Hangxiety

[ERN79]

Hey all.

I'm posting this basically to keep myself accountable.

I'm 2 days post a heavy night of drinking & am crippled by feelings of anxiety, shame & guilt.
I feel like I've let people down. And I feel like a rubbish Mum to my kids, because due to my drinking & then the hangxiety we've had a very quiet weekend. I didn't want to do anything because I feel so anxious.

I'm not a regular drinker but when I do I binge.
I'm sick of feeling so awful in the days after & I want to change.
I'm worried about people's thoughts on my drinking or not drinking & how to get over this.
But this can't go on as it is. It's ridiculous.

So I'm leaving this here to be able to come back to when I start to think about drinking!

Feel free to join me/comment.

Same here. I'll join you as I'm always looking for ways to cut back / give up completely. I actually believe I will give up one day, but for now I'm trying hard to cut back.
I've been doing so well. Lots of benefits. Then yesterday I went to my sister's for lunch. I wasn't even bothered about drinking, I just knew the day would be 'better' if I drank.
So today I'm hungover. I'm not going to work, my diet has gone to pot, I feel guilty because the dog hasn't been out ( my ds is taking him in a bit but still), my skin looks dreadful and I was up alright feeling sick.
Compare this to not drinking - I sleep well enough, I bounce out of bed at 7am, I put 2 lots of washing on, I feel happy, I eat sensibly, I go to early Zumba and I'm happy to go to work.
I also feel anxious today. I have some finances to sort. The forms are confusing and I feel like I'm overreacting. Hangover not helping.
Sorry for the essay.
I'm back to being alcohol free for the next 10 days at least.

@Lemonweightloss

Same here. I'll join you as I'm always looking for ways to cut back / give up completely. I actually believe I will give up one day, but for now I'm trying hard to cut back. I've been doing so well. Lots of benefits. Then yesterday I went to my sister's for lunch. I wasn't even bothered about drinking, I just knew the day would be 'better' if I drank. So today I'm hungover. I'm not going to work, my diet has gone to pot, I feel guilty because the dog hasn't been out ( my ds is taking him in a bit but still), my skin looks dreadful and I was up alright feeling sick. Compare this to not drinking - I sleep well enough, I bounce out of bed at 7am, I put 2 lots of washing on, I feel happy, I eat sensibly, I go to early Zumba and I'm happy to go to work. I also feel anxious today. I have some finances to sort. The forms are confusing and I feel like I'm overreacting. Hangover not helping. Sorry for the essay. I'm back to being alcohol free for the next 10 days at least.

Hey Lemonweightloss!

Personally I'd be happy if I could just moderate, but apparently I can't...

I completely understand what you mean about 'better'. It's hard to contemplate doing these things without alcohol isn't it.
And the sleep, getting stuff done etc. If I don't drink on a weekend I'm up before 7 & getting loads done like you.

I've been feeling anxious after drinking for a few years now, and am at the stage where honestly I can't keep on like this. It's stupid.

So I'm going to try for a dry streak!

Good luck to us eh.

Recognising you need to change your drinking habits is a great step, so well done you. I've started on my 100th attempt to give up alcohol as I am also a binge drinker and can't stop once I start. I've always dreaded the time when I'd have to attend events sober but so far I've done a wedding and clubbing completely alcohol free. It's a daunting task to think about then you realise it's actually OK and nobody else cares.

I recommend the I am sober app to keep track of your sober streak, it's really rewarding seeing it build up and there's a great community on there. Also, The Naked Mind book by Annie Grace is great to give another perspective to alcohol. I'm finding both really helpful.

Good luck 👍

@Justcheckingimnotmad

Recognising you need to change your drinking habits is a great step, so well done you. I've started on my 100th attempt to give up alcohol as I am also a binge drinker and can't stop once I start. I've always dreaded the time when I'd have to attend events sober but so far I've done a wedding and clubbing completely alcohol free. It's a daunting task to think about then you realise it's actually OK and nobody else cares.

