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Original poster

endless waiting

103 replies

kckalli · 29/01/2019 15:14

Hi all

Newbie here :-) We were approved for adoption a few months ago, and we are waiting for a match. Just wondering if there are any mums or mums to be on here going through the same thing / have somehow survived this stage without losing their sanity (too much)?
We have been given some profiles and expressed our interest but no match yet. We are awaiting our SW feedback from a meeting taking place next week about some other little ones who are up for adoption, but we are up against their foster carers and another prospective adopter. I'm struggling to think about / focus on anything else.

OP posts:
DLouise2004 · 31/03/2019 20:50

Sorry couldn't remember if you had said you had had agreement from both social workers and had a date for matching

DLouise2004 · 31/03/2019 20:52

Sorry couldn't remember if you had said you had had agreement from both social workers and had a date for matching. Have they said why delays in getting dates for panel?

Serenity45 · 31/03/2019 21:31

Have agreement from both SWs but no explanations re panel date. We're trying to be proactive and keep in touch and our SW is also actively chasing so not a great deal else we can do.

I'm quite zen about it at the moment but this is subject to change Sad

DLouise2004 · 31/03/2019 21:42

That makes sense - you are doing well - I am so impatient! Fingers crossed you hear something soon x

Serenity45 · 01/04/2019 19:47

Thank you! You too xx

DLouise2004 · 06/04/2019 23:49

Any updates ladies? X

hazleton · 13/04/2019 09:14

This thread has been very therapeutic to read - nice to feel like we aren't the only ones going through this! Our expectations of this stage were certainly not set right but starting g to accept this may take longer than anticipated. How are you all getting on now?

DLouise2004 · 13/04/2019 16:52

Hi @hazelton really glad you are finding it useful. Update from me is that we had meeting yesterday with our social worker and little ones social worker to find out more info. Placement order using being requested until may so we have a little wait and cant be told everything but everything was really positive. They stayed the convo of 'we need up decide if you are a good match' and at end of meeting they placed in a date for family linking meeting and meeting with sw after the placement hearing date is going that's a positive sign. We were told if all goes ahead as they think it will then we would be placed with children end of June. Hows things with you? X

hazleton · 14/04/2019 11:13

Hope all goes to plan. We are back on the search - 🙏

topcat2014 · 14/04/2019 12:17

Funny old world, isn't it. The possible match I mentioned upthread, that I thought had gone to another family, might now come to us. We have a home visit booked in a few weeks. :)

DLouise2004 · 14/04/2019 12:20

That's exciting @topcat2014 - it must be fate!

Serenity45 · 15/04/2019 14:17

Oh wow DLouise and Topcat lovely to see such positive updates Smile

We have a possible matching panel date mid May but may get to meet our little ones before then (we didn't know that some local authorities encourage 'playdates' to be honest but are v excited and nervous at the thought). Trying to get a date that both us, SW and FCs can do is proving tricky though given that me & DH both work FT.

Hazleton - glad you've found the thread useful it does really help to know it's not just you. I agree that not enough emphasis is placed on just how difficult the 'post approval pre matched' stage is!

topcat2014 · 15/04/2019 19:26

I suppose, at the beginning of the training course, this bit seems so far off - and anyway it is a 'nice' problem to have in that you are already approved.

I am counting the days until our home visit. We have a DD already, but I am busy buying dinosaur or JCB duvet covers (yes, the big yellow diggers) to show that we can do boys too..

My DD is always surprised when I tell her she used to love Bob the Builder, and trains when she was small. It is all nail varnish and makeup now.

Serenity45 · 30/04/2019 11:40

Hey everyone, just checking in Smile

Good and bad news for us - we are meeting our boys next week!

BUT - panel date cancelled as apparently lots of the paperwork is out of date and host local authority / SW is denying all responsibility.

No new panel date set so could be in for the long haul here (I know that's what parenting is btw haha)

Just horrible sick feeling that we could have 'playdates' for a long time with no end in sight. I could honestly cry and have managed to be so resilient for most of this journey. Fuck it I'm going to have a cry!!

DLouise2004 · 30/04/2019 17:02

So sorry @serenity45 that really sucks. It does make you realise that this process really tests you. Have a cry, drink wine, eat chocolate and hopefully that will help a little. Have they said what will happen with the play dates? X

hazleton · 30/04/2019 17:59

Sorry to hear about the cancellation date @Serenity45, hopefully not too long to wait for you - hope play date goes well! We got turned down for a little one today, another more suitable couple was chosen. 😢

topcat2014 · 30/04/2019 18:29

We had a home visit today, which went 'ok' ish.
Like everything else for us, we are always left with the feeling that we are not 'top of the class'.

Anyway - we are going to say we wish to continue, and then it will be up to the AC's LA to decide whether to proceed with us.

We have also got a bit of an idea of the future logisitics.

DLouise2004 · 30/04/2019 22:16

We find out about placement order on Friday - I feel like we are literally holding our breath until then. Not sure how I am going to feel if this goes wrong - we have waited do king for this match. I literally have everything crossed! X

Serenity45 · 30/04/2019 23:53

Thanks all and also for the updates. Cry and choc helped DLouise! Not a peep about playdates so am hoping once we've had the first one they'll leave us and FCs to organise pre panel. Trying to view it as extra time to get to know the children...fingers crossed for the placement order for you

I'm sorry Hazleton rubbish news for you! Your child is out there I hope you get another match soon. Is yoyr SW supportive?

Topcoat this process is great at knocking your confidence. Hoping you get some great feedback.

Thanks again everyone WineCake

Serenity45 · 30/04/2019 23:54

Topcat even! ffs

poppet31 · 01/05/2019 10:09

Hi everyone. Can I join in please? Approved last week and just starting out on this crazy matching journey. It would be lovely to connect with others in the same boat. Have read through the thread and am so excited to follow all your stories x

Serenity45 · 01/05/2019 15:36

Hey poppet welcome! Congratulations on being approved it's such a huge milestone Smile

Looking forward to hearing about how it goes for you too. There are such a range of experiences both on this forum and in real life it's really helpful to try not to have too many expectations (though I blatantly have done)

DLouise2004 · 02/05/2019 22:53

So today we were told 24 hours early that the placement order had been granted! So on to the FLM and social worker meetings next week! A bit shocked but so glad its positive x

topcat2014 · 03/05/2019 06:34

@poppet31 - no one is prepared for what matching is like :)

It is an up and down thing, far more than the training part.

You will come out the other end.

If things proceed as it looks like for us, then it will have been 8 months from panel to moving in.

topcat2014 · 03/05/2019 06:34

approval panel - obviously.