I need to quit alcohol

[Nam3chang3r1]

And for the first time I really want to. I had an honest conversation today for the first time ever with DH and admitted that my alcohol consumption is far too high and this needs to change.

My health is suffering, recent blood tests showed my liver results were too high, I'm having these repeated soon. I've gained a lot of weight too. I'm disgusting. On a lot of medication so shouldn't even be drinking but I'm binging every weekend. Can easily drink 18 units and feel alright the next day. Where do I start? I just need to get this under control. I'm so embarrassed.

Enjoy your class @Amdone123

Does anyone suffer with hangxiety? When i drink too much and cant remember everything I feel like the worst person in the World because Im sure people are thinking bad of me for being drunk.

I had a few drinks on friday and all i want to do is stay in bed, its my birthday tomorrow and I'm supposed to be going for a meal with family but all I want to do is hide in my bed.

I know no one is probably arsed about me being drunk, I had a really good time but I just cant shake off this feeling. Ive been looking forward to my birthday and now I just want it to be over.

Does anyone else recognise these feelings? How can I shake them off? Thanks for reading.

Annie Grace's The Alcohol Experiment is really really good. You sign up for 30 days and get videos to watch, questions to answer, and emails every day. It's free to join.
I did 30 days in March and am now aiming for a whole year off. There's also a supportive FB group you can join.

@Pidge8, I suffer from this terribly, although I never knew it had a 'name', until I joined another forum. That feeling the morning after ; what did I say, do? Why did I say that , do that ? It was only at an AA meeting when they gave me some literature to read that the penny dropped. It was something to do with everything I have ever said or done that was nasty, shaming or just plain dangerous, was due to drinking. It's no wonder I felt dreadful the next day, as I'm not like that. I'm nice !
The only way is stop thee hanganxiety is to stop drinking. Or at least stop drinking the alcohol that makes you out of control. I can drink beer, gin even, and it has no effect on me. I don't become another person.

@Pidge8, and go for the birthday meal. Eat cake ! Drink alcohol free drinks. Hold your head up high and have a good time.

Thank you, I feel better for talking about it. I know theyre irrational thoughts but I just dont want to see people when I feel like this. What was the literature if you dont mind me asking? Good luck with your journey xx

No problem. The quote was found in a short leaflet. I think I kept it because it was entitled, Just for today...as in something to say to yourself when you're weakening. It doesn't feel as drastic as saying never again !

I am happy to join you. I have name changed as so so embarrassed.
I am drinking 1/2 a bottle wine per night.
It makes me feel awful - interferes with sleep and causes me panic symptoms.
I have tried moderating - but just can’t
I need to stop
Also in my mid 50’s
DH also drinks so there is always alcohol around.

I've quit because I can't moderate. It's simply the best thing I've done for myself since I quit smoking 11 years ago

Can I join too, please? I’m a regular MNer but have NC for the alcohol related threads.

I’m late 40’s and have liked a drink for as long as I can remember. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, I would class my drinking as binge drinking (on a weekend).

Everytime I’ve ever been hungover I’ve said the usual “never again”, but after this weekend I am 100% committed to giving up drinking.

DH & I bought wine and spirits to watch the football with, I drank a full bottle of wine to myself and then we drank half the spirits. I don’t remember the end of the football, I threw up while I was bed and DH had to carry me to the bathroom, and all this in front of our teenage son.

It’s got to stop, and it has stopped. I’m 100% determined that I’m not going to drink again.

I’m so disgusted and ashamed of myself, I’m an absolute disgrace.

I’ve not even really spoke about this with DH as we’ve had these conversations lots of times over the years, I’m just going to do it. I’ve got to.

@Disgustedatmyself, awh, don't be too hard on yourself. It's an addiction; it's so easy to get that way. I know I've done it a trillion times. I know the feeling the morning after, too. It's awful.
I also understand why you want to keep it to yourself and not tell your nearest and dearest.
You're not a disgrace. You've got a problem like many others. But you are strong enough to overcome it.
Keep posting here for support. You can check in with me on a daily basis, or whatever suits you. I struggle, too, so I hardly know the answers , but I can support you.
Best wishes.

