Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Anyone else just starting?

90 replies

Karcheer · 09/12/2020 19:55

Hi

Dh and I had our initial conversation with the sw in august and they agreed that we could proceed to stage one.
We took a while to fill in the initial
Form as we decided to refurb a bit of our house. But I’ve posted them off today.
We’ve some medical issues which may mean we won’t be accepted but I’d love to find some others just starting out so we can compare notes :)

OP posts:
claireb7rg · 06/01/2021 20:46

@NikkieS

Yes at 6pm?
It's at 8 ☺️
Original poster
Karcheer · 14/01/2021 09:49

WE've got our workbook training session today!

OP posts:
Tink84 · 14/01/2021 15:37

Hi all, we are right at the point of deciding on adoption.
We have not been able to have our on children so when all our treatments etc finished and we took time out then applied and was approved to foster and had many placements.
Were now at the point that we've realised that we love helping the children but feel it would be more suitable for us to adopt.
I would like to ask is age a factor on the age of children you can be approved to adopt? Do you think it will go for or against us that we want to adopt and not foster anymore and is there anything you can tell me about the process that you wish you had known before you applied to adopt?

Thank you x

NikkieS · 14/01/2021 16:11

@Tink84

Hi all, we are right at the point of deciding on adoption. We have not been able to have our on children so when all our treatments etc finished and we took time out then applied and was approved to foster and had many placements. Were now at the point that we've realised that we love helping the children but feel it would be more suitable for us to adopt. I would like to ask is age a factor on the age of children you can be approved to adopt? Do you think it will go for or against us that we want to adopt and not foster anymore and is there anything you can tell me about the process that you wish you had known before you applied to adopt?

Thank you x

Hiya, from the reading and conversations I’ve had with people who’ve adopted, age shouldn’t go against you. You do have to have a medical with your doctor as they’re looking for longevity with the children they’re looking to place with adoption but I think ultimately if you’re able to provide a safe loving home for a child that’s the main thing.

I can’t imagine it would go against you if you changed your mind to adopt rather than foster, as lots of things can change throughout there is something within adoption called foster to adopt.

I’d certainly reach out and enquire and maybe sign up to the adoption seminar they’re doing via zoom at the minute as I found that really useful. X

ewwer · 14/01/2021 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tink84 · 14/01/2021 21:50

Thank you Nikkie S, that's really helpful x

Kittycat72 · 19/01/2021 09:25

Hi all. I really hope you can advise and help me. We have been looking into adoption for a while now, we dont have any children, together or from previous relationships. We have looked into the adoption process last year, spoken to a few adoption agencies. But we have had to put the process on hold as I had major surgery. So, I was watching Trying (series) and one episode entailed that they had to track down their ex partners (if they had a relationship over 12 mths and longer), to get a reference from them. Now, I'm 44 and my partner is 46, we have been together 7 years and we both have a past. But neither of us have ANY contact with any of our exs and I personally definitely dont want my ex being part of my future. We have both experienced some form of abuse and bad experiences with past relationships. One of mine ended when I was 23 and the other when I was early 30s. I understand that adoption agencies need a picture of who you are. But is part of the process actually involving contacting exs? Is this the same for fostering ? We are so desperate to give a child or children stability, it saddens and makes me feel very upset that exs are going to be involved in that decision and to be honest I dont want them to know anything about me and my life. Please can you let me know if this is true. Thank you for listening.

Kittycat72 · 19/01/2021 12:05

@fingerscrossed12 thank you for that!

Fingerscrossed12 · 19/01/2021 12:37

@Kittycat72 hello, yes it is 100% true. We are currently going through the process now & the reference an ex has given is far from complimentary. It’s very difficult as I’ve never even met this person yet their opinion on partner seems to really count :(

It’s a hard process & hopefully we pass stage 1 x

Kittycat72 · 19/01/2021 13:11

@Fingerscrossed12 hi. I'm really sorry to hear this . It baffles me because exs can be vindictive and spiteful - so for SS to take into account the reference from someone, so strongly.....I'm speechless xx

NikkieS · 19/01/2021 13:14

If it’s any comfort to you when I spoke with the adoption agency on my initial phone call they said they ask for the reference but they understand ex’s can be nasty and bitter so they don’t fully rely on their references. That’s why they ask for references from family and friends and potentially work too. Don’t get too disheartened. I’m sure everything will be ok 💕

claireb7rg · 19/01/2021 13:35

We're on stage 1 and we haven't been told they need ex references.

I was married for 7 years with my ex for 10 years and I have no contact with him at all. We divorced in 2016 and haven't heard or spoken to him since and don't plan to change that.

The social worker is aware we are divorced as she has seen my marriage cert and decree absolute. Its never been mentioned about getting a reference from him

Kittycat72 · 19/01/2021 13:39

@NikkieS thank you for that :) it's nice to have that reassurance xx

Kittycat72 · 19/01/2021 13:41

@claireb7rg I'm wondering if it depends on the agency, or maybe due to your circumstances, and the length of time.

Fingerscrossed12 · 19/01/2021 14:08

Yeah it’s an awkward part of the process. They explained that a few years ago there was a terrible case where an adoptive father killed a child & if his ex had been contacted SS would have known he was violent.

claireb7rg · 19/01/2021 14:17

How does it work if you have no way of contacting them? I am not unblocking him on FB just for that (suspect he has blocked me as well anyway)

Kittycat72 · 19/01/2021 14:41

Hmm exactly. What happens if you cant find them ? From what I've read I think it really depends on your SW

Kittycat72 · 19/01/2021 15:37

@Fingerscrossed12 aaah I do understand why they have to be so thorough. I know I'll have problems with my ex , hes been trying to contact me for years so I know he will block my way. I kept blocking messages and he kept using different numbers. Looks like this is what I'll have to deal with , and my partner will too. It's just so hard isnt it. :-(

Fingerscrossed12 · 19/01/2021 15:47

We are going with a local authority, maybe it’s dependant on agency - are you going privately?

They explained that they know ex’s are ex’s for a reason etc so they are just one part of the process x

Fingerscrossed12 · 19/01/2021 15:50

If they don’t want to be contacted they would have to respect their privacy. My understanding is the SW may ask for a reference from someone who knew you as a couple instead x

claireb7rg · 19/01/2021 17:31

weve just sorted our references, we had 1 family (we've chosen partners sister as she has young kids and is local) and 2 friends (that know us both)

Original poster
Karcheer · 20/01/2021 14:26

We've our medicals tomorrow.

Im watching so many youtube videos. Any recommendations?
I hate reading, dont take anything in.

OP posts:
claireb7rg · 20/01/2021 17:24

I've saved this thread as its got some useful links in

Adoption videos www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/4032255-adoption-videos

Original poster
Karcheer · 22/01/2021 18:05

Medicals were fine. Hopefully the Dr wrote good things about us.

DHs DBS cert came back today.

OP posts:
claireb7rg · 22/01/2021 22:13

@Karcheer

Medicals were fine. Hopefully the Dr wrote good things about us.

DHs DBS cert came back today.

How much were your medicals? I need to get round to ringing the doctors about booking ours
Swipe left for the next trending thread