First steps in sobriety - maybe baby steps but we will get there

[Failingbettereverytime]

Like many people, lockdown has forced me to face my drinking and I needed to admit I had a problem. Working from home meant taking the brakes off on my drinking and I was getting through five bottles of wine a week.
18 days ago I decided that I had to stop before I did irreversible damage to my health. I've been lurking on the alcohol support board since then but tonight, after reading a thread in AIBU I decided to be brave and start my own thread. I hope to use it to hold myself accountable and to maybe gather together some likeminded people to see this journey through with. I've given myself a target of 100 days to start with. So far it's been up and down, but I know that I am doing the right thing for me.
Please come and join me if you think some mutual support and encouragement would help you get started on this journey too. And if you are further along the path, come and share your words of wisdom - they will definitely help.

Hey Failing, today has been good. Went to a bbq and again I drove. Luckily no pushy host this time so it was fine. I took a bottle of rhubarb and ginger sparkling non alcoholic stuff. It was nice. I nearly caved on the way home and picked up two small bottles of red, even parked outside the shop. Changed my mind last minute which I’m glad about. I seem to be enjoying the healthy feeling more than I am missing the buzz. It’s hard though, seems unnatural to not have a drink.

Hi everyone.

I am on day 9 of no drinking and wanted to join you all

I started another thread about feeling like shite and was pointed in this direction.
I have drank too much for too long. Regularly in excess of 100 units weekly in wine so thought I'd be feeling on top of the world by now. I'm not. I'm really struggling with insomnia with no wine to knock me out. I have taken 2 kalms to help but tmi it's gone right through me so now I'm scared of going to sleep haha. I need putting out of my misery!

Anybody done this before and knows how long before the energy and flawless skin comes along?

Morning all. Shocking week for me. I've drank daily. Managed to stick to 2 drinks per night during the week but over the weekend it's been a lot more. I've clocked up a lot of units this week and am paying for it today. But I do feel more determined to have some serious AF time this coming week. I can't carry on like this.

Good morning everybody. Day 22 today and last night was tricky - we had dinner in the garden and DH and adult DC were all drinking lovely cold white wine, but I stuck with my flavoured tonic water (the Fevertree lemon one is v refreshing if anyone likes tonic) and feel better for it this morning. Slept a little better too although didn't drop off until 2am but I think that's the heat.
@bostonbaby the books all say that the physical effects of alcohol have worn off by day five, but I think I kind of took that to mean that I would magically start feeling on top of the world by then and that isn't quite happening. I think that actually it's a bit of a long haul restoring the body after abusing it for so long (nearly 40 years in my case!) and we need to be a bit more accepting and roll with it a bit. I have started to take supplements (they recommend B complex as drinkers often are deficient in this and also vitamin D with K). I am taking both of these and magnesium with a multivitamin thrown in for good measure.
Sleep is also a big issue for me. I have forced myself to leave my phone downstairs at night as I am terrible for picking it up to distract myself when I am having trouble sleeping. I have sleepband headphones and I play an ocean sounds relaxation mix which seems to help a bit - I try to match my breathing to it. It's not the answer but it helps get me off the hamster wheel of my own brain. You are doing so well to have made it to 9 days - just keep going and keep posting here.
@Doggodogington well done on the bbq. My complete lack of social life means I haven't had to face the challenge of not drinking in public yet. The rhubarb and ginger sparkling stuff sounds nice - what brand is it? Well done for resisting the wines.
Morning @Patbutcherismyhero Don't beat yourself up about this week. If it was easy to stop we'd have done it years ago. Give yourself credit for the days you have managed to moderate and think about small changes you want to make next week. Alcohol is an addictive drug and quitting isn't easy. God knows I've tried enough times. Every time we try helps give us strategies to use the next time. Hope you have a good day and go easy on yourself.

