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Alcohol support

The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life

999 replies

Breathmiller · 02/10/2021 18:47

Hello all

A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)

The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .

Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.

It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.

There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.

Here is the link to the last one....

These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.

The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.

My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!

So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.

OP posts:

Adm1010 · 06/10/2021 07:21

@Namebunny one night is a massive achievement ! Fighting the voice in your head is huge! You are strong not weak remember that

@Newmum29 I don’t want to be the voice of doom but my last relapse after a 2 year abstinence was after a lovely friend sent a case of expensive wine to us as a gift . The voice started . Convinced me to have “ one “ . I drank the case over the next few nights and the pattern reset . Fight that voice cause I can guarantee it will try everything

@Kindtomyself knowledge is power when it comes to recovery . By understanding why we struggle we can build defences . We are NOT weak . I’m not sure btw about the restless legs ? I’ve never heard that . I’ll give it some thought


Kindtomyself · 06/10/2021 07:43

Just nipping back in to the thread because there's a couple of other things I meant to say.

@HeadlessLegless great news on your results that must be a weight off your mind.

@Breathmiller I'm really intrigued about trauma informed yoga and will explore it. The only books I found are for teachers though - would it be useful for me to read one of them? I've also seen the book called 'the body speaks the truth' or something like that and I wonder if it's a similar focus?


Kindtomyself · 06/10/2021 07:50

@Breathmiller the book's called 'the Body Keeps the Score' was thinking of reading that


Kindtomyself · 06/10/2021 07:54

@Adm1010 thanks. I'm sure you're right about understanding why we struggle and we can build defences. This is where I struggle- it seems really hard to face my areas of challenge which is why I would repress them with wine. I now need to learn how to deal with my emotions and it's really hard cos I don't know how to in a lot of ways. It's weird really sometimes I feel like a child.


EIsaCragg · 06/10/2021 07:54

@Newmum29, stay strong. At home, we have a drinks cabinet, wine racks and a beer fridge, and they are all full. I go to the pub regularly and socialise a lot (covid permitting). Anyone visiting our home is welcome to have alcoholic drinks, soft drinks, tea or coffee, whichever they prefer.

I know this may go against the grain, and some quit lit and AA insist that you must remove alcohol from your life forever, but if you can live with alcohol around you in the early days, then it is never again a temptation in the way that forbidden things are. Alcohol means nothing to me now, I just don't allow it any headspace.

I absolutely recommend reading or re-reading the Allen Carr Easy Way To Control Alcohol book, it helps you to turn off the alcohol switch for good.


Adm1010 · 06/10/2021 08:08

@Kindtomyself that’s interesting you feel like a child . At what age did you start drinking alcohol ?


EIsaCragg · 06/10/2021 09:16

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have no off switch when I drink alcohol. In the past, I have put myself in unhealthy, unsafe and dangerous situations when drinking. My DF and DSis died early, due to alcohol dependence, which I have talked about on previous threads.

I'm no goody two-shoes trying to tell you it's easy. It takes time and effort to decide to quit for good and to get into the right frame of mind.

These threads are a great support.


Newmum29 · 06/10/2021 10:08

Thanks all. I’ve resisted the temptation, OH is on 4 of 6… I know I’ll need to get to a point where I can have alcohol in the house but I’m not there yet.

Happy for him to have beers because I don’t want them but I have no desire to watch him drink a glass of wine or a g&t because of course I’ll want one.


iamyourequal · 06/10/2021 14:23

You need to do what suits you @Newmum29. My DH still drinks and there is always drink in the house. If I lived alone I would definitely keep an alcohol free house, without doubt.
Picking up on what @Adm1010 said, my last period of abstinence also came to an end after a good friend bought me a gift. I can remember thinking how thoughtful she was to have bought me AF fizz, then will I got home and looked in the gift bag I discovered it was real. I felt so disappointed, as the last time I’d seen her I told her I wasn’t drinking alcohol anymore. Anyway, it sat in the cupboard a few weeks, with me adamant it would go into the next raffle donation or whatever. Then I drank it and it was gone. But the next weekend I bought myself another, and so it started and it’s taken many months to properly get back to a sober life.


iamyourequal · 06/10/2021 14:24

@ HeadlessLegless. That’s great news your liver is ok.


Breathmiller · 06/10/2021 14:29

The Body Keeps the Score is next on my list for a course I'm doing.
The book I'm reading is this...

I'm not far into it yet but it does say its for everyone, for those who want to practise overcoming trauma through yoga, and for therapists and teachers. It has little practices to do.

I'll let you know more as I go through it.

OP posts:

Breathmiller · 06/10/2021 14:39

ullyssus welcome back. So good to see that you are at 22 months. One of the things that spurred me on at the beginning was seeing those up ahead of still managing it. It showed it was possible. I had a real sense of "well, if she can do it, I am also a human and I'm sure she isn't that different from me so it means I can too"

I hope that you coming back on helps others too.

As elsacragg says though it's not easy. If it was then we would have no need for this thread.

Stayingvigilant has one of the best names to remind me of this. Not to get complacent.

