Preston Elijah court case TW: sa, physical abuse and child death

[scarfonthestairs]

I just want to say first im using an old name on here to show i am a mom who's adopted my son years ago.

I've got myself obsessed with this awful case to the point im following the court reports. I know I meed to work on this.

But im just reading the defence now and some of the things he says sound so familar. Like his family being his only social circle, not having a huge amount of knowledge of how to deal with the baby and feeling like he'd got post adoption depression.

I am not saying at all that he is innocent but he answers things so well. But then sok of the evidence is just awful. I guess what I'm trying to say is do you think he could be innocent? I just dont get why you'd go through all of the adoption process to then do that to the poor little baby.

Sorry I know I'm brain blurting.

You're really saying nobody is demonising bio parents after your comment about special brew? You're having a laugh. The whole thread on the adoption board before these vile individuals were sentenced was full of excuses, post adoption depression being one etc.

Social services should be involved in every childs life till they reach adulthood.

I believe the thread speaks for itself. There would not be the hand wringing going on if it was bio parent/s murdering and raping an infant. There's now outrage after sentencing.

Any further forward on that 80% link or research?

Why are you trying to suggest I am being argumentative because you don't like/disagree what I'm saying? Don't do that.

It's not acceptable to call 😒 Varely or his partner a psychopath. They haven't been diagnosed with any mental health disorder. I don't believe it's in any way helpful or correct to label them as so. They are violent pedophiles. Nothing more or less. Your examples don't cut it. Saying your child for example, is anxious about exams or anything isn't diagnosing the child with an anxiety disorder. people can experience paranoia without having a diagnosable mental health condition. Your examples are ridiculous.

The whole hand wringing thread before their convictions was outrageous.

Ive contributed to this conversation, my views are relevant. Try not to harrange someone who questions your views or suggest they should skedaddle.

How about admiting it's not helpful to attach mental health conditions to violent murderous pedophiles? That's abelist and in 2026 not in any way acceptable.

You clearly didn't understand any of my post. As you appear to have difficulties with reading comprehension which is going to make any sensible discussion impossible I'm going to leave it there.

My comment about Carlsberg was made in the context of someone suggesting it was fine for a birth parent to turn up to contact drunk, because the child would see her for who she was. I was making the point that when parents turn up drunk they bring further harm to the child in a variety of ways. I’m guessing you’ve never had to prize a 6 pack out of the hands of a toddler who thinks mum has given them a gift. When a parent turns up drunk the child doesn’t see her for who she is, rather they’re plunged back into a place of fear and uncertainty. That, for me, isn’t a price worth paying.

At no point did I suggest any value judgement, I was stating facts based on my experience of many years trying to facilitate contact where substance misuse is a current issue for a parent.

There’s no better outcome for a child than for their parent to overcome adversity and be able to meet the needs of their child - the vast majority of children do return to the birth parents having been taken into care. For those who need a permanence plan, a tiny percentage go on to closed adoption - again most will remain in foster or residential care with regular contact with their birth parents.

For those who are adopted, direct contact may be beneficial providing the birth parent can manage contact in a way that benefits the child. Many simply can’t do that. I’m not sure how stating that demonises birth parents.

You’re very capable of doing your own research, the reasons children are placed on the CP register are publicly recorded and audited. Mine reflect Scottish figures, but English ones are pretty similar.

That's it, of course the best level of defence when you've been called for your abelism and nonsense is to tell someone you don't know that they appear to have difficulties with their reading comprehension. Got it 🤨

Ah Jelly. You know better than that surely. If you're gonna quote percentages, particularly high ones like 80% you should be prepared to back your claims. How about backing them? No? Got you.

You as a cp social worker and and adopted parent you absolutely demonised bio parent in what you said. You were vicious.

Your direct quote:

So when she turns up drunk, tells the kids she has something special for them and hands them a can of Carlsberg, or tells them they’re traitors for living with a new family, or that those fucking social workers stole you, or criticises everything about them, or sits stoned in the corner of the contact space, or tells them they can come back and live with her, or cries all over them, or that they have a new “daddy” who can’t wait to meet them next time, or turns up late and fights with the social worker because they have less time, or hands them a pile of “gifts” they’ve stolen on the way there…

You certainly could as a professional worded that better?

I’m not posting as a professional, it’s a social media post not a court report. The reality of what children need to cope with when people advocate ongoing contact is unpleasant, isn’t it.

I don’t need to back it up, the figures are publicly available and easy to google.

No, you're not posting as a 'professional', yet you have no issue in inserting that you have been a cp social worker for decades to further strengthen your position and claims. You're a professional regardless in this field and as a professional it's worrying that you hold these views and feel free to spout such venom on a public site. Hopefully someone will know who you are and if you're still in the profession report you. Disgusting behaviour from a so called professional. Perhaps, it's social workers with such biased views that are part of the problem.

How about posting the links Jelly? You're the one who made this claim not me.

“These views”, what views have I expressed that you find so objectionable?

@ForDearSwan please stop. You have completly taken over this thread with what seems quite an aggressive issue against Jelly.
I will say this. As an adoptive parent, when speaking to other adoptive parents and not to my son , I feel I absolutely do demonised birth parents. Birth father was non existent but plastered ds photo all over his facebook page. Birth mother drank and did drugs so much during pregnancy that my ds is brain damaged. She was aware of the issues as midwife and social worker kept telling her. She missed contact with ds cos she was partying , turned up and left early, turned up and wasnt allowed in because had drugs on her or was off her face.
I also commented in my OP how some of the things he said in court sounded very true for a recently adopting dad. That was before the evidence of bruises, photos of the babies bottom and genitals were given. Or the harrowing description of the video of preston turning blue whilst suspended over the cot bars with possibly seven dripping from his mouth.

Getting back to the original case, I find it difficult that some papers have now dropped the story completely when its still swirling round my head. And also that his Foster carers where so dignified throughout the entire case, but must be absolutely destroyed inside. They just dont deserve it.

please stop. You have completly taken over this thread with what seems quite an aggressive issue against Jelly.

No aggression. I have however taken umbrage as any decent person would, with the way they have aggressively demonised bio parents as drunkards/druggies and thieves. Their words not mine.

Pointing out that their harsh comments and them inserting themselves a CP social worker to give more weight to their comments isn't me aggressively having any aggression towards jelly. What I have done is pointed to their absolute bias towards bio parents and as a professional they may well be part of the problem, particularly when they feel emboldened to post the comment that they did.

I haven't hijacked this thread. What we have is some poster's not liking my views.

This is a public forum and will continue to post as I see fit. Don't, confuse someone with a different opinion, or calling out vile comments about bio parents as being aggressive.