Day 1

[moochies]

I posted another thread earlier about my disaster of a Christmas Day.

I just can't do it anymore, looking into the future I can see myself losing everything, my DH, friends, family. I was considering taking myself to a&e this morning because I was such a mess.

I'm absolutely determined to do it this time, so this is day 1.

Please join me.

I always try and look at the New Year giving up alcohol threads and try and post in support, but I'm haven't posted here yet as I'm nowhere near as helpful as @MissConductUS! Still, one tip I try and share in case it's any help (I have been sober since 2012) is the morning after.

One of the worst aspects of drinking for me, was the morning after regret. Trying to remember what I did/said, looking like shit, worrying I would still be over the limit for driving, remembering how much shit food I ate, thinking how many calories I had drunk, thinking how much money I had spent on the wine, neighbours hearing the bottles going in the recycling bin etc etc. So waking up sober (even if my sleep was shit) was amazing. I always tried to spend a full 5 mins each morning really appreciating it, and remembering each one of all the negative things. It seemed to help with the cravings in the evening as it sort of balanced it out, if that makes sense.

I remember the Jesus threads with MIFLAW (if anyone is a old timer!) and I think it was called playing it forward to the end - when you have the urge to drink, remember the negative mornings and contrasting it with how you would feel waking up sober tomorrow. Also ODAAT - one day at a time. I didn't think of it as giving up and being sober forever as that was too depressing and daunting - but thinking I would just be sober tonight as that made it easier. Or even half an hour at a time especially when it was "wine o clock" ie I will just make it to 7pm, then at 7, I will just make it to 7.30 etc.

And all that wine o clock clichè bollocks did not help! I was in my 20s/30s with young DC and it was always pour a well deserved glass of wine when the DC are in bed etc. And before you know it the DC are older yet you are still opening a bottle because you've had a hard day at work or you're very stressed or it's Saturday night or you're making a special meal and need a glass of wine to go with it or you've had a good day at work and you should celebrate or well I'll stop drinking tomorrow so I can have a glass (bottle!) of wine tonight etc etc.

But these are excuses, not reasons.

Getting sober was the best thing I have ever done in my life as drinking caused so many problems in every single area of my life. I still spend 5 mins in the bathroom every morning thinking how much better I feel sober and not hungover. Even now it is one day at a time - yesterday I didn't drink and this morning I spent 5 minutes appreciating it - especially as last night was Friday so it was even more of an achievement.

Everyone posting here has recognised that alcohol is a problem and you want to change, which is a huge step. If you don't drink tonight you have achieved something huge and tomorrow morning you will really really appreciate this achievement. One day at a time and they eventually add up.

@MinnieJackson that sounds incredibly hard. Maybe think of things to say before you go? Some nice stories. Or take on a role-making tea or handing out sandwiches. At least being sober you know you are far less likely to really put your foot in it or embarrass yourself and everyone else. If you’re sober, people will all just sympathise if you say the wrong thing. If you were drunk, people would judge. I hope that comes across in the right way. Sending hugs.

Also last night even though it was Friday I didn't spend (well it was about £7 when I was drinking, probably more now!) on a bottle of wine, so today I am buying a lipstick. If I don't drink next week, I am going to spend the money on Wolford velvet tights.

(This isn't meant to sound smug, more that I am rewarding myself with material things instead of responsibly saving the money just because it works for me and it helps me so I have no guilt over it! And I am not buying the lipstick to cover up the red wine stains on my lips
which are still there even though I have scrubbed and scrubbed).

@MinnieJackson so sorry for the loss of your son.

@doorornottodoor great to hear from you. Thanks for supporting us all

I'm so sorry @MinnieJackson as I cross posted with you and a lot of my post seems incredibly tactless. I'm very sorry for your losses. If it helps even a little bit, I will think of you this afternoon (and in all the long hours before 3pm) The very fact you are trying is testament to how much you want this which is the first and perhaps most important step.

@SoberMornings thank you for kind support. So great to hear from those who have made it through. For be I just can't imagine never drinking again. Everything is about having a drink socially or so it seems. I'm back at work after the Christmas break and all I hear from colleagues is 'I can't wait to have a glass of wine tonight' which is so hard as I desperately want one too

@SoberMornings I love your posts. This is my problem. I have anxiety and take a low dose of sertraline but when I think about it most of my worrying comes from being drunk, out of control and not remembering stuff the next day. I've paid good money for counselling to come to the conclusion not to drink.

@MinnieJackson sorry for the loss of your son. You can do it and I'll be thinking of you and wondering how you got on.

Oh yes the social encouragement to drink, definitely one of the hardest aspects.

In the early days I found it helpful to have an alternative at that wine o clock time. IIRC it was mostly sugary stuff like chocolate but luxury ones, so it was a "treat" instead of wine. And I cooked meals differently - before I would have a lot of fish for example, as of course it was a "legitimate" reason (excuse) to have a glass (bottle) of white wine with fish. So sitting down with a cup of tea and chocolate instead helped to "replace" that as a habit and a treat, if that makes sense. And of course, the drinking in the kitchen while I cooked a Sunday roast - I stopped doing roasts and did things like stews which I prepared in the morning then just stuck in the oven. I didn't cook things which involved opening a bottle (as an excuse) like red wine sauces.

