The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

@Kindtomyself congrats! Huge achievement and such clarity in your thinking.
@JesusSufferingFuck22 as Kind has said seeing things and people differently is not uncommon and I hope you can work through as a couple.

happy sober Sunday all

@Kindtomyself wow, a year!!! That’s amazing. Congrats. Beautiful post on accepting yourself as well.

Morning all.
Huge congratulations @Kindtomyself .

I actually get on better with my dh now. I chew his ear off. I used to think he was a boring old fart (not really a drinker). He was never out with me and my boozy friends.
In the early days of my sober journey he bought me Friday flowers. I think I might remind him!

Anyone else been dropped by a boozy friend? I have been and I feel very hurt.

@Kindtomyself

Heartfelt congratulations in reaching your one year 🎊

I appreciate how significant and important and special it is and I hope to join the "one year" club myself.

To all of you ahead if me in this journey, you shine the light for me.

Morning all, happy sober Sunday. @JesusSufferingFuck22 some of what you've said resonates with me. My stbxh was encouraging my drinking and I could only stomach him with the numbness of wine. In reality I was masking much deeper issues and I knew that (so did he) but it suited him to keep buying the nice crisp white wine which I loved.. I see him in a different light now I'm AF. After many attempts I should add..! Like you I know the consequences of pressing the fuck it button, it won't end well remember that. No doubt I'll have these same bumps in the road over time, thanks for sharing and I hope today is a better day for you.

I'm feeling in quite a reflective mood this morning. 3 weeks ago I woke up to a smashed up face after a really bad black out. To this day I don't know what happened.. I eventually went to A&E and had a head CT scan and all manner of tests. That was my rock bottom! I went back to the family home tail between my legs ashamed of my drunken accident.. guess what? Stbxh had a glass of crisp white wine sitting there poured waiting for me. That's not the actions of a supportive husband 😞 everything fell into place. I left the next morning with the kids and despite our temporary home status we are doing OK. I've just read an email from my boss.. I've cried ever since. Knowing my situation the board have decided to give me an economic bonus for my continued work commitments and to support me through the current financial crisis. I'm home based and work around the school runs and holidays, 10 years I've been doing this single handed.. holding it together whilst inwardly falling apart. Today I'm proud to be AF and smashing it!

Looks like a beautiful day here, I've stupidly booked us on a massive inflatable assort course 🤣

Have a fabulous day all xxx

Yay @Kindtomyself 🙌 such an inspiration. I also hope I will one day celebrate 1 yr alcohol free on this board to encourage others. Thank you xx

@rockbottombird wow!! I've got goosebumps just reading your post. Bloody good on your employer to recognise your challenges. Enjoy your assault course today!

@rockbottombird
Wow what a great action by your leadership team.
I think a co dependancy is very difficult situation to be in. It took me months to remove myself from sabotage. You are really smashing it. Be very proud of yourself.

@SavBbunny sorry you have been dropped by your boozy friend. Have you spoken to them about it?

Morning all. Thanks for the welcomes earlier in the week, I've been trying to reply but having issues with MN on my phone (logged on today on the laptop). I'm on day 7 and finding it good so far. Because I can't drink with my medication it's almost like I'm on cheat mode as I take the tablet when I'm feeling great in the morning and then the decision has been made for me in the evening. I'm trying not to coast on that though and engage with what I'm doing and what I want. I've read The Sober Diaries which I found really helpful.

Earlier this week I had a bit of a headache and was really tired - but I also gave up caffeine this week and am on the new medication so could have been any of that causing those things! Feeling good this weekend, loving waking up refreshed in the morning.

Hope everyone else is doing well, there are some brilliant stories on this thread.

@Kindtomyself no not yet. I have been very aware I have only seen her once since a dry lunch in February. We became friends through our daughters. My daughter appears to have been dropped too. All invites are given the 'I will get back to you'.
She also disappeared off my Facebook . I will see if she sends me a hello today. If not I think I have got the message. She is a very heavy drinker.