I recommend the I am sober app to keep track of your sober streak, it's really rewarding seeing it build up and there's a great community on there. Also, The Naked Mind book by Annie Grace is great to give another perspective to alcohol. I'm finding both really helpful.

Good luck 👍

Well done on the social events. That's a big step.

I think I'm more worried about people's reactions if I rock up to a night out & not drink. My social nights out revolve around alcohol. Very much of a Mums night out with lots of alcohol. It'll be hard to avoid.
But I want to!

I'll have a look at that app.
I've downloaded that book but I'll be honest, I'm struggling with it. I'm really not getting into it.

Holding myself to account on here might help!
I'd be happy if I could go out & just have a couple but I seem incapable of stopping after a couple.

Well done first of all on putting this out there and wanting to make a change.
I last had a drink on 30th Dec, couldn't be bothered to drink on NYE and then did dry Jan, but I am going to keep on going.
I had CRIPPLING anxiety in Nov/Dec, it was awful. I arranged private counselling, read alot of self help info but since not drinking my anxiety has all but gone. Its crazy. I used to drink alot, it didn't seem like it but a few gins in the night, a glass of wine etc and be fuzzy the next day and feel awful and like you felt so bad as our son is nearly 3 and some weekend days I just couldn't be bothered to do anything.
Whats helped is the Clean Co gin we bought - Spencer Matthews company and the non alcoholic gin is beautiful and it feels like I am having a lovely drink. I drink seeplip and tonic when I am out. I am due a big night in with friends soon and will be taking non alcoholic gin. I don't care if they judge me because I don't want the anxiety and feeling like absolute shite the next day. Be honest and tell them that you're feeling awful after a drink so you're trying something new.
Good luck! x

@ERN79, I can't read quitlit either. My eyes start to glaze over. You could try Annie Grace 30 day experiment. Just Google and sign up. It's free and really good.
Regarding socialising, it's really difficult I find. Sometimes I've pretended to drink ( ridiculous I know), but I just can't be doing with people calling me boring or acting like I've grown another head. I don't go out much so that helps !! I'm going away in 11 days with friends who drink a lot and I do, too, when I'm with them. I'm already dreading the hangover. But writing this, I realise how stupid that sounds. So, I'm alcohol free for the next 11 days then I'll set a target for the weekend.
I know I can do it cos I've done it before. AND enjoyed it !

Noshowlomo you're doing great.

You're right, I should just tell them. I suppose I'm scared to admit I think I have a problem.
I'm a coper, I just get on with stuff... This is forcing me to realise that actually I'm not coping that well & I need to change/help.
Easier said than done isn't it.
But you're right & I should.
Thank you.

@Noshowlomo, well done on your progress so far. 👏 you've done really well. A very inspirational post.

[quote Lemonweightloss]@ERN79, I can't read quitlit either. My eyes start to glaze over. You could try Annie Grace 30 day experiment. Just Google and sign up. It's free and really good.
Regarding socialising, it's really difficult I find. Sometimes I've pretended to drink ( ridiculous I know), but I just can't be doing with people calling me boring or acting like I've grown another head. I don't go out much so that helps !! I'm going away in 11 days with friends who drink a lot and I do, too, when I'm with them. I'm already dreading the hangover. But writing this, I realise how stupid that sounds. So, I'm alcohol free for the next 11 days then I'll set a target for the weekend.
I know I can do it cos I've done it before. AND enjoyed it ![/quote]

I think I have signed up to this the last time... But didn't actually listen to it. 🤦‍♀️

We sound very similar! I completely get the pretending to drink & about people's reactions.

I don't go out much yet either, so I get that! It's just when I do...
I can imagine going away with heavy drinking friends will be difficult if you want to stay sober. But one day at a time eh!

