Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

Sounds similar Frouby! Our street is the least posh in our neighbourhood as it has two railway lines criss crossing it, but the surrounding streets are POSH and the houses are also huge and Victorian, so good backdrops for ott haunted house stuff. There were a lot of graves with skeletons emerging, adults in full costume, pageants involving heads under silver tureens and so on. Slightly less ott this year for some reason which actually made it less stressful, normally i am in a tizzy about kids crossing roads and one of them having disappeared into the darkness. Just saw some arty insta photos of a party we were nfi to but i genuinely don't mind as think we had more fun keeping it fairly casual. Woodcraft bonfire on Tuesday and school fireworks next Friday, also always good nights.

Halloween completely passed me by this year. Not so much as a haribo.
I’ve been working today, for the first time all week. Trying to sort DS1 out too, when his head is everywhere except where it should be. Turns out he’s not been to college for almost a month 😡
I’m aiming for AF tonight because I’m tired of feeling grim and fat. Even turned down a party invite. I’m a full blown grinch this week.

NC4 - oh gawd. I have every empathy re ds. Mine did exactly the same. I even drove him to college. Watched him walk in the door. Then an hour later, got a call to say he hasn’t arrived!! Wtf?! I’d seen him walk thru the bloody door!! I called him and he was happy to tell me he was sat in McDonald’s with a bacon roll!! Ffs!! It’s the blatancy!!
We had a meeting with the college about his attendance and he maintained he would ‘do what he wants’. So soul destroying. We’ve realised that the more we protest, the more he resists. Now he’s at uni and I never ask questions. It serves to avoid the pain.

Decided to have wine tonight which I was chuffed about....the decision making. So have necked a bottle!! Ffs

Ah Flossie it’s so hard. I’m not sure at what point in my parenting I presented ‘not giving a shit’ as an option. He’s been let down by college and is struggling to find work but how do you motivate them? It’s such a hard age. You’d think a bright lad with qualifications and charm would be able to get a job, but no.
AF went tits up when he asked me to get some cider for him n and his lovely girlfriend. Naturally I picked up wine. I’m going to regret the second bottle though. FML

Morning all
I'm sorry about your DS NC4 and Flossie. It isn't easy when children lose their way and there is only so much you can do when they are older.
Halloween has sadly come to France too, but as both my DC were away no need to do anything not that I'd bother now anyway as I really don't like it
Yesterday was a Bank Holiday and DH told me that he had invited some old friends for dinner, which was nice of him as all the shops were shut. Fortunately I had enough to make a meal (including dessert!) thanks to the fact I often overbuy. Perhaps DH won't be so quick to criticize my shopping habits now!
All the rain is starting to get me down, washing isn't getting dry as I can't hang it outside and it isn't cold enough for heating in the house, there is mud everywhere, my poor hens are nearly flooded out and worst of all there are rats in the hen house and adjoining shed. I'm trapping one a day and DH then drowns it but I think there are quite a lot.
Not AF but will make an effort to be better next week when teaching re-starts and school starts again.
Have a good weekend!

Hi everyone

So much to catch up on. I've skim read a bit and will be back later to read in more detail.

Checking in. I had a bastard of a week ill, AF but very very sorry for myself. Then this last week I drank far too much far too often.

Fighting with the boyfriend when ill, I was horribly grumpy to him and I don't know how he feels now. Hope we're ok but I'm not sure.

Work is so, so so awful. I made a mistake in July that I have to confess to - I only found what I'd done yesterday when wfh, tried to get time on the phone with boss to confess but I coudln't and it's still hanging over me.

I'm so scared and sad about work. I gave my whole life to an industry that doesn't care about me; my current work place seems to actively hate me and I can't understand how I can have worked this hard, be 48, and still so shit, so anxious, so useless.

So yeah drank far too much this week.

Sorry to just arrive and unload like this. I'm feeling dark and haunted and I don't know how to pull myself together.

NC4, how old is your ds? Mine was nearly kickedout for low attendance his first year at uni so I sympathise.

Senseless, don’t be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, it’s how you recover from them that’s important imo. Fwiw the last few I’ve made at work were very nearly sackable offences (think data breach, reputational damage to big corporates) 💐

Madame congratulations on the house and on throwing together a meal from what you’ve got, I find that very satisfying and practically expect a medal if ever I do that.

Flossie you are doing so well on AF.

