The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

@SillyLittleMargaret please don’t beat yourself up. Calmly acknowledge and then tuck quietly away, and move on. You haven’t failed and your resolve hasn’t gone.

Also yes I would say that’s a win if you feel the alcohol made no difference to your experience of the evening.

Have a brilliant day today and try not to spiral.

Love to all, off on a verrrreey cold walk on the beach with my family brrrrrrrrr

Thanks @Johnnyfartpants - I think I'll get out in the fresh air too.

crunchymum fabulous milestone. Well done you.

rockingbird all power to your elbow today. Fingers crossed for all supplies to the new house soon.

It can be a weird time of year, all the advertising and such like. I finished a big day of work yesterday so treated myself to a Nozecco and crisps. I get such a crisp "hangover" and wish I hadn't. I am not bad with the booze but can definitely feel myself sinking in to far too much unhealthy food. There is just so many nice things around. Got to watch not to fall into old thinking patterns around it.

I'm going to tell myself the same thing I'll say to you sillylittlemargaret. Accept last night. Remember none of us are infallible and we sometimes make mistakes. Forgive ourselves, learn from the experience and move on.

It's a whiteout here but apparently it won't last til tomorrow which is good as I have a long round trip to visit my mum in the nursing home.

Happy Sunday all. I'm going to sort my house out to get my tree up soon. Which I need to buy first. 😄 (tree not house.)

@SillyLittleMargaret I’m sending a hug from someone who has slipped many times in previous sobriety attempts. To use my fave mantra, it’s feedback not failure.

Now you know fitting in is a major trigger for you so you can practice ways to fit in and still be AF (visualisation before social events, bringing your own AF substitute in a similar container to the alcoholic ones, prepping some conversation starters or a friend to turn up with.)

Let go of the self loathing and shame, you are doing something amazing for yourself and there are bumps along every road. Leave it by the wayside and full steam ahead! xxx

it’s feedback not failure
Thanks stircrazy i was trying to remember this. Useful for so many situations.

I also love Leave it by the wayside and full steam ahead! feel like you're there (ahem) shaking your pompoms.

Sometimes I think you have to fall off the wagon to realise exactly why you were on it in the first place.

When I gave up smoking I stopped for months, then smoked (whilst intoxicated obviously) but that cigarette was so disgusting it made me never want to smoke ever again...and staying off them was easy after that.

Use this as a learning experience and don't beat yourself up about it.

I dreamt I drank the other night and woke up so disappointed in myself!

So glad the Pom Poms are out, I imagine them to be all glittery and festive.
@SillyLittleMargaret I think you've learned loads from your blip which is great. Definitely onwards and upwards from here shaking your...glittery Pom Poms

Off topic fora mo...but my ds19 was working setting up a local music venue on Friday. Thought he'd hang around to see the performance a bit. It was a comedy burlesque night and he, in his sweet, sweet naivety thought it would be a bit of 1950s glamour and "ooh cheeky, sir ". He sat at the back with an elderly gentleman who was there with his sister!! Turns out it wasn't quite the flash of ankle and hips they were all expecting but full on bums out and twirling nipple tassles - the lot! 🤣🤣🤣. He can't make up his mind if it's more shocking or hilarious! His description of it all had us in stitches. He stuck it out, beside the slightly shocked sibling set beside him. I believe they had a right laugh.

Anyway...sparkly, glittery pompoms out and twirling them for all. Happy Sunday!! 😁

How you handle the blip is what will decide your path @SillyLittleMargaret

But do not beat yourself up. Its done, you have taken the lessons from it. You can start again. One day doesn't undo all your hard work, unless you let it.

I've had more attempts at sobriety then I can count. Prior to my current stint (and pregnancy) I only ever did 42 days. My blips always became spirals and I ended up drinking more than before.

Be kind to yourself, as you would to a friend or someone else you love.

@Breathmiller your poor DS. That is hilarious.

I love a but of burlesque actually (watching not performing). It's such an art form.

Good luck with the move today @Stircrazyschoolmum

I'm just cleaning under the fridge freezer as my 4 month old kitten fell all the way behind it and I've had to drag the whole thing out.

