Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Congratulations @BunniesBunniesBunnies , what a great feeling that must be to be in double digits of months! I would also love to hear about your rewards. I think it’s entirely reasonable and sensible, after all so many alcoholic drinks are justified as being “rewards”.

Hello to all the new posters here, including everyone who’s wondering about a Friday evening alcohol free. You can do it, and it will get easier. @Nowstrong was it you talking about losing weight? I have found that quitting did not automatically result in weight loss but it did really empower me to manage my eating and exercise more effectively than before. I’ve lost 2.5 stone since last autumn. 1200 calories per day would have been even harder if I had to include alcohol in there too. Also it’s much easier to head out for a walk or bike ride on a Saturday morning without a hangover.

So far my Friday afternoon/early evening has proven easier than I thought! Particularly as it's only day 2 for me. I did have an alcohol free beer with my dinner just now but am looking forward to a bath whilst DH puts DD to bed and maybe a tea afterwards followed by an early night.

Could you plan and cook a really nice meal (if you like cooking that is) ColdWaterTherapy? Or order in something extra nice.

I'm trying to lose weight as well. Keto always works best for me, but it means alcohol free wines and fizz are out as they're too high in sugar. Really missing my fakes in a glass. It's making it harder without a doubt.

Thank you Blackberryblossom for your encouragements, yes I agree that without the extra empty calories it should be easier. Well done on your weight loss and for being so strong. I am feeling pretty good at the moment, as 2 evenings in a row I have resisted a glass (or more) of wine with my daughter who has been staying for meals. I am very impressed by all the efforts, the helpful ideas and understand so much the ups and downs that everyone is going through.

Hi all, congratulations to all of you celebrating milestones anywhere from day 1. I’m on day 89, I haven’t checked in in a while but I wanted to share this podcast with you.
It’s Bubble Hour Ep. 41. A doctor talking about the effects of alcohol on our health and the massive benefits of stopping.
It’s a little confronting at the beginning but she’s so compassionate and it’s really cemented my decision to stop.

Thanks Diluent! Welcome those joining!

Day 105 here and it NEVER gets old waking up on a Saturday morning fresh. I stayed up until 1am watching TV drinking cocktails (seedlip) and yet still able to get up with preschooler at 7 and not be a wreck. As I said before I didn't drink enough to get more than the odd hangover and yet I feel the benefits massively from stopping entirely and mostly from just not being attached to any need to drink anymore. As the thread says freedom!

Because of lockdown I hadn't been fully tested though, my favourite time to drink is fancy dinner with DH, sunmers evening or out with girlfriends and we don't neck it either, it'd be very relaxed few glasses. I thank lockdown for laying the foundations and hopefully they will be strong when the world opens up again!!

Sorry Dileen, phone keeps correcting me

Welcome everyone new and hi to those I’ve met before! Checking in on day 43 here. I feel amazing this morning. I’ve had a lovely week working from home since the school I work in was closed due to the snow. I’ve been able to catch up on work and life admin and feel so much better for it. I was also able to do a workout on my lunch hour every day which felt like a real luxury. I’m definitely finding the weekends much easier, last night was an options hot chocolate and Netflix with my DP, I’m really lucky as the most he drinks is a nip of whisky every few weeks so it’s definitely easier not to have wine when he’s sitting with a can of coke. I’m finding that not drinking is also helping me get my eating issues under control. I have what my psychologist calls a ‘mental’ eating disorder. I was anorexic then bulimic for a long time and although my actual physical eating has been under control for years I struggle with the mental aspect. There’s normally a constant tug of war going on in my brain between the disordered thinking and the rational side of my brain, it’s exhausting! But it’s been much easier to control without alcohol, my thinking has definitely been on the more ‘normal’ end of the spectrum without much effort. Feeling very proud of myself this morning. I’ve been thinking about you @ColdWaterTherapy, I totally get how you are feeling about your birthday, I worry about mine too, could you plan a day of things you love to do (buy a new book to read, have a bubble bath, watch something you’ve been saving, order your favourite food) to help make it feel special? I hope you all have a lovely Saturday! Xx

Just realised I wrote a bloody essay sorry!

Thanks for all the welcomes

I've got a feeling I'll be posting a lot this weekend as a means of keeping motivated during my first dry weekend. Just poured myself a glass of Aldi's own version of Dan Pellegrino lemon with mint soft drink. It's lovely! Normally I'd be counting down the minutes to midday for wine so keeping busy with cooking lunch and then some crafts with DD followed by dinner preparations (lasagna)!

Sounds like a lovely week LilyLolo good to hear that the alcohol free way helps with the eating issues.

Sounds great to wake up refreshed Cartooner! Can't wait for that feeling, still groggy this morning as probably detoxing now. Still, it's a better grogginess than being hungover!

Checking in lads, hope you're all warm on this horrible evening.

Question (that I'm too scared to post elsewhere on MN)...
Is anyone else dreading lockdown being over, just a tiny bit?