I’ve been rubbish, drinking loads, no AF days but I’ve been sad about our cat and trying to cheer dd up so we’ve been to a farm this week and for manicures and have watched cheering telly so that’s good. And as she was at a friends for Halloween I didn’t have to do anything, hurrah. dh and I have enjoyed two nights alone this week so that’s been enjoyable too.

I think my thinking I could do 8 weeks of the blood sugar diet was optimistic. May start 5:2 on Monday instead, that feels more achievable. Have a good weekend everyone.

Sorry you’re struggling Senseless. That all sounds hard. Mistakes at work rarely turn out to be as bad as you build them up to be, and if this one’s gone unnoticed it must have been an easy one to make.

DS1 is 17. He’s in a shit situation as he finished college a year early and hasn’t been able to get an apprenticeship in his trade (or any trade) so he’s really just going over what he did last year to keep him off the streets. I can understand he doesn’t feel too inspired, but he needs to be more proactive looking for alternatives.

My work is shit at the moment too. I’m not getting enough in because the papers are dominated by Brexit, and the other side of my business is feeling the pinch of austerity. I’m trying to ride it out but feeling pretty lethargic when I need to build up work in other areas.

I’m toying with the idea of a sober November. I think I need a drastic shakeup. I was doing well with the gym before I went away and got struck down with lurgy, so that can start again soon.

NC4 I’ll do sober November with you, if you want to start on Monday ? I feel really sluggish and bloated and it would do me good.

Sounds good Water. I’m actually planning on starting today but join me on Monday if that works best for you xx

Hello everyone,
Can I join you all?
I'm on day 5 of AF, I did 32 days a few weeks ago and had a bad time so started drinking again.
Last weekend I had a total blow out and have now realised I'm causing my dc and dh too much street and upset.
Im 31 and live in Devon with dh and my 7 dc ages ranging from 4 -14 years.
My dh works away in London for up to two weeks at a time.
I've realised I've been drinking to block out my past. I've been to the doctors and been referred to councilling and been prescribed matazapine for depression and help me sleep.
Last weekend I drunk far too much and self harmed which made me realise I had to stop.

Evening all

madame my chooks are pissed off with the weather too. Have slabs down in half my run and 3 different coops they can shelter in but they are still furious. Also feel your pain on rats. We bought a hanging feeder which seems to be working, seem to be using about half the amount of feed as before. Also got a trap down but it hasn't caught anything yet. The council were down last week laying poison which I don't necessarily agree with but it should hopefully dent the population.

senseless work mistakes are always awful. You get that sinking in the pit of your stomach. Could you maybe email your boss and explain what you have done so at least you can get rid of the problem of telling them.

NC is your ds on fb? If he is tell him to search for groups relating to the trade he is interested in and put together a nice ad for himself. We are on various trade pages and I see a lot of young lads get snapped up like that.

water I feel really bloated and yucky too. Have had the period from hell this time. Came on 3 days early and still spotting 8 days later. Plus I am constipated. So I could really do with a few days, if not weeks AF.

badgerblu welcome. Your situation sounds very difficult, especially with your dh away so much. But 32 days is fab, 5 days is fantastic too. I hope you find some support here.

Had 3 beers last night so moderate. Had a shit nights sleep though, kept waking up then struggling to get back off. So aiming for dry tonight. Though am debating a glass of wine because it's Saturday and I have a bottle in the fridge and it might help me go to the loo. Usual excuses really. Am going to hold off until 6, then see if I want one.

Thank you!
It is very hard but I need to do It otherwise I will lose my DH. I recently got in touch with my DF and it bought up a lot of pain for the past and my mother (no contact due to past abuse) found me (we mov3d from London to devon because of it 😂) and got in contact so hoping the councilling will help massively!. I have found I'm smoking a lot more!.
I was told by my Dr that if I feel I really need a drink to have a low cider or beer. I was heavily on whisky or vodka. Luckily I haven't thought of having a drink.

Badgerblu, welcome. My dd was self harming for a while. From what I understand it’s related to emotional distress which isn’t being coped with. Counselling helped her and she isn’t doing it any more (afaik but who knows with teenagers?) so I hope counselling helps you too. 32 days is amazing, well done.

NC4, you’re on. I’ll start on Monday and may do an extra couple of days in December to make it a month AF. I definitely need it, massive health anxiety here related to wine

Frouby, constipation is vile, I detest it and will do anything to avoid it or resolve it, hope you find something that helps.

