Hello all
A shiny new thread for those that would like to give up alcohol forever and a shiny new OP. (twirls)
The wonderful Drybird started these thread a loooong time ago and I'm sure many of you will agree that it has made such a massive difference to the lives of those who have read them or posted on them. Drybird would like to take a little break from hosting the threads so asked me if I would start one this time. The suggestion was that we can take it in turns after that which I think is a great idea .
Anyone is welcome to join and post but please be aware that this thread is for those of us who want to give up alcohol completely. It doesn't matter if you are on day 1, week 6 or year 5 (and it doesn't matter how many day 1s you have), there just has to be an intention to let go of alcohol altogether. So please no talk of moderating or drinking at the present moment or in the future, it can be triggering for some of us. There are many other wonderful threads for those who would prefer to moderate and we wish you well. If you decide that total abstinence is for you then come back.
It doesn't matter what your reason is, if you feel like it's an issue then you are welcome. It really is a friendly bunch. I also want to say hello to all the lurkers who don't want to post for one reason or another and say I hope that these threads give you support too.
There are many threads before this so if you are new, do look back, there is always at least a link to the last one at the beginning of each. Every thread is rich with advice and support. I personally have felt held in so many ways by each and everyone who has posted and I don't feel I would be here at 1yr2 months sober without it. Post daily, hourly even if it helps or just dip in now and again when you feel the need. It's not always the easist thing to do but it is worth it and it is easier with a group as supportive as this. We are each other's cheerleaders and underatns where we are coming from when the times are tough.
Here is the link to the last one....
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4324737-Freedom-An-alcohol-free-thread-for-alcohol-free-people
These threads have been a lifesaver for so many of us with ideas from AF alternatives, Quit Lit suggestions to why our brains are wired the way they are and what tools we can learn to help us break free from the fog of alcohol. But most of all it's a lovely safe space where we can talk, vent, moan, ask questions, give advice and support each other. As we get to know each other there is also a lot of daily chat about what's going on in our lives - running, books, gardening, yoga and family. It really is a warm, welcoming and friendly space so do join in.
The suggestion to get this thread going is for everyone to have a think of what they gain from not drinking, what are the positives? Or if you are on day 1 then what is the thing you are most looking forward to? Let's let go of the idea that we are denying ourselves something or that we are living less than and list what we are gaining instead.
My main positive (in amongst all the fresh skin, clear head, lack of hangovers, lack of shame better health - physically and mentally, I could go on and on........) is the fact that I don't have the eternal converation in my head going round of whether to have a drink that day or not. I am (mostly) free from that and it is amazing!
So whether you are a regular or a newbie, do say hello and introduce yourself.
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Alcohol support
The Freedom Thread - Enjoying the positives of an alcohol free life
Breathmiller · 02/10/2021 18:47
Thank you both! You are right of course. I am repetitive and completely tedious when drunk 
. I still have those kind of dreams about cigs which I gave up 15 years ago and they are good - the sense of relief waking up! It reinforces that you do actually feel free of it.
I'm going out tonight with couple of friends but it'll be fine. We are eating and they will be supportive. Next week I am going to a house party of a big drinker which will be more of challenging but will cross that bridge when I come to it.
Welcome @SilverPeacock . I also wondered regarding the stages of grieving . The anger was so out of proportion … lots of snotty crying and wailing “ it’s not fair “ boy embarrassed now but at the time the anger and upset was so real
@Breathmiller glad it was all a dream 
And thanks again for support and comments from all who took time . It’s really appreciated and genuinely helped
@bella1426 I was diagnosed seven years ago, in my early forties. As with a lot of women, I realised that I was probably autistic after my daughter was diagnosed. I’d seen the signs in her since she was tiny, but because I didn’t have a great understanding of how ASD often presents differently in girls (and a general lack of knowledge due to stereotypical ideas of autism), I thought that it couldn’t be that because she was affectionate, played imaginatively, etc. It was reading Tony Attwood’s ‘Asperger’s Syndrome’ chapter on how it presents in girls that gave me a realisation, and I then pushed the GP for a referral. When filling out the questionnaires, I was thinking ‘but I did that too’… ‘I was like that as a child’… ‘I used to do that’… ‘I still do that!’, and the penny started to drop. I sought assessment a year or so after she was diagnosed, and was lucky that there’s an adult diagnostic path in my county, and that I had an assessor who was familiar with how it can present differently in females.
So the drinking… I was allowed to drink from my early teens, and have used it to self medicate since I was in my mid teens (along with lots of other substances when I was in my twenties). My father was an alcoholic and I lived in a pub from the age of ten, so it was all around me, and I didn’t learn better coping mechanisms, sadly. It made all the sensory assaults of a busy pub, and the world in general, more bearable. I developed back pain in my early teens, too, and was given strong painkillers for that which I took like smarties! 
