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First week of placement - really struggling.

137 replies

poppet31 · 22/09/2019 18:49

We are struggling so much, to the point where I'm worried this will not work out. It is day 6 of placement and the little boy we read about and saw during introductions is not the little boy we have brought home. He cries constantly, everything is a fight. Nappy changes, getting dressed, going in the high chair, buggy, car seat. Is used to a busy foster house with lots of kids so hates being stuck at home with us. But getting out with him is almost impossible because the car seat and buggy is a two man job and he is fighting is at every turn. I know he is grieving for his foster family (2 and has lived with them since birth) and is scared and confused. I know it's not his fault. I read all the books and thought I could cope but the reality is so much harder than I ever expected. If I thought this would get better, then I'd feel more able to manage, but after a week of this, my husband and I are exhausted. Please tell me it gets easier?

OP posts:
poppet31 · 04/10/2019 14:17

Thanks everyone for your continued support. Will keep posting here if that's ok as it's good way for me to vent. We are definitely seeing signs of progress. For the first time today, I managed to get little one in the car seat myself and we are currently sitting in the local Morrisons car park while he naps! (I may have had to bribe him with chocolate buttons but you pick your battles!) We are still having daily meltdowns but they are lasting for less time. We have introduced him to a couple of family members now and that has just made this week feel so much easier. Having visitors has been lovely and has made me feel much less isolated. He has loved having new people to play with as he's been used to such a busy house and yet he has wanted me or DH to pick him up when the door has went, which I think is another good sign that that attachment is starting to form?

OP posts:
user1494670108 · 04/10/2019 15:08

What always helped me to see progress with my kids was to try and look at where you were a week/ month/ year ago - ie don't think about today vs yesterday, take the longer view.
It is much easier to see that you are moving in the right direction that way even if it does feel slow.
You definitely sound as though it's all going in the right direction.
X

Bearfamily1010 · 04/10/2019 16:54

Sounds like some really positive steps forward for your family, and you sound much more hopeful! Keep posting ☺️

NWQM · 04/10/2019 17:07

Vent away... we are here for you.

Both of you being less isolated will help. I know the advice is that you introduce people slowly and I get the theory but it can be very lonely.

Yabbadabbadoo666 · 05/10/2019 07:01

Poppet it definitely seems that attachment is there. Amazing!!!! Totally agree in that look longer term at progess- maybe weeks rather than days. When I had a bad day (s) it seemed like it was lasting forever and it took ages to come out of it. It just felt like that. We had lo placed in november - she literally had a cold for months (probably the stress of the move too) and I just remembered last night about the calpol plug in as she couldn't sleep and I got it out and remembered all those nights of lo being congested and upset. It reminded me to always have calpol in the house (I only used it when needed incase people have a dig) and the plug in was a life saver to help through the night. Totally off track but might be helpful info!!
Keep going you are doing great xx

Stinkycatbreath · 08/10/2019 22:00

Poppet you sound like me when I met our three month old. Now three years old. I nearly packed the whole thing in it was horrible! But you have a traumatised baby who is trying to make head andctale of this world. I found a sling helped it was like my baby hands free kit. No matter how tired you just try and so one thing each day and I can promise you itll get better. Try your local sure start please keep us updated xx

Stinkycatbreath · 08/10/2019 22:03

Top tip ...when you know nap time is coming pack up a book or something in your car and baby obviously. Go to Maccie D drive through buy coffee and find somewhere nice for a nap. I liked the car park at our local reservoir.

poppet31 · 13/10/2019 16:58

Well we're a month in now and I wish I could give a nice positive update, but life is still very tough. Little one still screams whenever I do anything for him. He's fine with my husband but just doesn't seem to trust me to deal with any transitions. I can't change a nappy or get him dressed without being kicked, hit and head butted. Any time I show him any sign of affection, he screams no no no or 'Go!' It's exhausting giving your all to someone who gives absolutely nothing back but hatred. I don't think I could try any harder but no matter what I do, he is just not warming to me.

The last month has been the worst of my life (and I have been through a lot!) I just don't know how longer we can go on like this. Are there any other adopters who's children have not bonded with/have been aggressive towards one parent and how have you got over this?thanks.