Same kitten burnt her whiskers on the stove a few days ago. I think she is seeing if there is any truth in the whole '9 lives' rumour 😂

Hello everyone, can I please re-join?
I see there’s a few names I recognise from last year who continue to be doing brilliantly. Some of you may remember that I joined early December 2020 because I wanted to be more present for my eldest DD who was having some hideous MH struggles. Being AF helped massively and she’s doing ok ish now. I did just over a year AF but as we went into 2022 I thought I could try moderating. I’m not going to discuss it here as I know that’s triggering for some. It worked ok until the last month and especially last night. I’m now worried it’s a slippery slope and my off switch isn’t working.
I’m expecting it not to be easy despite being here before. I’m pretty sure there were a couple of people who had been AF a good while, moderated/relapsed and came back to AF. I’m just wondering if you have any tips?

Hey @StayingVigilant I remember you! Welcome back! Glad to hear your dd is doing okay-ish. I don’t have any tips on coming back from moderation, other than I tried many times and it just doesn’t work for me! Many on the thread have had blips though and put those behind them successfully, hopefully someone else can advise.

Speaking of blips, @SillyLittleMargaret I hope you’re feeling okay today. It’s interesting you say you feel alcohol didn’t add much to the evening. Another question you could ask yourself is - what moved you to start drinking that night in the first place? Sometimes that urge will catch me off guard on a night out too. Mostly I don’t crave alcohol at all but occasionally thought will pop into my head and I’ll think - Why not? Usually the HALT principle applies for me (I’m Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired). Knowing our triggers really helps.

Thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies i see you’re doing brilliantly.
Have any of you got an app to help? Ideally free. I’m thinking of doing some reading too - I only read the Annie Grace last time but found that very helpful.

I use the TryDry app - it’s free and they’ve upgraded it recently so you can make notes on how you feel etc

In terms of reading I found the Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley really helpful, and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray.

@StayingVigilant I’m doing okay! Life isn’t suddenly a walk in the park because I’m sober but the tough bits are much easier to deal with. And there are fewer tough bits and more amazing bits! When times are tough I cling to my sobriety like it’s a life raft 😂😂😂 32 months tomorrow!🤩👍

I had an app but it stopped working for some reason… What I really want is an app which can also track my other habits (drinking water, exercising, taking multi vits). For some reason I can manage sobriety but not drinking two liters of water a day or taking my vitamins😳 I’ll be lurking for good app recommendations!

Just joining you all - I’ve decided to not drink again. I do Dry Jan every year but now I realise I can’t moderate, I’m going the whole hog. All good so far.

re apps - I use drinkaware for booze but use Habit List for things like drinking water, cardio, alcohol free days (not moderating so don’t need to worry about that woop!), five a day, blah blah. Quite satisfying!

Welcome back stayingvigilant. I have often thought about you and wondered how you were doing. Good to see you here again

For those who are coming back after a short blip or a longer time attempting moderation, I have been there. I had 18 months not drinking then decided to start again. It had never been a conscious decision to stop altogether. When I decided to start again, I thought I could moderate. Although my first drink wasn't great at it, i did manage for a little while. Then various crap things happened, lockdown being one, my mum going into a nursing home and I fell back into heavy drinking. From mildly moderating to full drinking again I drank for about a year again. Then, i stopped in August 2020. I realised it was never about the crap things or the good things, I would have always ended up back there. It was then I realised I needed to stop and for good. I then found these threads and they have kept me going. 2 years and 4 months later and I still am so glad I made that decision then. . I sometimes think I could have been at 4/5 years by now but truthfully, I think there would have always been that little voice saying I could moderate and be fine. That year long 'blip' showed me I absolutely could not. Now, whenever I have an inkling or a desire to drink, or be part of the world that drinks again, I remember that year. And I never want to go back there again. So, that really helps me to be resolute. Along with you lot of course.

Welcome Tramma . Thank you for the app advice. I couldn't find that exact one but I have found one that will work for me I think.

@StayingVigilant i am using an app called I Am Sober which has been helpful so far (but only 15 days in!). Also I second the Catherine Gray book, as well as Glorious Rock Bottom by Bryany Gordon. And I am currently halfway through Quit Like A Woman which is very compelling.

