Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

Wineisnecessary, not sure I’m the best person for tips but anyway! I find changing my routine helps so I take to my bed early most nights with a big jug of water and my ipad and phone. I have a tv up there so watch stuff. And I put all the wine in the garage or don’t have any in the house. And I use the dry January app so I am motivated by getting a tea cup every day! Well done, 2 days is good. I’m not tipsy on a bottle of wine either

Dionysa, half a bottle is moderating! Well done.

Loving all the firework and bonfire pics.

Day 3 here and I feel quite a bit better. And less scared I’m about to die (eye roll at myself). Am sticking to the BSD and slept really well last night - 11pm until 9am - I listened to a reducing anxiety session from Calm before sleep and it helped I think.

I might have a job interview and already I’m thinking ah, that’s good, I should be feeling great and sharp and looking better so if I don’t get it it won’t be because I was hungover or just a bit rough around the edges from Too Much Wine. It will likely be next week.

Hi to everyone. I’m desperate to catch up and read back. You really can chat!! 😂

Will be back tomorrow properly. Dd being discharged from hosp today. She has been so poorly, but has come up so much again. She’s amazing. A few lasting issues this time to take home and readjust to, but we can. We can do anything hey!!

So I’ve been dry by default for 3 days. But my god, I’m having wine tonight!! 🎉🎉

So glad to hear you're on your way home Flossie. Get that Pinot on chill!

I've just woken up from a lovely afternoon snooze with Toby. I've been freezing all day and feeling very meh so I lit a fire, put on my cosy dressing gown and snuggled with mr kitten 😍 A quick self assessment says I'm feeling better for it. Let's see if I can muster up the energy to do something about the state of my house now....

Thats brilliant news Flossie, hope you have a lovely, peaceful night at home. Your poor dd bless her.

Nc I love an afternoon nan nap, nothing nicer in the world. Especially with a furry friend for company, I usually have the dog in the bend of my legs, she loves a nan nal too.

Had a lovely ride on BabyPony today, we properly did a little schooling session, moving off from my legs now and just generally being a superstar.

Ds is also apparently a superstar at school. Was his parents evening and his teacher positively gushed about him. He's doing fantastically well in everything and is apparently a lovely, affectionate, chatty and very funny little boy. She said he regularly has them in stitches and all the teachers and the tas love him. Am pleased with that, I was worried about his reading but she says he's slightly above where he should be.

So, so, so glad, Flossie. Enjoy your wine. xx

Not dry here, but that's nothing new. Trying to work out what to do with DD and schools for 'A' levels. FML.

Frouby, I want to adopt your DS (and your DDog).

Is she in her GCSE year Dion?

Frouby we had parents' evening today too - i think we have been in sync before. Both dds sailed through here too, which is a big relief as has not always been thus for dd1, especially at this time of year when she is most unsettled, but apparently the only time her teacher has to call her out on something is when she's being too enthusiastic and overexcited and not giving others a chance, and he's ok with that. She told him she didn't have enough friends, poor lb, but apparently so did half the girls in the class and he said that if it's true its nothing she's doing wrong as she's warm and friendly, and keem to be licked for things"but is nice about it" which is nice to hear as last year's teacher said she was a bit spiky and difficult to get along with. Amd dd2 is the model pupil it seems - had to ask if there's anything to work on, to which the answer was no, except possible speevh impediment as she xant pronounce all her sounds She takes much more after me, cringe, as i was always teacher's pet. Is weird though as still remember dd1 being described as "a nightmare" at the same age and i have brought them up just the same.

Not AF. Dh had poured wine and i was in no mood to argue. Felt like a long day.

What is dd's dilemma Dion? I think unless she wants to do medicine let her pick what she enjoys and is likely to do well in and don't overthink. Or is it more about choice of school? Everyone round here is starting to obsess about secondary, i need to get with the programme.

I'm really lucky that we have a choice of outstanding state schools round here and don't have to jump through stupid hoops to get into them. We're catholics anyway, which gives a bit more choice (much to the fury of half of MN) but there is also a boys school they could have gone to, and a girls school my niece will probably attend.
The only thing is, apart from the boys school, they don't have sixth forms. The Catholic sixth form college is excellent - it's where I went, but I worry how DS will handle transition as it takes him a long time to settle. Maybe it will be easier if all his friends go together.

