Asking for a hand hold day 1 today

[Alfiemoon1]

I never used to drink much before until me and dh went through a bad patch about 4 years ago we resolved things and I cut down until about a year ago when dd now 19 started self harming as she was and still is in a controlling abusive relationship I can’t get her to see sense so my drinking has crept up again

I need to stop I am an awful drunk I say things and text things I shouldn’t to my dd I mean well I am trying to make her see sense trying to explain how her boyfriends behaviour is controlling but it’s obviously having to opposite affect and making them closer. I just can’t seem to not react to things I see on their social media when I’ve been drinking

I have been prescribed sertraline for the anxiety it’s causing but haven’t taken them as I’ve been self medicating with alcohol

So before I hit my rock bottom and totally lose my relationship with dd today is going to be my day 1 af I know I am going to quite rightly be flamed and I thoroughly deserve it but I am trying to put it right so asking for a hand hold

Don't worry @Alfiemoon1, the amazing no drinking feelings will come, it might take a few more days though. You're doing amazingly, keep going!

Felt really anxious all day today at the thought of going back to work tomorrow wfh so have been pottering about the house trying not to think about it. Resisting opening the wine in the fridge. Might have another soak in the bath as I definitely slept better last night

How are you @Alfiemoon1 ?
Will anyone else drink the wine in your fridge? If not, can you pour it away?
There's a saying - if you hang around the barbershop long enough, eventually you will get a haircut.
I know for a fact if I had wine in the fridge that was gifted to me, I'd have to get rid. Or else I would drink it on a bad day.

No just me he’s off tomorrow night and bought me another bottle as he will have a few beers lol. I ve told him iam cutting down and just don’t fancy it at the moment

I felt stressed and anxious yesterday didn’t want to go back to work today don’t really enjoy it dhs toothache has come back so he’s moaning everything with dd and ds year 11 was supposed to go to a revision class today in school which I would need my mum to take him but he had no idea what time it was on so just naffed off with everything having a glass of wine wouldn’t of changed anything so I didn’t bother was tempted though

Just to say well done for your achievements so far!

Perhaps pass the bottles in the fridge on to a friend or relative and purchase something nice to indulge in on an evening - like elderflower if you like cold, or a luxury hot chocolate if you like hot. Or even buy yourself a treat to eat in the evening, like some posh chocolates. (I'm not saying swap vices but you need something to look forward to each day, rather than dreading the evenings.)

I find reading books about how/why people chose to stop drinking, help. I find when they talk about life without alcohol very motivating.

Just a thought 💐

Thank you for your support didn’t drink again last night but also didn’t sleep well. Went over and over in my head the issues with dd so feel rubbish today already counting down to 5.30 when I finish work

Super well done on resisting that wine in the fridge, Alfiemoon1! As Sharonthecat said, i would have to get rid of that for my own sanity. I get given wine from time to time in work, and i just pass it on to friends. I know your hubby was just being kind, but you don't need any added temptation in your face. Is there a reason you don't want to tell him you're going alcohol free?
Hope you're ok tonight.

Not sure why I haven’t told him yet. He’s back in work tonight so won’t be sat here drinking. I absolutely cannot drink tonight dd boyfriend has posted something on Facebook only saw it as a one of my friends has shared it and it’s annoyed me and if I drink I would end up trying to discuss it with dd and it gets me nowhere

I’ve already removed dd from my Facebook as i was sick of seeing the stuff he posts and tags her in which is really sad I miss sharing memories and animal quotes etc she was telling me they had broke up and he posted something about their 6 months anniversary so I questioned her and she blatantly lied even said she would talk to him to make it clear they weren’t together they obviously were which is her choice I’ve told her it’s her choice no need to lie so after that I said I was removing her so she didn’t feel the need to lie or so she wasn’t in a difficult position

So I am not stalking her sm someone did show his gushing Mother’s Day post out of concern that he can’t wait for them to have their own children which dd had already spoken to me about he is actually transgender so still female and wants his own biological child before transitioning dd doesn’t want this so she told me but does all the hearts and love you on fb

Today crap was horse related so shared from a mutual horsey friend he just winds me up the shit he posts dd has own horse who at her request is on full time loan elsewhere while she is at university to be honest she had also lost interest. He is now suddenly interested and posted looking for a loan horse to learn to ride on quoting my partner and I already own a beautiful girl on loan we can’t wait to get our beautiful girl back after university
He has never met or seen dd horse. Dd doesn’t even own the horse my sister does legally and he isn’t at university he’s unemployed and until his sudden urge to learn to ride sat around his flat smoking weed all day

I’ve got it off my chest on here instead not that it makes much sense to anyone but I feel better now and I haven’t caused ww3 in the process lol

Another day over af had kfc for tea as i am still struggling to eat and it’s what I fancied but it made me really thirsty so I’ve guzzled loads of pop probably not very healthy or good for my teeth but I stayed off the wine and that’s what matter at the moment

Well done staying off the wine through everything. Sounds like an awful lot going on. Would talking things through with a counsellor help perhaps?

I think you are right and I will look into counselling dd was seeing one when she started self harming 3 weeks into the relationship but stopped going as the counsellor said she was in an abusive coercive controlling relationship obviously she didn’t agree

Thought I would update I am still af still sober still have anxiety over dd as things seem to be going from bad to worse. We as a family are no longer reacting to her outbursts all of this is her choice she knows where we are if she needs us no amount of talking to her or reasoning with her with or without a drink has worked or made her see sense

Good for you staying sober through all this Op. I think your approach to your daughter is very wise, and I really hope your future stays sober and that you get some peace of mind.

Sorry to hear things are still so difficult with your daughter, OP. I really admire your strength in staying sober throughout all this stress. You just seem to be getting on with it on your own. You should be proud of yourself.