Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

@Souvlaki welcome and good luck,
I’m just starting out too. Things I find useful instead of alcohol in the evenings are either distraction or replacing alcohol - so alcohol free gins are nice and with tonic it’s not sickly like some alcohol free wines, nice fizzy drinks, herbal teas, decaf coffee, reading, playing games on my phone, hot bath, binge watching TV. Distraction basically, and replacing the alcoholic drink with something else to wind down. I’m a bit easier on myself in terms of calories as well right now - those little gu cheesecakes are nice to have in the fridge as a post kids bedtime treat. Hang on in there.

@LilyLolo81 welcome and good luck - you’re setting such a good example for your little girl. Stay strong!

Hey all!
I've decided to give up alcohol. I smoke too so I don't think I can give them up at the same time at the moment.Hoping to eventually quit both, I smoke usually 3 a day so I'm hoping I can slowly start cutting the cigarettes out. I've also found that day 2 after heavily drinking is the worst!

Evening everyone 😀 I'm here on day two... well done to everybody, I love reading the posts, they all help. I agree @Badmuthachuffa I get an instant win by feeling motivated and positive. I've had a great day: up early, run in the cold sunshine, zoom coffee, clearing out my garage and now relaxing. I drank everyday over the Xmas break and I'm so pleased to be starting the year out with sobriety.

@aprilfoolsbaby you are so right, I should just cut it out! I fear the headaches but still have a few days until work starts again so perhaps I could manage it. I like @Hangingover's idea of mixing decaf with caffeinated in the coffee machine, I could gradually increase the ratio.... Before kids I ate super healthily and had no desire for cake or sweets or umpteen coffees a day, I need to find my way back to that state. Veganuary helps with reducing sugar as I can't eat what I bake with the DC, and haribo is off the menu.

It's great to hear so much New Year's positivity, welcome to the newbies. @Horlicks4me and indeed everyone, the Vit Bs are super important when you quit drinking. If you detox in hospital they give you a massive shot of Thiamine in the arse, but the others are important too. Someone on here recommended a wee spray one that goes on the inside of your cheek, I carried it in my handbag and had a blast whenever I remembered.

Can I join too. Actually started on the original thread after being ridiculous last NY, managed 3 months AF then lockdown seemed a good reason to start again.
I just can’t drink responsibly so it needs to stop. Did it again this NY and feel like such a fool. I’m 45 this year and feel like I’ve been drinking pretty heavily for 30 years. Time for a change!

Just catching up on posts. Well done @Drybird2020 you’ve done so well and great to see so many people doing such long stints AF. Inspiration indeed.

Hi everyone, could I join? I've had years of sobriety in the past but the last 4 months have been binge drinking 3-4 days a week. Missed a day of work as well.

I've hit a really low point over NY. So many people suffering, nothing special but live on my own, multiple chronic health issues, work 3 days a week. Feel isolated and a bit lonely. Dreading telling my friends I've relapsed.

So this is day 2 for me and I'm going to refer myself back into some sort of support service, Smart recovery zoom meetings maybe? Lying in bed crying is not the way to live.

I am a year alcohol free today 😀

It would have been yesterday but for my birthday experiment (regretted) last year with a glass of champagne, so I added a day on for that.

Am very proud of me! I had no real idea back on the 2nd of January last year that I could do this, but I was just so fed up of using alcohol as a crutch. I wasn’t drinking massive amounts, not blacking out or ever not able to fulfill my commitments, but it was four nights a week of up to half a bottle of wine, sometimes more...and I was just exhausted with the daily noise in my head of “will I have a drink today? Is it the weekend? Have I got a function to go to? Do I have to get up tomorrow?”. The peace with that voice being silent is just so...peaceful

I don’t wake up sweaty at three in the morning with everything I’ve ever said and done wrong whirling in my head. I don’t wake up anxious or snippy, I don’t clock watch to see if it’s five o clock wine time, I don’t feel guilty and anxious when I look at the recycling.

My biggest triumphs have been my alcohol free Christmas, and my booze free holidays, which I enjoyed so much. I thought they. would be a trial, but in the end they were a breeze. And so much more enjoyable without booze weighing down my spirits!

Welcome to all the new faces, you’re in the right place for some cracking support.

Congratulations to hangingover, bunniesbunniebunnies, aprilfoolsbaby, ulysses and of course drybird on your big milestones, you’re all doing brilliantly!

Morning all,
Just checking in to say that all is going well. Sleep is still restless - but at least I wake up with a clear head and less stressed.
It's my birthday today and I am feeling strong and positive that it will be another AF day.

Posted too soon. I wanted to add that I am loving reading so many positive stories. Congratulations to everyone for your AF journeys.

5 days in now and I’m starting to feel so much better. I’ve lost some of the bloating, my face is less puffy and I’m sleeping better. One unexpected effect is the return of my libido...had totally lost interest in sex but suddenly BOOM it’s like a switch has flicked in my head. It’s a very pleasant surprise!

Hi everyone, checking in on day 2. I had my first alcohol free Saturday in at least a year last night, I have to admit it felt really good although Mr Lolo and I were asleep by 10 because we were both bored I’m going to try doing some of my hobby tonight to keep me distracted once my little one is in bed. I had a rubbish sleep and feel a bit groggy today but I’m excited about how good I’ll feel soon! I definitely need to up my vitamins, does anyone have a link for the Vit B spray or can recommend one?

Good morning all. Happy Soberversary @SophocIestheFox huge congratulations to you, an incredible achievement! Are you doing anything to celebrate?

Happy birthday to @FreshStart56 ! Hope you have a lovely day, very keen to hear any words of guidance for navigating a first sober birthday, it’s one of the things I know I’m more worried about.

