i’m going to hazard a guess, based only on my own experience, that it was a booze run. there’s nothing worse to an active alcoholic than not having enough alcohol. the trouble is, that as soon as you take the top off the bottle, this panic about running out begins.
you’re going to have to be brutally honest with yourself, OP. you need to understand that whatever the reason, or ‘mitigating circumstances’ you knowingly got behind the wheel of a car, drunk.
i’m not judging you. i’m telling you that you need to really think about this. preferring to give up driving to giving up booze is not a good sign.
i have arthritis, and have been on medication for it for around 3 years now. some 10 years ago, i was offered the same medication, at a much earlier stage of the disease. i refused it, because i would have had to stop drinking. it’s the very definition of insanity.
i have limited mobility now, and a lot of my joints are affected. if i hadn’t placed alcohol at the top of my priority list, i may have slowed the progression of the arthritis and my life might be different now.
AA taught me how to sit with all the awful feelings that led me to drink. left unchecked i would have been long-dead, either by the drinking or by my own hand.
make this your rock bottom, OP. rigorous honesty is what’s needed here. don’t let self-pity and shame trick you into continuing this race to the bottom. and don’t lie and obfuscate to try and mitigate whatever punishment the court hands you. your best thinking got you here. you need to change, and learn to be grateful that you are here at all, with nobody else killed or injured.