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Alcohol support

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Original poster

OH heavy drinker.

38 replies

Dexter2012 · 05/05/2015 22:42

My bf is a heavy drinker it would be nothing to polish off 2 bottles of wine a night. It's pushed our relationship to breaking point he agreed to see gp and is waiting to see support group for alcohol. My problem is that his sincerity about getting help is short lived and after few weeks we have the same stand off. I Said he is in denial and I can't do this on my own need to get help support for myself. Because he can function works f/t ect he feels his drinking isn't such of a problem and becomes defensive. His drinking impacts upon us financially as well as emotionally. Again he just doesn't seem that bothered by it wondering if there is anything I can do to deal with this differently. It's as if I am waiting for him to just 'get it one day' just not happening. Thanks for easing this far

OP posts:
Anjelika · 12/05/2015 10:18

Just to continue as I was on my phone before.....I meant to say that if so many people have found Al Anon to be such a help, maybe I should give it a go and attend a few sessions. Not sure when I'd fit it in though.

Linds53 · 12/05/2015 17:43

I found the stepchat Alanon online forum very helpful. They do encourage face to face meetings but I didn't have the time nor the energy. Talking to people who are facing the same problems is really beneficial, as being the partner of an alcoholic is a very isolating experience.
Even if Alanon doesn't suit you, make sure you find someone to talk to about what's happening. Don't do what I did for far too long and pretend that everything is fine.

Baddz · 12/05/2015 21:09

My bil did this.
He had a massive stroke 8 weeks ago at 38
He nearly died.
He still cannot communicate well
It's not worth it

Anjelika · 12/05/2015 21:15

Thanks Linds53, I will look at the online forum. I once phoned their helpline and the woman I spoke to was fantastic. Not sure why I haven't done that again. I do have people I can talk to about it - it's been going on for so long now that it's hardly a big secret. A lot of people just don't know what to say to be honest but I have a good friend who (amazingly) is able to make me laugh about the situation. I much prefer this to others who are trying their best but just end up making me feel like an object of pity.

Thankfully my boss and a couple of friends at work also know which means I don't have to put on a brave face all the time and don't have to make up excuses for having to leave early on the one day my DH should be doing the school run.

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 12/05/2015 22:43

Baddz thats so young- how devastating- can I ask how much / how long he'd been drinking for ? Feels like my O/H is on borrowed time already.

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Original poster
Dexter2012 · 12/05/2015 22:56

Linds just tried to search out forum on line- is it the US forum can't seem to find UK on line forum. Not very techy so could be missing something really obvious.

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Baddz · 12/05/2015 23:05

a few years...
It transpires he had very very high blood pressure and he is also diabetic
Totally caused by his lifestyle

SunshineBossaNova · 13/05/2015 11:46

My DH is an alcoholic and I'm leaving him soon. I can't bear it any more.

Anjelika · 13/05/2015 12:23

Hi Sunshine. It sounds like we are in the same boat. Have you got any DC's? How long has it been going on? My DH has always liked a drink but descended into what I would term full-blown alcoholism about 5 years ago. By full blown, I mean drinking in the daytime and spending weeks on end literally comatose on the sofa then sobering up for a few weeks or months before starting all over again.

Divorce is the only option for me in that I cannot just leave him as I have nowhere to go with 3 DC's and anyway, why should I uproot the kids and leave the family home when we've done nothing wrong? I know that when we divorce I'll likely have to sell the family home and split the profits with him but until then I'm staying put. It makes me mad that I cannot get him out of the house any other way than divorce. As he's not violent I have been told it's unlikely I'd ever get a court order to keep him away from the house. It's madness More than once I've come downstairs in the morning to find my front door wide open and him out cold in the lounge. How is that NOT a risk to me and the kids??

Like I said upthread, I did get to the decree nisi stage last year but by the time this came through he had been sober for 4 months and (for the first time in 4 years) was actually working and it looked like he might just have turned things around.......how naïve and wrong I was. I know that some people do manage to achieve long-term sobriety but I think I have to face up to the fact that after 5 years of trying (and failing) my DH is unlikely to be one of them!

Linds53 · 13/05/2015 19:00

Yes Angelika its a US forum. Sorry, I should have made that clearer. I sympathise with your frustration regarding the legal system. It does seem crazy that its still 50/50 when you know you are going to be 100% responsible for raising the kids and paying the bills.

SunshineBossaNova · 13/05/2015 23:15

Hi Angelika, I'm sorry you're going throught this too. Thankfully no kids so only me to look after. He's 'functioning' up to a point but is drinking 8-10 cans of Stella a day, plus the drink he hides. He's a lovely bloke but I can't take any more. We split up in 2006 because of his drinking but got back together when he'd managed 2 months sober. I've been thinking of leaving for 3 years but have finally made my decision.

I'm really sad but I can't watch him do it to himself any more.

Lucy2610 · 14/05/2015 23:00

Dexter apologies for taking a few days to come back to you. My dad was an alcoholic so I grew up in a household dominated by daily drinking and booze induced drama and abuse. I stopped drinking almost 20 months ago because I could see I had issues with alcohol too and did not want that for my children.

Original poster
Dexter2012 · 16/05/2015 23:19

Lucy thanks for sharing if you don't mind me asking how much were you drinking and did you find it hard to stop.

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