Hi everyone,
This might be long ish, and I'll try not to drip feed.
I'm 6 months into very strict alcohol moderation, have barely touched a drink since September. I've had the very very occasional drink but haven't enjoyed it. I was a pretty heavy wine drinker before, more so after DH and I together. If I'm honest we enabled each other - he was always worse than me (a worse, sad, angry sometimes, slurry drunk). This has caused big issues previously in our marriage - particularly when the children were very young and I was at home while he was out partying etc.
Both our drinking got worse through lockdown but 6 months ago a switch pretty much flicked for me, I'd had enough, for so many reasons. I've never looked back and I'm pretty evangelical about it but I've never once asked DH to cut down, nor did I expect him to. He has been supportive of me, not grumpy about losing his drinking buddy.
DH continues to drink most days. His snoring is worse (dreadful) when he does. We talked about this and how he could help improve it, he said he'd do a dry March but lasted two days. We are basically sleeping in separate rooms now because of his snoring. I am on the edge of starting to find him unattractive because of the snoring/drinking. I'm conscious his behaviour is selfish. I'm essentially out of the marital bed because he'd rather booze hard than prioritise my sleep.
We went out tonight for a party (and actually went to one last weekend too). He drank too much at both, tonight he was putting the wines away so fast it was gross to watch. He got loud, slurry etc pretty fast and to be honest I was almost a bit embarrassed. Am aware I was the sober one at the party, and others were tipsy too but DH definitely more so than others. He also gets to that point much more quickly than others. He will be feeling rough in the morning and he's supposed to be driving an hour with the kids to see his mother.
Anyway, I drove home tonight. He was chatty. I was chatty back but perhaps not super chatty. He asked me the same question three times. I said, "you've asked me that three times, but yes my food was fine thanks." I wasn't rude, but it's hard to hold a conversation with a drunk person.
Then he sulked the rest of the way home. He's angry with me because he thinks I want him to be sober. I don't want him to be sober but I don't want a drunk for a husband either.
I'm now lying here in my separate bedroom wondering where on Earth this is all going to end up, feeling more and more incompatible. I love him dearly but the resentment is building.
Has anyone been here? How does it pan out and what can I do? I don't want to separate.
Sorry this is so long.
TIA