Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Yes, I really have to watch myself around food! The off button is definitely missing for me there too. The key for, as I said, is eating enough of the good stuff, so that I don't then go bananas and eat the entire contents of my snack cupboard . I do think when I drink alcohol, it plays a big part in my eating habits. It's all horribly enmeshed for me! So hopefully sorting out the alcohol will lead to better eating habits too

I'm a relative newbie and doing fine. Ups and downs emotionally, but not craving a drink at all really, (but it's still morning, so easy enough for me to say that now)! Think the whole thing where you numb your emotions with alcohol and then don't sort them out properly has been true for me and I'm now trying to deal with some stuff in my personal life that I've been ignoring! All pretty positive though and yes, my God, the lack of hangovers and no waking in the wee hours in a guilty panic are fantastic .

5 weeks AF today for me!

Speaking of numbing emotions, I just listened to Kae Tempest's book On Connection, very good.

Oh thanks @Cartooner, for that recommendation. I love reading! Will look into that one.

Glad to see you doing so well @ItsActuallyWasabi!

Like @Drybird2020 the hangover free weekends will never get old for me. I love weekends so much more now!

Great to read how well everyone is doing.

I also have a dream now and again when i have a drink. I find it quite funny sometimes. I don't have them often.

I do still have a notion to drink, either for a one off drink that I will savour and enjoy, and then other times (usually when im tired on a Friday) when I think - oh for fucks sake - i just fancy getting pissed! But it passes. I can also laugh at myself about it (sometimes).

Then i remember what I've gained....my skin is great, i sleep much better, my mental health is much more balanced. Crap still happens but it doesn't knock me quite so much as it does when I'm battling hangxiety. My menopause symptoms have settled so much. I'm clearer headed. Fitter. And i genuinely don't think about it most days these days. Just is what it is.

Oh and i feel no guilt at spending money on other things. I like an oil from Neals Yard but at £19 would normally keep it for a birthday or treat. But, its only a couple of bottles of wine worth. And I used to add them into my trolly without blinking an eye. What a money i wasted. I've been adding new bowls or plates into my trolly now or a new top. Nothing fancy, just when I'm at the supermarket but I would never do that before.

I just want to say keep going to all you newbies. By the middle of Easter break I will be 8 months and that feels really good. And much much easier than it did in the early days and weeks.

I have bought a few new things since I stopped drinking. Agree that, compared to the cost of wine over the years and the scary amounts I could spend on a night out in days gone by, a new dress is a drop in the ocean really. I'm much more inclined to do exercise now, and my skin is better, so I also look better in said new dress too.

Nothing fancy either. Just sensible things, I know I'll wear on the school run etc.

Great posts, I think I fancy myself a neals yard oil now!

I am meaning to resurrect my toolbox list and update my inspiration file. I'll add anything of use here when I've done that. As my 4 year old tells everyone in a very cute voice 'sharing is caring'.

Hello, needed to share , I've just checked my I am Sober app, and I'm 63 days sober!!! SO happy!!! Proud!!! I've joined Slimming World online to get rid of all the weight I put on when drinking. My headaches have stopped. I'm sleeping better. No more fuzzy mornings. Just need to hit the nibbling on the head, which has replaced my evening glass of whatever (or 2 or 3 or 4), perhaps not even replaced, I used to nibble crisps and nuts with my glasses of vino. It's a habit and perhaps due to being slightly bored in the evening. So I keep interesting things to do to wind down with. I keep reading the posts on this thread to keep me motivated. I am so impressed with everyones' progress and can relate with all the ups and downs. Thank you all for sharing, because it really helps. Take care!

@Breathmiller I love your post, all you mention is so recognisable!

@ItsActuallyWasabi and @Nowstrong well done!!!

I’m celebrating a non drinking milestone today, it’s been two months since I’ve had my last cigarette☺️ it’s taken 11 months of sobriety to finally give the boot to that shitty coping mechanisms but I’ve done it. I’m really pleased.

Easter is coming up and it is Easter last year that I quit drinking, so my one year milestone is in sight!

Keep going all.

That’s great Bunnies. I really admire your tenacity.

34 days for me, have been thinking about my tipple the last few evenings but kept going. I think it was the lighter sunny evenings that put it into my head.

Off to have my AZ vaccine shortly, hoping I don’t have side effects as I have a lot to do this week.

Not drinking has clarified I am not a morning person. Even stone cold sober I am so groggy and useless for the first 30 mins every morning. It’s great knowing that’s just me though and no guilt about alcohol in my system. Hope that makes sense.

Thank you @Pepper54 and yes it makes loads of sense what you say about not being a morning person!

I’m greatly amused by all the things I’ve learned about myself since being sober. Things that I thought were due to alcohol but are actually just me! A little list:

• I still fall asleep watching telly!
• I still dance in the kitchen
• I’m still very impulsive
• I still sometimes say things that are a bit inappropriate😂
• I still love a good party! (Rules allowing)
• I still like to snack on cheese in the evening😂

So many changes to my life since quitting booze but some bits are just “me” I guess, and I don’t mind that!

