Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

Drybird2020 thank you for giving me a chuckle though. Since I can't actually drive, your bit about me driving to eliminate temptation to drink gave me the mental image of us cheerfully being waved off by our hosts and then confidently backing the van over their herbaceous boarder.

Ah, yes, I can see the flaw in that idea 😜
The anxiety does sound bad and maybe you could get some help with it when you are ready, but you don't have to do everything at once. In time you might find that you can enjoy meeting people and going to social events sober, but if you're not ready for that yet, then you're not ready for that yet.

I can't believe I'm having someone literally tattoo my face for three hours tomorrow and I'm fretting about a flipping dinner.

Right, I've thought about it. I'm going to go. It will probably be awful but DP and his friend will at least gas at length about their shared hobby so if I'm not talking much it will go unnoticed. And Woolies sell some plant based ready-meals which I could bring and just have some salad. I'll bring medicine in case of tummy upset. It's only a few hours of my life. I'm dreading it but it's got to be possible.

To those asking thanks I have had talking therapy on and off for years, since teens (32 now). While it's helpful in some ways I've never found it much good for the actual panic attacks. I'm not bad enough to go back on tablets I dont think - I became sucidal when coming off Zoloft and went to rehab for a tranq addition so they won't give me any benzos (thankfully!).

Hangin you are going to feel so great when youn get through that.

This is my tip..... schedule a treat for the following day. Something to really look forward to- whatever rocks your boat. So when it gets hard and you start to worry focus on the treat the next day and ride it out.

Then come back to the trhead and tell us how you went. :) We can't wait to hear. :)

I'm glad to be sober today. Hard and rough day. But I know that I don't have to worry about how I feel tomorrow.

I am going to bed to watch repeats of Locaiton Locaiton Locaiton. :)

happy days.

Night everyone.

Hi everyone,
I really slipped up big time yesterday! I drank a bottle of wine before hubby got home but was fine, no slurring or nothing noticeable.
He ended up getting close and smelling the alcohol on me and asked had I been drinking. I flatly denied it but he knows quite well!
He’s now not speaking to me and I’m so ashamed 😩
He thinks I haven’t had a drink in 11 months!!

@Holyjebus, oh no! That’s tough.
Have you considered telling him the truth? Talking to my husband about my drinking was a big part of me stopping. In the end of course you need to do it for YOU not him but his support will be crucial. It helps to have someone holding you accountable.

Aww @holjebus

I agree with @BunniesBunniesBunnies try talking to him. Iv told almost everyone im giving up drinking so feel i have to stick to it know everyone knows. I told everyone about my slip up on monday 2 i feel if things arnt a secret u always feel better.

Dont beat yourself up for it just start again afresh from today

Thank you both so much, it means a lot as I’m eaten up with guilt at the minute.
I’m afraid to be honest with him as the last time I went on a bender that he knew about, he told me our marriage would be over if I didn’t stop drinking 😢
I’m fooling myself by saying I’m not hurting anyone this time round, I’m not getting drunk or not caring for my kids.
I hate the thought of never drinking again. It’s a tough thing to try to resonate with myself.
I’m definitely done for now, my marriage is more important to me.

@Holyjebus, your husband knows. You said it yourself, he could smell it on you and he knows you lied. In the quit lit I've read I keep coming across "telling on your inner addict", have you come across this idea? Your addiction wants you to keep it secret so you can carry on, but if you tell on it, it's out in the open and exposed. You've made a start by coming back to the thread and talking about it, that takes strength. I wonder if you'd feel better if you were also honest with your husband. Could you ask for his help and support?

Be kind to yourself today.

Thank you Drybird. You’re right, I need to be honest with him.
Can I ask what the book is? I should really take a look at something like that.

Progress Report;

Dinner was a howling success. They were such LOVELY people and there was no suggestion of anyone having any alcohol. Just lovely homemade (vegan!) soup and bread and tea and chats. The DC were all dotey too. I didn't think about booze or panic attacks from start to finish. Am so happy I feel a bit emotional. There is life after wine.

(microblading was also a doddle - didn't hurt and brows are on fleeeeeek)

Thanks so much for helping me through this guy's x

Holyjebus

@Hangingover that is absolutely brilliant. You faced your fear and your reward was a lovely time and feeling good!! I'm intrigued by the eyebrows too... Did you say 3 hours?

@Holyjebus I have now read so much Quitlit it all merges into one but I think the inner addict might get a mention in The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. The term could be from AA originally, I'm not sure. A book that gets a lot of love on here is Mummy was a Secret Drinker by Clare Pooley, it's a fun read as well as containing relatable truths and wisdom that I often regurgitate to myself and others when struggling 😊

@Drybird2020 I love that, analogy ( if that's event the right word?!) I have recently told a few friends and theyve been really lovely and supportive. @Holyjebus yeah I think you should be honest with him. He'll respect you more in the long run, even if hes less than impressed initially, than if he catches you out on it.

That sounds like you had a lovely evening @hangingover .

Hang in there @Holyjebus . I hated the shame of DH knowing I had been drinking. I remember him finding a mug with the dregs of wine left during the Christmas holidays and I made some flippant comment that it was the only thing I had to hand but it left me with a burning red face and that feeling of eternal shame. I still cringe inside thinking about it. It's important for me to document these things so I realise how addicted I was and the impact it had on relationships with others and how secretive I was being about it.

I'd recommend The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober. I read on the 2nd January and I think it helped me crystallise my thoughts on my alcohol consumption, so it turned Dry January into Dry Forever. I didn't have a plan to stop drinking for good but the more I read about it and the longer I have stayed off it, the better I have felt.

I sometimes find myself going on the Mummy Was a Secret Drinker Blog as well.

@Hangingover so glad your meal went well. Sometimes the worry of something is worse than the actual event.

I’ve read lots of the books suggested, all very good reads.

I don't know if it counts as quit lit because the bits describing the partying might be triggering but I've listened to Rachel's Holiday over and over and over. The journey she takes to realising her problem and the different characters and their own experiences I found really relatable, sad and comforting all at once.

I have just read this

www.quitlikeawoman.com/

It;'s very good. well researched and written.

I also like Ann Dowsett Johnsons book

anndowsettjohnston.com/books.html

I love Clare Pooleys book also.

@Hangingover

Glad your night was a success, anxiety is horrible drains the life out of you and for what.. No reason... Shame we cant just switch our brains off.

Such great news you had a good night Hanginover. :)

What was the vegan soup? DH is veg and heading for vegan so looking for ideas. :)

I have a day off tomorrow. It is the first day off I have had since the easter Monday. I am so pleased. I have done 12 hours overtime this week to get ready for my day off which is bonker,s but it means I can actually take it. So happy. I am planning to sleep in - no 5 am starts. Take the dogs for a walk. Help the DCs with their homeschooling and make an apple pie. Bliss.

oh actually, no- I workd half days both Godo friday and easter monday.

[thinks...]

first day off since New Years I think!

Holyjebus in the days when my DH worked and came home after me he would come home and lean in ostensibly for a kiss but actually to smell my breath. I felt such shame..

Hi all ,well I’m back on day three , I wanted a drink so I had a drink and realized that I just can’t take it anymore. Felt so Ill that I never want to go there again .I was wrong about not feeling any different if I drank or not ,I feel great without it I’d just forgotten how awful I feel when I have had a drink So it’s onwards and upwards.