Wankerbastards and autumn weather, crunchy leaves, browning heather. We want crisp, cool days and crisp, cool wine, or beer or gin. But only a couple, as we smash moderatin'.

[Frouby]

Thread 8 for Tryers to be Dryers.

Join in for help and support and lots of laughs to reduce alcohol. Whatever you want to achieve with your alcohol intake, whether it's alcoholidays, dry days, less booze in general we are all in the same boat.

More threads floating around but I can't do clicky links. Just look for Wankerbastards and you will find us.

Frouby - that's a great plan. If you think you would enjoy teaching, absolutely do it.

Mme Forest - I definitely agree. Thinking about some proper goals and life changes is exactly what I need. Thank you

Water, sorry about your kitten.

Dion, how are you? Half term can be killer. It has really sunk my moderating will power.

I'm seeing boyfriend tonight. He'll come to mine after a long day driving and will fancy a glass of wine. I'm going to be honest with him and tell him I am just not feeling up to having wine around me; I'm low and it's not helping; I'll offer him a whiskey instead. I'm going to try to let him in a bit more. I think maybe he'd support me more emotionally if I let him. I think it's time to find out anyway.

And thank you to everyone else about the encouraging remarks.

I am so wrapped up in thinking about this work mistake. I can't see straight and I have no sense of proportion about whether it is as bad as I think or not. (I think it might be - you will probably all be thinking "well if she's not sure it's probably ok" - but I have been wrong-footed before by things that were honestly no big deal being treated like the end of the world.)

So this is what i can't decide:

if I am totally sincere, I will grab my boss as soon as I can and tell him: I feel awful about this. I have been worrying about it all weekend. Here's the thing: and then I'll tell him. If it is as bad as I think it is, showing him my emotion about it might help me. I'll look very contrite and he might try to save me.

If it isn't as bad as I think it is, then I might have made a mountain out of a molehill and got myself into more trouble than I needed to. It will come out - soon - but maybe I should just breezily work it into an overview of the whole area which I am due to give him in a couple of days anyway.

I don't think the second way is right but I don't think my nerves can take it anyway.

What do you think?

senseless, tell him, be contrite but remember, we ALL MAKE MISTAKES, honestly, we are human. You didn’t do it on purpose! I'd include an overview of

What happened (be brief)
What the impact was eg £1m paid accidentally
Why it happened, eg fat fat fingered spreadsheet error
Whether there were controls in place to prevent it happening
If there were, why didn't they work (over ridden, ignored, broken control)
What you’ve done to put it right (got the £1m back)
What you’ve done to ensure it doesn’t happen again (better controls, improved training, self flagellation 😂)
Any other information your boss needs
Any other actions or next steps to be agreed or discussed

I promise you I’ve seen big mistakes made involving millions of £ and the above is what I’d expect to see. Good luck.

Frouby, brilliant idea, do it! A friend of mine has just joined the police as an investigator at the age of 52 and loves it. She’s previously been an accountant and a photographer so this is her third career at least. There are lots of incentives to teach these days aren't there? Look into them too. Sounds like a great plan.

I am drinking wine and have beef in the oven.

Senseless pm me if you want to too xxx

Really quickly, as am going out soon - but...

Frouby, DO IT!!!!!!! My life is absolutely full of regrets about stuff not done. I really am too old to do the things I really, really wish I had done - if I were 42 (I'm closer to your DH's age than yours) I would do it. And as we've all seen on this thread, you are determined and well organised and hard working, so there is absolutely no reason for you not to make it a massive success. I think you'd also be a great teacher - the kind of life experience you would bring to it is no bad thing. You'd also have a great understanding of kids and some of the stuff they have to go through.

Senseless, I wouldn't like to advise as I haven't had a real job for 20 years, and was crap at it when I did have one (because I'm very bad at being told what to do). I would say, though, that Water sounds as if she has a wealth of experience, and everything she says sounds sensible to me. I do know how easy it is to get into a state about things (I am a terrible one for this).

I'm so sorry about the cat, Madame. I have been there with poisoning, and it's awful. Hugs.

Well done, Badger. That's incredible. I won't even manage Day One today, due to going out.

Froby do it!!. I am at the age of 30 about to turn 31 with no qualifications at all not even one GCSE. I was kicked out of school for being pregnant at 16! I have been a sahm for 14.5 years, I have always had a child at home with me, now my youngest at school my plan is to start with getting my maths and English GCSEs and go from there, ideally I want to do something in law. You are at least a few steps ahead of me and I'm dreading doing it.

Thank you all so much, I found day 1-3 the hardest, what helped was I went on that massive bender I was so Ill from it yet the next day I still had a bottle of wine and to be honest the next day as well. I went to the Drs and just broke down told her everything including the self harm, past abuse etc, I made sure DH was in with me so he could hear everything and make him realise when I was asking for help when he was with us I meant it!!. He know gets it isn't just a holiday for him when he is back down here and I'm not a slave I need a break as well. The tablets I'm on are making feel a bit spacey/zombie.
DH has also given up drinking which helps. He went back to work Friday and this weekend has been so much better without me drinking, we have done loads more, baking,playing housework,reading together and laughing even my dd1 who is 14 has stayed down in The lounge rather then her room.