@Failingbettereverytime it’s this one. Bottle Green it’s called, they have different flavours.
Day 5 for me which is the longest stretch for me since January 2019.
I have motorbike leathers I have to get into in two weeks so that is helping with my willpower. Every time I think “I’ve been good enough to have a glass or two” I think about how the leathers felt the last time I wore them.....not good! They were so tight I could hardly get on the bike 🤣🙈

I have been at a garden party for my brothers birthday today and stuck to diet coke. Shocked faces all around when they saw me Not drinking. I was driving so nobody thought anything of it really but everybody had loads of stories about what I had done pissed up previously. Falling over and fighting mostly I never want to drink again.

@bostonbaby it’s horrible isn’t, when everyone is questioning why you aren’t drinking. It becomes “a thing”. Well done though!

Well week 2 of my diet and I've lost a grand total of....nothing! I've stuck to the food religiously but clearly the drinking at the weekends is the issue. So that's it. No drinking for a week.
It's DH's birthday next week so I'll likely have a drink then but until then it's my aim to have none.

I think I might join you if that is okay. My DH and I are drinking far too much and we both recognise it needs to stop. DH doesn't sleep at al if he has been drinking. I don't sleep at all if I haven't been drinking. I think we need a gradual cutting down plan. We have visitors coming for the last 2 weeks in August and I know we will be drinking. It is setting us up to fail if we go completely AF right now. However from September to Christmas we have nothing planned and this would be a great chance to overhaul our health in every aspect. So drinking, food choices and exercise. Body and mind. I so want to do this. I feel fat, old and bloated.

Welcome @Apolloanddaphne Sounds like you have a good plan in mind to get started. If you plan in your August drinking and have a few AF days then you can cut down gradually in time for September. I went AF three weeks ago (Day 23 today!) but my DH is cutting down and plans to go AF between September and Christmas. He plans to start drinking again at Christmas but I know I can't do that. Can I recommend that you use the time before you quit to read a book such as Craig Beck's Alcohol Lied to Me or one of the other similar quit lit books? You will find it much easier to stop (even temporarily) if you read one of these - I've read about six in the last few weeks on my Kindle and am finding them an absolute lifeline as they explain all the scientific stuff about how alcohol affects your body and help me understand what's going on with me. The Sober Diaries is another really good one.
@Doggodogington love the look of that fizzy drink - I'm going to get a couple of bottles for the weekend. I'm facing my first test tonight as some friends have invited us round for drinks in the garden - I haven't mentioned my new found sobriety so there will be a certain amount of surprise as I'm not normally known for it to say the least. Well done @bostonbaby at staying strong in a difficult situation. Other people are my biggest worry in all this - I am known as a bit of a party girl and am likely to get a similar reaction from my friends. But think of all the future embarrassing situations we will be avoiding. Not to mention dangerous ones - I once fell all the way down a tube escalator after a few too many pints - luckily it was late at night and there wasn't anyone else on it. I was lucky to get away with torn ligaments in my ankle that made it difficult to walk for months. Did it stop me drinking? I didn't even consider it. That was 25 years ago and my ankle never completely recovered.
It's my weighin day tomorrow @Cherrybakewellll so I feel your pain! I thought the weight would be falling off me by now - no such luck! Good luck with your AF week. Maybe you should try out @Doggodogington's AF drink recommendation.

Hey @Failingbettereverytime how did it go?

I’m one week alcohol free today! My OH plans to cut down on alcohol after this week (he’s on leave this week).

Still limping along here. I have my birthday meal out tomorrow night it's going to be so tough but I am determined

I have lost 6lb and 3 inches from both waist and hips so the bloat is dropping even if i don't feel it. I am very overweight though so it will take many many more of those before it is noticeable.

I found a lovely drink in Lidl. Mexican lime and elderflower flavoured sparkling water. Gorgeous in a gin glass with ice and lime slices

I might look for some books tomorrow if I get time.

Feeling my appetite drop now too. Body getting used to the drop in sugar maybe?