We got the kitty’s ashes today so may have a scattering in the garden tomorrow. Pet funeral place says she deals with 70 pets a month 😰 but at £150 a time that’s £10.5k 😯 - that’s a decent business right?!

Have not posted for several days because I feel like a fraud. I'm not even trying to be dry. I have given up this week. I'm going to read all the posts now.

I have now read everything.

Welcome, Badger and Cider, and welcome back, Fish.

Not sure where to start.

Half-bro revelation was quite something, Madame. I'd have been horrified by this when I was 20, but if it now turned out I had a half sibling, I'd just be interested to meet them. Funny how things change.

Water, so sorry about your kitty.

Flossie, 3 days is absolutely incredible.

Frouby, your tales from Froubyland are just so fab. I love reading all your posts.

Longest, I hope you are now completely better.

NC4, teenagers are such hard work. They know absolutely nothing absolutely everything. Water, I think you have also been there and done that.

Senseless, I'm so sorry about your job concerns.

What a lot we are all going through. I think it's the second week of half term that has sunk me. I am so sodding sick of half term.

Halloween completely passed me by, thank God. The teenagers went to Halloween parties, but at least I didn't have to carve pumpkins. That said, I did enjoy it when they were little.

No idea if I will ever manage a dry night again.

Don't feel like a fraud Dion. You can try another day. I enjoyed pumpkin carving too, when mine were wee. In fact, I enjoyed them being little. Maybe that's rose tinted glasses, I don't know.

DS1 and Miss Pink Trainers were planning on going to a party last night (or a 'sesh' as the teenagers round here call them), but it was raining and they couldn't be arsed, so he cooked her a romantic dinner of sausage, mash and beans, rounded off with a couple of cans of cider in front of my fire, and declared "this is way better than M's sesh"!!

They crack me up, those two

Thanks for the Facebook tip Frouby. I've just been noseying round some groups. I'll encourage nag him to join some of those and see what he comes up with. Good thinking.

Managing AF quite easily tonight - partly because of the vat of rose consumed last night, but also because I had to go out on a job today and got soaked, so came home, had a bubble bath and got into my jamies.
Once the cloak of sobriety is on, there's no danger of me coming off the wagon.

I'm actually thinking of going to bed already. I'm not tired, I just fancy watching telly up there and I'm less likely to devour the entire packet of gingernuts. Plus when I go to bed, the cattens follow, and they really are ever so lovely .

Thank you, NC4. That's really lovely of you. Another soaking wet evening for me. FML.

Maybe I need to invest in a telly.

Love the tale of DS and Miss Pink Trainers. Mine also call it a "sesh". Apparently a "group sesh" is not a party. Who'd have guessed it?

Welcome back Dion, i was wondering where you were. Don't feel bad - a two week half term is enough to break a person.

Welcome badger and cider.

Hugs NC4 re your tough week, though i can see why repeat college is a grind for your ds1, wishing him luck with the Facebook idea. Glad he has a nice relationship with gf.

Dsis is here with toddler dn and the baby. Lovely to see them but we went to the transport museum and dn was overtired and screamy and ran off. Dsis looks so tired and pale and cried. I took dn and told her and bil to go to pub but they weren't gone long. Has been better since then though. My own kids were driving me mad first thing but were reasonably good after that i suppose, though the constant jabbering over the top of each other is grating. Not AF but did manage to decide against opening another bottle and also against post-wine beer so could be worse.

NC those groups are as rough as can be lol. But a very good way to make contacts in the different industries. We have found work before, and also compiled a list of companies to avoid. Some are better than others, some are just blokes bitching and arguing but I would get a little advert together and pop it on as many as possible. If you want to PM me a rough draft before he puts it on I will have a look for you, we employ people and I know what I would be looking for if I was taking a lad on.

Dion I always struggle in the holidays too, don't think I have been dry since last sunday til last night. Don't ever not post because you feel bad though, you can always blame that fucker swampy.

Me and ds are off to the ponies this morning. They stayed in last night because of the weather so will be nice and dry to have a good groom and a tidy up. They are both rugged up now but faces and legs and bellies still get filthy with the bloody mud. Hoping we get a bit of a dryer winter than the summer but it's not looking good so far. Failing that an early spring. I don't mind winter, I love autumn but rain all the day and all the night gets very old very quick.