Welcome to all of those starting out! You are in the right place, and things will start to click the sleep very soon. Well done to those who have just navigated their first sober Saturday night! In terms of distractions I like to cook, I’ve started reading again, running and yoga, being more present with my kids and really watching them and playing with them. Sometimes when I’m struggling I make a little plan for the evening (particularly if my DH is working late) and I’ll get the chores finished and then have a bath or write to some friends or do a meditation, meal plan, sort out birthday gifts for the coming month (can you tell I’m more organised since getting sober!).

Honestly it’s amazing how much time you start to realise you wasted drinking once the days start to stack up, it’s made me a bit sad at times that I didn’t see it. But here I am almost four months sober, I can now run 10km and I have no more nights of self-loathing, I’ve started sleeping properly for the first time in at least a decade and I’m really starting to know that my life will be better AF.

Have a great day everyone!

Can I join? What is the app you are using guys? I’m 2 days no drinking so very early days!

@SophocIestheFox AMAZING! Thank you for sharing, that really speaks to me as I'd was like that, half a bottle 3-4 nights a week.

Welcome everyone else, I can't reply individually on my phone here but honestly keep going day 63 here I feel great and it's not a big thing in my head any more. Read the quit lit, journal, look back on the previous threads loads of good stuff in there. You can do it, I just did a sober Christmas and genuinely did not miss alcohol. I see challenges ahead... that glass of wine on a terrace somewhere hot, my nights out/weekends away with the girls .... all paused cos of pandemic but you know what, I did 5 months in 2019 alcohol free and that included a weekend away with girls which I thoroughly enjoyed, got in an early swim and walk before breakfast. They don't drink that much either so it wasn't like being around heavy drinkers anyway. DH talks about us visiting Italy alone some day, 20 years of discussing it and still neither of us have been, so now rather than picturing me with a glass of red eating pasta on that dream trip I picture myself with a morning coffee walking through the streets of Verona and visualize different things. It's a mind shift that's worth the work.

Happy birthday FreshStart56 & sophoclesthefox

And well done on the year milestone sophocles that's amazing!!

Great to hear all the day 1s and 5s. It does definitely get easier but it's great to tick off first Saturdays dry and first birthdays etc.

Last year I celebrated my anniversary, my 50th birthday and Christmas (& my 2nd Hogmany in a row) without alcohol. And they were not only fine but so much better.

@Notanotherfreak I use the “I am Sober” app and it’s great.

Hello! I’ve been using the I am Sober but kept resetting over Christmas. Today has been my first step beyond Day 2. Last night I wanted a drink so badly plus there was beer in the fridge but I stopped myself because it’s now or never!

Good luck everyone

Wow so much activity here. I’ve got some catching up to do!
I’m 16 days sober and onto 17th today. Still going well with no cravings other than Xmas day. Started Adriene 30 day yoga online yesterday. I’ve never done yoga before but thought it maybe helpful. I’m getting my teens to join in too! I didn’t get around to listening to yesterday’s endorsement of ‘alcohol experiment’ so I’ve got a double dose of that. I do find it fascinating.

@vanitythynameisnotwoman someone with more days under their belt will be able to help more than me. But given you’ve done several months previously you know you can this. What quit lit have you read? Could you go back to that? Living on your own when these restrictions are in place makes life incredibly difficult so don’t be too hard on yourself. You are allowed to meet one other person outdoors so could you arrange a couple of those each week to break up the monotony? I’ve read on here that people create a ‘toolbox’ of go to ideas when they want to drink. Is that something you could do? I’ve not heard of online recovery zoom sessions but that sounds like a great plan! Good for you! Just take one day at a time and post here everyday. Sending love x

@Furble great, thank you!

Thanks furble and breathmiller . I don’t have anything planned to celebrate it. To be honest (and this might make you feel a bit sick, so brace yourselves ) not drinking is the reward and the gift in itself. Hrmmmppph, a bit tree huggy for me, but there it is 😬 I also plan to eat a fair bit of Christmas chocolate.

So glad it spoke to you cartooner, wishing you all the best with your continuing sober journey x

If it helps anyone who is stating their journey, here are the things I have found helpful:

• Annie Grace Alcohol Experiment, also her podcasts/YouTube
• Andrew Johnson quit alcohol guided meditations (and I am NOT one of life’s meditators, I used them to fall asleep to the first three months and I swear the man sneakily rewired my circuits somehow 😳)
• sweets to replace the sugar at first. M&S colin the caterpillar fruit sours were my vice.
• judicious use of alcohol free substitutes. I like Heineken 0%, FreeDamm lager, Nosecco with orange juice.
• reminding myself if I feel stressed or upset that alcohol can’t do anything about that, and in fact makes it more likely that I’ll get more stressed and more upset in the long term.
• that alcohol is just a drug with great marketing and broad social acceptance.
• that alcohol takes far more than it gives.

Great thank you @SophocIestheFox good advice. I've a combined sober count of 10 months out of the past two years, but day 63 now on the final stretch.... hopefully taking me all the way through the next few decades! Every time I read posts like yours I think this is forever. Those who moderate often seem to drift back to square one no matter how well intentioned. Not all, I know that, but I've a firm take on my personality type now around this type of thing and I like one decision full stop rather than lots of niggly decisions dragging out over the weeks.....and the odd headache of regret thrown in!

Hello all, I’ve drunk my whole life (am now 44) but recently it’s crept up to nearly 2 bottles a night so know it’s got to stop. I was all geared up to just cut it out today but am now panicking that I’ll die by doing so! I only drink in evenings, am never massively drunk/ hungover and don’t currently suffer any type of withdrawal symptoms during the day. Does anyone have any advice, should I cut down or just cut it out to stop?