Frouby definitely go for it. You won't be too old to teach at 48 and I think you would make a great teacher, the kids wouldn't dare mess you around. Your DS will be self sufficient before you know it and as you say it would help with the pension. And if DH will still be working into his late 60s why not?

Thanks everyone.

I don't particularly have a calling to be a teacher if I am honest, but I know I would be good at it. And I could cope with the pressures. Have always done sales jobs in the past and that is always, always stressful.

What I would really, really love to do is write for a living in some capacity. But I think that's something that has passed me by now. But maybe doing a degree would change that, especially something wordy like ethics and philosophy. But teaching would pay the bills and give us a good standard of living even once dh has retired.

Plus if dh retires and I am not at work all day, I might stab him to death with a teaspoon 😂😂😂.

I could start it as soon as February next year. Gulp.

😂😂, when DH has been back for a few days I end up counting down the hours until he is back at work, he ends up disrupting all our routines.
I bet it won't be as bad as you think once you have taken the first step. But the first step is always the hardest

Badger, great to meet you. That all sounds so positive, well done.

Water - thank you so much for the advice. It really helped me get my head together. I just spent an hour or so making a couple of mini spread sheets that I can use when I grab my boss asap and he can see at a glance exactly what is going on, why I did it, what I will do instead from now on. I feel less of a fuck up. Excel is a wonder drug :)

Frouby you should write like you do here. As Dion says Froubyland is funny. But I think teaching would benefit enormously from you too. Maybe both??

I don't know where to write though, thats the problem. And I only write about personal stuff and I dont do anything really, just potter around. Maybe I will find something to write about while studying or teaching or something.

A genuinely funny thing did happen today though. I had tears pouring down my face and nearly wet my knickers. Took ds to the stables. He was helping yard owner while I was messing with BabyPony. She left him in the stable we use for storing hay and straw filling up a big sack with straw for the beds. Straw comes in a big reel, like a loo roll.

Heard a little voice shouting 'mummy, mummy, help, heeeelllllpppp me'. Went dashing in and somehow he had fallen down the back of the reel/pile of straw, head first and was wedged between the wall and the straw. All you could see was his wellies. 😂😂😂😂. Yard owner had run with me, we took one look at each other and collapsed laughing. Pulled him out by his legs, he was absolutely plastered in straw and furious we were laughing. It was just too funny. I took dd every day from being 2 years old to being 8 and she never, ever did anything like that. He's just a walking disaster zone bless him. 😂

Frouby, writing for a living is do-able. Pure writing - author, magazines etc is hard to break into and not the most stable, so if you are worried about pensions it might not be the best option.

You could combine it with your sales skills and work in something like content marketing though. There's very good money in that, and it can be very creative. Do you blog? That would be a good starting point and a good outlet to explore different types/styles of writing.

I'm sure you'd be a boon to teaching too and absolutely you can fit study in. You do a lot with your time, and you might have to make some compromises, but you should definitely go for it.

My mum went to university when I was eight, so she would have been 38. It was a really good example to set me, actually. She used to type her essays up on an old typewriter, and I remember falling asleep at night to the sound of the keys clickety clacking. It was so soothing. Seeing my mum chase her dreams was a good thing, for sure.
I say you do the same...

Agh, I’ve been up in the night unwell and now have major health anxiety.

So NC4, I’m highly motivated to do the rest of this month dry for sure. I just dipped into the dry January group on Facebook and loads of people have done 300+ days AF, I’m a bit envious. According to my app I’m on 121 days AF this year which sounds good until you consider how many gallons of wine have been consumed on the other 200+ days...

I’m also worried as ds called me last night and was very very down. I offered to collect him or go and see him but he says he doesn’t need me to. I know he’s in his 20s but I just want to tuck him up in clean sheets and hug him. So maybe I’ll go up on Tuesday when I’ve had a better sleep. I worry about his mental health and it’s hard to work out what is ‘a bit fed up’ compared to ‘serious issue, see a GP’ 😰

Gosh what a lot everyone has on. I’m rejoining-been drinking about 30 units a week with one or two af day’s a week but have had a crap week this week and drunk loads more than usual. Frouby, definitely a doable plan but what would you aim to teach at end of degree? I’m a teacher and love it-I fo secondary science. Hope everyone else is hanging on. I went horse riding for first time in 25 years-was great fun but cd bhsrdly walk now!!

haggis thank fook you are enjoying it. The teaching I mean. I read so many negative threads in here about teaching. I would love to teach philosophy or RE to secondary aged dcs or in adult learning but I think I would have to do a masters perhaps for adult learning. Or maybe primary school. I don't know yet, think I would be good at secondary, I get on well with teenagers.

