Our kids arrive on Saturday...

[mummyBop]

Our children will be formally placed for adoption with us on Saturday, so any tips from those who have already been through this?

They are a sibling group (4,6 and 8)whom we've known for about 18 months as we've done respite foter care for them.

I have a "welcome" box each with some goodies in and have sorted their rooms. Anything else we should be doing?

Thanks
MummyBop

congratulations
Wish you all the best.

Congratulations!

Thanks everyone

I will check on the church, but I don't think they will do anything, after al they ahve been going for some time. We have talked to the minister about having a formal welcome service, but not until they are legally ours (a bit like a Christening), as by then they should be more settled. Last weekend their old church did a goodbye service which we took them too and they didn't cope well.

As for the little one and nursery - I think I'll play it by ear - she has been used to full time nursery and will now get just 2.5 hours, so I hope the half day alone together wil help. I am erring towards taking her to meet her foster carers in the interim, but as suggested a neutral venue may be better (or even them coming here?)

Anyway thanks for all the fantastic advice and best wishes - I will let you know how it goes, if I get chance to come on here

MBop

Good luck for tomorrow

Thanks Disenchanted

mBop

how exciting and nervewrecking for all of you. Good luck for this weekend!

Hope you all have a DEFFO BRILL weekend

Good luck mummybop, will be thinking of you.

Just a watch-it - I don't know what your confidentiality situation is, but our church (kindly meant but without asking us first) put a "welcome to Y and X and their adopted children P and Q" with all names, on the Church WEBSITE which has a monthly news page. . they did remove it pretty quickly but it panicked me badly at the time. But they did kindly do us a meals run - If anyone offers to make you a meal though, say yes!

i think she said that the Bm had consented, but you are right, you don't know the situation with other members of the birth family

its hard, isnt it, when people are trying to be nice ( welcome parties, farewell services etc)and you have to say no because your kids wouldn't cope

its so hard for biologicals to see things from an adoptee's point of view, its a complete culture change

eg arriving in new family to be presented with lots of new clothes and toys and get new hairstyle

to new parents = we love you and are claiming you

to friends and family = we are so happy for new parents and want to treat the children the same as others in the family. new babies get lots of gifts

to adoptees = they don't like my clothes and hair, I'm not good enough for them...my things are scruffy not like these lovely new ones, will they love me when they see how mixed up i am??? these clothes smell and feel funny...etc etc

congratulations. Nothing useful to help other than that, sorry.

Thanks everyone - it is wonderful to have more experienced adopters around to ask advice.

Mumwhereare you - any specifics for adopting three at once?

Kristine - that is a lovely way of summing it up - I think I will use that with family and friends. We have said no presents, but I'm not sure that will work, or if it does we will have silly amounts of Easter eggs instead.

At least the kids do know us having been here regularly over the past 18 months, but that is still different to every day for evermore. They also asked if we would adopt them, so it is as good as it can be - but I am sure they still hsve mixed feelings today as they move.

I am amazed bt the reactions of others - they seem to think we are doing some fantastic thing, but to us this is the only way we can have children and at least with these three we know them and the issues they come with. Saying taht we ahve also had lots of offers of support which is lovely as we will probably need to call on some of it!

Well this was my last chance for a long lie, but I am excited and was wide awake at 6.30am - saying that I am relishing this quiet time as it wil be rare in the future.

Thanks agianand I'm sure I'l be back with lots of questions

mBop

Congratulations

MummyBop, you are doing a fantastic thing!
You are keeping three young children, a family, together, and giving them a mummy & daddy who love them. Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!

ooh, what an exciting day Mummybop

I have no advice, but I wanted to say hello

Good luck for today

Congratulations - I think your doing a wonderful thing too for you and them

congratulations MummyBop and DaddyBop!

I have no experience so can't offer any advice, just wanted to say good luck and welcome to your children.

Have only just seen this thread, and I think you're doing a wonderful thing. It's so hard to place a family of three siblings, well done. Have a fantastic weekend, sending you all luck and happiness.

Congratulatons.

OH I hope it is going well - I feel all emotional for you.

lol @ 'running a nursery with someone you used to date'. Very good advice from Kristina about low-key normality and routine.

Also be very kind to yourselves because there WILL be times when it feels overwhelming. (There will also be times when it is wonderful!)

Support each other, rant on here and to friends if needs be. There's also the AdoptionUK forums that you can use to chat.

GOOD LUCK!

Congratuations and hope everything goes ok for you.

How lovely! Congratulations - hope all goes well.

Hi MummyBop

Hope today went well for you and your new family!!

Tips for coping, well have only just started ironing again, i just didn't have time or energy. Housework also slipped for me a bit. We try and have 1-1 time with each child for 15-30 mins a day, makes a real difference to them. Normally we stagger bed times a bit to achieve this.

Back each other up in front of the children.

Lastly just enjoy them, we have so much fun even though middly has huge problems.

Also we are very open and talk about Birth parents, our eldesthas a photo of them in her bedroom and can look at her life story work whenever she wants.

Well day one has been really hard. I am not sure I can do this.

This morning was awful; they didn't want to leave their foster carers and all day they have kept saying they want to go back. They have even talked about running back there from school as they will stay at their old school for the first two weeks.

I am also feeling quite angry towards their foster carers in a few fronts (and I am shocked at the strength of my feelings - i am wondering if I am just looking for someone to blame for my own failings)

• they have so much stuff I really don't know where to put it all. Supposedly almost everything was already here, but so much more has arrived since. What is a reasonable amount of clothes - they have 40+ pairs of trousers, 40+ pairs of knickers, more tops, dresses, dressing up outfits etc. I wish I hadn't bought then anything. I know they need their own stuff, but can I not get rid of some of the excess? On top of that are loads of toys, most of whih are really cheap and tatty
• we agreed that the foster carers would buy them a small present as they left - but no loads of stuff. She even gave them new fdressig gowns and pyjamas - that is not keeping the familiar stuff and leaves me unable to get anything.
• I felt they made this morning worse - they were unprepared. with nowhere near everything packed when we arrived and they kept crying which set the kdis off. After gettign everything in the car, we agreed we just needed to leave, but the kids kept asking for more things and they kept giving in and wouldn't let them go. I know it was hard for them, but I felt that as adults they should have still kept boundaries.

I think my biggest difficulty is that I feel that my space has ben completely invaded and I'm not sure why its so bad today when we've had them here so many times before. I wonder if its the stuff and the volume of it.

Help!!

Bop