I still mix up words when speaking and forget the point of stories or what I was saying
I still over laugh at films nearly to the point of choking if I'm in a giddy mood
I still gorge on food in the evenings like a woman possessed damn it
I still put on music and get ridiculously nostalgic/sentimental

I still fall asleep on the sofa too! I always have to go back and watch the end of an episode and as for films, forget it.

5 weeks and one day done. Really pleased with myself. Definitely the longest I have gone in years. Went to bed for most of yesterday after AZ jab, no fever, just felt blah. Thought of having a drink to ‘cheer myself up’ last night but knew I would hate myself this morning. Feel back to normal now. I have already saved hundreds of pounds, DH said I should treat myself but I can’t think of anything!

Hope everyone is ok.

Great list @Cartooner!😂

@Pepper54 well done!!! I’m an expert at treating myself😂 over the last year I have bought:

• new clothes
• shoes
• books
• underwear
• nice coffee and biscuits
• fancy herbal teas
• take aways
• beauty products
• face masks

Ehmmm the list goes on😂 You must definitely treat yourself! Doesn’t have to be expensive depending on budgets but for big milestones I do like to reward myself🤩

@BunniesBunniesBunnies

Thank you *@Pepper54* and yes it makes loads of sense what you say about not being a morning person!

I’m greatly amused by all the things I’ve learned about myself since being sober. Things that I thought were due to alcohol but are actually just me! A little list:

• I still fall asleep watching telly!
• I still dance in the kitchen
• I’m still very impulsive
• I still sometimes say things that are a bit inappropriate😂
• I still love a good party! (Rules allowing)
• I still like to snack on cheese in the evening😂

So many changes to my life since quitting booze but some bits are just “me” I guess, and I don’t mind that!

Haha. I love this.

Yes, I'm still a bit of a dickhead at times. Can't blame the booze now.

Evening all. I have decided to join you. Did DJ and since then have slipped back into bad habits and this evening had a stupid row with family which was almost certainly exacerbated by early evening wine.

I did a long stretch of sobriety a couple of years ago and felt so much better about life. Lockdown has provided me with many reasons and excuses to drink more than I should.

I know all the arguments but have struggled to overcome the general negative voice in my head that makes me ignore all the common sense.

Day 1 starts tomorrow. Looking forward to reading this thread and getting to know you all.

Welcome @CrystalE🤩

Having done a long stretch sober before will help you so much as you know the benefits and you know you can do it! Everyone’s journey is different but if you read through the thread I’m sure you’ll find lots of recognisable stuff in here. We’re all at different stages, but it’s a very supportive crowd. Good luck on Day 1!

Hello @CrystalE! Yes, I think most people who have ever drunk anything at all have experienced the family arguments which are so often fuelled by wine.

I was watching come dine with me over the weekend and saw some women getting into an emotional argument and two of them were crying and huffing and I was watching it thinking, "I know that exact fight"! It looks different when there's booze involved. Been there probably more times than I'd care to remember.

Six weeks for me yesterday! Feel great about that. Woke up anxious on Friday night about something and realised I used to do that a few times a week, after drinking, when I didn't even have anything to be anxious about! Don't want to go back to that please and thank you.

Thank you for welcoming messages! Feeling determined to succeed this time. Am so impressed by all the long haulers on this thread.

One of my biggest issues seems to be an inability to deal with boredom. I have read around the subject and am coming round to the idea that boredom is is an uncomfortable emotion just like any other so rather than shirk it I need to face up to it for a while in the hope that I can start developing some new ways of dealing with it

Day 1 nearly done. The lighter evenings are a great help as instead of flopping around miserably after dinner I went out for a lovely walk and got home at 8pm. So no need to resort to a drink to fill the boring hours between dinner and bedtime.

Am determined to get out in garden a bit more so am thinking about maybe implementing gardening hour each evening to avoid boredom cravings

@CrystalE welcome and congratulations on the start of your new life. That might sound hyperbolic but I still feel the truth of it, every day.

I totally agree with you about filling the hours, and finding something to do with your time is more positive than filling it with booze. Evening gardening is a great idea and now the clocks have changed its the perfect time to get into it. There are a few gardeners on here.

Welcome crystalE
I was just coming on to say how freeing it feels to have evenings.

I had a busy day planned today (not so much now as DS9 is sick so off school) but I had to fit in the monthly big shop to stock up the store cupboard. But I had plenty energy after dinner last night so went and did the Aldi half off it then.
I live rurally so whenever I had a drink with dinner (or earlier) then I couldn't go anywhere. It's so great to have another 3rd of a day to get things done.

When things open up a bit more then I am looking forward to going out for dinner more. Taxis home cost a fortune so we donttendto do it much as one of us can't drink with our meal. So we end up cooking or having takeaway at home. But it will be no hardship now to drive to a restaurant and I will drive us home.

Good luck CrystalE.

I hope it's not rude to ask but no one needs to answer but I am curious what ages we are here, I am 42 and have reevaluated alcohol since age 40. 5 months off it (3 & 1 & 1 months spread out) and now 5 months off in a row as of tomorrow. I've been quite spurred on by my age, health, vanity and mostly stress reduction at a very busy period of my life as I didn't drink loads but enough to deplete reserves I badly need!

I'm 37