I’m so shocked, when I look back, that nobody seemed to really be keeping track of how many I took, and I had no awareness at all of the effect the paracetamol component could have on my liver, especially when I was washing them down with alcohol! I don’t think I even knew what my liver did, at that point in my life. I still take codeine-based analgesia (but much, much more sensibly), and I’ve definitely used wine to numb the pain, both physical, mental and sensory - the Annie Grace videos about alcohol being an anaesthetic really resonated with me; that’s exactly how I’ve used it. I’ve suffered from frequent spells of depression since my teens, and been on and off prescription antidepressants since my 20s, and my alcohol and drug use was just an alternative way of trying to manage that, I think… I’m only now realising what a huge exacerbating effect my drinking has had on my depression and anxiety; I did know in theory, but I didn’t (wouldn’t?!) really believe it, because I persisted in connecting drinking only to the bit where I felt ‘better’ (ie where I numbed the pain, dialled down the intensity of the world, anaesthetised the anxiety and the anger and the sadness), rather than the rest of the time, when my feelings and senses were overwhelming and unmanageable.
Getting the autism diagnosis helped me start to understand why I was the way I was (and why my father was, to a certain extent - I suspect he was also autistic), and to start to forgive myself a bit (for how pathetic and useless I’d always felt; why couldn’t I do the things that other people seemed to manage with minimal issues?). But it didn’t magically make the world more bearable. Now I feel like I’m realising how much better I could cope without drinking as a false friend. I keep thinking ‘fucking hell… all those wasted years!!’, but there’s no point in that, is there - I can only move forward from here and get to know who I am when I accept my autistic, alcohol-free self.
@Breathmiller yes to those well-worn paths within our minds… it can be really difficult to get off the track once you’re on the rails. For now I’m just staying well away from those known tracks wherever possible, so no evening socialising, I won’t be seeing friends/family with whom I always drink, not for a while yet.
Having said that, on Thursday I started feeling really rough - have got a virus - and that was a real trigger… I feel ill, therefore I must drink to feel better. I didn’t, but I was struggling through doing dinner prep with three of my favourite bottles of wine on the worktop in front of me (that I’d bought last month) and a huge jar of sloe gin! I thought ‘you’re not making it easy for yourself, are you!’. I was glaring at them throughout, but felt angry rather than seriously tempted. I shall move the wine this weekend, but xDP usually has a bottle or two on the worktop anyway (and a spare room full!!).
@Adm1010 I totally get you on the ‘it’s not FAIR!’ thing… I’m regularly experiencing little voices of that as I watch xDP drinking his very fine wines. So far I’ve been able to manage that inner voice by reminding myself of how it would actually feel… not the first, blissful dopamine hit, but then after that when the depressant effects kick in; feeling a bit slowed and slurred, the hot flush and red cheeks (red wine always does that to me), the flat feeling when the high wears off, the guilt/disappointment if I’d intended not to but caved, then the waking in the night feeling anxious, through to waking in the morning feeling like I don’t want to face the day, and how long is it until 5pm when I can have the next dopamine hit? Well done for sticking with it. I know I will have periods where I’m absolutely raging, and will struggle to know what to do with that now that I can’t ‘drown’ it (which never worked anyway!).
@indiesearcher I’ve found the book ‘Drink?’ by David Nutt absolutely great. It’s pitched exactly right for me; factual, non-judgemental, full of the science and biology of what happens when you drink, and written by someone I admire as a person (for his writings and stance on drugs, and how he stands up for science over politics - he was the ‘drugs tzar’ sacked by the govt for his outspoken views, and is a practising neuropsychiatrist who runs a drug research programme and has decades of clinical experience with alcohol dependent patients). I listen to the audio book every night (it’s even in my dreams! ) and I credit it with starting me on this path.
I’m also doing the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment, and find the videos really useful. If you download the app and sign up for the (free) experiment, the videos are available permanently on there, and I know I’ll watch and re-watch them in the future. She’s definitely a saleswoman, and there’s quite a bit of encouragement to sign up to her longer (paid for) programmes, but the more I watch, the more I think ‘all power to her’ - the content is insightful, inspiring and valuable, and she’s created a very supportive community. I’ve just started listening to her podcasts, as well.
Day 20 for me, so I’m coming up to the longest period I’ll have been alcohol free in over 30 years. 
In previous Dry Jan/Sober Oct months, I’ve stopped around the three week mark because ‘it’s boring’ or ‘I don’t feel any better’ or a host of other excuses. I’ve no intention of stopping this time.
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