Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

@Breathmiller agree with you about the driving. I used to drive DC a lot in the evening which kept me on the straight and narrow but lockdown has stopped all that. It just shows how you can switch off those cravings if you want to.

Excitingly had first driving evening today for ages. Killed some time and a few of those "hey it's a sunny day how about a relaxing glass sitting in the garden" excuses

102 days!! I’ve not been checking sober app so missed the 100. I remember seeing lots of 100 day posts when I first started AF and thought wow! I can’t imagine me ever having such a streak.
The not drinking hasn’t been hard. Life has! Currently sat in A&E with DD1 who’s overdosed again. Thank heavens I’m sober and able to be here for her, properly here.

I remember the same reading about people who have reached the 100 days and thought it would never be me. Lo and Behold I am one of those too now.
I'm sorry to hear about your circumstances . You say your daughter has overdosed again which makes it sound like you have been through this before? I hope she recovers and the whole family get support afterwards. Well done in staying off the demon drink through difficult times.

90 days for me, still astonished that I have got so far. Similar to @Cartooner age, (in my late 50's), health and vanity concerns all aligned to give me the sign I needed to stop. The last 10 years I have drank daily, again like others, that coincided with no longer needing to ferry my children around - they could do it themselves.

Added benefits, I'm eating healthier and have even done a couple of Pilates sessions (beginners and online).

I am wondering where the old fat lazy drunk me has gone! But thank God she has and I hope I've seen the back of her.

At the start of this I could never ever imagine me posting anything like the last 2 sentences. If I can do this, please believe me - anyone can.

Well done on all the milestones!

I was never a fat, lazy drunk...but, looking back, my drunk alter ego was just an absolute dick. Often the drunkest person at any party and sometimes acting like a giant twat . Glad to see the back of that one! I'd rather be fat and lazy than an asshole . But, I have also really upped my exercise and eaten healthier since stopping drinking, just naturally. So, an added bonus.

@Stayingvigilant, I hope your dd is ok

3rd time in 6 months and still no camhs referral. Once we are home and I’ve slept I’m going to be an extremely squeaky wheel as apparently they’re the ones who get the oil.
To be honest, being anything other than sober right now would be a nightmare!
I’m 50 and wish I’d done this way way way sooner. I’m less ratty. Much nicer to the kids... well, I think I am! DH still drinking but it doesn’t bother me. I am worried about when we’ll start socialising properly but we are new to the area so doubt we’ll get many invites for a while. Friends in my old area are flabbergasted ive quit and keep asking how long I’m going to go for. Whereas these new friends will meet a different person I guess.

@Stayingvigilant that sounds so hard. Yes, be squeaky!!! Keep kicking up a fuss, your daughter really needs a CAHMS referral.

Great to read everyone’s milestones, massive congrats all!!!

I’m late thirties and I’m doing this for my mental health. Sure, the physical and financial benefits are a plus, but booze made me miserable by the end. So glad to be free of it.

And yes, I also love being able to hop in the car at anytime. Again, what freedom we have all gained.

Keep goin all, and sending a big hug your way @StayingVigilant. Hoping your daughter gets the help she needs.

Hi all, I’ve been lurking on and off on here but still alcohol free 4.5 months. I’ve done 5 months twice but no longer so I’m impatient to get past it.
Well done to all new posters and ones who have been here longer, you’re all inspirational. @CrystalE boredom was a big trigger for me too, can’t sit with myself but actually I’ve had a bit of a mindset change and I think how boring it is to sit and drink for every occasion or every time I want to feel different. Lost so many days and nights to doing and feeling the same thing and prob talking the same shite to myself and everyone else for years.
@Cartooner I’m 37
I’m finishing a degree at the moment and I feel so much more capable now I’m not drinking, dropped out first time round. I’m a bit sad when I look back and think I had so much potential but drinking and partying drunk took top priority of everything in my life, it was all or nothing and I always chose all. I remember once a teacher who praised me so much in school saw me out drunk a few years later and I felt so ashamed telling her I’d dropped out. I know it’s not the only cause of people not meeting their potential but I feel we were all sold such a lie about drinking and it robs us of loads

Don't look back Dileen, always forward! Waste of energy going through the what ifs. Enjoy doing the degree now. I honestly don't know what I was doing when in college, got a degree but I crammed the whole time and thankfully it wasn't a degree I had to go then and use in a hospital or wherever, and put people in danger because I didn't learn anything properly! Cos I remember a lot of socialising, drama, fun and not a whole lot of books. I lived with two really studious friends who are both now Drs/Head of a Big Music Department.