I don't envy you Dion

Here we have several options but none are stand out obvious front runners. The nearest andd likely default as nothing "wrong" with it is girls only but if i can get my head around that as a concept there are other girls' schools with better reputations but they're further away and some are selective. And if i can get my head around far away and selective there are even more wild card co-ed but super-selective options but i have no idea if dd would get in or would enjoy that kind of environment if she did. She might- she's nerdy in her own way but by no means compliant. And sending her across London is quite alien to me but seems quite normal here. Fuck knows. I only know it'll be state and that of the walking distance options the girls' school is probably the best despite my misgivings. I waver between thinking it's all a load of bollocks and i have an Oxbridge first despite going to a comp which Mumsnet say they "wouldn't send their dog to, never mind a child" ( i looked it up once!) And thinking i am very naive and need to take this shit seriously because the "elite" do and this is how they pull a fast one over everyone else. The more i look into this social mobility stuff the more it seems like this sort of thing does matter, depressingly, but it depends what you measure. I don't know if I want them to be "successful" at all costs.

Morning all,
Dion I hope you get a school sorted for DD.
Glad the parents evenings went well for you both Frouby and *Longest. I've got mine coming up for DS soon, you have reminded me I must book an appointment with the teacher. We have private schools in France too, but they are just private because they allow the practice of catholicism (French school is completely secular, no nativity plays EVER), theh syllabus and teachers are both the same as the state school system. They are slightly stricter than the state schools which is why I moved DS to one for secondary school. He is definitely doing better for it. I pay 45€ a month so it really isn't on the same scale as the UK private schools!
Shockingly I was AF last night. DH was out getting his new second hand car and not back until after 10pm so I just caught up on some Graham Norton and just drank water. Slept really well for once!

Morning,
Hope everyone is ok!
Well done on AF days! Im on day 10 today.
Still need to get a notebook to write everyone's username as I'm on the app and can't scroll back or remember.
Having trouble getting ds1 to school he is refusing to go and won't tell me why so it will be a phone call to the school. I'm at the pain clinic this morning for my back, which funnily enough the pain is getting worse since I've stopped drinking. I've also developed new symptoms. I've already had a spinal decompression surgery on my back so hoping it's doesn't mean more surgery!.
Hope everyone has a good day.

That's right, NC4.

It's a decision about schools, Longest. I don't mind what A levels she does - beyond vaguely suggesting she should do the ones she likes and is likely to do well in without having to kill herself by working too hard (not that there's much chance of that). I am pretty hands-off about subjects and anything to do with school generally - but not about the actual choice of school! Sigh.

Badger, I'm sorry about your pain and about the school refusal. I have had this with one of mine at times, and it's really hard.

Glad to hear you managed an AF night, Madame.

Lovely to read all the good news from parents' evenings, Longest and Frouby.

Racing out now, but will be back later.

NC4 snuggling with a kitty and an afternoon nap sounds lush. I’ve been under a cat today too 🙂 are you still AF?

Frouby, ahhh re your ds and parents evening.

Longest, pmsl at Mn verdict on your old school, honestly some of the advice elsewhere on MN is just total bollocks. Nearest girls school sounds like a good option, have you looked around?

Dion we are thinking about sixth form too, is your dd year 11 too? We went to see one last night which was fabulous. But ££ and we were hoping not to pay for sixth form (dd at private school now but doesn’t want to stay for sixth form, I agree as one teacher has not been helpful and it’s a subject she wants to take at A level). We are seeing a local state sixth form soon to compare but I think it’s unlikely to be as good. So we need to think about it.

Badger 10 days is amazing, well done

Madame, I would love 45 euros a month, if only!

I’m feeling cheerful and positive today. Day 4 AF and I’m thinking “I’ve got this” but am aware that pride comes before a fall and being smug is rarely a good idea. I’m no longer panicking or anxious, phew. Did day 2 of Calm anti anxiety thing for ten minutes last night and slept from 11-7.45 so that was good.

