Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

I hear you Dion. Trying to work around dd2 off school, taking them coat shopping after school, my turn to run woodcraft folk session- trying ti preside over a movk election.. Not a recipe for AF. Though going to see if i can stick to 1/4 bottle. Ha will see. On plus side Sainsbury's have 25% off all clothes so got bargain coats for dc and some Christmas presents for kids of friends. Am mostly done with my own shopping now but am being spammed by mil wanting help with hers. Dm will start up soon. Sigh. If only Christmas didn't involve presents or enforced jollity. I could get on board with parties and decorated trees.

Aww Dion, you're too kind. I mostly feel in muddling round in a shambles, but I suppose some things have worked out 😊

Longest I'm in awe of anyone who can drink a quarter of a bottle of wine. I have more than that in one glass!

Totally with you on forced jollity. I'm already feeling the anxiety rising. I'm gearing up for the annual festive guilt trip from my mum. She has high expectations of Christmas that neither me or my brother share or are able to accommodate, then we get made to feel bad about it. Every bloody year.

That's very uncharitable of me because I know she's quite lonely, but I'm quite overstretched and would quite like a day or two loafing round in my pyjamas eating Quality Street and drinking Prosecco either side of the big event.
I'm happy to host on Xmas day. Happy to attend the family party on 21st. Always go out with my bro and raise a glass to our dad on 22nd (his anniversary). By the time Boxing Day comes round I want to do my own thing before work starts up again and the boys go off to their dad's.

But how to accommodate my mum's need to not be alone on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day, or any point between then and new year?

Morning all

Am also getting stressed over Christmas and holiday and ds birthday. Every year I say I am going to be more organised, have presents bought and wrapped by beginning of December blah blah fucking blah.

Every year it gets to this time and I start making lists in my head of what I have to do, buy, wrap, organise, clean, pack for holiday, ds birthday etc.

And have done the obvious thing last night and turned to gin 🙈. Only had 2 but they absolutely blew my head off, sacked doing a fry up for dinner and sent dh to subway instead.

Am busy today, new TV arrives, someone coming to mend back door which is sticking, someone coming to audit the electric service that was done in the summer. Then got new tv to set up, old tv to set up upstairs, old old tv to drop at my mums, ds to take swimming after school, want to get suitcases down and start wrapping ds birthday presents up and order a few things from dds Christmas list.

Plus dh has broken the news that he may be finishing work next Friday rather than the following Thursday.

Suspect it's going to be about damage limitation rather than dry until January now.

Had a lovely ride on BabyPony yesterday though so that was good. She's such a superstar.

Ahh big bunch of 💐 to everyone fretting about Christmas. I’m not but only because I shopped so early and said no to any family events at all quite early on, hence only five of us on the day and no other obligations at all except one extra nice person on Boxing Day. It’s been quite a shitty 2019 and I’ll be glad to see the back of it. Someone posted on the feminism board that Christmas is just additional wife-work and I agree, it is. No wonder it’s stressful.

I toyed with the idea of driving presents to relatives today but have decided to do it next week instead.

Longest and Frouby, those are long and tedious To Do lists, good luck with them. NC4, me too on the quarter of a bottle, I can easily do that in one glass. I hope you find a solution to the situation with your mum, that’s not easy.

Day 24 AF here, I’m very pleased with that.

Christmas is just additional wife-work and I agree, it is. No wonder it’s stressful.
So true Water. Christmas wouldn't happen at all if it down to men. As it is, all they have to do is buy us a present but even that is beyond the capability of some of them.
I'm very lucky being in France, no family except my DC to worry about, plus DH and his DC but they will spend Christmas Day with their maman. None of us like eating a lot so Christmas lunch will probably be smoked salmon and or foie gras, in France the main meal is on 24th so we will have a roast but nothing else then. There is no Christmas Pudding to organise.

As long as I can go out for a nice long run with my border collie (at least 20km) on Christmas day, with another walk with the family after lunch, that is perfect . And there is no Boxing Day here so everything is back to normal on 26th.
Saying that, I would like to be nearer my parents to visit them. They are in their mid eighties and in good health, they both have full lives, so never ask to see me or my brother, but I know they would like to see my two DC over Christmas. It isn't always possible as I'm always working over Christmas/New Year with the gites occupied.

New twatting tv arrived and set up. Bloody thing looks massive, was a pita to set up and assemble the base for. Then swapped other tv to bedroom and bedroom tv now in back of truck to take to my mams tonight.

Am bloody knackered with hefting tvs around all twatting day. But so much easier to do it with an empty house. Dh is very good at hefting, but also very heavy handed and absolutely crap at reading instructions or even listening to me read the instructions out. Plus ds is always wanting to help and getting in the way so far easier to Get Shit Done while they are both out.

All done now.

