Adoption if your child says 'no'.

[Giovanna1712]

Hi, I'm new here: proud single Mum to my amazing 3yr-old LO (adopted).

I've been asked if I could adopt LO's baby birth-sibling. LO is positive about sibling but consistently says they don't want to live with them. I believe keeping them together is the right thing to do (because of sibling relationship and genetic connection at very least).

Family say LO is too young to decide and will adapt regardless; however, they only come from position of birth children dealing with new sibling, not those who've suffered separation and loss. And whilst that doesn't define my LO it is something I'm very conscious of.

I'm fully aware how ridiculous it sounds basing monumental decision on child's POV so please don't lambast me for that; am just afraid of spoiling what we have and making decision that makes LO feel usurped and supplanted. LO is my absolute world and just want to make right decision for them (and, ultimately, baby-sibling).

Would anyone go ahead if their child was saying 'no'?

[Bananahana]

You can’t allow the child to decide. Imagine you did, and then as an adult you tell them that it’s their fault they don’t have a blood related person in their life, due to a decision they made when they were 3... it could be devastating.

This has to be your decision alone x

[Giovanna1712]

Hi guys, have been off piste a while, sorry, life, and adoption, and Covid, all in the merry mix. I saw your responses and valued them, just didn't have time to breathe let alone reply.

Am sorry to say that things aren't great still; decided to proceed with the adoption but feeling really badly let down by the agency. Were it not for a child the other end of this, a birth sibling at that, I think I'd be walking away and telling them where to go; so many mistakes, so little accountability and so little compassion. Took me a long time to decide it was right for us, and now feeling like am being pushed into withdrawal, even scared to write what I really feel here in case I'm identifiable; never felt so powerless in my life.

If anybody is about would appreciate a chat, pm if you wish.

[dimples76]

Giovanna1712 sorry that things are so tough and that you were having a sleepless night. I adopted for the second time last year and found everything much tougher than the first time due to worrying about my eldest and navigating the pandemic. Are you still keen to go ahead? What stage are you up to?

[percypetulant]

I've PM'd you.

We had an incredibly (incredible in that I wouldn't believe us if I met us, had I not experienced it) poor experience of the LA in this situation. Whatever is happening, I believe you.

[Italiangreyhound]

@Giovanna1712 how are you doing?

[Giovanna1712]

Hi @Italiangreyhound I'm plodding on, bit battered by the (poor) process but proceeding. Really scared about being able to love another child the way I love my LO though; trying to hold onto knowledge that many birth parents have same fear. How are you?

G xx

[Italiangreyhound]

Yes all that is very much the case fir other parents too. Good luck.

[Giovanna1712]

Thank you x