My husband of 35 yrs was crying today

[Mumwithissue]

Because I cannot let go of alchohol. He is supportive, controling, threatening, loving. I dont know how to stop it. This quarantine has totally destroyed me.

I agree with the poster who says you won’t stop because you make excuses why you “can’t”....”I can’t call the go because they’re busy with covid” “I can’t do AA because they mention God” (do they still? I didn’t know that).
EXCUSES.
Your poor family.
What did you want/ expect from posting here?
You NEED to call your GP or a professional alcohol support organisation TODAY.
Good luck to you.

GP*

Do you have children? I'm the daughter of a alcoholic mum. I lost her when I was only 33. My children lost a grandparent. She was a lovely, kind, caring mum, but ultimately she died early, and the drinking contributed to it.
Please get help, don't put your family through this. It's so selfish.

Well, you know what you need to do. AA is not the ONLY lifeline out there, OP. Don't use this as an excuse to not do anything.
You say 'don't we all?' when asked if you want to quit, but there's a difference between what you want to do and what you need to do.
You need to stop. Can you try, earnestly?
You've shot down AA. You know what you WON'T do. But what will you do? You. No one else.
Sorry to sound harsh. My brother is a 57 year old drug addict. My DH is a recovering alcoholic, 30 years sober. It's hard.

And sorry... you're so quick to demonise AA and shoot down the whole thing because of God. Can't do it! God's involved. Yet you embrace the drink, your ruin, as if that's not the bigger problem. Be a bit more honest with yourself. No wonder your husband cries. You're in denial.

AA isn’t about God , it’s about a higher power, which can be anything you choose.
You need to want this Op and at the moment it doesn’t sound as if you do.
Some people need to hit rock bottom, which usually means losing everything they have , home, family etc. Don’t wait for your rock bottom Op , there is help out there, you just need to want it enough.

You will lose your husband. None of this is "out of your control". You will lose your life as you know it and you're being extremely selfish pretending you can string this out and keep hurting the people who love you. You have the option to change now. It's your responsibility. Stop looking for excuses (quarantine, religion).

Please ring your GP, you obviously cant do this without some help.

The GPs are waiting for your call, they want to help, get you on the right track.

It is a problem on you can begin to fix.
How old are your kids?
Your husband will leave you and you will loose everything.
If you are sitting there thinking it wont be you it will.

Before you know it, you will be the drunk with nothing, stumbling around unable to control yourself away from drink. The lower you fall the harder to pull yourself back out.
Get a little bit of help now to stop all that pain and heartache you are on track for causing.

Ring the GP, please.

@Mumwithissue
Hi OP, I've just read your thread and, wow you've been given a bit of a hard time on here! Not surprised you stopped posting. Are you ok?
My first thought was what did you mean about your husband being controlling and threatening? Do you feel unsafe?
And yes, i have been there with the problematic drinking and being desperate to stop but unable to stick to it. I went round in circles with it for years. It's not easy. But i eventually stopped drinking 5 years ago and am now very happily sober. Best thing i ever did.
You said several times here that you want to stop. You can do it! You also talked about how sad you feel and how that is the reason you turn to drink. You really need to address the root of your pain and find other ways to deal with those emotions and their causes. Do you know what makes you feel that way?
You are not selfish, OP. You are struggling.

Please take care of yourself.

Ps. AA is not for everyone. But there are many other support networks.

@Mumwithissue,
Are you still there? Just thinking about you and wondering if you're ok?

On one thread a lovely lady got lots of support but not so much on this one. Hope you are OK OP?

I think because this thread appeared in active you have had some really harsh responses OP. I hope you are ok. Lots of people on here do have experience of exactly what you are feeling and do want to help so ignore the people who just don't get it.

I would recommend reading a book / listening to some podcasts as a start. You don't have to stop drinking to do this and I think it will help you face up and find the energy and determination to change things. I recommend the Alan Carr easy way to control your drinking but there are many others.

@Mumwithissue

I drink when I am very sad, when I cannot control things (e.g. quarantine), etc. I drink to forget now. And in the 3rd beer I am kind of relaxed. Then I cannot stop.

You sound like you could be self medicating an underlying mental health condition, depression, anxiety, something else. This is exactly the kind of thing you should be going to your GP about

@AliceMadHatter, @crypticandsober, @EspressoExpresso and a couple of more understanding earlier posters,
Thank you!!! I don't think anyone posting here looking for support really needs shooting down. I'm heartened to read your kinder responses to the OP. 😊
Yes, there are a couple of other similar threads on here which have received a beautiful collective response of genuine support without negative judgement. The result is that those ladies are going from strength to strength and many other posters on those threads have benefited also and several of them have stopped drinking as well. It's been amazing to witness!
@Mumwithissue, please don't lose heart. The support is here waiting for you. I'm sorry you didn't find it immediately.

I’ve managed to cut my drinking down from more then a bottle of wine a day, to one bottle of wine once every other week. That’s taken me over 7 years to get into this position and I still don’t trust myself.

When I was drinking at my worst, I would get hammered at lunchtime and go back to work. I got away with it because the office I worked in was run by an alcoholic and a lot of the time I drank with them. I spent a good 12 months drunk or hungover. I was 7 stone at one point. I never had an appetite and didn’t want to eat because it took longer to get drunk. I smelt. My skin was awful. My teeth were rotting. I didn’t care.

Even reading this back I didn’t and still don’t think I was an alcoholic. Mostly because I knew I was using the alcohol to avoid the pain the reality of my life caused me.

It was a long and hard road to sort myself out. I didn’t have a partner or family pushing me, I did it for me alone. I just got sick to death of it. The permanent retching every morning. The shakes. The embarrassment of going to the corner shop again and avoiding eye contact when I brought more bottles. Trying to hide the empties in the recycling but not having enough room and sneaking off to a bottle bank to get rid of the evidence. The constant feeling of shame.

What I’m trying to say is I didn’t reach a rock bottom. I didn’t go to support groups or have “a reason” to do it but it can be done once you find your motivation for doing it and that should be for you, not your DH.