Anyway, thank you for all giving me your ages LOL, not a large range really is it we are all the typical age to start questioning things and worrying about health.

Enjoy your evenings! I was five months off the wine yesterday, woo hoo.

and I am sorry I read this thread yesterday and didn't get to reply and realise I meant to say to StayingVigilant I am so sorry to hear what your daughter is going through. It is great you are there for her.

Thinking of you and your daughter @StayingVigilant x

Aww thank you all. She’s already improving thank you. I’m sat in the garden with a Heineken 00. Heavenly!

Glad your dd is on the mend @Stayingvigilant. Hope you get your referral! Squeak like hell 💪

I am 48 days AF today.

Had a drunken phone call from a friend last night and we were having a giggle. I was thinking about a book I read and the author was saying how alcohol is meant to make us wittier, but it really doesn't. My friend and I were making jokes and, (not to brag...ok, small brag), but I was SO funny! Sober, obviously. Also managed not to let the conversation get serious or too deep, (it was really late)!

There is a quote in that same book, which is, "alcohol, we had a deal. You were meant to make me funnier, more attractive and a better dancer. I've seen the video. We need to talk". Or something like that anyway. Very true for me!

Yes we’re getting there, thank you!
Love the ‘I’ve seen the video’ quote!
Hope everyone’s having a relaxed Easter weekend. The weather isn’t all that great so don’t fancy having any friends over. But when we do the Heineken 00 will work well for me. I’ve never been a lager drinker but it’s something about holding & drinking from the bottle that feels party-like. If that makes sense.
Do you all have substitutes? Or do you try not to? I’ve not read any theories on this. For me, I think substitutes will be useful for fitting in, when that’s needed.

I'm still in very early days, but I love fake gin and tonic. Hasn't triggered me to drink alcohol at all and it feels a bit special. £££ though! I was bought it as a gift. Possibly wouldn't buy myself too much as it is pricey. I'm almost as happy with an elderflower and tonic anyway and that's only £3ish a bottle.

@Stayingvigilant I'm glad your daughter is doing a bit better, I know how frustrating it is waiting for CAMHS support. Services where I am are so stretched. Beyond stretched- broken. Well done being sober and there for her. Being able to be present-what an ability.

Thank you drybird she’s been on the waitlist since October after her first OD. Despite the self harming the GP wouldn’t refer as not serious enough. Don’t want to derail the thread but it’s been hideous. My not drinking has made a huge difference to our relationship though and being available, more tolerant & generally more relaxed is making a difference. I feel I owe it to her to stay that way. I’m also so far down the line now (only 100 days or so but that’s far for me) so m not undoing that! I’m never returning to booze. Ever.
Wasabi I’ve not tried elderflower with tonic - interesting! You’re right about how expensive some of the non-alcoholic gins are!

@StayingVigilant I love a substitute! Hate AF wine and find the AF gin etc very expensive for what it is (I’d rather just drink tonic with lemon and ice), but I love AF beer. Funny as I was never much of a beer drinker before. I like Brewdog AF, Heineken AF and weirdly Lidl own brand AF is good and cheap. Don’t like becks blue, just tastes of water to me.

I rely relied on my AF beers to start with. Then I had them less often though now with the nicer weather I’m totally back on them! Occasionally will crack one open guilt free at 11am after a long run😂😂😂

There's one called Bigdrop that is supposed to be nice.

I read about it here but never experienced it until last week I had a dream I drank red wine and then had a hangover and felt a damn why did I bother and then I woke up and had that odd feeling getting dressed of having drank then feeling oh I didn't, yay. It felt like a reminder dream as it had been a sunny evening and DH had sat out on our front bench with a beer and I remember thinking I might have the odd one over summer (yep, I did!) And the dream was screaming at me Nooo, why ruin this and go back to there trying to keep it to the odd one.