If I went out I would drive and give people lifts so I knew I couldn't drink. This eventually stopped all the friends "oh go on have a glass" as they appreciated a lift home instead Shamefully, before I stopped, I'm sure I was over the limit to drive to work some mornings - which I would have denied at the time but now the acceptance of that makes me so ashamed I wouldn't do it again.

Despite all the sugary crap I ate I still lost weight as it was less calories than wine/spirits and drinks. Obviously it was still unhealthy but since I stopped drinking I have lost seven stone and now I eat more healthily - a treat is something like a huge Nicoise salad (with no white wine) but I still have lots of cake etc when I want to.

Now I can wear heels when I go out as I know I won't stumble and twist an ankle (well if I do it's clumsiness rather than being pissed) I don't spend all evening going to the toilet all the time because I have drunk so much. I spend less as it's soft drinks and have money for other stuff, like dresses in size 10! I can find my keys in my handbag when I get home, in fact I always have my handbag with me and haven't left it in a taxi or bar. I don't embarrass myself in front of DC and DH when I get home.

Again this isn't meant to sound smug, just examples to show how many positives there are - it so outweighs the "negatives" of not being able to have a drink like everyone else and getting "merry" (aka pissed out of my brain)

Also like PP said, I didn't have a "rock bottom" moment - I just coasted along the bottom for ages and some of my behaviour was horrific. I won't elaborate as when I read about similar behaviour when still drinking, I thought "well at least I haven't done that" or "well I wouldn't do that so my drinking can't be that bad".

Until of course it was.

Thanks everyone ❤

[quote MinnieJackson]@MissConductUS thank you for replying. Yes makes sense. There was alcoholism on both sides of my family aswell. My kids have just started watching the Simpsons and seem repelled and fascinated with Barney Humble and Homer. Do you think the threshold for getting professional help is lower in the US than the UK?
My husband's just gone to the pub for an hour before dinner. I'm going to get my pencils out as I haven't sketched for a long time.[/quote]
First Minnie, my condolences on the loss of your son. I can think of nothing worse as a parent.

Barney Gumble in the Simpsons is a stock character - the town drunk. It's just a cartoon, so I wouldn't read much into it as an indicator of how things are done in the US. You also can't force someone to receive any medical treatment unless it is ordered by a court, which is very, very rare. Lastly, I have never been to the UK so I don't know what the threshold is for receiving professional help there.

It sounds like everyone made it through Friday night successfully, which is wonderful.

Thanks for all these posts - SoberMornings, that was a great list of positives.

I'm still doing ok 10 days in. This time feels different somehow (I certainly hope it is). I realise a real trigger for me is cooking dinner - I love cooking and I loved having a glass (or 10) of wine while cooking. Recognising the trigger the past few days has been helpful. I started listening to my book on audible instead and yesterday I poured an AF beer (usually never drink beer) for a treat. As SoberMorning says, waking up every morning feeling good and more importantly feeling no shame is worth anything.

I am in the US too and honestly I think there is less pressure here to drink (I'm in the northeast though - puritan country). There was a bit of the "wine of clock" thing when my kids were small but of my friends here several don't drink at all - no explanation, they just don't bother. The most the rest will drink is one cocktail and maybe one glass of wine with dinner. Saying no to a glass of wine is considered unremarkable. We stay with relatives in Florida sometimes and I notice how much more people drink there. Not sure about receiving professional help but there are loads of supports out there in addition to AA- for profit and not for profit. I have a friend, recovering alcoholic who runs a not for profit providing addiction support to a particular niche group for example.

onwards and upwards. I'm eating whatever I want and it isn't pretty but I don't care. My priority is staying alcohol free.

How is everyone doing tonight?

Still sober!

DH gone to get beer. I'm not bothered as got loads of alcohol free in. Had some nice elderflower drink with my dinner. I probably sound lame but I really am not bothered. How's everyone else?

I'm off to bed, day 8 of sobriety done ✔ well done everyone.I had a massive Chinese and caught up on the apprentice. Best Saturday I've had for ages actually. This time last week I was in an awful mental state, I haven't forgotten that feeling and I never want to return there.

I’m surprising myself at how little
I’m bothered this time round. I have tried to stop drinking hundreds and hundreds of times. I actually don’t really want a drink right now. I think the last five years of reading sober thoughts and literature is finally penetrating my sub conscious and having an effect.

Well done both of you. @MinnieJackson that's great.

Minnie, it's amazing how much improvement you can see in a week.

I'm waiting patiently for the men to make dinner. We're having burgers on the charcoal grill with mac & cheese.

Lush!

I used to be quite a lush. No need to rub it in, @Haggisfish3. 😁

Morning everyone! It's freezing here today. I'm having a cup of tea before the kids wake up. Going to do a roast for lunch today. Anyone else getting more done? I've done 2 loads of washing, loaded the dishwasher, first lot of drying on and tidied the kitchen and living room. I've been buying myself more books as well as I love reading but never have enough money left for them. My thinking was 'well I'd have no problem spending £4.50 on a drink' so I've already bought myself three oh and a sober diary counter thing off amazon. Happy sober Sunday!

Good morning all. Yes @MinnieJackson getting more doing here too!! Spent yesterday decluttering my son's bedroom so feeling good on that front. Went out for a family dinner last night and managed to stick to 7up, so proud of myself for that. It is so nice not to wake up with a hangover or just feeling rubbish as I regularly did. Think my anxiety is also better too. Day 11 AF