I bet you do ache lol. Did you hack or have a lesson? Take some ibuprofen to take the inflammation down a bit. Will you go again?

Got DH off ill today, fml. He's not been right all weekend and doesn't really take time off so he must be rough. But he will annoy me immensely 😂😂

Oh no-I’ll dh would annoy me too! I went for a lesson. Definitely going again-dd wants us to ride together which is a fab idea. I would go into a few secondary schools to observe some lessons if you can. You’ll quickly know if it feels ‘right’ or not. My students make me laugh every single day and I genuinely care so much about them.

I may volunteer up at dds school at some point Haggis, or if any TA posts come up, apply for those in a couple of years when ds a bit older. Even if I don't end up teaching I need the degree so I don't end up as a returning to proper work sahm in a NMW job for the next 20 odd years. At least I will have a chance at something better, and at least I won't have a massive gap on my CV. Plus I love philosophy and religious studies, I find it so interesting. And it will maybe inspire dd, and then ds to go to uni when they are young rather than middle aged like me.

Off to my ponies now, in the pissing down rain. Sigh. I would have loved me and dd to ride together but it's looking like it will be me and ds. He's a lot keener than dd was at the same age which is positive. And a lot more confident --until he has his first fall which will happen at some point then they get a fiver diver reward for getting back on.

Oh no an ill dh when he is home on a break from work would make it 100 times worse.

I couldn't teach at all so you and all other teachers/ta's/people planning or training to be have my up most respect!!.

Have fun with your ponies today.

Sorry I can't remember anyone's usernames yet, I'm planning on getting a notebook and pen, down side of taking these tablets. The plus side is 20 minutes after taking one I'm fast asleep. I put dd5 (4yrs) ds2 (6yrs) dd4 (8yrs) dd3 (9yrs) and dd2 ds1 (twins 11yrs) all to bed and asleep by 20:30 last night dd1 (14yrs) went for a bath, I took my tablet and put something on to watch, the next thing I knew dd1 was waking me up with a cup of tea and we went to bed.
On day 7 of no drinking and I'm finding it easier everyday.
Plans for today are a long dog walk with badger after I've hovered and doing some knitting until school pick up. Have a good day everyone.

Sounds like a great plan Frouby. If you are simply after a steady living there may be easier paths than degree plus pgce then teaching but if you are keen on the study for its own sake too then totally go for it. What the fuck is life for if not the pursuit of knowledge and artistry eh? I did law at uni but totally loved the legal philosophy modules - still remember trying to persuade city law firm that i was well into corporate law despite choosing the fluffy existential modules at every turn. I know someone who teaches philosophy and ethics at secondary actually, as well as religion. FIL did an open uni degree later in life and went on to enjoy teaching. I think it would be easier to deal with teenagers as a slightly older woman actually than when you are barely older than they are

AF last night and actually felt good. Went for Autumn walk and fish and chips with dsis and family, then swimming on my own and again with dc, then piano lesson. Had nice leftovers, watched northern lights and David Attenborough with herbal tea and went to bed utterly shattered but in a good way. Will aim for similar tonight but there's no good telly on. May aim for piano practice and early night with book.

Big hugs all round for those going through difficult times with teenagers. Someone on here said you can't go wrong with showing them love and i have remembered that in testing times but my dc are still small.

Can I join please?

Anyone here also loves going out and drinking? I do but I get carried away and end up doing stupid things and I want that to stop.

Hi! Checking in for a new week. I'm really going to be more serious about moderating.

I love hearing about all of your work, and work plans. It's inspiring. I'd like to be interested in work again!

I boarded my boss in his den, armed with spreadsheets, and it's all over. I'm relieved.

If I ever kill someone by mistake you know I'll be right down the police station begging to be arrested!

Ah fantastic news Senseless, i am so pleased for you!

That's fantastic news Senseless. Was your boss Ok about it all? I bet you feel a weight has lifted.

Right Water, we're off!! Day 3 for me here. I've started the Annie Grace book s a bit of a prop. I'm tired today because I didn't sleep well last night but still managed to get a call in to the utility bills people before work. Doubt that would have happened hungover.

I'm plucking up the nerve to ask the boys dad to review maintenance payments. I'm so skint at the moment and it's not been reviewed for about five years. He pays the basic CSA rate but privately but these boys keep getting more and more expensive. Why am I such a chicken? It's them that lose out. I never ask him for anything.

Still, at least sober November will be easier if I can't afford booze, eh?

Badgerblu, omg that’s a lot of children! Well done on AF, day 7 is great!

And you longest, well done

Senseless, I’m pleased it went well, good for you

Needtogetmyself, welcome to the thread 🙂

NC4, you’re on! Day 1 here and I’m very determined. Mainly because I look and feel shit and have health anxiety. Saw my counsellor today and talked about self compassion and self care and how I need to do it basically and she recommended this TED talk, if anyone is interested, I liked it.

www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

Nc4 the worst he can say is no, good luck