Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

Longest, pmsl at stabbing yourself wrangling costumes, god I don’t miss that at all!

NC4 well done, we can do it I reckon. Lol at alcohol being a downer 😂😂

Badgerblu, you are doing so well, you need a plan to cope with MIL. I find that saying “interesting” with a raised eyebrow and head tilt helps me cope with difficult people (assuming MIL is one which she may not be!) only I know that what I mean is “you’re talking shit” 😂

Dion, lol at looked at her in a funny way, fucking teenagers hey?! Bastards. Enjoy your red and lasagne 🙂

Longest, luckily I have no costumes to make. I am honestly rubbish as that sort of thing, if the younger ones do need costumes I leave it for dd1 (14) to do!.
It's now nice and quiet dd5,ds2,dd4 and dd3 in bed asleep. Ds1 and dd2 will be going up shortly and dd1 is in a slight huff as she can't get her hair perfectly straight and ddog has now calmed down and fast asleep under the coffee table. He is getting annoyed with me keep moving my leg about.
I can't really complain about mil I haven't seen her in nearly 2 years as we moved nearly 5 hours away. Plus I'm hoping dh might do more to show off, fingers crossed.
This will be my 4th mri last one just over two years ago showed I had fluid pockets, basically bad wear and tear for someone my age.
I started drinking when I had a cold/chest infection, by having a few small glasses of whisky and then my tolerance went up and up to the point it was out of control.

Badger and Longest, I was completely in my element with costumes etc. It's teenagers who are completely unfathomable to me. My DD was the sweetest and loveliest little girl (DS was a difficult small child, but is great now, especially at long distance). She is now a textbook Horrid Teenager. Her last words to me last night were: "You need to wake me up at 6.15" (no please or thank you, needless to say). I did my duty, several times. At 8.00, I went in and told her that she would be late for school. She then said: "I'm stretching". By then, I had been up for over two hours (have to set the alarm for 20 mins before I get her up, so I can do my pain-relieving physio first). FML, FML, FML.

Lasagne was good, but the bottle of red was probably a bad idea.

Dionysa I can't complain about dd1 she is 9/10 lovely. I'm very proud of her. I am very lucky so far touch wood she has been a easy teenager.
Dd2 on the other hand who is 12 in January has turn into a proper early teenager. Even dd1 can't quite believe how she is sometimes. Dd5 (5 in December) is copying her as well, it is so hard not to laugh at dd5 with her hands on her hips trying to copy, which makes dd2 strop even more which makes the rest of us laugh more.
I'm glad you enjoyed your food. One positive of dh not being here is I can eat the foods he doesn't like. I also hope you enjoyed your bottle of red.

So glad your dd is on the mend, Flossie!

Thank you to everyone who posted lovely bonfire night pictures.

I've been on a booze-fuelled emotional roller coaster and really need to just stop for a bit. I'm on the tea tonight and starting to feel a tiny bit better.

Dion, I will be coming to you for tips on managing stroppy teens in a scarily short time. My dd1 is 10 and oscillates with no notice between utterly sweet and raging. She seems to get genuinely extremely upset very quickly in a split second if she is crossed. But she is also organised, clean and smells sweet like a small child so there are horrors so far unknown ahead.

Mme Forest, every time you talk about running I feel envious and guilty. I have to really work to be able to run at all and I lost all I had worked up to when I was ill, and then fell into a bottle when I was recovering. I could barely move around for a week and was badly asthmatic for a week afterwards and now my heart is sinking thinking about how hard I'll have to work to get it going again. no choice though; the only way to get it done is to do it. Lack of fitness -> lack of exercise -> low mood -> lack of exercise - > lack of fitness etc etc etc etc - I've got to woman up and break the cycle.

Dion - my ex doesn't pay either. have you raised it with yours? Mine is ... impossible

Senseless, there are people on this thread who deal with their teenage DDs better than I do. I was great with toddlers. I fucking loved toddlers. I find teenagers very hard work, though. Every minute feels like several lifetimes.

Finances with XH are on the face of it straightforward, but in practice horribly complicated. He is unspeakable.

Today was very hard.