@Lemonweightloss thank you x
@ERN79 its sooo much easier said than done. I drank LOADS over christmas, just sipped gins and proseccos all day, didn't get drunk but you know how it is. Just "takes the edge off". I would be SUPER anxious, have a drink to take the edge off, get tipsy, be fuzzy the next day and feel awful and lazy and then be anxious again... and need a drink again.
It's so easy to drink to unwind. My son is almost 3 so is wild at the moment, so I thought I just needed a drink to chill, then the circle would start again. I am so much better off not drinking. ( I have spent about £60 on non alcoholic gin though!)
I have lost all my face puffiness and lost 10lb in weight so thats a bonus.

[quote Noshowlomo]@Lemonweightloss thank you x
@ERN79 its sooo much easier said than done. I drank LOADS over christmas, just sipped gins and proseccos all day, didn't get drunk but you know how it is. Just "takes the edge off". I would be SUPER anxious, have a drink to take the edge off, get tipsy, be fuzzy the next day and feel awful and lazy and then be anxious again... and need a drink again.
It's so easy to drink to unwind. My son is almost 3 so is wild at the moment, so I thought I just needed a drink to chill, then the circle would start again. I am so much better off not drinking. ( I have spent about £60 on non alcoholic gin though!)
I have lost all my face puffiness and lost 10lb in weight so thats a bonus.[/quote]

It's so easy to get into that Mummy drinking life isn't it.
Especially when all your friends are doing it. And cajoling you into it.

A bit of weight loss would be great! 😂
I'm definitely not drinking this week.
I'd like to say that's it. But honestly I'm not sure it will be.
Definitely need to change if not be teetotal, because this anxiety cycle is killing me.

Please could I join you all? I'm not a heavy drinker but a binge drinker. I drink maybe two nights a week but one of them is usually too much, and then I have dreadful anxiety. My friends are big drinkers and I don't like to miss out, but then I hate myself for joining in and getting so drunk.
The last two Fridays in a row have been spent with them drinking after school pick up at one of their houes, with our kids all playing together somewhere in the house, and then Saturdays I feel very anxious and tearful.
By Mondays I feel really low.
I'm going to set myself a limit of no more than 3 drinks one night only per week, and possibly another glass on another night.
But my worry is that I won't be able to stick to it.

@Bitterbean

Please could I join you all? I'm not a heavy drinker but a binge drinker. I drink maybe two nights a week but one of them is usually too much, and then I have dreadful anxiety. My friends are big drinkers and I don't like to miss out, but then I hate myself for joining in and getting so drunk. The last two Fridays in a row have been spent with them drinking after school pick up at one of their houes, with our kids all playing together somewhere in the house, and then Saturdays I feel very anxious and tearful. By Mondays I feel really low. I'm going to set myself a limit of no more than 3 drinks one night only per week, and possibly another glass on another night. But my worry is that I won't be able to stick to it.

Hi! We could be twins... This is usually me. Friday after school drinks & then anxiety & emotional for the next few days. Limiting sounds a good idea. I'm like you though in that I worry if I can actually stick to it. But we can only try! Good luck us!

@ERN79 Thanks for your reply.
Friday nights are the crunch points. All our group of friends get together and drink. I then usually take a cigarette when offered.
I'm often really tired, and the drinking gives me the energy to chat and laught and be social.
Without it, I wouldn't want to join in.

[quote Bitterbean]@ERN79 Thanks for your reply.
Friday nights are the crunch points. All our group of friends get together and drink. I then usually take a cigarette when offered.
I'm often really tired, and the drinking gives me the energy to chat and laught and be social.
Without it, I wouldn't want to join in.[/quote]
Yup. I could have written your comment.
If I stay home I'm fine.
It's an easy culture to fall into isn't it.

@Lemonweightloss your comment about not being able to deal with people asking why you're not drinking and acting as though you've grown another head.... that was me for years. I tried everything. I'd accept a drink and not drink it (before I'd get challenged: "you not drinking that? why?" but by then at least most were too drunk to really expect a reply), I'd 'nurse' a drink, I'd give in and drink.... In the end I knocked it on the head by preparing what I'd say ahead of time, practice it in the mirror (yep I know how silly that sounds) and then be willing to have all the feelings when I actually said it in public. In most cases it really wasn't so bad (people quickly tired of pointing out my non-drinking) and the worst thing ended up being my thoughts about my not-drinking and my thoughts about what people would say about my not-drinking! The moment I started to get my own thoughts into check things started to get better.