@Amdone123, thank you so much for your kind words.

In the past if I’ve overdone it I’ve just fronted it out and minimised my behaviour but this time feels different, as if something had finally clicked in my head that I cannot carry on like this, and I don’t want to.

This week is going to be hard as we are going to stay with some friends for the weekend and they have a bloody bar in their garden 🙈 but Im determined. The easy option would be just to say well I’ll just drink this weekend and quit next weekend, but I can’t, I don’t want to. It’s not an option to not go either as it took so long to arrange!

@Disgustedatmyself, you're welcome. And I know it's hard when you've got stuff coming up but you could try an alcohol free weekend ? You've got nothing to lose ( except a raging hangover!). Take some af drinks, some extra snacks, etc.

And as you said before, don't tell anyone. Too much pressure. Fake it til you make it. You'll feel great not drinking and you CAN do it.

I’m determined that I’m going to stick to my guns and not drink, the self loathing I feel for myself right now far far outweighs any desire I have to drink.

I just feel that if I talk to DH about it he’ll just say “yeah yeah how many times have you said this!” and he’s right, I’ve said it more times than I care to remember, so this time my actions are going to speak louder than my words.

I don't read MN every day but I'm so glad I did today. This post has really opened my eyes as to how much alcohol I drink and I honestly think I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I've read through the comments and I'm actually disgusted with myself. Some have said you drink sometimes a bottle of wine a night and I read one saying a bottle and spirits too. It's made me realise that I definitely drink too much. In the last 4 days for example I've drank 8 bottles of wine and 3 cans of cider. Ive just finished another bottle of wine tonight and I have got another one to open later after I have had a soak in the bath. Trouble is, I don't even feel like I've had a drink. To me a bottle is like having a cup of tea, it has no effect now. I don't even wake up with hangover. Im not sure if I'm an alcoholic as I don't drink during the day and I can go without I don't rely on it, it's like 1 bottle isn't enough and by say 9pm if it's gone I do want more. I can easily drink a small bottle of whisky and think nothing of it, especially if I have a cold I can drink more. I have also put on weight, my bones are starting to hurt to and I just can't be bothered anymore. I've had a really shit run of luck the last 15 years and with each time something happens my head gets stronger but I drink more. Ive lost my friends because I made so many excuses not to go out and so I'm on my own. I have a fantastic husband who encourages me to go out and do things but I can't. I've lost all confidence. I think I need a kick up the back side, I'm only 41 but feel like I'm 81. I think I've just given up and probably think drinks the best solution.

@79Beastie, have you tried giving up before ? Sounds like you've got into a bad relationship with it, using it as a crutch probably. It's become your friend, but it's really the devil in disguise.

A pp upthread mentioned Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment. Just Google it and have a go ? It's very good. You join a forum and receive video clips, etc.
I did it and felt great. Anytime I give up ( about 48 days is the most I've done), I felt fantastic. But I always end up back on it.
Club Soda and Sober Sisters are also great forums.

@79Beastie, also I was going to say that you don't think it's a problem because you don't drink during the day, but you're only 41, your bones hurt and you feel rubbish, so the day thing is irrelevant.
You can feel so much better, you really can. You've also built up a tolerance ( I'm similar. 1 bottle does nothing for me), so it doesn't feel like a problem as such. But it really is.

@Amdone123 no I haven't tried to give up before, actually not really thought about it until I read the post tonight. It has definitely opened my eyes and I have to admit I do have a problem with alcohol. Since posting earlier I have sat and thought about things, yes I have drank the second bottle, to my shame. But I'm going to look in to some help. I'm sure I don't need to drink as much as I do. I just wish I had someone I could talk to who could understand and help me talk things through.

