Siblings

[mumofblueeyes]

Hi all. We have had our adopted LO for about 20 months now and he has settled in wonderfully. He is 4 and the process has been fantastic. By a strange twist of fate his birth family live horribly close even though they all used to live the other end of the county. The Birth Dad is in a new relationship and lives about 5 miles away (His partners son is in the same year as my son at school which is not a good situation). His partner gave birth to his son today, so a half brother for our LO. The birth mother lives about 10 miles away and is also due to give birth any day. She is still on a very high dose of methadone and has split up with the baby's father. I only know about these new babies due to Facebook/Local Contacts, not from Social Care. My slightly long winded question therefore is, will Social Care automatically know about these new siblings to ensure they stay safe? Should I let them know or does that look like I am an outrageous stalker. How does this process work (do they ask parents if they have a baby taken away before, is there a database??). We have always wanted to adopt a second so are wondering if we may get approached in the future. Thank you for any advice.

I'm an adopter and a social worker - I get the OPs concerns but don't agree with her actions. There were a number of adopters who didn't agree with what she was doing and she was given some very good advice. I don't think it can be assumed that all adopters will see things in the same way or agree on everything any more than any group of parents do.

The op wasn't actually taking any action though jellycatspyjamas. Unless I'm missing something she simply found herself in a situation whereby the birth family ended up moving very locally to her and therefore ended up using some of the same local FB pages. She was also given some information regarding the birth family from a foster career. I fail to see how the op can be castigated for any of that. She did not move in next door to the birth family, nor did she impart information to the foster carer. In both situations she was not at fault. The main breach of privacy lies with the foster carer relaying private information and you surely can't expect the op to unhear that information once heard?

I also don't think it's unreasonable for her to consider the possibility of these children also being removed and begin wondering if her family would be approached. Its actually exactly what I would be thinking anyway.

On the subject of FB, I'm not on it personally, I can recommend it However our local authority use it with birth families. We have a contact coordinator who passes on letters and pictures and she uses fb to try and track down birth family members frequently.

I also know a family liaison worker who is openly friends with many of the families she works with on fb and openly uses it as a tool to keep tabs on them. When families move every 3 months, fb etc must be a useful tool.

Exactly, Bitchfromhell. The OP's crime seems to have been hearing things and as a result of what she heard both wondering things and having concerns and wondering if she should report those concerns. It seems a bit of a sauce that on top of everything the poor OP is going through that she needs to modify her observations and any thoughts arising from them.

Quite how this former foster carer of her child came about the information about birth father's methadone use puzzles me as I got the impression neither of the babies had been born or were in fc. Even if they were do fc get told what dose of methadone their fosling's birth father is taking? Doesn't exactly seem need to know to me.

Hi Folks. I am still here. Apologies for lack of replies but I have been non stop with work and family. There were also so many misunderstandings with my original post I wasn’t too sure where to start without causing further uproar. But just to clarify for those interested - no one, including me, has done anything wrong. The details about Birth mum who is on methadone was sent to me in court papers minutes when she appealed the final adoption - no one has broken any confidentiality. The information about Birth Fathers came as detail when we adopted LO. His name is also all over the national papers due to violent crimes he has committed. Foster Carer - again, no need to get the knives out - she just alerted me to what was on a LOCAL Facebook page for all to see. More of a ‘crumbs, I see X has had a baby’ - information on a public site rather than anything malicious or any confidential information. We have become good friends and meet up every few weeks to both enjoy seeing LO blossom. As I have said before, I was just actually asking if a new baby born to Birth Father would be checked on for safety. If he is registered as new partners child then it may not be known that it is living with Birth father. So my question was more about the process behind births, was there a ‘risk list’ etc. Sometimes I would just like to ‘chew the cud’ with other adoptive parents and get thoughts from fellow adopters who may have been in a similar position. The reality is that sometimes after a long day at work I might not write a post that makes perfect sense, is a bit waffle or is not technically wonderful. I can only apologise to anyone upset or offended by the thought of foster carers leaking secrets or me stealing Facebook photos in some sort of clandestine mission to steal babies. Thank you to many of you who did support, I do appreciate your answers .

And yes Barbados, the court papers specify exact methadone amount as it was relevant to her appeal.

Bitchfromhell is no Bitch to me, she seems rather lovely x

SS should know about new baby. But it won't hurt to tell them just in case.

Glad you're still here. 💐