Morning,
Thank you all for the welcome. I am now on day 6 af and can honestly say I feel so much better. I found getting out of bed so much easier and have got all the housework done already and have made cheese straws with the little ones already, something I have never done with them before.
I found the first 3 days the hardest so far .... but I'm drinking far to much coke and smoking a lot more! But one thing at a time.
I hope you all have a good day. We are off to take the dog (border collie called badger 10 months old) for a nice long walk via the park then home for some dinner.

Welcome Badger from a fellow border collie owner! And congratulations on Day 6. I don't think I've managed that since I was pregnant with DS who is 12 now.
Dion big hugs to you, I was wondering where you were! Hopefully now the holidays are over things will be easier. Is DP behaving himself?
Frouby good idea about slats, I think I have some pallets I could use. The traps with cheese seem to be working but we put down some poison too in desperation. But I saw one of the cats eating a rat yesterday and I'm sure he will die now due to secondary poisoning. Tried to get his to vomit by giving him hydrogen peroxide but it didn't work. Apparently it takes a few days for the poison to take effect

Senseless sorry you are still feeling shit about everything, especially work. If you are 48 why not give yourself some objectives to achieve before you are 50? Work and personal? My life was a bit shit at the same age after a relationship break up, so I joined a running club and decided to run a marathon before I was 50, it was the best thing I ever did for self esteem.

NC4 yes bloody brexit. Was hoping it would be over by last Thursday even though I'm against leaving some resolution would be nice. As an ex pat of over 15 years away from the UK I no longer have the right to vote in UK elections so I can't help the cause one way or another.

Longest it must have been lovely seeing your new nephew.

I've had enough of the rain now. October is usually a lovely month but not this year. We desperately needed rain as it was dry and for the first fortnight no problem, but every day now just makes life even more complicated with dogs to dry, floors to clean, hens to clean out more often, washing to dry, running shoes permanently soaked...
Won't be dry tonight but will be moderating as back to work tomorrow. Hopefully AF for a few days next week.

Welcome back Dion, IKWYM about not posting when drinking, I sometimes do the same but have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t help me!

Oh no madam about your cat, I so hope the poison doesn’t affect him 🤞🏻

6 days is amazing, well done.

I’m cooking beef later and will drink today but tomorrow will be day 1. I’ve realised that over the next month if I’m going to be AF I need to cook food which I have no urge to drink with so soups, cottage pie , stuff like that. If for eg I cook sea bass or a roast then I really want wine with it. So I’ll have to remember not to do that.

Am I nuts? Thought I would ask here as you are all nice, but would hopefully tell me if I am bonkers for even considering it.

Dh is 10 years older than me, 52 next month. He's also self employed and has no pension. I also have no pension apart from about 4 years of banking pension.

Realistically dh will need to switch to non manual building work sooner or later. Which won't be as lucrative.

So I am going to need to work full time when ds hits comprehensive in 5 years.

Mbing is fine for a bit extra but we couldn't live on it.

So. I never went to uni. But did do 120 units at open university. That was so long ago it's not transferable anymore. But have sent of for some prospectus today and done some researching. Have found a honours degree I really fancy (religion, philosophy and ethics, I did A level philosophy and the 2 years I did previously were in philosophy). Could do 60 units for the next 2 years while ds still small, then 2 years doing 120 units each year. Then possibly a PGCE. And go on to teach.

Am I nuts? I am so busy already. But reckon I could carve the time out to study by getting up early etc. And ds is getting older, dd will be off to uni herself before we know it and I would enjoy the course which definitely helps.

Then by the time I had qualified I would be 48ish. Which would probably mean 20 years of teaching. My PGCE year would coincide with ds starting secondary school which would hopefully work well.

In theory dh will fully retire at 67, I would still have 10 years of work left so as I get a bit older and possibly less energy, dh would be a house husband.

Am I mad for even considering this plan? Degree would be funded by student loans payable when I earn over the threshold.

Fleeting visit but back in full later..

Frouby - absolutely DO IT!!!!!!!! Have no regrets in life. I have a major one about not doing medicine. Dh keeps telling me it’s not too late. But bloody hell, how id fit that in is beyond me.
But you can deffo do this!! And you’re fab when getting your thoughts down etc so will b hugely successful I’m sure. Such a great plan. Really don’t look back..just go for it!!

Water - that’s the only way I can be af...by eating crap food that I wouldn’t normally consider ‘a lovely meal’. Because ‘a lovely meal’ always involves wine!!

Back to say hi to everyone else later. X