@rockbottombird so much admiration for you. Your kids are lucky to have such an awesome mum!
glad your worth is being recognised by your employer
💐

@SavBbunny that's very sad for you. I'm sure logically you are aware that this situation is to do with her drinking, it's not personal to you. She has ishoos and is sinking deeper.

I'm in awe of you @rockbottombird

I'm so glad you have someone in RL show you that you are bloody epic.

Well done.

To all the posters who have mentioned DH issues....

I was already living separately from my DP (together 15 years, 3 DC) before I stopped drinking. I acknowledge that I'd never have been able to stop whilst we lived together. Things were miserable and I drank to escape that. Nothing awful, just lots of low level stuff like feeling unsupported, taken for granted, being left to do all the mental household stuff as well as bulk of childcare. I was resentful and feeling incredibly alonr and sad. We bickered a lot and it was all turning incredibly toxic.

Ironically living apart has helped. We are in a very fortunate position as my DP had a very rich sibling who has a flat close to out family home and he is abroad for the foreseeable but wanted to keep his UK place available.... its not a situation we could afford otherwise.... but it's given me space and peace and calm and its allowed me to tackle my drinking.

Alcohol becomes so entrenched in your life and your relationships, its insidious. Solidarity to everyone who has had to ask questions of their partners.

Thanks @Crunchymum
much better sleep last night.

@Kindtomyself We’re on this journey together. He quit when I did and it has changed our relationship. Less arguing. Both being reasonable and actually resolving thing. Obviously we still have our moments and they are hard to deal with when there isn’t a crutch. I think he’s realised that I can keep track of things a bit better and don’t fall for the bs. (Nothing serious, just stupid stuff like not cleaning up after himself and him saying he did.)
I wonder what he’s thinking about me.

@rockbottombird The clarity of being af is quite astounding. My dh can be a dick and insensitive. When I first decided to stop he wasn’t very encouraging, saying there was no way I would stop for good. He decided to stop as well though. We egged each other on with our drinking. The only way I could have stopped is to leave him or have him stop too. We’ve been together and drinkers for about 30 years, so hard habits to break.
Also that is fantastic having that support from your employer xx

@rockbottombird that’s brilliant about your work, you must be such a valued employee for them to do this!

@SavBbunny I haven’t been dropped by any friends, some friends did take a little while to adjust but we’re all good now. To be honest it someone dropped me for going AF I wouldn’t consider them a friend in the first place!

Just jumping in to say massive congratulations kindtomyself. What a fantastic achievement. And , yes it feels like such a big thing worthy of a great Oscar speech.
rockbottombird every time you share your story I just find myself more and more in awe of you.

I'm continuing to do well on the phone front and bizarrely it has triggered me to be really mindful with food too. I'm so enjoying having a bit of space and clarity from being sucked into my phone.

My pelvis continues to heal, yoga practice is pretty back to normal although too much walking aggravates it still. Back to the physio this week.

Well done everyone for getting through another weekend AF.

I agree with a PP, sober weekends are the best. A real joy. I used to work a lot of them but not so much recently and I've really been relishing them.

Really enjoyed reading these updates. Congrats on a year! I'm getting to one week (tomorrow) and it's been tough. Definitely more irritable. My daughter isn't sleeping well which isn't helping. Hubby has given up with me and everything just feels a bit joyless.

It IS tough @Endofmytetherfinally , and you’re in the hardest part.Just keep going a day at at time, and this time next week you’ll probably feel very different.

im sorry life feels joyless, but one thing is certain: alcohol does not bring joy.

@Kindtomyself - I thought your post was beautiful, thank you

@rockbottombird - such lovely news about your work. Did you survive the assault course?

@SavBbunny - sorry about your “friend”.

Feels a bit “back to work”, Monday morning, autumnal this morning - but then I suppose it is all those things, so it would do! Good luck with a new week, all.

Morning all.