Morning @Doggodogington and @bostonbaby How is everyone coping in the heat? I woke up with a bit of a headache today and felt under the weather. Made me realise that for most of the time in the past few years that's been my morning 'normal'. And now I expect to wake up feeling clearheaded and painfree. Day 25 today so that was a bit of a revelation.
Well done on reaching the one week mark @Doggodogington - you are now out of the physical withdrawal zone according to all the books. But of course we all know that the mental challenges that go along with going alcohol free are more persistent. I went to the supermarket yesterday and although they didn't stock the Bottle Green drinks, I found a nice Fevertree Blood Orange soda. Drank it in the garden last night with some neighbours and it was delicious. Didn't feel the lack of alcohol at all.
@bostonbaby I haven't lost any weight this week but I do feel less bloated. 3 inches off waist and hips is amazing. Going to measure mine in a minute and see if there is any difference! I agree about having less appetite too - I am definitely eating less but I wish it would show on the scales! Good luck with your birthday meal. Plan for non-alcoholic drinks in advance and visualise yourself drinking and enjoying them. The other great advice in the books I've read is to 'play it forward' when you are tempted to have a drink - visualise yourself having the drink and then the next drink and the next... and all the consequences.
I am only five days of the first 30 now and I feel I can finally set my eyes on the 100-day goal. I have been browsing jewellery online and have promised myself an Astley Clarke bracelet when I get there. I want to have the letters NQTD engraved on it to keep reminding me to Never Question The Decision to give up alcohol. I picked the phrase up from one of the quit lit books and it really rings true to me - I know I can never go back or I will be back where I started so quickly.
Have a lovely day and Happy Birthday for tomorrow Bostonbaby!

Is it too late to join you? I have been attempting a dry August but last night decided to treat myself to a glass of wine after a hot day at work. Of course I didnt stick to one glass and I'm so disappointed with myself. I'd like to share the journey with others if I may.

@angorarabbit never too late. Don’t write the rest of the month off because of one slip. Next time you feel tempted just remember how you felt this morning and ask yourself if it was worth it.

Welcome on board @angorarabbit Don't be disappointed by yourself. You need to turn it around and instead of calling last night a failure, think about all the successful days you have had in August already. I was reading a really good chapter about that in Simon Chapple's Sober Survival Guide yesterday. It was all about turning our thought processes around and reframing them positively. So instead of saying 'I'm not going to drink tonight' we think 'I'm looking forward to being sober today'. Alcohol addiction is a hard thing to kick - as you can see from my user name this isn't the first time I've tried it. But I feel better equipped now, very much due to all the quit lit I've been reading which has given my a lot of tools to embrace the sober mindset rather than the negative 'I'm being deprived of something good' mindset that I always had before.
As @Doggodogington says, don't make it an all or nothing thing. Acknowledge the slip and move on.
How is everyone else doing today? @Jaguarana @Rupertpenrysmistress @Apolloanddaphne @Patbutcherismyhero and @bostonbaby Hope you are all having a good week and the heat hasn't got too much to bear.
I am super happy today because DD has got her A Level results and she is into her first choice university which is a huge relief given the uncertainty this year. I just need to make sure I don't drink any of the prosecco when we open it for her later on. I have a bottle of Clementine tonic to drink instead.

failingbettereverytime congratulations to your daughter you must be so pleased. Enjoy your Clementine, I quite like the sound of that. Welcome angorarabbit I have been there too many times I can count on one finger how many times I have opened a bottle and only had one.

Hope everyone is coping with the heat. It feels a tiny bit cooler maybe today .

Hi can I join?
I'm trying to cut down because after lockdown and then a holiday I've got into v bad daily habits. I'm also trying to lose weight, let's face it they go hand in hand and I'm building up to starting the fast 800 (again) on Monday. I think the important thing is to keep on trying, be mindful rather than slipping into a kind of denial, pick yourself back up if you fall without beating yourself up, and get support. I'm cutting down gradually so drinking 2 glasses of wine each night at the moment until monday when I'm starting mon-fri dry and max 1 bottle wine fri to sun. If i manage that I will be over the moon!

Thanks for the positive comments, really helpful! I will take them on board and stay in touch.

