Mindfulness, Moderating and Not Texting In The Kitchen !

[Amdone123]

Morning all..hope you're all ok. Well I had busy weekend. I didn't quite stick to my plans : I drank Friday evening ( didn't eat), and drank last night, too. I don't feel great today but I am looking forward to having a break. I know I want to get back to being af and all its benefits.
I was thinking that I am able to stay in and not drink. My next step will be going out and not going mad !

@brightspice , thanks. I'll take a look.

I had a day 2..... not convinced I'll survive tonight though. Kids have been poorly today and I've been working. I've had increasing anxiety this last couple of weeks and am debating starting ADs again, I get SAD and I wonder whether that has been driving my want to drink more but in drinking more it's making me anxious?

@TripleTipplePipple sorry you're feeling anxious. It's a horrible feeling. I understand the need to have a drink, completely and utterly understand. But I know from experience how alcohol exacerbates anxiety. Is there anything else you can do ? I don't want to sound patronising so forgive me if I do. A friend of mine was in a similar situation not long ago, and I suggested a bath, a fruit tea, a walk, journalling. It did not go down well !! I'm surprised we're still friends.
Also, medium term, I'd consider the ads , my dsis has SAD, too. They manage the chemical imbalance she says.
Whatever you decide, don't beat yerself up. Just try to make a plan.

@Amdone123 I was mad with myself for drinking but that only kicked in when the wine was gone! I was quiet happily sipping away forgetting it all. @Soberoct thanks your right, one night AF the night before is better than drinking every night. Doing okay tonite so far again. @brightspice that's great will def check that out. @TripleTipplePipple sorry to hear your feeling like this, I know how u feel , docs have offered AD a couple of times and I'm always debating it. I was just hoping to kick the alcohol and see if that makes the difference first. It's not easy wen the kids are poorly too , it really boosts my anxiety !

Sorry to hear how you’re feeling @TripleTipplePipple I’m on AD’s so totally understand the anxiety thing - not nice but it does get better
I’ve managed day 3, it’s been ok but I know the real struggle will be tomorrow evening as I finish work slightly earlier and that’s usually my “Friday”! 🫣🫠

I've had a glass tonight. I had a bit of a go at my neighbour about parking this evening and my kids screamed, well, my 4 yr old for about 3 hrs straight so I've had a drink. I've also decided to start the ADs. You don't win any medals for surviving the winter months so I don't know why I'm holding off. I already feel more relaxed having made the decision.

Well done on Day 3 @Whitecistus ! Just take tomorrow bit by bit then if you fancy a glass it's not the end of the world, you might not feel the need having done a few days though.

@Amdone123 you're totally right. I need to learn to wind down without alcohol and all of those things help. I love a bath and a walk but they are both not possible at the moment as kids are home and I cant escape them and I can't have a bath at the minute (joy's of being a woman). Fruit teas I've never found one I really click with but I do like a slice of lemon in it sp might get some and try and cut my caffeine back a bit as that cam trigger anxiety too I think. Brains are great arent they!

@TripleTipplePipple I completely understand why you drank tonight with all that going on ... it's so, so incredibly common. One of the reasons we end up reaching for the wine to wind down is because we are not getting what we need during the day. @Amdone123 gives some great suggestions for alternative things to do - the trick is to not wait until the end of the day to do this, but to give yourself little bursts of relaxation, calm and self-care throughout the day. Even if you have children at home and even if you're at work. It can be something as simple as pouring yourself a cup of tea and actually sitting still, letting yourself catch your breath while you drink it (most women I know run around doing jobs while drinking tea!). I find that interlacing my fingers and letting my hands rest in my lap and sitting still for just 2 mins is very therapeutic. Even gazing into the sky, looking at the contours of a cloud for a couple of minutes can do the trick... anything to give you some respite so that you don't "save up" all your need for relaxation until the end of the day.