Have loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, tidied the kitchen, sorted dd’s PE kit, done 3 loads of washing, been to Tesco, made low carb muffins, prepped supper for dh and dd (only baked potatoes but I’ve grated cheese, made tuna mayonnaise and rolled them in salt so they are pricked, on a baking tray ready to go in the oven).

And now I’m under a blanket watching trash tv. I re read “Mindful Drinking” last night and it suggests a 28 day AF sprint to start with, then goals which you stick to. My goal is AF all week and no more than a bottle of wine on Friday and Saturday nights. That feels achievable. It’s this book www.amazon.co.uk/Mindful-Drinking-Cutting-Down-Change/dp/1409178781?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

And flossie I hope you enjoyed your wine, welcome home to dd. 💐

Water well done on 4 days. I said to dh I'm not saying I'm never going to drink again but I'm not planning to in a long time. I found last night so hard. Not sure if it was because dd1 was acting up, ds1 refusing school, the little ones winding each other up or the fact i was in pain. But I didn't cave we all just went to bed early.
Been to pain clinic and it looks like there is actually something wrong with my knee which is just causing my back to hurt more than normal. Dr asked me to crouch down and I couldn't I fell over as the pain in my knee was horrendous. It gave us both a laugh. When he checked the reflex he couldn't get one in my knee, so plan going forward is another mri on my back which he doesn't think will have changed and to starting looking into my knee with xrays to begin.
I hope everyone is having a good day and feeling positive.

Badgerblu, I’m coming to the conclusion that there’s nothing that isn’t made worse by drinking tbh! Well done on not caving last night and sorry about your knee.

Afternoon all

Chaos round here, under an amber warning for rain, it's been raining steadily since about 11pm last night, rivers likely to burst, roads flooded all over and ds school kicked out early as it's only going to get worse. Took dd to orthodontist about 12 miles away this morning and I reckon an hour later we would have had to take some massive detours to get home due to flooding.

Going to have a bath shortly, get my pjs on and snuggle up and read I think. Ds happily playing on his tablet, in his pants curled up with the dog 😂.

We also have 6th form angst. We moved to this area specifically for dds school, which has an excellent 6th form, state but the best south Yorkshire and on par with the accessible private schools. Dd went to the open evening of a college the other side of town, 11 miles away, 2 buses and isn't as good as the schools 6th form. Came in all like 'wow it's amazing blah blah blah'. Told her it's an hour and 20 mins away by buses, too far and she's not going. Massive flounce cos it's her choice. Said actually until she's 18 it's my choice and she can chose local 6th form or local college that's geared towards btecs and practical courses. Sigh.

Not sure if I will be dry tonight, will be moderate though. Hopefully roads will be ok tomorrow, got saddle fitter coming to BabyPony. Hoping and praying he got something second hand to fit otherwise will looking at the 1k mark. Gulp.

Ha quite right Frouby. That journey would soon get old and who would be the one constantly having to hear about it? Am also slightly bemused at the idea the dc's choice is key because, really, on what basis are they supposed to judge? Though i am a bit sceptical that adults can really tell much from a snapshot of a visit of a school, or even by listening to local gossip. I did go and look at the local girls' school. I quite liked it. The girls showing me round were sweet, the building is 1960s but had a nice feel somehow, and the teachers seemed to be putting a feminist slant on things. But i don't pretend this means i now have total insight into the ethos of the school and a "feel" for how well it will "fit" my dd, whose future self is also an unknown quantity tbh. Will be a gamble whichever way we roll.

Gosh rain sounds a bit scary. We have nothing like that here, at the moment at least.

Aiming for AF today, which will be day 3 on the Frouby system. Not sure this week's midweek drinking has lived up to its promise.

I hope you all survive the rain. We had floods here in France last weekend, particularly in the South. No damage here but difficult for driving.
No teaching today so after the daily morning dog run I went on the first bike ride in ages, not easy as there was a lot of wind but despite an unexpected hailstorm it was very enjoyable 50kms. I've been swimming more than cycling recently due to the bad weather so it was nice to get out again. Back to work now, lesson planning and updating my website. I hate sitting down!