Do try to find some peer support. It's really vital to have a social aspect to recovery.

I had to do an inpatient detox and the first few months were hard, but it does get much easier. I've been sober for 27 years, during which time I married my lovely husband and raised two great kids. Not drinking opens many doors.

F

I've been there, you can either cut down on your own or speak to the drug & alcohol service to get help. How bad are your liver tests? Are they just out of the normal range or very high? The good thing is your liver can repair itself if you stop drinking, my ALT was over 100, now after nearly 4 years of not drinking it is 28. You need to work out your triggers that make you want a drink, is it a habit or are you self medicating to calm your head & emotional pain. There are lots of alcohol free beer, wines & spirits, if you feel better with a glass in your hand buy some to try & find one you like.

I’ve done a lot of thinking overnight (not slept much but that’s fine) I think previously that the reason I’ve failed so spectacularly over and over is because I’ve always said to DH let’s do it together, let’s encourage each other and in our case it’s all too easy on a Friday night to say “Oh go on, just one won’t hurt”, but it does because it turns into 3/4/5 and then a full blown hangover the day after.

So that’s why I need to just rely on myself for this, once DH sees me doing it for myself then he may change his behaviour too. I’m not blaming him at all, he is a good, decent man but basically we are as bad as each other when it comes to alcohol.

So, I’m owning this. I’m not going to refer to it as stopping drinking/quitting alcohol, I’m going to refer to it as changing my behaviour towards alcohol. I read lots of the posts last night about routine and I know what my triggers are, eg Friday nights, a sunny weeknight sat in the garden and stress so I know that I’ll need to be extra on the ball around those situations but I’m ready for it.

@Disgustedatmyself, Morning! Sorry you've not slept too well, but sounds like you've been doing a lot of reflecting which is great.
Definitely do it on your own. My OH doesn't drink much so I always thank god for that ( I have a friend who struggles to give up but her partner brings home alcohol so it's doubly difficult).
You're so right in changing your thinking, your mindset. Instead of thinking what you're missing out on, think of all you'll gain ( the irony of me saying this to you is astonishing! I can list 50 benefits of not drinking, yet I still struggle).
You sound like you mean business though so go for it. I find keeping a journal is a good idea. It helps me take one day at a time. And when I've had a great alcohol free day, when I've been productive and eaten healthily and exercised, I know not drinking is the way forward.

Morning, so I had an ok day yesterday, the shame and disgust at myself is still burning brightly so that’s spurring me on at the moment.

I spoke to my friend last night who we’re staying with at weekend and confided in her about what happened, and (just as I knew she would) she laughed, made a comment about how she’s like that every weekend and that I’ll be fine on Friday when I get a drink in me.

DH was asking if I wanted him to order some rum to take with us and I just told him that I wasn’t drinking but if he wanted some then to get some. I told him how I felt and got upset and he minimised a bit and just said that “we’ve all done it”.

But that doesn’t make it ok to keep doing it does it? I’ve no doubt that weekend is going to be hard, but the thought of the disgust on my DS face is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Hope everyone has a good, dry, day xx

Hi all. For those looking to stop drinking, try watching “Her name was Bette”. It’s on Amazon Prime to rent for £3.49. It is about how alcohol affects women differently/ more than it does men. It is very sad and shocking and a real eye opener. With alcohol, the only way is down - no one becomes a day drinking, black out raging alcoholic over night. And I say that as someone who has been abusing alcohol for about 20 years. I finally seem to be getting a handle on it and for the first time I can actually imagine being alcohol free for the rest of my life. And I was drinking at my worst at least a bottle of Vodka every two days plus wine. Also - join the naked mind Facebook group - the before and after pictures people bravely post really show how toxic a poison alcohol is - one woman posted yesterday and without a word of a lie, the ‘before’ looks like a granny and the ‘after’ her granddaughter!! 💐 and 🫖 🍰 for everyone struggling.