OP posts:
stanski · 13/10/2019 17:25

WineThanks

DashOfMagic · 13/10/2019 18:52

Hi @poppet31 I can’t really offer any useful experience myself but just wanted to send you best wishes. When we did our training the Adopter who spoke was one who had adopted a 3 year who only initially attached to her dad not her mum, which they said was very very tough but “only” lasted the first month or so. Im really sorry to hear things are still tough. I think you are showing such strength in persevering to try and get LO and yourselves through this.

Has your DH returned to work?

And are you receiving any support from social services/are they aware of how much you are struggling? Flowers

Yabbadabbadoo666 · 13/10/2019 18:59

Sorry poppet to hear still things are still tough. We are 4 years in and lo attached to me straight away. She clings to me a lot still and I have to disappear without her noticing if I have things to do. I really hope things improve for you. Xxx

jellycatspyjamas · 13/10/2019 19:55

'It's exhausting giving your all to someone who gives absolutely nothing back but hatred.

To be honest, I’d shorten that to “it’s exhausting giving your all to someone” irrespective of what comes back.

It feels like hatred but is actually fear. If you can keep in mind a very scared small child it’ll help it feel less personal - while the violence must feel very personal. What do you do when he kicks and hits and head butts? Can you leave his nappy off, pop him in a safe, contained place with you nearby and wait for him to come to you? If affection from you is triggering him, I’d back right off. Lots of soft verbal communication, maybe play with his toys where he can see you and let him come to you in his own time on his own terms. Chat with him as you go about the day, observe what he’s doing and talk about it. Let his see your partner being affectionate towards you, be available to offer affection but just hang back. He honestly can’t control that reaction to you - he’ll need space and time and help to figure out that you’re not a threat, and you’ll need the same.

And can the sw or foster career tell you if they’ve seen such a “fight” reaction in him before and what worked? Maybe explore other ways for him to express his “fight”, foam bats and balls, scrunching up cornflakes in a bowl or bag, messy play - I used to squirt shaving foam over the back patio doors so the could draw patterns etc, nice and sensory but easy cleaned away. I’d also explore safe holding and safe restraint for the times you simply needs to put hands on him (eg coat, car seat etc).

I did have a massive episode of rejection with my DD after contact with her foster caters, which was very hard because she openly talked about hating me, hating our house, asking to leave, not allowing me to do anything to care for her while also literally being within touching distance at all times - for 3 months.

And to go back to the start - you can’t give him your all, you’ll have nothing left for yourself. What are you doing to promote your own resilience during this really traumatic time for you, what supports do you have - formal or informal - what time out do you get, what resources can you access to help you cope with something that sounds incredibly hard. If the answers to those questions are “nothing much, I can’t really get away, feel guilty, no one gets it”, think of ways to get support. I used adoption allowance to see a therapist for the first 18 months or so - at times having that space to really speak freely stopped the adoption breaking down, and also helped to flag when things really really weren’t ok and when I needed additional support.

You’re not meant to know how to do this, you’re a very very new mum, at this stage following pregnancy you’d be able to at least leave your little one in a Moses basket and pee in peace - and you’d have lots of practical advice, newly delivered mummy friends and people wanting to hold baby for you. You likely have little to none of that, because people forget and don’t understand adoption - did you even get “new mummy” flowers or cards? Not that that makes it easier, but it does actively remind you that you’re completely new to all of this. Go gently with yourself - if you can be compassionate to yourself in it, you’ll have more head and heart space to bond and care for him.

Apologies for the length of post - I just remember how very hard the early days are.

Ted27 · 13/10/2019 20:41

poppet I'm sorry its still so hard. Jellycats has said it all I think.

A month is still such early days though I appreciate how long the days and weeks must feel.
I was lucky that we had a honeymoon period but months 5 to 10/11 were sheer bloody hell. He was 8 so he could do some damage. We got there but it was a very hard slog.
You will have to dig very deep but you can get through it

Yabbadabbadoo666 · 13/10/2019 21:10

Jellycats your words of advice are amazing xx

itsallabouttobegin · 13/10/2019 22:06

We are 8 weeks in and have experienced similar but not to the same extreme from our 2 year old. all tantrums, hitting, refusals were directed at me initially and daddy was idolised. It's balanced out now - I still get more of it but I'm with him all day. I've found ways that work for us - he loves animals and will currently let me get him dressed and brush his hair by pretending he is mr elephant or mr horse! It can be really hard though some days it feels like everything is a battle and whilst I know that a playful approach is usually more successful it can be difficult to maintain.