@Onewildandpreciouslife thank you. At least the cooling of the friendship means I don't feel guilty moving out of the area as there is nothing available locally.
I have only known her 4 years but we were fast friends and I helped her when she had a head injury. It is all a bit odd. I have never stopped inviting her to mine.
I waited for a call yesterday, I didn't get one. Booze does funny things to people. Money too. I await the Christmas card!

Off out later as I have been sofa sitting. Wfh doesn't suit me. Have a good day my friends.

Just catching up or trying to! I just wanted to say thank you so so much @Kindtomyself for that Oscar speech as it means a lot, you have taught me to be kind to myself and every journey is different blips and all. I started writing on Mumsnet alcohol support boards over a year ago and prior to that had 10 months under my belt so I think I know it's been up and down but I've been trying to better myself for this long. No more feeling sorry and bad for myself. I felt so so bad as I promised myself a treat if I didn't drink for say 30 days but I thought why can't I treat myself anyway etc? Be kind. If I start liking myself a bit more maybe I can fight this for good. I downloaded AG companion app (didn't know there were more than 1) and went through a few videos but I couldn't get into them. Sober diaries I loved and might have a go at Mrs D is going without ? Never bought it before so will try. I think once I'm back into routine my life will be different. I just feel weak at times.
Well done to all of you who are doing amazingly well and don't press the f it button you should all be so proud of yourself and @rockbottombird you are very special. Well done.
@SavBbunny yes I've had some friends annoyed I didn't go out with them.initially for dinners and drinks but they got over it and as pp says not a friend then in the first place! As you say money can also cause problems.
I bumped into a friend yesterday we were talking about hormones and possible peri Meno (I also hate my partner at the moment he's driving me nuts and yes I fight less with my partner when I have been drinking when does that part get better btw? Sometimes I feel we shouldn't be together when I'm sober ) she said she goes somewhere for healing her energy and also she doesn't drink alcohol. I said why she said the spiritual path they follow religiously doesn't allow them to drink alcohol or eat meat eggs fish etc was an eye opener. I can only not drink today and try. Thanks for this thread everyone.

@Namechanged12344
Thank you.
I think one of the lessons I learnt at AA was one day at a time (you get a medal thingy on your first visit if you haven't drunk alcohol that day).
I am not without blips in my journey but I can't think like a moderator. For me that would be planning my alcohol purchases and quaffing as much as possible without witnesses. I hope to start everyday being grateful for a sober morning, no headache, no bad tummy. No apologies.
I set out to do 30 then 100 days. I want to get my year pin (competitive family).
Silly really how we become hooked but I genuinely didn't think I could give up my wine habit. I proved myself and my family wrong.
Onwards and upwards my friends.

Good morning to you all, onto day 23 AF! School run done.. our current situation means a 32 mile 2 drop trip to school. Not ideal but I'm absolutely not going to let it break me. Kids are fine and we all survived the inflatable assort course yesterday 🤣 great fun! Laughter is great for the soul.

Thank you all for your kind words and continued support, I look forward to catch up on this thread daily and it's massively helping me to share a little of what going on with me and my thoughts.

@SavBbunny it's fair to say you've given this person too much head space, I'm guessing your sober journey is something she just cannot accept because of her own issues with alcohol. Time to step away and focus on yourself 🧘‍♀️ @Endofmytetherfinally one day at a time, step by step. Be proud of your achievements 1 week 🤩 is blooming fabulous! @Breathmiller I'm in awe of you stepping away from the phone. I'm consciously trying to do the same. The phone was my demon when I drank wine. So many times I woke the next day too frightened to look at my social media account for fear of what I'd said to who. Very rarely post anything now!! Long may that continue..

Here's to a new week of positive vibes, love & strength to you all. Bumps in the road are there to test us, serve them when you can and keep that crown straight! xx

Thanks team. Went to yoga for the 2nd time. Wouldn't have done it if I was drinking. Mainly because it's a 15 min drive and I'd have been over the limit..

Work is a definite trigger for me. Trying to decide whether the stress is worth the money but know it's too soon to make any rash decisions.