I spent the day with a lovely friend, who is also one of DP's best friends. I found myself telling him about my marriage, which was, unfortunately, a way of re-living it all. I think this explains the bottle of red and the rum afterwards . I tend normally to throw a very thick veil over my marriage, and now feel raw and wounded. All the more so as I was telling our mutual friend the sort of things I don't tell DP, because DP can't cope with anything resembling feelings. Mutual friend was lovely, FWIW. But that sometimes makes things worse!

I am not sure this makes much sense, really. But I cried several reservoirs while hoovering the stairs (which DS should have done a week ago, having tramped around in muddy shoes. He is almost 18 so should know that he needs to hoover up after himself, ffs).

Oh Dion I want to give you a hug or some sisterly solidarity. I can offer it virtually but it's not the same. I'm glad your friend was lovely.
It sounds like you've got a lot to work through still. Have you ever had any counselling over your marriage?
It's hard when you do the right thing for your children but there's no-one looking after you.
How long is it since you separated?
I've been having major pangs off missing my marriage this week, which I wonder if I've been squashing down with booze all along. I don't think so because I don't get maudlin drunk, but it seems a coincidence.
Anyway

Senseless I'm mad at myself for allowing myself to get so out of shape. I'm obese now and it feels obscene. It's annoying that I'm loving the gym but have so far to go to reach my goals.

We'll get there though. Work in progress and all that.

Oh Dion I want to give you a hug or some sisterly solidarity. I can offer it virtually but it's not the same. I'm glad your friend was lovely.
It sounds like you've got a lot to work through still. Have you ever had any counselling over your marriage?
It's hard when you do the right thing for your children but there's no-one looking after you.
How long is it since you separated?
I've been having major pangs off missing my marriage this week, which I wonder if I've been squashing down with booze all along. I don't think so because I don't get maudlin drunk, but it seems a coincidence.
Anyway

Senseless I'm mad at myself for allowing myself to get so out of shape. I'm obese now and it feels obscene. It's annoying that I'm loving the gym but have so far to go to reach my goals.

We'll get there though. Work in progress and all that.

Oh NC4. What a lovely virtual friend you are. Thank you.

I have felt so very lonely this evening. I know I have DP, but a non-live-in DP is not someone I can just cuddle in the evenings, and that's what I would most like to do. I would just like to feel that I matter. Obviously I matter to the DC, but only in a 'providing' kind of way. I'd like someone to make me feel that I matter just for being me.

It's all so hard. I had thought until I met DP that I had some kind of weird genetic problem which meant that I could never love anyone to whom I was not biologically related. Now I love DP to distraction, but he makes it all very hard.

I had a bit of counselling via the GP, but was only allowed two sessions due to funding, so that was that!

Doesn't help that I developed a horrendous sore throat and cough overnight, so also feel sorry for myself!!

Finally - sorry, NC4. It's five years since we separated. As I said to the mutual friend earlier, I haven't regretted the separation for a single fraction of a second, other than its effect on the DC. Frouby's fab word "knobber" is too kind for XH.

Hi I'm 4 days af very pleased as I usually have a cheeky drink on a Thursday but Ive not been too fussed. starting to think I drink out of habit .
It does relax me too , it's taking me a while to fall asleep so can't really say if I feel better yet for af days although it's nice not to have a foggy head in the morning .
@Dionysa hope your ok life gets you down especially kids and sometimes a good cry is what you need .
I know what you mean about teenagers much harder than babies or toddlers would gladly swap .
Friday tomorrow not sure I can go af but the plan is to cut drinking in the week so I've done that this week .

Ah Dion, you are a superstar surviving XH the nobber and always come across so selflessly regarding the dc. You really do deserve someone to look after you. Hugs xxxx

Oh Longest. You have made me cry again!!! But thank you. xx

Dion you have articulated how I feel about being single - about missing having someone to cuddle and love you for you. It's a real shame DP doesn't meet that need for you.

I've been missing XH for that lately. I loved him with all my heart and would have done anything for him, but the family dynamic was toxic and damaging to the boys, so we had to leave.

I've been almost at the point of contacting him, asking for him to help me out with a few jobs on the house, as a way to make that connection, but it's probably unwise.

I'm lucky with the teenagers really. DS2 is still very much in the Kevins, but DS1 and Miss Pink Trainers are lovely company (even if they could do to wash up a bit more often).

Frouby are you OK with all the flooding in your part of the country?