@Failingbettereverytime Well done to your DD!

I am still here and managing to cut down a bit. I bought some nice cordials and soda and have been enjoying them. When I am drinking I am trying to do so mindfully and thinking if I really need another one. Small steps.

Congratulations to your DD failing.
Have had a day out at a theme park today and a glass of white was so tempting this evening. I have dug down deep though and pulled some will power from somewhere. I allowed myself desert instead, which I almost never to as I save my calories for alcohol.

Well done your dd. Exciting times ahead for her!

I had my birthday meal with just water last night which has really encouraged me to continue, would be a shame to have done that in a lovely restaurant and break it with wine at home. Dh still drinking enough for the 2 of us but that's another thread. I have been going to bed early to read to stay out of the way. I could do with doing some exercise instead maybe.
I have had about 6 Ice lollies and birthday chocolates but im making good decisions with meals. Just had couscous instead of garlic roasties, food and alcohol choices really do go hand in hand as pp said above.

Does anybody have any plans for weekend? Any obstacles or challenges they can see ahead?

So now I am officially on a new day two, and I am going to be positive about keeping it up. A very muggy night here so I didnt sleep well, but still feel better than I did yesterday morning... I need to hanf on to that thought and make some plans for the weekend

Morning everyone and welcome @Beroltheperil. You sound like you have got your cutting down plan well worked out. I think quite a few of us here are trying to lose weight as well as quit or cut down on alcohol. I am hovering a couple of pounds above the overweight bmi zone and my goal is to push myself down there before school starts in a couple of weeks. I need to lose about three more stone overall but one step at a time. Just fitting back into last winter's work clothes will be a big enough achievement for September.
Thanks for the congrats @Rupertpenrysmistress @bostonbaby and @Apolloanddaphne She has had a tough time over the past few years as she has a chronic illness that really affects her mobility and makes her very fatigued and there was a time a couple of years ago when she had missed so much school that we couldn't even see her getting this far. The uni she is going to seems to have really good support for disabled students so we are hoping it will all go well, though kind of nervous too.
Fantastic result on your birthday meal @bostonbaby! I hope your first sober birthday is the start of many happy sober occasions. I think Christmas is going to be my biggest challenge! I love a glass or seven of prosecco on Christmas Day!

I totally relate to what everyone is saying about food. We had Dominos as a exam results treat for DD last night and I didn't dare weigh myself this morning. But I definitely think healthy food choices are easier to make when you are sober.

Well done on day 2 @angorarabbit I have really noticed also how much better I am feeling in the mornings even though I am still not sleeping brilliantly (slowly getting better though). Planning ahead is definitely key to doing this. Weekend is going to be quiet here and I have got some elderflower cordial in which I like mixed with fizzy water. I am obsessing a bit about nice AF drinks now, but if it keeps me sober! Has anybody tried Nosecco or any of those AF sparkling wines and do you rate them? I had my Clementine tonic yesterday when everyone else had prosecco and really enjoyed it actually. I think it helps having non-alcoholic drinks that are kind of treats. Drinking a lot more water too.
Have a great weekend everyone.

“Naice” non alcoholic drinks are definitely helping. Just having the glass in my hand, or on the side when I’m cooking is helpful. I’m hoping the benefits of Non drinking will start to show soon, I think my face looks less red and puffy. It feels more springy to the touch too, I think, or it could all be in my head. I’m not fussed on the non-al versions of g&t or Prosecco, though I’m not fussed on Prosecco anyway and have only ever drank it to join in with my friends.
10 days for me today.
Getting through the books, have bought the Allen Carr easyway one for women, not sure how much it differs to the original easyway book. Reading a bit every day helps remind me why I’m doing it.

My mum says I work hard so I deserve a drink I can see why she says this but I told her that I can’t see alcohol as a treat or a reward anymore. She seems to accept that. I’ve also told my friends I haven’t had a drink for a while but I don’t think they realised that I have given it up totally. They’ll be very aghast at that as drink has always been part of our social lives and get together as for the last 25 years!