As adm101 said its amazing how that voice can get you. I have done 18 months before and it was that voice that told me that I could moderate, that it wasn't a problem, that I had proved something, that caught me. So I am vigilant to that voice and I know a bit more this time that it lies. It doesn't really come up much anymore but what's good is that I have an answer for it.

"Ahhh...maybe you can moderate, maybe you should try, you've proved you can stop., go on. Just one."
"I hear you but you're a lying little bugger and I know it's not true. So off you pop, there's a love" Grin

OP posts:

Neveratruerfriend · 06/10/2021 14:43

Hi everyone

I've stopped drinking since 2 Jan this year and am really pleased. I didn't intend to give up beyond 31 Jan but it seemed no sweat to just keep going.

I now have dreams that I cave in and drink alcohol and then wake up feeling very relieved it was just a dream!

One thing I'd appreciate some comments on. I'm due to get married next year and my husband to be thinks I should not miss out on champagne on the day! WWYD in this circumstance - I do did love fizz! And yes, I do drink a lovely fizz AF alternative that looks like champagne ...


Adm1010 · 06/10/2021 15:24

@Neveratruerfriend if you feed your reward centre even once it will more than likely start your particular pattern again ( whatever that was !) is that a risk you feel like taking ? Obviously your choice / risk but be aware how your brain will react to alcohol

@Breathmiller I love “ off you pop there’s a love” so much more polite than my usual FUCK OFF !!! Grin think I’ll steal that Grin


Namebunny · 06/10/2021 18:23

Day 2. Reading this for strength! You are all so brilliant


Nobloodymor · 06/10/2021 18:39

New poster but long time lurker.
Day 6 for me, feel a bit wobbly as this is the longest without alcohol for at least five years.
Struggled with it all my life and realised I just cannot moderate. These threads do help a lot.
Benefits so far, no hangover and have already saved £120 so hope to continue. My dh doesn't drink and is very supportive so I count myself lucky.


Adm1010 · 06/10/2021 19:16

@Namebunny and @Nobloodymor you’ve got this . Stay strong . Ignore the voice … it lies!!

I’m worn out today … draining day at work . Just sitting with tea now and a pint of water . Might get an early night .

Been having my shot of fresh juice every morning but still not massively great with my veg intake through the day . Must work on this! But generally feeling healthier each day .


AlloftheTime · 06/10/2021 20:00

@Namebunny & @Nobloodymor hi there! Keep posting and checking in.

Very tired today but have been busy, no cravings for a while now but not complacent by any means.
Stay strong all 👍


Nobloodymor · 06/10/2021 20:35

Thanks both I will.
Aiming to increase my vegetables and feel healthy.


Sunflowersinthewind · 06/10/2021 20:56

Checking in. 19 days so far. Yoga and getting into super healthy food has really helped


Namebunny · 06/10/2021 22:18

Thanks for the support! Day 2!! Feel like I’ve run a marathon!
This is really helpful too…

"Ahhh...maybe you can moderate, maybe you should try, you've proved you can stop., go on. Just one."
"I hear you but you're a lying little bugger and I know it's not true. So off you pop, there's a love"

😂 this really helped tonight - along with promising myself a good nights sleep. Going to try it with all the other fun sponge and negative voices in my head. It’s like the wine witch is the gang leader!
I love how this seems to lead you into veggies and yoga and generally taking care of yourself. Is it that maybe we’ve forgotten to do this and booze kind of numbs the pain?
well done! I hope I’m doing the same by day 19!
@kindtomyself and adm1010 don’t they say you stop working through emotions at the age you start drinking?


Namebunny · 06/10/2021 22:19

Well done to sunflowers and everyone else.


StoppedWineIng · 07/10/2021 02:24

@Namebunny me going AF hasn’t led me to being much healthier in any other aspect. I’ve eaten A LOT of sugary foods and treats this last couple of months while trying to go AF. Been meaning to start more exercise and eating better but I have a baby that won’t sleep so I’m eating quick and easy meals and don’t have the energy for more than 1 walk a day. I am away this weekend but plan on a bit of a diet overhaul next week x


Kindtomyself · 07/10/2021 06:18

Morning all. Another crazy day at work for me today but tomorrow should be calmer.
I met a friend in the pub last night and drank lime and soda - it was lovely.

@adm1010 I started drinking around 16 I think- pretending to be 18 (looking 14). I am convinced I have used alcohol to try and run away from other crap. This is all amazing stuff though as I feel strong enough to tackle the crap. I think it stems from my mum who has a really odd way of treating me. She emotionally abused and emotionally neglected me growing up, she's very strange.
When I say I feel like a child it's true. I was not really given the skills to become an adult.
However I just need to learn how to deal with all these things. When I drank I thought it took away the sadness and made me fun without a care in the world- NOPE it didn't.


Kindtomyself · 07/10/2021 06:25

Well done @Nobloodymor you're doing great - 6 days is a real achievement.

In terms of healthy I think at first you have to do whatever you can to stay off the booze and be kind to yourself. Too much change/restriction may just be too much.
I'm generally fairly healthyish but I've definitely been having more biscuits and sour sweets and snacks etc and not lost any weight. I've started yoga again which I absolutely love and I'm trying to walk but been so busy.

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