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Adoption

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Original poster

Our kids arrive on Saturday...

115 replies

mummyBop · 05/03/2008 16:29

Our children will be formally placed for adoption with us on Saturday, so any tips from those who have already been through this?

They are a sibling group (4,6 and 8)whom we've known for about 18 months as we've done respite foter care for them.

I have a "welcome" box each with some goodies in and have sorted their rooms. Anything else we should be doing?

Thanks
MummyBop

OP posts:

intravenouscoffee · 11/03/2008 07:44

Just found this thread and wanted to say how fantastically you seem to be doing MummyBop. As many have said, the shock of a first baby arriving in a family is huge, so three children at once must be overwhelming but your posts sound so positive and it's clear how important your children are to you. I have very little experience to draw on but wish you all the best for the days and weeks ahead. Agree with Spam - there's just not an appropriate emoticon to express it all!

Original poster

mummyBop · 11/03/2008 14:05

We've had good couple of days - the first school run was amazingly straightforward (we were ready with 40 minutes to spare!), although today was more of a battle.

The eldest two no longer want to stay at their old school so are swapping this weekend, a week earlier than planned. The youngest wouldn't let me leave nursery yesterday, but I'm home today, altrhough I won't leave her for long.

They all seem quite calm and happy, which is good, but it may be the calm before the storm. We ahe had minor regressions with the little one on wetting herself at night and in the day, but I'm sure as she feels more settled that will get better. I'm certainly not going to try and tackle it this early.

Anyway, the suport on here had been amazing too - thank you.

mBop

OP posts:

Hassled · 11/03/2008 14:09

So glad to hear it's going well.

40 minutes early - that's pretty damn impressive .

HereWeGoRoundTheMulberryBag · 11/03/2008 14:13

Message withdrawn

Tickle · 11/03/2008 18:05

Well done MBop - and the relaxed attitude is the only way to go with wet pants! It is the first thing to go with any big changes, but I'm sure she will soon settle down

As for not wanting you to leave nursery - it's heart-breaking isn't it?? But the carers/childminders we have had over the years have all said the same - it lasts between 30 secs and five mins once you've gone, and they are fine. Makes me feel better

Hope everything continues smoothly and the big ones enjoy their new school.

StarlightMcKenzie · 11/03/2008 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

frumpygrumpy · 12/03/2008 21:24

Good for you Bop. Just checking in.

april74 · 14/03/2008 08:49

Just read this, glad things are settling down a bit, and hope it goes well from now on.

runningmum1 · 06/04/2008 15:18

Hi Mummy bop, I was wondering how it was going. I adopted 3 siblings 6 years ago, so I know about both the highs and the lows. I really hope your Authority provides good post-adoption support, this has proved invaluable for us.

loverofredshoes · 06/04/2008 15:31

Hi
Hope your first weekend together went well. As an adoptive mum of 1 boy reading your postings brought everything back to me. THe excitement, the nerves, the trepidation but overall the feeling of sheer wonderment. My son still has contact with his birth grandma and we write to his birth mum.

When he first came i took 12 months off work and we enjoyed a wonderful year together. He arrived in May but i held off starting playgroup until september and we enjoyed the summer together doing normal family stuff. After a couple of weeks he met the rest of the family in small groups and we took it from there. He was 3 when he arrived and now after 5 years he feels like he has always been here. He took instantly to his yonger cousin, ny sister's little boy and has formed a wonderful relationship with his sister who is now 4.

I wish you and your family every continued happiness, x

Original poster

mummyBop · 07/04/2008 16:14

Well it seems to be going really well - its a month tomorrow since they arrived.

I think the fact that they already knew us has made things easier - they already knew how we do things, we ahd developed ways of supporting them and they had met most of our family at some point or another, so seeing them again has been fun.

We had a few tricky days last week - I think the change of clocks disrupted bedtimes and they got over tired, but a couple of early nights and things seem calmer again (well apart from a nightmare trip to the supermarket earlier!). The eldest had also been quite upset after her play therapy and it took a few days for her to reach an equilibrium again.

They now have two weeks off school, so we'll see how I get on. We have quite a few things planned but Mr Bop can't have any more time off having had two weeks paternity leave.

As for the "stuff" - some clothes and toys have slowly disappeared as I've noticed they're not being played with/worn. But in general I am less bothered by it.

Thanks for all your support
mBop

OP posts:

Flower3554 · 07/04/2008 16:24

Hi mummyBop, its been really interesting reading your posts from the other side of the coin, so to speak.

We are foster carers who often have little ones who move on to adoption and this week, on Thursday we will be meeting, for the very first time the lady who has been "earmarked" to take one of our little ones.

While we are dreading him leaving, having cared for him from two days old to 15 months old, I'm looking forward to putting a face to his "mummy" I've only a tiny bit of info about her but she sounds nice.

It made me smile when you said it was strange being told to make yourself at home in a strangers house, I say that and I really mean it in the sense that I want them to be able to relax, take their shoes off, not feel they have to sit bolt upright on the chairs etc etc.

Can I ask, is there anything you wished they'd done or not done during introductions that would have made it easier for you.

Best of luck with your new family

Original poster

mummyBop · 07/04/2008 21:14

Hi Flower

I think you have us confused as we never had introductions per se as we had been respite foster carers for the kids for 18 months before they moved to be with us permanently. Instead of coming to us for a weekend every 6 weeks, it became monthly, then 3 weekly, two weekly and every week until the final permanent move.

Hope the move goes smoothly for your wee boy and you are able to let him go relatively easily and reassure him that this is a good move for him. I think our foster carers really struggled with that and that made the move even more tricky for the kids - I got questions such as "do you think xxx is stil crying?" and the kids didn't feel the foster carers were pleased for them and thought we would be a good new family for them. Luckily the foster carers have spoken to them since and managed to relay this to them.

Bop

OP posts:

Kewcumber · 07/04/2008 22:38

Flower it was April who made that comment.

Flower3554 · 08/04/2008 12:39

so sorry to have mixed you up mummyBop, I'm afraid my head is all over the place at the moment.

Letting our little one go will be sooo hard but we've done it before, lots of times, it's always hard and we have to grieve before we move on ourselves.

I only foster babies now and they are so dependent on you that actually it takes some work to get them to accept a new face doing everything for them. I always do my best to help the new family and to let the child see me being friendly towards them, "if I like them its ok for you to like them too", sort of thing.

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