Wine well done on 4 nights AF

Dion hugs, I know it is really difficult for you and DP isn't as much support as he should be. It isn't easy being a single mother at the best of times especially when the DC behave monsterously. Not sure if that is a real word but DC can be monsters. Being a mother is often the most un-appreciated job in the world.

Senseless I'm sure I annoy the pants of everyone here when I post about sport but it is my passion, mostly running because it is easy to do no matter what time of day/weather, but cycling and swimming too. It is so important for physical and mental fitness. It isn't always easy getting up at 6.15am to run in the dark and cold and rain but it has made me a stronger person. You just need to get into the habit of doing regular exercise. Plus I never get ill. But it isn't for everyone, some people find there go to therapy is something more gentle like yoga or creating something.

Not AF last night but shared half a bottle with DH so not too much. Won't be drinking Saturday night as we are out and I'll be driving.

Dionysa firstly it sounds like you had a very tough day yesterday, please be kind to yourself today. I wish I could give you a hug. Since admitting I need help with alcohol and my mental health I've found I'm not the only one and there are people to help. I had a really bad night's sleep last night due to my knee hurting. Every since the Dr poked and prodded it's got worse. But I ended up listening to LBC and Darren Adams was on and a lady called Sarah phoned up and she was in such a bad place, after that he had so many phone calls trying to help her it actually made me cry. Even if you think your worthless, people do care.
One other thing Dionysa I will swap you your teenagers for dd5, ds2 and dd4 (4,6 and 8). I find teenagers so much easier to relate to, maybe as I never grow out my teenage years.
Ds1 went to school quite happily today so thats one good thing.
On day 11 of af.
Hope everyone has a good day.

Madame I'm always glad of your sport posts. As you know, I try and keep fit and active too but it's very much a work in progress. I need spurring on, and your posts do that.

I'm a terrible runner - I can swim, spin, lift weights etc. but running is my weakness. I'm thinking of signing up for the local Santa Dash though. It's only 3k to run/jog/walk so very much a fun run and a community event. I'm still not sure I'm brave enough!!

senseless sorry to hear of the emotional roller coaster, but ahhh at dd smelling sweet

Dionysa I’m sorry you had such a sad day. Anything I say will sound platitudinous but I’m sending sympathy anyway 💐

Frouby I hope you’re not flooded and ponies are ok

NC4 I wonder this too, alcohol does tend to squash down feelings which is not the same as dealing with them (speaking for myself). Well done on AF

wineisnecessary well done on AF. Me too on the habit thing, I think sometimes for me it’s a habit / thirst combination. The hypnosis session I linked to earlier talks about breaking the habit and asks you to visualise breaking it. I think it’s helped me.

madame I love reading your sport posts too, even though I am hugely unsporty (and huge, there is a connection!). You moderate really well.

Badgerblu11 days is brilliant 🙂 - sorry you’re not sleeping

I’m feeling ok today, went to bed early last night as I had to get up early to take dh to the station. Did day 3 of the 7 days anxiety reducing exercise from Calm and was asleep at 10pm but up at 6.50am, which is the earliest I’ve been up for a while. But that’s still a good nights sleep!

Day 5 AF here, I haven’t had a day 5 since (checks app) May, when I had 21 AF days in the whole month. Then I had awful emotional stuff going on in June and July so drank loads (only 8 and 7 days AF all month) so it’s going in the right direction.

I’m on the sofa which probably isn’t wise as there are various chores I should be doing so I might go and get those out of the way in a minute. One of them is reviewing all our finances and is a horrible combination of dull and stressful but I’ll probably feel happier once I’ve done it. Cooking a roast chicken and roast veg tonight and would never normally have those without wine but I will tonight, still highly motivated to make it to the end of November AF. And really to moderate beyond that.

Water you are doing brilliantly!! Day 5
Another for badgerblu
This is the point in the week where AF gets real for me. I usually work from the pub on a Friday afternoon. I do love my Friday pint. Not today though. Then weekend.... eek!!
I'm thinking about how fabulously clean and tidy my house is going to be with no kids and a sober me in it this weekend. That's spurring me on, saddo that I am...

Thanks for the star NC4!

I’ve done loads of boring stuff today and I’m now back on the sofa but have no urge whatsoever to drink. Have a good weekend everyone.

Ok scrap that! I am roasting a chicken and really wish I could have wine. Dh has put music on and we have a real fire and roasted vegetables...But it’s just habit and it’s not the boss of me so I’m not going to!