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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Not sure whether to have 1/2 or not

35 replies

Crystaly · 08/10/2022 16:39

I have been sober for 4 weeks. I’ve been reading a lot and listening to podcasts and fed up with feeling hungover on my weekends. I use to drink a bottle-2 bottles every Saturday night only. So binge drinker.

no real issues just a feel of total fed up with drinking and stopped the weekend casual drinks in the house with hubby. he still drinks and prefers when I do and I feel a bit of a party pooper but also not been tempted was so ever as I know he’s fine with me not drinking too.

tonight we are going for dinner with 2 couples. It’s always been a very heavy drinking night previously and we are staying at their house due to distance. They will probably all stay up til 2-3am. I won’t as honestly I’m just not bothered by doing it anymore.

I know if I said oh I’m driving/not drinking tonight they would be horrified. It would be such a change they wouldn’t understand why. They all love a drink and drink more often than me. They handle it better than me.

as we’re going out for dinner I’m thinking I could have a wine with my steak to not draw too much attention to the fact I’m not drinking as much anymore.

I want to get dressed up, have good food, good company. I don’t want to feel pressured and that I’m boring.

after my wine I’d switch to non alcoholic drinks when I go to the bar.

so question - should I have 1/2 or none at all and make the statement oh I’m not that bothered about drinking.

OP posts:

Blowyourowntrumpet · 08/10/2022 16:42

How will you feel tomorrow? If you don't drink tonight, will you be pleased tomorrow? If you do drink tonight, will you wish you hadn't?

RobertsWonder · 08/10/2022 16:42

Really, it's up to you, only you know if you'll be able to have one and then stop. But if they are good friends, then they shouldn't really question it if you're not drinking, I hate the fact that alcohol is the only drug that we have to explain not taking!

Always4Brenner · 08/10/2022 16:43

Don’t go down the drink route it’s not worth it.

RebeccaCloud9 · 08/10/2022 16:44

I'm not much of a drinker and never feel bad if I don't drink. Don't worry about feeling pressured - just order something non alcoholic. Real friends won't find you boring if you're not drinking and won't pressure you either.

BIWI · 08/10/2022 16:45

Firstly, if they're good friends of yours, why would they be horrified if you said you weren't drinking? If you say you've been drinking too much and you want to cut down, why would they think that's an issue?

Or are you using this as an excuse/justification to have a drink?

And related, second, why would your DH think you're a party pooper if you're not drinking?

Sounds like he is using you to enable his drinking.

Third, if you just have a glass or two with your meal, will you genuinely be able to stop after that?

TBH, it sounds to me like you're looking for reasons to allow yourself to drink this evening!

Cascais · 08/10/2022 16:47

None at all

Original poster

Crystaly · 08/10/2022 16:50

Honestly I’m not I would genuinely rather not drink.

having listened to lots of podcasts recently it is a common experience to have when you choose to stop drinking when you don’t have a “problem”.

it’s common to be seen as boring, party pooper and for people to reply with “oh well what’s the point in going out” when you tell them you’re not drinking.

im 100% over it I am not tempted at all. If I could take my own non alcoholic I would and I will be taking that in my overnight bag for when we go back to their house after dinner.

OP posts:

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 08/10/2022 16:50

Congratulations for the first 4 weeks!

I think as it's your first time out with them since stopping drinking, I'd just invent an excuse to need to go home tonight & thus not drinking & driving.

then you need to decide if you've stopped drinking or are just cutting down.

I do understand the 'feeling boring'

I had a virus attack my liver & was advised to stop drinking to help it recover (liver issue was not caused by drinking) I stopped there & then for 2 years. I did feel 'boring'
on nights out, but just remembered why I was doing it.

i think you need to be clear with your DH as well,

TicTac80 · 08/10/2022 16:52

I wouldn’t worry about what anyone else thinks. Just say to them exactly what you said in your first paragraph (if they ask you why you’re not drinking): “I’m fed of feeling hungover on my weekends”.

why not take along some alcohol-free wines/prosecco type drinks? A lot of them are really good 😊

I rarely drink as my body can’t hack it (I get the alcohol flush reaction thing), so I’ve. Spent many years being the sober one on nights out. It’s never been a problem amongst my mates

Original poster

Crystaly · 08/10/2022 16:54

And also previously I would love to have a drink with them. Staying up til all hours and being hungover to the point of vomiting was their idea and my idea of a good night.

thetes just no chance i want to experience that ever again.