@ERN79 and @Bitterbean regarding drinking making you social and without it you wouldn't want to join in....suppose you could go out on these gatherings on Friday night and not drink with ease. Would you still want to go out?

[quote brightspice]**@ERN79* and @Bitterbean* regarding drinking making you social and without it you wouldn't want to join in....suppose you could go out on these gatherings on Friday night and not drink with ease. Would you still want to go out?[/quote]

I think I'm social with or without a drink. I guess it's just years of drinking being the norm that have kind of embedded themselves into my mind. Going out out was just a given to mean alcohol.

I have done these nights without drinking but I definitely drink more than not.
So yes I'd still go.
I'm over thinking & worrying without reason really, I know. But that's the hangxiety isn't it. 🤦‍♀️

I'm due out this coming weekend & do not want to get drunk.
Today I'm planning not to drink at all come the weekend. But I know by the time Friday comes around I'll be thinking I can just have a couple...
And to be honest if I can just do a couple that's fine. I'd be happy with that. But again, more often than not I don't know when to stop.

What a mess eh.

I am 100% with you on all the feelings you describe. The anxiety I am getting after drinking is crushing - I couldn’t sleep last night for adrenaline rush panic attacks.

I had a massive blowout on Saturday and feel so low. I know I said things I shouldn’t have and just feel mortified.

TBH I binge drink Fri-sun and must have said 100 times I’m going to stop.

This time I’ve decided I’m not drinking in the house anymore. If I’m out for a meal that’s fine but I can’t go on feeling like this.

Good to feel we can support each other x

@ERN79 why do you think you don't know when to stop?

[quote brightspice]@ERN79 why do you think you don't know when to stop?[/quote]
I don't really know. I don't go out regularly so I think when I'm out I just kind of think sod it.
I enjoy my evening at the time.
It's just the day after.
I don't get blackout drunk, or sick or violent or anything. I just get drunk.
I don't offend people. I don't get my boobs out & dance on the table.
So I don't know why I feel so anxious afterwards.
I never used to feel this way. I'd say it's been the last 5 years or so.

@Kerzel

I am 100% with you on all the feelings you describe. The anxiety I am getting after drinking is crushing - I couldn’t sleep last night for adrenaline rush panic attacks.

I had a massive blowout on Saturday and feel so low. I know I said things I shouldn’t have and just feel mortified.

TBH I binge drink Fri-sun and must have said 100 times I’m going to stop.

This time I’ve decided I’m not drinking in the house anymore. If I’m out for a meal that’s fine but I can’t go on feeling like this.

Good to feel we can support each other x

It's awful isn't it. It's nice to know you're not the only one isn't it. X

@Kerzel, awh, don't be too hard on yourself. We've all been there. Every horrible, embarrassing, hurtful thing I've ever said or done has been when I've been drunk. I'm a nice drunk most of the time, but I've had my moments. At least you want to do something about it.
I think saying you're not drinking at home is the first step in the right direction. I don't buy it much as I know if it's there, I will drink it.
We'll support you. You can do it.

[quote brightspice]**@ERN79* and @Bitterbean* regarding drinking making you social and without it you wouldn't want to join in....suppose you could go out on these gatherings on Friday night and not drink with ease. Would you still want to go out?[/quote]
I think I would find the evening far less enjoyable and not want to join in and I find life less fun when I don't see friends regularly. With that group, it's just drinking and laughing and good fun, not crazy, just good chat, and I'm a happy drunk, never cry or get angry. With other groups it's the same, meeting at the local pub and good chat.

@Kerzel - not drinking in the house as a rule is a really good one. I rarely do these days unless we have guests for a meal.
My problem is when out in that pub or at a friend's house. We live in a very sociable neighbourhood, everyone knows everyone and there are lots of opportunities to meet with people.