DH has lapsed after 19 months sober

[Anjelika]

....and after just 2 days we're right back in the hell of it all. Felt like my world had ended when I realised yesterday. It came completely out of the blue. Right away came the lies, denying he'd even had a drink then eventually when he was completely trashed he finally admitted it. This morning he was so so sorry and trying to convince me it was just a lapse (yeah, yeah, heard it before). Came back from dropping the kids at school and he was already slurring his words and getting confused. Had to break it to the kids when I picked them up and they were devastated (they're 10 & 7). He's not working at the moment and was supposed to be looking after the kids tomorrow and Wednesday so I had to quickly find some childcare. Thankfully today is my day off and I managed to achieve loads - it's amazing how you quickly step up to the plate when you have to! 2 years ago I was part of the way through divorcing him because of his alcoholism and feel such an utter fool for not going through with it but he sobered up and pleaded and pleaded and eventually I gave in. Like lots of people on this board say about their alcoholic DHs - he is a great father when sober. Now facing another Xmas from hell (think he's only had about 2 sober since 2010) with him in the house stinking of drink and lying asleep on the sofa. It's not as if you can invite anyone round is it?

I meant a back up plan in terms of a legal one, so putting the house solely in your name or rent agreement in just your name. Something so that if/when he drinks again he can be gone immediately.

You need something, otherwise you are potentially exposing your DC to their whole childhoods either growing up with an alcoholic and inbetween having them worry he will start drinking again. Honestly, don’t underestimate the damage this can cause them.

It is also somewhat enabling him as he can still live with you and his DC everytime he decides to have a drink.

I would still keep locking him out even if he can still legally live there. Make him go to the police everytime to gain entry.

I hope you manage to have a nice Christmas, it sounds like an awful situation for you and your DC

I have no useful advice. I am sorry, my DH is also a drunk and I have left him over his refusal to accept it and I couldn't let the DC hear him call me a fat ugly bitch again. I know you can't uproot the DC so easily. I don't know what I'd do. Was it just today? Sorry I don't really follow your timeline. I am so so sorry. It's his problem but it becomes all yours.

Hi. No it wasn't just today as such. He has been a full blown alcoholic for 7 years now. I was in the midst of divorcing him over it when he sobered up 19 months ago and I eventually gave in as we came to an arrangement over what would happen if he ever got drunk at home again. He lapsed at the weekend after 19 months sober and managed to keep it at a low level but last night he was completely out of it and was out cold by 12.30pm today. It threw me for six as I really didn't see it coming. The DCs have had a great 19 months with him sober but now it's over. I know it's completely wrong that they have to be in the same house as him when he's drinking but I have investigated every possibility of getting him out in the past and divorce is the only way. How I wish I'd seen it through now. At the time I wanted to carry on and get divorced even if we gave it another go so that when the shit hit the fan again like it did last weekend I could just tell him to legally do one. I can see that a lot of people think I'm mad/selfish/weak for not just moving out with the kids right now but it's our home and we've had to work around him in this state before.

It's Christmas, you have no real local support. I know it's not that easy. I've been separated for 4 months now because I had to give an ultimatum. I know if I take him back it'll last a few days till he's drunk and insulting me in front of my children. He lets me down all the time.
Is he repentant? Not that it matters, but my DH won't admit he's an alcoholic. This thread isn't about me though.
I am sorry. I wish you could dump him on his parents or in the street but I know you can't. Tell him he's fucking disgrace if he doesn't sober up for Christmas.

You're not sad or selfish or weak. OP I am sorry you and your children are going through this.

Hi yousignup. He fully acknowledges that he's an alcoholic and that he cannot drink at all. Up until he stopped 19 months ago it was 5 years plus of abstinence, relapse, abstinence, relapse and repeat. When he drinks, it's copious amounts of vodka until he literally falls over. He is not a violent drunk. He's been hospitalised on many occasions due to being found completely passed out in the street. He's not a functional alcoholic that's for sure! The kids are disappointed more than anything and one of them is blaming me for "letting" her dad go away last weekend, which is when it started. We've had a nice day though today and I don't think even this can spoil their excitement over Xmas!

Hi op how was your Christmas

@Anjelika You have been in my thoughts. I hope things were ok over Christmas.

Hi FNYB and MynewnameisKy. Thanks for asking after me. I got through Xmas single handedly somehow. Tbh Xmas Eve & Xmas Day were the easiest as the kids were going to enjoy Xmas no matter what! I cooked my first ever Xmas Dinner and even the kids were impressed! We went to stay with DSIL Boxing Day but when we got back from there it all felt pretty flat and depressing and we've spent a lot more time at home than I would have liked! Not sure what they NY will bring really. Back at work tomorrow and dreading everyone asking how my Xmas was. I've only been there for 3 months. Planning on saying DH was ill all Xmas so at least I don't have to pretend I had a lovely restful time!

Planning on saying DH was ill all Xmas so at least I don't have to pretend I had a lovely restful time

Why are you lying for him? It might be as well to tell the truth. You will get more support. I’d also let the school know that your DC are living in this situation.