Christmas actually gets less stressful each year as I keep scaling stuff back. It's only us Christmas day as I stopped inviting people years ago when dh was poorly and now prefer it that way. Christmas eve is lovely. I send dh off to pick up the turkey, fresh bread, last few bits I can't get earlier. I clean while he is out, then we go for a walk round the lake, call at pub on way home for a couple, then home to chill. Usually do a buffet tea, few beers and bed. Christmas day is quiet, we nip to my mams for an hour in the morning and then that's it. Boxing day dd goes to my mums and sleeps, me, dh and ds usually have another long walk and potter, leftovers for dinner.

New year we're planning a meal out nye, then I cook for the 5000 NYD. We spend the Christmas fortnight dossing around in pjs, drinking and eating whatever we want. Although it's stessful I absolutely love it. It's the only time of year dh doesn't stress about work as everyone is off.

It's just the next 2 weeks that are stessy until everything is done, but a good day shopping and a day wrapping plus a day packing and a day cleaning should more or less be enough.

Your Christmas is exactly how I'd like my Christmas to be Frouby but I'm not allowed!
I'm going to have to stand firm...
I know lots of people feel meh about the Crimbo Limbo but it's just a weird week. I hate the pressure.

I love that week NC. We do anything that needs doing in the morning (after a leisurely lie in), have lunch then get pjs back on and watch tv, usually the darts. I don't watch much sport but Christmas darts is fab. We have little £1/£2 bets and cheer on who we've backed. Absolutely love it.

MadameF, I am coming to France for Christmas. Smoked salmon and foie gras and absolutely no fuss is my idea of Heaven.

I think about Christmas as little as possible other than dreading it. I then stagger through Christmas Day, and return to normal asap. The DC will want to play at families on the day. I don't want to see XH at all, but will just have to suck it up. DP will be denying my existence elsewhere. Fortunately work carries on, and means I have to get up and out early (I don't even like lie-ins). I'd be a complete basket case if I had to be at home for more than one day.

I hope you solve the Mum problem, NC4.

Absolutely soaking wet, thanks to university reunion. FML.

Just a quick message to say I'm still here, been extremely busy, will catch up tomorrow. Hope everyone is okay.
My anti depressants have been increased and I'm now on crutches because me knee gives way all the time when out and about.

Madame, I love the sound of a run with your collie, I love the idea of the freedom of running. But I’m so lazy, I can’t imagine ever doing. It. Your Christmas sounds good too.

Frouby, what will you cook on NYD? Hope the new tv is good.

Dionysa, was reunion fun though? Sorry your dp won’t be with you at Christmas, his loss...

Badgerblu, poor you re the crutches.

I really wanted wine tonight. Dd came in upset and mopey but wouldn’t tell me what the problem was and then stomped off to the park in the dark and cold. I was cooking and very tempted to open a bottle - there is some in the fridge and it was calling to me (in the manner of the gold calling to the pirates in Pirates of The Caribbean 😂) but I had a huge glass of iced water instead. There you go, cold wine in the fridge is a bad idea, definitely. But I reminded myself that wine isn’t the answer to being stressed, I’m glad I didn’t have any. She’s cheered up now so that’s good.

But substitute the word wine 😂
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Dion that's my attitude too. Is actually working pretty well this year. I am not thinking about it so am not stressed. Am sure i will be nearer the time but at least have not had the fret for months. Reasons are similar to NC4 but with added DM/dm partner/mil dh drama - a toxic combination that just feels ready to blow and, like Dion, i can't bear being cooped up with it all. Luckily i have dfriend's wedding to get back for so doing a tag team with dsis. Normally can't bear that post Christmas graveyard shift either but am getting better at chilling now girls are bigger so hopefully won't be so bad. I always breathe a sigh of relief when boring January rolls around. Also can't understand the need to suddenly pack in all manner of additional social engagements into an already stressful period. So suddenly you have 2x work parties, kids' Nativity and carol concert, neighbours having a bash, friends having Christmas drinks, your favourite bamd doing a Christmas gig, kids' show you thought was a good idea when you saw a poster in September and suddenly you're tearing your hair out trying to keep everyone happy. Whereas normally I'd love a neighbour party or a gig or friends inviting me for drinks. But no one ever invites me anywhere in march or whenever. Bah humbug.

That said we had fun decorating the office with eco decorations today and have just got in from moonlight swim and drinks. 2 x breton cider so could be worse but nc4 you should save your awe as dh and i decided we had no further opportunity to drink second half bottle this week so polished it off. I was out tonight though and he is tomorrow so should manage 1 more AF day apiece.

Absolutely Longest. I've done some pretty hardcore partying in my time, but there is no other week in the year where I would expect to be socialising, and over indulging for a solid week.
Let me sit in my PJs watching the World's Strongest Man at least for a day!

I also wanted wine tonight Water. My weekend bender has really set me back. Well done on holding off.

I spoke to my mum at length. It helped actually, because she's upset at my brother so I was able to give his perspective, which is also mine, without it becoming too awkward.