Hi all, just catching up on all your news! I love how supportive and honest this group is!!!!
@Amdone123 your post in the early hours really resonated with me. I often obsess over the embarrassing drunken behaviour 🙄 @TripleTipplePipple im sorry to hear about your anxiety and SAD… it’s tough to try and implement new things when you arent feeling 100%… so I think your doing really well. And good call on the ADs, they’ll defo help rebalance you!
well done @Whitecistus on day 3!!!! I’ve counted from Sunday so day 4 here… can already feel the temptation of the weekend creeping in, but I love an A/F weekend when I do it! Makes me feel so much happier and like I got the most out of my free time!!! Hope your ok @Soberoct and apologies if I’ve missed anyone off. Right off to bed! Night all xxxx

Hope you all doing well, I haven't been great at not drinking but I'm here and nothing bad has happened...I'll try tonight not to.

@Soberoct, just keep trying, it's all you can do.
I wonder if you're a bit like me in that when I'm on it, it seems to me like a treadmill I'm struggling to get off. I suppose it's habit. At the moment, I'm off it and barely thinking about it ( I'm just so happy to be home, in my own bed, with my dog!)
I'm conscious of the fact this could change but atm I'm really happy to be off it. I'm sick of it.

Well I again had a drink tonight, I have a 3 year old that screams with meltdowns until bedtime and annoys the other 2 so everyone is roaring really until he goes to bed! That's where I'm after pouring my first drink! Between the hours of 5-7.30 ish! I can't seem to get past those hours each evening! Baths and teas etc aren't possible at that stage so I find it hard to get past those hours ! What do u do at these times when u knows it's every evening and you know there's no way of fitting in any relaxation techniques to keep you away from wine !!

Hi @stoppingnow i don’t really have any advice I’m afraid… if it were summer I’d suggest a walk??? I do know when I was giving up smoking there were certain times of the day that were real triggers and I’d literally just have to distract myself!!!! Sorry that’s not very helpful but hopefully someone else will give you some good advice!!!

im out tonight for tea with friends! Have offered to drive… so will avoid drinking! However my plans to not drink this weekend could all go down hill as I’ve got a stressful family situation with the in-laws… and telling them that we are having Xmas alone this year. Tried to tell them already but they Diddnt really listen! So attempt no.2 is imminent 🫠

hope everyone else is doing ok xx

Morning all , yes to the treadmill effect @Amdone123 that's exactly what zone I'm in,the seed everything. And now it's Friday and I'm like most people especially my DH will savour and enjoy his Friday and weekend drinks whereas I'll just be thinking oh well I've drunk all week bar Monday I need to give it another break etc argh that's why it's easier just not drinking at all with me tbh. It's like it's an automatic reflex @stoppingnow I completely get where you are coming from. As soon as I picked up kids one started and he has behaviour issues as it is and I just thought what would get me through it oh wine I didn't finish a bottle though but I'm aware my DH looks at how much I've drunk and looks at other spirits we now have in the house arghhhhhh why can't it be easy!

Hi @Mj20 phone froze so cross posted but that's a brilliant idea of tea tonight and driving!!! I always think I should drive and end up walking everywhere etc...

Hi all, I managed day 4. This will be my first AF weekend in years, hopefully I can do it 😬
@stoppingnow I think what’s helped me get into a positive mindset about it this time is arming myself with “quit lit” and following pages on Instagram (if you use Instagram) that are AF supportive. Actually learning about alcohol and it’s effects and seeing people who I can resonate with going through the same cravings and coming out the other side has massively helped. Everyone is so different in what helps them though - it’s just hard finding what that is

Well done @Whitecistus I am in awe of you I wish I was day 4!!! Honestly you should be proud of yourself. I have all the quit lit and read and re read but the mind set
I'm in right now nothing stops me if that makes sense. You do want to have to do it from deep down I know it's feelings I'm blocking out rather than dealing with it...