Pissing it down here too. I live on the bloody flood plain too, so let's hope it's all ok. I had a letter from my MP yesterday, with my name and address on, and a House of Commons frank on the envelope, telling me personally that she has it all in hand. It was a bit weird actually. I can only guess some kind of mail merge and that she hasn't just singled me out?!

Badger sorry your knee hurts. I have dodgy reflexes too. Well, dodgy lots of things actually. Do you have an injury or a condition?

Water day SIX!!! This one will be easy too as I'm off to the gym shortly then home to don the cloak of sobriety. I'm looking forward to it. It's the weekend I'm worried about. I need to make plans or I'll succumb. Glad you're feeling upbeat too. Could alcohol be some kind of downer?! Who knew? 😂

I'm feeling more creative today than I have in a long while. I've sourced some case studies for an idea I want to get placed. It's out of my comfort zone but I'm quite excited by the idea... If I get it commissioned I'll tell you lot all about it, but one step at a time...

NC4NOW at the moment I have no idea if it's and injury or not. I had a referral to pain clinic as my back had got bad again, luckily I got fast tracked as I had spinal decompression surgery in 2016 so I thought the knee pain was down to my back, but Dr thinks it's my knee causing my back pain. Ever since my knee has been prodded and poked about it's hurting more. He asked if it had locked or gave way which it hadn't but of course when I went on this afternoon school run it gave way. Which mean of course my children are playing up even more tonight and the dog has decided he is going to continuly raid the bin. So I've given in tonight and let the younger dc play more on their tablets just to keep them from messing the house up.
Found out the dh is bringing his dm with him on Sunday, so if I can cope with no alcohol while she is here I will know I can stay off it!
Hope everyone is in the warm and staying dry (in both ways).

Sorry to hear about the pain Badger. NC4 and water, i am in awe!

Solidarity with the dc badger, the post school slot has been a tough one here too - lots of squabbles and shrieks. Dd1 requires not one but two costumes for school tomorrow which is beyond the pale. She rejected my first Egyptian offering as too highfalutin for a common or garden labourer and passed it along to the pharoah, and was initially content with my plain white cotton under-dress thing with cot sheet toga, sandals and belt (what's that? Sounds more like a Roman? Shhhhh) until she looked at it in a different light and realised i dyed it slightly green in the wash. Tough. But worse still, i had to make two gas masks out of milk cartons, foil and rubber bands for an air quality protest march around the neighbourhood. Stabbed myself in the hand with a skewer and was not best pleased. Still AF though and have both kids down for the night, phew. Dh going out so i will make a batch of lentil soup, bath and bed with book.

Oh what a lovely bunch you are.

Badger, you made me laugh with your MIL post. I'm so sorry about the pain, though. I am also a chronic pain sufferer, and it's shit. It's one reason I initially started having a tiny gin in the evenings. It just took the edge very slightly off the pain. Have you had an MRI before?

It has been sheet-raining all day here too. And dark. This is why I hate sodding November.

Water, yes, DD is Y11. We have of course missed several application deadlines for schools she might be interested in. Though her idea of a 'good school' is not the same as mine (completely agree, btw, with Frouby on this score. Until they are 18, it's really not their choice!) DD seems to think a ''good school" is one which is known on a particular Instagram site for having good parties.

Speaking of DD, she has stropped off to her dad's tonight, as I "looked at her in a funny way" this morning. Sad to say, I am not sorry, as I am now drinking the whole of a nice bottle of red and waiting for my lasagne to cook (this is my inner Frouby coming out. I only managed to melt one milk bottle top on the cooker while cooking the blasted thing, which feels like an achievement). DD hates lasagne. So there to her.

NC4, I will be interested to hear the creative news in due course. Is the Blanket of Sobriety on now? I loved your MP post. I am sure she has really singled you out . My local MP is a Leaver, but I wonder if he will retain his seat in the General Election. I hope not.

Madame, I hate sitting down, too. It's a form of torture.