Ah Longest Breton cider isn't bad. I had a glass on Monday with a galettes that I prepared but it was only 2% so although not AF it isn't really anything like a glass if wine.
My poor cat has to have all his teeth out next week. He was an emergency rescue from the cat's home and has a gum disease. In winter the poor thing really suffers as his gums get very infected and he can't groom himself or eat properly. So 300€ for the operation with a 75% success rate. Just as well we don't have to spend a lot on Christmas here!
Not AF this week, but not going over 2 glasses of wine (and the cider on Monday).

Longest, sorry to hear of family tinder box. Ikwym, one of my sisters created a group chat and asked “what’s everyone doing for Christmas?” which, although a seemingly innocent question, was fraught with danger for anyone who replied! Families eh?

NC4 glad conversation with your mum went ok, did you resist the wine? Well done if so and never mind if not.

Madame, poor kitty and poor your purse too. The vet bill for our kitten who died was £1k. Luckily the insurance has settled it so our cost was only £75 of that.

Day 25 AF here and it’s my last day. I’m really pleased with myself because doing most of November AF seemed a bit daunting on the 3rd but it’s done and it’s been fine. Last night was the hardest actually so lesson learned: no wine in the fridge during the week! Really looking forward to going out tomorrow and at the weekend. And then AF during the week (unless I get a nice invitation somewhere). Then dry January for sure.

Ha i think this was decidedly stronger than 2%. Felt quite merry after 2 x 33ml bottles. Sorry about poor kitty.

Spoke to DM. She actually seemed surprised and slightly put out at me assuming she'd be hosting us for Christmas. So perhaps could get out of going there if i can square it with the dc. But not sure if she was saying she wants me to host her here instead, which I'd happily do if it wasn't for unsuitable dp. Gah, more stress, and mil has started her endless spam wanting ideas for presents where everything i say is somehow wrong. Annoying.

The present i ordered for dm arrived and made me laugh because i eyerolled at their comically specific delivery slot of 13:07 to 14:07. It arrived as my clock switched over to 13:07.

That's hilariously precise Longest. I'm not surprised you eyerolled. It would make DS2 very happy. He gets really mad when we've ordered a takeaway and they are past the time.
He's chilled a bit now but he used to walk into the kitchen and ask 'how long's tea?'. I'd say, 'about 20 minutes', so he'd say 'ok. 5.54 then' and if it wasn't on the table precisely 20 mins later he'd be annoyed.

Madame your poor cat. And pricey too. I dread mine needing medical care. Ozzy ran up a £900 bill a few years ago but the insurance paid. I don't think it covers teeth though.

I'm pooped. My to-do list keeps getting longer and longer. But I'm still AF.

Water 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 what a brilliant effort this November has been! I'm up for January too.
I thought I'd had some kind of five day hangover that was making me spotty and carb cravey, then I came on my period today. It's a bit of a relief really because I thought I'd actually developed an allergy to wine, just before my birthday and Christmas month.

Go us, we did it! 🙂 Are you drinking this weekend or sticking with it until December NC4? I know 25 days isn’t the whole month but I’m still pleased.

😂 at precise delivery and dinner timings.

I hope everyone else is ok.

And phew at it not being a wine allergy 😂 - I had a friend who maintained that she was ‘allergic’ to beer after a particularly long night out in our 20s...(she wasn’t!)

We did it!! I'm not drinking tomorrow because I'm still in the doghouse with DS1 for my slip up last week.
I'm taking the three of them to the Christmas markets this weekend though, so I'd say a couple of drinks are inevitable there.

NC4 Water you are both incredible, well done! Enjoy your Christmas market and dinner.
I was allergic to wine for a while, luckily when I was pregnant with DS. Every time I had a glass I couldn't stop sneezing. I had to take an anti histimine before drinking if I wanted even one glass. Sadly I don't have the problem anymore. Apparently there are a lot of allergens in wine, particularly white.

That’s interesting Madame, I didn’t know that about allergens in wine.

NC4, enjoy your market. IKWYM DS1, there’s nothing as sanctimonious as a teenager hey?! Because they are perfect and never make mistakes, obviously 😂

How is everyone today? It’s a beautiful day here, frosty and sunny. Dh managed to get our boiler working and the plumber recommended we leave it on until he replaces it so it’s sweltering in our house but that’s better than freezing. It’s just got to keep going until the 9th so fingers crossed 🤞🏻

Really awesome guys, and quite inspirational!

Do you have any tips to share? Is cloak of sobriety and water and lemon the key, or are there other AF drinks/top tips you've discovered? Have you had to avoid socialising out of the house or has that been ok?

I think i still struggle with the social expectations. Had to take a raffle prize into school this morning and it was all booze. My trouble is that i have less of an off switch than others seem to, so i always drink quicker and longer than anyone else. I don't tend to do anything too dreadful thank god but definitely want to avoid being slurry and embarrassing.

Also it's not just social drinking but unwinding in the house. Very good telly and hot tea works but a lot is just dull and you feel like you're just killing time till you can go to bed.

Hello ladies, just starting trying to clean my act up drink wise. Appreciate I have missed 8 whole threads but would love to join!