I stopped for 3 months last year and started again and didn’t have an issue but over the last 6 months I’ve found it increasing and increasing to the point I’d have black outs and find myself hungover all Sunday. Or hurrying my kids bedtime routine so I could open our Saturday night drinks. It was probably more from boredom and routine than anything. I haven’t missed it at all and I know it’s not really me.

to be completely honest it’s not even friends I’m going out with. It’s family. Mum dad sister and their husband. But they are massive drinkers and when I sent my dad a photo last weekend saying ohh feel great haven’t drank for 3 weeks he said “oh you’re not a true Smith” (surname changed)

OP posts:

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 08/10/2022 16:55

Just read your last couple of posts.

if you don't want to drink, then don't, just say you're fed up of spending your Sundays feeling hung over!

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 08/10/2022 16:58

I keep cross posting with you!

say to your Dad, sorry, I thought mum would have told you by now.... I'm the postmans!!!

greenhousegal · 08/10/2022 17:00

Sometimes those who ahem... over indulge in alcohol can be a bit suspicious of those who don't. I'm not sure why, maybe they think us non drinkers will spill the beans if they are naughty (I wouldn't), or maybe they become more conscious of the amounts they are drinking themselves. I don't know, but I see it all the time when I am out with family/friends who like to have a good few!

Anyway I am so over all that. I just get a tonic, ice and lime in a balloon gin glass and no one really knows - or cares after they've had a few themselves!

girlmom21 · 08/10/2022 17:01

I wouldn't drink. If they're family they should understand.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/10/2022 17:01

Don’t drink at all, and focus on your inner confidence. Laugh off their teasing even though it won’t feel funny really. Stick to your guns. Stay strong and be breezy and light about it - teach them that it doesn’t have to be a big deal.

liIi · 08/10/2022 17:03

Don't drink. If you could just stop at a half you wouldn't be here.

mamakoukla · 08/10/2022 17:04

In your shoes I would opt for no alcohol.

Original poster

Crystaly · 08/10/2022 17:04

Okay thank you all.

this has bothered me all day as I really don’t want to drink. My aim is to treat it like a normal drinking night. Feeling good I’m myself, make up done, same vibe and hopefully still fun.

but when the waiter comes to take our drinks order it’ll be a tonic water and lime I’ll order.

just hope it doesn’t become a big deal Because I’m feeling really sensitive today and in general but listening and reading the books I’ve realised it’s a normal part of stopping and not only my uncaring family.

OP posts:

Eleusa · 08/10/2022 17:04

Don’t have a drink. Honestly, it’s a bit of teasing and then it’s over- it would be a real shame to drink when you don’t want to because of pressure from family. If your plan is not to drink going forwards than at some
point you have to bite the bullet. Otherwise you’re going to spend your life trying to stop and starting again and regretting it.

Just think how good you’ll feel tomorrow morning if you stick with it.

liIi · 08/10/2022 17:10

Yeah peer pressure and social events is part of sobriety. I avoided social events when I wasn't feeling strong enough to put up with the comments. Not drinking definitely changes your relationships (better or worse).

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/10/2022 17:17

If the teasing goes on too long maybe come back with “Haha sure ok whatever you bunch of alkies!”

If they like a bit of teasing that should be ok, surely? 😇

TimeforZeroes · 08/10/2022 17:19

Honestly it’s totally fine for you not to drink. It’s the habit of previous drinking nudging you towards it. I used to do this to subconsciously find reasons to smoke, but now it wouldn’t even occur to me to care.

Always4Brenner · 08/10/2022 17:21

Come back tomorrow saying no drink forget those idiot family members my lot were like this one reason I dropped them just think how great you’ll feel no hangover ( which are hell) and yes I’m dry now have been for years but treat every day as my first off drink.

yourenotmyrealdad · 08/10/2022 19:21

I've been I your shoes, I'd say no to any. You'll probably be surprised with how not bothered your friends will be, and as others have said imagine the hangover free day tomorrow. You'll have a good night, your friends will think or admit to wanting to 'cut down' on the booze. As you know people initially tend to want to know why you're not drinking. I always prepare a simple response and keep repeating, but after the first few drinks it's all forgotten. Good luck and have a good night out

Burnamer · 08/10/2022 23:25

How did you get on OP?

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