Also huberlab on Instagram very good he has and interview with harvard addiction expert on, it's an excellent description she gives that (paraphrasing) we are all on a scale of addiction... its a mistake to view addicted people as separate to everyone else. I think I do that a bit because I didn't drink heaps, but I just look at myself as potentially five years or one upheaval away from excess/addiction. Who knows?

stayingvigilant I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is finding life so difficult. We had similar issues last year with my Ds17 and although he was in crisis he has now been waiting for a psychiatric assessment since then.

But he is doing so well now. I'm really proud of him how he is managing with no support other than us.

I feel the same as you. I couldn't have dealt with it all if I was drinking, either while he was in crisis (he began with having major seizures and being diagnosed with epilepsy and taking strong meds) or the mental health crisis he had after. It's one of these things in the past that I may have been so stressed that I needed to drink to deal with it, if not at the time then after when things settled down. I think I have been able to recover myself from the trauma of it all much easier than if I was also battling hangovers and anxiety.

I am so glad that your daughter is out of crisis. Sending you a big unmumsnetty hug.

I am 50 for the PP that asked for ages. But I have been working on this now for the last 5 or 6 years (at least - maybe more, I can't quite remember) beginning with dry January and drinking less often. So yes, a similar age as others at trying to change habits. I applaud those doing it much younger. I'm not sure I could have done it in my 20s or 30s. But, of course, I wish I had.

I do like AF alternatives but I'm more picky now and only have them at the weekends. I do like some of the beers but I'm Gluten free and they upset my stomach so i don't bother now. I also don't mind fruit ciders but they are very sugary so limit them too. My two go-to's at the moment are Pentire Gin with tonic and lime. Or my very favourite, Strykk NotRum with caffeine and sugar free coke. I've not found an AF wine that is worth it and to be honest I think if they managed a good red equivalent I may find it too triggering. I do like the nosecco with pink lemonade for special occasions so I feel I'm joining in the party but can take it or leave it.

Happy Easter everyone. I'm 8 months this week. And so glad I made this decision last August. Well done to all the milestones. I also saw people at 100 days and it seemed so far away when I started. And now here I am at 8 months. It feels so good. Keep going everyone.

Huge congrats on 8months & Thank you breathmiller! I remember you talking in this thread about your DS’s epilepsy & having to call an ambulance but hadn’t realised he’d had MH issues too. So so difficult and extremely worrying for you. Our children are so blooming precious.
I used to drink pretty much every night so even getting her to A&E would have been an issue. I’m not a great mum when I’m drinking either. Had no idea at the time but looking back I wasn’t always the kindest. I’m much less moody now and generally nicer. I think my kids would agree too! Hopefully.
It was also you who introduced me to Nosecco with fentimans pink lemonade around Christmas time on here. My teens don’t drink and we all like a bit if nosecco & fentimans pink lemonade. I’ve got a bottle of the skyr stuff too but thought it was a gin when I bought it. Bloody awful with tonic! Hadn’t realised it was a ‘rum’. I also splashed out on ‘3 spirits’ a bottle each of their ‘livener’, ‘social elixir’ and ‘night cap’. I really like all of them but especially the nightcap with a dash of hot water. I actually drink a lot of warm cordials. Adore the crushed mint & lime by Robinsons. But it’s just nice to have something special every now & then.
Happy Easter to you all and hope there’s not toooo many choccy eggs being consumed.

For anyone looking for a cheaper version of AF Gin than the usual ones that can be bought in a supermarket I can recommend Specialingredients Juniper Gin Flavour Drop which I purchased on Amazon. With postage it was a tenner but I do need a few more drops than the recommended 1-2 drops. It might even be cheaper on E-Bay ?

Strykk do both. The clear one is gin and the brown/caramelly one is rum.

But i agree, the gin isn't all that. My daughter bought me the pentire one for Christmas and it's my favourite so far.
I have a couple of pink gin ones and they are awful. Will probably just throw them out actually

I've had the Pentire one. It is lovely.

My dad, (teetotal - my mum was the alcoholic who died, in case anyone is wondering, as I mentioned 'a parent' up thread), likes the Stryyk gin. Will definitely give the rum a go!

The gin I have at the minute is called Warners Pink Berry and it's nice. It reminds me of the old fashioned cranberry juice, but a bit drier, when it's with tonic. Think it was pricey, but I didn't buy it. It was a present.

Came on to say it is 50 days AF for me today! Half way to the 100 day mark . Very happy. No plans to go back to booze.