Obviously I want to see my family (and obviously want everyone else to be able to do what they want again) but I'm worried my natural tendancy towards FOMO and my drink cravings are going to mutate into thinking everyone else in the world is having fun boozy night outs. I don't have many friends here (recently moved) and I haven't been able to learn to drive during lockdown... I dunno. Everyone else is rapturously looking forward to restrictions being lifted and I'm... scared!

Hello @Hangingover😊 I think it’s very normal to feel that way! However I’ve already enjoyed relaxing of lockdown rules over summer and had some really late nights with friends, they were quite drunk but it really didn’t matter! I had a lovely time anyway! It was really reassuring to me. I’ve also made some new sober friends which has been lovely.

Definitely didn’t feel the FOMO I feared. In fact I think my some of drinking friends were quite envious of my lack of hangover, glowy skin and much trimmer body than before, though maybe I imaged that🤣

Hope the first weekend is going okay @LittleSwede!

Thanks Bunnies How are you doing?

Thanks Bunnies, today was fine in the end and I'm happily sipping a cup of tea and reading a book

Nice work @LittleSwede👍
I’m okay @Hangingover, this whole homeschooling whilst working thing can do one now😝 but other than the general lockdown fatigue I’m actually feeling pretty good. Running loads which is helping so much. Hope London is treating you okay🙂

Day 5 here, feeling quite good today. I had a few wobbles and felt a bit emotional yesterday but was probably just part of the detox process.

Any recommendations for further quit lit? Really liked The Naked Mind, am finding Allen Carr less of an easy read but will finish later today. A lot of the other ones I looked at seemed to be written by high flying career women juggling children and city jobs, I'm a part time teacher spending most of my time caring for a child with autism and don't feel that I can relate to tales of boozy evenings in city bars. Don't get out much

Hahaha@LittleSwede that made me laugh!!! Well done on day 5, I haven’t read that much quit lit but I’m sure someone else will be along soon with some recommendations:-)

@littleswede I was going to suggest the Claire Pooley book and blog, but she might come into the category you want to avoid! She's an ex advertising exec who quit to stay at home with kids and is very affluent, so worlds away from my existence, but I found her readable and likeable and funny.

To begin with I found memoirs by alcoholics less helpful because I had a feeling of "oh well I was never that bad" , which I thought was a dangerous place for me - I could have used it as an excuse for drinking again. But my perspective is now that I could easily have become that bad if I hadn't stopped. I recently read Louisa Young's "you left early", and Clarkson Dickson Wright's autobiography. Both books show clearly how early trauma can lead to alcohol abuse.

@bunniesbunniesbunnies its lovely to see you bouncing along despite the pressures. Yesterday I got out for my first run in a week, it was bliss! The weather here has been an impediment to many things .

@Hangingover I get what you are saying. Lockdown 1 made quitting much easier for me but it was OK when it lifted, I'd had long enough to get into the groove. You've got more going on in terms of life upheaval, though. How are the SMART meetings working for you?

Thanks Bunnies, day 6 now and feeling good! Hope you are getting a break from the homeschooling this week

I was looking at the Claire Poiley book yesterday and thought it looked good DryBird will order it today. I know what you mean about the memoirs, looked at the Bryony Gordon Rock Bottom yesterday and thought it might just derail me into thinking, well I wasn't that bad! Although I was definitely quite a bit down into the Pitcher Plant! Interesting about the early trauma being linked to alcohol abuse. I think stopping drinking will bring back a few things I haven't dealt with out of the woodwork but will tackle that as it comes.

I definitely feel that the lifting of lockdown might bring it's own little challenges Hangingover but instead of a cold beer in the sun I am going to go all Swedish and have 'Fika' in the sun instead, coffee and cinnamon buns! Fika tastes much better outdoors

Just had a quick read of the Claire Pooley blog and really liked it, particularly the 'Mother's Helper or Mother's Ruin' entry re Mother's day gifts of alcohol.

Hi has anyone else found they feel really rubbish around week 3 alcohol free. No energy at all and very depressed just want to sleep all the time. This is not what I expected. Im not talking about myself but a close friend who has been alcohol dependent for 25 years. Theyve done amazing to give up, not had any for 21 days. They are eating and drinking plenty of water and taking a vitamin supplement but have lost a fair but of weight and feeling very down. Anyone with any insight into this? Is it normal when withdrawing? Any advice welcome 🙏

100 days AF today 😀 My vaccination appointment came through yesterday and I spent a truly sad amount of time trying not to engage with the inner voice saying "well that's worth celebrating, isn't it?... Hey, I said Isn't It?.... Hey, I'm talking to you, why aren't we drinking?" I didn't drink anything but heavens it was a tempting thought. Because of course alcohol would really help my body build an immune response after 100 days dry🙄 Anyway today that voice is gone and I shall celebrate tomorrow with something like a long hot bath or some chocolate or spending some Christmas vouchers.

@Hangingover I wonder about life after lockdown too. There are so many people that I would normally drink with, I suppose if I tell them now then maybe it won't be a thing when we're back in a drinking place again. I want to hold onto the few good things that lockdown brought - not just the health and self changes but recognising what I missed the most and adjusting how I spend my time after lockdown. That's the plan anyway.

100 days though. Go me! Thank you everyone for all the support.