Can anyone tell me about end stage alcoholism?

[EmmaGemma]

My dad is an alcoholic and has lost almost everything. His marriage, business, money, house, self respect, friends.

There's been a massive physical decline in the last few weeks and he's no longer washing so absolutley stinks as does his flat. I think he's spending his days drunk and wetting himself. He just doesn't care. I've been reading about the final stages of alcoholism and the 'don't care' attitude seems to be part of it. Can any of you tell me what else to expect and how long it might be?

I'm worried about him but I live far away and really don't have much of a relationship with him. He's very difficult now and often acts like a child. However, I do want to help. He's had rehab and all that but doesn't want it. Theres no point getting social services involved as he wont let anyone in. Between drinking sessions he's surprisingly lucid. But he's like a walking hazard. I have visions of him falling down stairs, causing a fire when he cooks (he was frying chips the other day) or having a massive internal bleed and no one being there. The only thing I can do is try and keep his home clean but it's really awful. It's carpeted and I think he's just peeing and vomiting everywhere. It's rented so I can't take the carpets up.

Has anyone been around someone like this? What do I do?

My friend had the same with her Dad, it's so hard.
No practical advice really you're doing all you can just sending you a big virtual hug 🤗💐 xx

SIL's husband is in permanent residential care as a result of his alcoholism. His liver has only 20% function, and because it can't process any toxins in his body they have affected his brain. He is like someone with dementia. The wetting and soiling and his behaviour led to the authorities being able to fund his care.

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a lot that you can do, unless you can manage to get him into care.

Alcoholism is a bastard isn't it.

Thank you for the hug.

That's useful info about the care home. Maybe I should speak to SS. I tried before but they didn't get back to me.

My sister was like this,was in and out of rehab and then eventually into full time residential care after an incident happened in her home.She put the family through alot of awful times.She has Korsakoff syndrome which is a chronic memory disorder. She is only 46.

I really feel for you.Keep doing as you are but I don't think there's much else you can do.The only person that can help him is himself.

Thank you for your messages. What's weird is that he is seeking help from a local alcohol support group and says he wants to do it. And then doesn't.

Do you mean end stage before he gets help/finally gives up or before he dies?

Before he dies. There's been a notable decline in the last few weeks. No longer taking care of his personal hygiene, drinking pretty much constantly and withdrawing from everyone. I'd read on line that these are signs of final stage alcoholism.

Sorry you are going through this

Thank you.

It might be the case that he will have an accident whilst drunk. It is a common cause of death amongst chronic alcoholics. He may vomit in his sleep.
Fall over and sustain injuries.
Heart attack or stroke
No one can help at this stage I fear but it is a certain fact his death will be a direct result of his drinking.
That's all on him.
Not u.
Not SS or rehab.
Him.
If that's very blunt I am sorry but am dealing with a similar situation and am a little k ow on co.passion for the addict

I went through this with my DH and it is very hard. If your dad, as sounds likely, has oesophageal varices, then a fatal bleed is a strong possibility. His cognitive function will be poor even when he isn't on a bender because of the liver damage so sensible decisions will be near impossible. It is horrible to watch and I'm so sorry you are going through it. Keep encouraging him to go to the alcohol support group but do remember that you can't control or cure his drinking. .

My bil went like that but he didn't want to go into hospital. He was nursed at home and spent his last few days in a coma
I've worked with some end stage alcoholics who get tremors so bad they are unable to stand. At that stage it has been NH
It's horrible to see loved ones like this, I hope you have support x

It is 20+ years since I went through this but iirc the ‘really bad’ stage lasted 5-6 months. There was a few longish hospital stays in that period but the big thing as far as I was concerned was loss of bladder control and ability to walk (off and on). He wasn’t drinking anywhere near as much during this stage due to inaccessibility but seemed much less capable, falling down, wetting himself etc. I would have to fetch a jug for him to pee in sometimes (fun story - I was supposed to keep this a secret and my mum still uses the jug). He was also very emotional, possibly as he knew the end was nigh and he’d fucked up. The last month was deterioration in hospital with much of that being in a coma. I can remember the doctors taking the piss on a ward round while I waited outside the door in my school uniform. His liver failure induced acute kidney failure. It was peaceful in the end. Sorry, no practical advice. You just have to wait it out and it feels like it’s taking forever.

. I lost my df about 7 mths ago. Not sure I've got much advice but just wanted to say I know how hard it can be 😟. How old is he? My df had been drinking for years but in the last few years he was still dependent, but slowed down. The problem with him was he had also been a chronic smoker and had severe copd/emphysema. Although he had quit the fags in the final 2 years of his life, it affected him in that he was extremely breathless and weak and struggled to do daily chores. He didn't soil himself on a daily basis but there were a couple of incidences where I was called to the pub to collect him because he had wet/soiled. He could clean himself up though. My df didn't cook in his final days.. he survived on bought sandwiches and ensure vitamin drinks prescribed by the gp. Anything he needed, I would deliver as he didn't drive and couldn't carry much. In the end he was admitted to hospital complaining of back pain and because of some blood results they were concerned about. Turns out he had multiple fractures.