I can't work out how to pm but happy to chat x

CharlieSays13 · 13/10/2019 22:32

Just wanted to say hang in there @poppet31 a month is such early days. We're 14 months in with 3 LOs and it's still hard but it's not nearly as hard as it was at a month in. During the first few months there were many times when I felt we just couldn't keep going, but we did and we'll continue to. @jellycatspyjamas post is excellent and I really can't add anything apart from I totally understand how you are feeling, I've been there but it has got better.

IfIHadAPenny · 18/10/2019 13:05

I hope you're doing as well as possible, @poppet31 - what a tough, tough time for you. I don't have any advice sadly but I wanted to just offer support. Flowers

poppet31 · 18/10/2019 15:04

Hi everyone. We've had a good few days. Little one is finally letting me get him dressed etc. Isn't always happy about it, but we're getting there. I've had a few spontaneous hugs as well which has been lovely. You can tell there are still some big feelings there that he's dealing with, but does seem to be a bit happier generally. I really hope we're starting to turn a corner and I truly appreciate all the advice and support I've been given here.

OP posts:
LollyBeebee123 · 18/10/2019 15:14

So glad things are improving with your little one. He’s been through so much, you all have. I haven’t adopted but I always hope that one day we will offer a little one a home as you have. I don’t know how old your son is, but my youngest is 12 months and nappy changes/car seat/high chair/bath seat are all issues for us too. He thrashes around, kicks, touches contents of nappy. He straightens himself so as not to be put in any of the above seats. Its exhausting!!! But, it’s just a really trying stage, my middle child did this too. I just wanted to tell you this as it might comfort you to know that these situations are not unique to your little one. Hope things continue to get better for you all.

flapjackfairy · 18/10/2019 15:30

Great update poppet. Well done on hanging in there. Hope things continue to improve x

FlatheadScrewdriver · 18/10/2019 21:39

You are doing so, so well. Every single time you connect, however tiny, it counts and it makes a difference. A friend described it as like throwing pebbles into a deep lake. It looks like it makes no difference, but you get up every day and keep chucking them in, for no apparent result. Until one day an island breaks the surface of the water and you realise - your daily acts of faith built that.

poppet31 · 25/10/2019 17:49

How do you know when a placement is just not working out? I appreciate it is still early days (5 weeks in) but I honestly feel like we are going backwards and I just don't know how much more we can take.

Twice in the last two days I have been physically attacked (scratched my face to the point of drawing blood) and his self harm (head banging) is getting worse. He has thrown his head at the wall tonight with such force that he has knocked down a large photo frame off the wall.

I fully appreciate he is scared, confused and grieving. But this is not the little boy we were told about and I feel like we've been lied to. I feel so helpless.

OP posts:
121Sarah121 · 25/10/2019 18:01

Oh poppet. You sound in such despair. And me at that stage of placement. My son was 3 when he joined the family. The night before the 6 week lac review he burst my lip. He was constantly hurting me and has tendencies to self harm. But we got through it. I don’t know how. Just existing. But about 8 months in i could see us getting through this. A year in placement and although I will never forget how awful and difficult it was I don’t dread each day and it has been a few weeks since he last hurt me.

I’m not sure what my point is. Just you are not alone and you can do this. The happily ever after will come. It’s just the most horrendous journey to get there.

Also, the boy who joined my family was not the boy I was told about. Turned out nobody even knew him....

You need to look after yourself. Take an hour or so out the house without him if you can. A wander around a supermarket (not to buy anything but to be out) or a coffee shop or library. Just go someone where you can have some physical space away. That’s what got me through it.

Keep talking about it. What does your nearest and dearest think? Your Sw? You need support and clarity before you make a decision

flapjackfairy · 25/10/2019 19:06

Only a few days ago things were looking more positive so dont despair. It will be up and down but over time the trend will be upward. You are already seeing small glimmers of hope but it is easy to be overwhelmed again when it seems to be going pear shaped again.
Physical violence is something I really struggle with so I hear you there. It is v hard to stay clear headed when your fight or flight reflex is being constantly triggered ! I have no amazing words of wisdom to impart sadly but I am sending you positive vibes . Hang in there Poppet!

121Sarah121 · 25/10/2019 21:24

I’ve been thinking about you all evening. It’s hard. It really is. I hated hearing this when I was at that point but you will get there. It won’t be like this forever. You can do it. Look after yourself and reach out for support. Hope you have a better day tomorrow

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