion. And then that seems easier to work with

You’re spot on @Breathmiller (as ever). Christmas is a really, really difficult time for me, for all sorts of reasons, and I’m properly feeling that for the first time in about 30 years! I’ve never acknowledged that to myself before. Now I can start to do the work of thinking about what my needs are.

Also, I’ve turned to Clare Pooley’s old blog to see what she said about Christmas- think it’s very helpful for those of us going into our first sober Christmas

5 ways to a fabulous sober Christmas

That made me cry @Onewildandpreciouslife (the blog you linked). The final point about how exciting Christmas is for children really hits home.

I remember childhood Christmases full of laughter, love, noise and unadulterated joy. I've never had an adult Christmas like that and never been able to truly admit that my alcohol consumption affected Christmas negatively. I'd be hungover for most of the festive period and I'd be demotivated, anxious and lazy. I used to forgo a big lunch at the inlaws on Boxing day as 'the kids wanted to play with their toys' / 'we wanted a day to relax' etc but the reality is I'd be nursing a monster hangover and I couldn't face the world.

Not this year. I'm not going to ruin this Christmas by making myself sad and miserable. Bring it on.

Morning all.
Still cold here. I have been holed up for days. I am intending to venture out for shopping as the troops are complaining!
I need posh af stuff. People are starting to pop in and I have nothing to offer them.

Morning all!

I think part of the issue for me at least is to stop seeing alcohol as a 'reward'...you know what I mean 'oh I've earned a glass of wine' etc but that's going to take time!

Morning all!
That’s a tricky one @WendyWagon because however posh the af stuff is, people will be expecting alcohol, and the conversation may all be about af drinks v the usual. Maybe go big on hot chocolate with marshmallows etc? Good luck with the shopping!

That’s so true @MyGhastIsFlabbered . In my early days I used to plan other treats for myself for the other side of milestones. I might do the same for Christmas actually- book myself for a nice body treatment after Christmas as a reward for my first sober Christmas.

Im off for my big weekend away tomorrow, which is ALL about alcohol. I have stocked up on my favourite AF wine, plus some Pentire Adrift (a Cornish botanical not-gin) and Lyre’s Amaretti (quite nice warmth from the vanilla). Have joked with DH that I’ll need to keep it as a hidden stash to stop drunk people trying it out and wasting it! I have a long run planned for Saturday morning and an early escape on Sunday lined up. But I may post a lot!

Morning all!

I made it through work Christmas party with no alcohol, but I did find it quite tiring. It is early days so perhaps I was over-compensating? I was being high energy as I feel that’s always been sort of expected from me. I’ve been seen as the “fun” one for years but a lot of that came from booze. Anyway I am very proud of myself and it’s soooo nice not waking up with the fear!

hope everyone is ok and not too cold.

xxx

Morning all!

work Christmas party tonight - I have been WFH for a couple of days and a colleague sent a photo of my desk with three bottles of champagne on from clients. 2 of them are Bollinger so I can look really generous (and uncharacteristically wealthy) when I hand them over to my mum for our family Christmas. I have to say I have never been hungover or drunk on Christmas Day itself or Christmas Eve. I used to spent a vast amount of December really plastered at parties and pubs and meet ups but no way would we be “allowed” to get drunk with children around on Xmas Day itself. My DPs would be very disapproving - even my Dsis who is as big a drinker as me, keeps a lid on it. So that is one hurdle I don’t have to get over. Even before children TBH.

looking forward to this evening - I’m going to drive myself there and back which is going to be amazing and much warmer than shivering for a taxi. And I can leave when I want.

I have the odd pang - DH is working away this week and sent a very Christmassy pic with a cocktail from his hotel but I drowned it with a hot choc and went to bed with my Kindle.

Hey all😊 Just popping on to wave at everyone, hope you’re all surviving the cold and managing to swerve the booze at Christmas parties.
Love what @Breathmiller says about sitting with your feelings. It’s such a big thing for me. I’ve never been good at it and suppressed my feelings in all sorts of ways all my life. Not drinking has forced me to learn to sit with them. I still find it hard but I am getting better at it, slowly.
Interestingly, it is also something I’m trying to install in my kids (accepting and sitting with your feelings, and knowing your feelings are okay). So it’s sort of something we’re working on together as a family. (I wish someone had taught me when I was small).