Thanks @Soberoct i am pleased but I know it’s still very early days, if I can make it through the weekend I will be really happy!
if you do use Instagram I’d highly recommend Sassy sober mum, she is fantastic

And yes that mindset is one I’m very used to! Don’t beat yourself up about it, you can and you will do it, it’s just bloody hard

@Whitecistus , well done, you're on day 5 with me. I'm definitely having an af weekend. I want to get into double figures ! I'm away next weekend so if I look forward to that, I'll be ok. I'm cooking a roast on Sunday and cooking is a trigger but @brightspice gave me some good tips so I'm going to re read that post and go in armed. My dsis suggested I have a bottle of red ( I drink it slower), which I thought was a good idea but then I thought 1) I don't even want to drink at weekend and 2) last time I opted for a bottle of red, it made me feel awful. So, I've got lemon tea, sparkling water, cherry coke and hot chocolate and squirty cream for this weekend. Classy !
I slept really badly last night, had a couple of flashbacks to stupid things I've done when drunk. I'm working through the emotions instead of caving.
Keep going, everyone. @stoppingnow , hope things improve, it sounds really challenging and I don't blame you for needing something. @Mj20 , great idea driving. Maybe after tonight, that will give you impetus to stay af when dealing with the outlaws. Good luck - I'd end up writing it down ! ( No room at thee Inn !!! )
@Soberoct , maybe try just abstaining instead of moderating. I think abstention is best for me sometimes. Set yourself a date ? You can do it, you've done it before.
❤️

Thanks @Mj20, hope the chat with the in-laws goes smoothly. @Soberoct yes same here , I think I have wine to take the edge off a hectic evening. Thanks @Whitecistus sinking myself into a lot of quit lit is def a good idea , I'll give it a go and look for some pages on Instagram too. Well done on day 4.

Hello all!! Just catching up on the messages!!
how did you all get on last night?!!!

so I stayed A/F… had a lovely night but was seriously craving a G and T!!! One of best friends was also not drinking as she’s moderating so that was nice!!! Annoyingly I Diddnt sleep great (which is what usually happens when I drink), but oh well!!! Least I’m not hanging!!!!
and…. In law Chat went surprisingly fine!!!!
last night I decided I was going to drink tonight to enjoy a cosy night in with hubby, but I’ve decided against it! I don’t need it!!!! Hopefully I’ll keep my resolve!

@Amdone123 you are doing so great! And don’t worry I get the flashbacks too… I know it’s hard but I try and actually embrace that person and show myself a bit of kindness! I once had the advice to treat past you as you would a friend. It’s something silly you’ve done- not someone you are!!!!

How is everyone else doing?? @Whitecistus @Soberoct @TripleTipplePipple @brightspice @stoppingnow Sending everyone lots of luck for the weekend ahead!

Hi all, so I had a drink last night. With that and the bottle on wednesday I've had 3 A/F nights this week which hasnt happened in a while. I'm really struggling to sleep at the moment so I'm going to try and give it a miss tonight and get an early night in. Have a lovely weekend everyone!

@Mj20 , that's great you've decided to stay af tonight. Get the hot chocolate and treats out for your cosy night in. It is annoying when you don't sleep as well as expected but like you say, it's better than being hungover. @TripleTipplePipple , that sounds like a plan for tonight. Do that and see how you feel tomorrow. Hope you manage to get some sleep.
Hope everyone else is OK?
Well, yesterday I had to nip to the shops again. Shops are historically dangerous for me as somehow wine ends up in the basket. I realised this morning I wasn't even tempted, it never occurred to me. Don't know what's happening but I'm embracing it.
This group is really helping me though so thanks all for your posts.
A busy day today with my granddaughter. As it's not raining, we'll probably go to the park, then lunch. I'd usually have a glass of wine but today, I'm not going to.
That was the one thing I took from AA ( I only went once) - a mantra - Just for today, I won't drink.
Works for me.

@Amdone123 you’re doing amazingly well. I thought I was but ended up having a couple last night, my friend came over (unplanned) and I just caved. The only positive I can take from it is that I had much less than I usually would and I feel like getting back to AF today. So we will see.
how did everyone else get on?
@Mj20 sending luck to you to!

@Whitecistus , thanks. You're still doing well. Take the positives 1) you only had a couple, which is less than before and 2) you still want to be af today.
If I'd only have had a couple, I would still count it as an af day as ultimately, I'd like to be able to have a couple and stop ( I can do this, have done it before ; sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not).
Also, don't forget the number of af days you had leading up to yesterday.