I am so fed up now of alcohol. Have read some books about it and loads of threads here - but never really have seemed to acknowledge I have a problem. But I do. Late 40s. Am remarried but my H doesn’t live with me as he is near his kids from his first marriage until they go to uni (which we are both happy with) so whilst I have always been a big party drinker, the last year has got worse and worse in lockdown. Just so damn bored working from home the whole time and so turned to wine. Drink a bottle of wine every evening and now buy two so I can start the second. Weekends - if I don’t have my kids, I start earlier in the day because am just so bored and what the hell. So some weekends can do 4-5 bottles. Must be drinking 80-90 units a week. Maybe more. Have put on 5kg I need to lose and I am sure that is the booze because my diet otherwise is healthy. I have had blood tests and there has never been an inkling of an issue but I must have a fatty liver. Am fed up of being tired and anxious. And now it is starting to affect work. I sit on zoom calls all bloody day and see no adults in real life - it’s so tedious. So I have started the wine earlier to get through them. My kids have noticed. My family haven’t said much as they live a few hours away - and they know I am a heavy drinker but they would be so worried if they knew how much. Anyway had a particularly bad night last week where I emailed somebody important at work back and forth in a bit of an obnoxious way and I cannot even remember what I said. I just deleted everything the next day so I didn’t have to face what I had done. I have a new role in my company - which I love. Why the hell am I risking that? Why am I bringing up my amazing kids watching me do this? They notice - they are just teen and nearly teenage. So am now off the booze. For my health and for my looks - I am exercising twice a week so surely with removing all this booze I can lose the additional 5kg. Would love some others to be here with me. I have Annie Grace next to me.
Oh one thing I forgot to say. My DH is amazing and he loves weekend wine (he manages to drink only at the weekend). But because we are not together a lot of the time yet he has no idea how much I am drinking. I have also taking to hiding empty bottles when he is here as I have been known to get up in the night and drink without him knowing. And when I am with him and we are working in the day I can secretly hit his wine. It’s bad and I have had enough of these secrets.