Welcome @Tramma hi @StayingVigilant good to hear from you again.
hope the weekend was warm and toasty for everyone it was certainly a good idea to stay home here in mid wales.
how are you this morning @WendyWagon ?
hope this week is better for you.

Onwards and upwards ……..

I’ve missed you lot! There’s such a warmth to this group. Thanks for the words of encouragement, book & app recommendations.

I loved Quit Like a Woman @Johnnyfartpants ! Funnily enough, I was just thinking I should re-read it. It’s been a while since I read any quit lit and I think it might help.

Overall it was a good weekend but I am struggling quite a bit. DH is a rare creature who can moderate, so when he pops downstairs at 5pm on a Sunday, pours himself a glass of wine to “fortify himself” for more online shopping, I just want to scream “ Have you any idea how hard it is to be sober?!!!”. I ate a mince pie instead - I don’t even like mince pies.

Welcome @Tramma - I found trying (and failing!) to moderate exhausting.

Hope you’re feeling ok this morning @WendyWagon and @SillyLittleMargaret

Morning all.
Welcome all newbies and returners. I missed the chat as I had taken myself off to my lair to watch the dancing.
Husband was drinking a disgusting low alcohol spiced prosecco from Aldi which was a gift. I did sniff it but had a glass of milk instead. He has taken to hovering up things that people bring (ends of pop etc when we have people over). Funny he doesn't touch the Nozecco. He doesn't usually drink! When I was a boozer my DD would throw it down the skink. Never stopped me buying another but I was very aggressive about waste, total lie of course.
I don't use apps only the nutricheck which I admit has not been used for a few months. As soon as the docs put me back on the steroids I ballooned.
I have had a good sleep and have a full week planned. I am always better busy.
@rockingbird I hope the move went well yesterday.

Spiced Prosecco sounds hideous wendywagon! I’ve recently found Urban Cordials, which are really delicious with fizzy water or hot water. They’re a bit pricey for a cordial at £6 a bottle but they are lovely! My DH drinks but doesn’t seem to ever go too mad. I still think it’s too much as it’s a glass every night. I thought he’d stop during my first year but he didn’t even try. I don’t suggest he does but it’d be a million times better if he did!

We fly to Oz tomorrow and have some South Australian vineyard lunches booked - I’ll not persuade DH to quit whilst there but maybe me sticking to softies will reduce his intake. Plus he’ll be driving! It’s a long overdue trip. We were due to go Easter 2020 then re-booked for Xmas 2020 thinking covid would be a couple of months. Ha!! DH is aussie and all his family there. He went out as soon as restrictions lifted (around Jan last year) as his folks are elderly & ailing - he helped move granny into a nursing home and persuade his dad he wasn’t been mean by doing so. I think my DDs could be quite shocked when we see the g’parents. It’s now been 5 years. But so looking forward to a bit of sunshine. And a very different Xmas.

I agree that spiced prosecco sounds no temptation at all!

I am so glad I haven’t bothered to even try to continue moderation. What a waste of energy and headspace. I also had about 18 months off before (Allen Carr had got me off 20 a day years ago so I read the alcohol one) and then was lured back by the idea of moderation. I had sworn never to get stressed by the idea of alcohol again anyway, to have no angst and if I wanted a drink to “drink mindfully”. Load of tosh! I have looked in on the moderating thread and felt very sorry for posters there, they seem so anxious and worried and minimising their plunges over and into their self imposed limits. (Perhaps I shouldn’t say that but I do feel truly sorry for them).

totting up my consumption, which I logged accurately (21 units in a night on occasion), it is clear life will be clearer, healthier and more peaceful dry.

So I am enthused by sobriety. I look forward to my work Christmas party and not feeling like death the following morning trying to get through my emails. No more £30 taxis, slurring directions, trying not to get car sick… (sure… travel sick, that’s what that is. Yes.)

alcohol is BS. I will have a great Christmas party because I like my colleagues not because there is a free bar.

I loved my 18 months off. The thing now is to celebrate a complete lack of additional expense and self inflicted illness in our lives and not revisit the decision. For me anyway.