I don't think he could handle the alcohol withdrawal in hospital so was sedated and then slipped into a coma. He didn't improve, he contracted sepsis and consequently organ failure. The causes of death were stated as emphysema and liver failure. It was heartbreaking but in his case, at least it was quick. I'm not sure if it was really the copd that killed him, although the alcohol certainly didn't help. I sympathise with you op.

Thank you all. Its a very hard thing to talk about so I do appreciate you sharing with me. For those that have lived this can you tell me if any of the following suggests he definitley is end stage : forgetful, very slow walking, wetting himself, possibly vomiting judging by the smell in his flat, confused but then lucid enough to have business type conversations with old colleagues, shakes when not drinking, seems to drink heavily for a few days and then less. I know his liver is messed up. I feel I need to get an idea of how bad is bad. I'm not sure I can cope with another 5 or 6 months.

My father was like this took 7 years of chronic alcoholism to die. This included being sectioned numerous times to detox, rehab, and a whole year in a brain injuries clinic only to leave and start drinking again! Very sad ending.

My father lived on his own but my mother and the family looked after him to the end. I was out the country when he died and my mother who is dead now herself visited often. My brother who was a youth visited he thought his breathing was getting shallow they visited a hours later planning to call an ambulance if he hadn't improved but he had died. It's very hard on the family you're mopping up someone shit and piss and mess while they drink themselves to death you don't think like you do with a typical unwell person, you've gone through hell, you know they've been in intensive care about 10 times already, they can't be saved. It's a terrible disease, unfortunately it's a long slow death! I wish my father died suddenly before he began drinking than lived through the trauma of having an alcoholic father. I lost my childhood to alcohol.

I get annoyed when people tell me "oh my xxx is an alcoholic". It felt like it underplayed the hell I had been through. Chronic alcoholism you know all about. I remember when my father first started drinking an AA buddy tried to get him of drink with sweet tea! Needless to say that ended up with my father fitting and foaming at the mouth then being admitted to intensive care, chronic alcoholism can not come of drink without being admitted to hospital.

You notice it has messed with their brain near the end they end up very brain damaged with hallucinations. My heart goes out to you this was over 25 years ago but it was hell.

He's Alphajurno.

He also doesn't eat much or anything for days on end.

Swollen stomach, skinny legs and the colour off Homer Simpson

Hopefully he's near the end, it's very sad and difficult for you.

He's been drinking for as long as I can remember but bad enough to need rehab for the last 8 years. I think he's been in 5 times. And that doesn't count the times he's detoxed when in hospital for something else. He's had around 8 admissions this year alone and they've given him detox drugs each time.

Neweternal surprisingly enough he's not yellow. Although I know his liver is not doing well. Skinny legs and swollen tummy definitley but he is ahoed that way. As am I sadly.

So sorry for you and your dad, this is a terrible illness. I've known people survive for months and others die very quickly after a bad fall, internal bleed or a stroke, you can't predict how it will go. Have you spoken to his landlord, they may not feel it is a suitable place for him to live now. Is he privately renting and able to paybills or social housing. He would be safer in a carehome, I've known too many people who have just been found. Would he consider seeing his g.p. or being admitted to hospital.

I'm so sorry you are living with this. Someone can live like this for a long time. Try to take each day at a time. Ss can't force him to take help but they might offer you support as a carer. Do you have support? Are there any local groups that you can access? I just want to tell you that you are doing your best but you are not responsible for your Dad. Ultimately he is making his own decisions. I hope you know that. Look after yourself OP X

My mum was admitted with liver problems, bleeding etc and had a few stays in hospital. She was a life long alcoholic who had lost custody of her three kids years ago, I was only 6/7.

She had several attempts at rehab but in the end died of multi organ failure brought on by alcoholism aged 64. She only lasted that long because she had an extended period of I think 10 years ( didn’t see her much then) in a charity funded ‘dry house’ residential unit.

Shit last few years for us all, suicide attempts, admitted to psychiatric hospitals , ambulances, social workers.my sister and I have 4 kids between us and I work full time and it wore us down. Sounds awful but her death was a relief.

I think these days she would probably be diagnosed bi polar.

I’m sorry you are experiencing this OP, unfortunately you can’t put a time on it or indeed predict what might be the method of your dads demise. But it won’t be nice and neat sadly. Detach if you can as you’ll make yourself ill.

Neweternal 😢 sounds like my mum.