Can anyone help please?

[Anothernamesake]

Husband is adopting my children. Biological father been absent for 6 years. Children have had no contact whatsoever. No maintenance has been paid. I had no idea where biological father even was. The court have searched for him in order to complete the process.

Initially, bio father said to ss that he was happy for the adoption to go through. Then, at court, he contested. Everything had gone in our favour up to that point, social services and cafcass had made their recommendations totally in our favour.
The judge allowed him to meet with cafcass again. A second report will be filed before next court date which is soon.

Cafcass have rung to let us know that this new report will also be in our favour because bio father will not be contesting any further. He will give his blessings and disappear on one condition...that the children keep his surname.

Now, we're not really happy about this, we, and more importantly the children want us all to be a family in every sense of the word. Husband and I are married and share a name and we also have children together with the same surname as us. I know that they can be 'known as' for the rest of their lives but they will always have to use bio fathers surname formally and they don't want that.

I was wondering about our options if anyone can shed any light. Do we tell the judge this isn't acceptable and see how we go with that? (potentially it could string this out even more?)
Or is the most sensible choice to agree to his request (in order to get the order through with no more hassle, it's been a really tough and long couple of years) then change their names by deed poll because husband and I will be the ones with complete parental responsibility?

Will that still be possible if it's in a court order that dc keep bio fathers name?

(before anyone says about asking our solicitor, we don't have one, our case has been so good that a solicitor advised us not to waste our money by employing him!)

Oh I see, that's quite unusual. Yes do let the children's solicitor know as soon as you can. Are the children old enough to talk to the CAFCASS officer about what they want?

Is it? Goodness, I had no idea it was unusual. Tbh we've gone into this completely blind so I have very little idea of what is normal and what isn't.

Yes, the children have spoken to the cafcass officer already. It was at school. Officer then wrote in the report that she was confident the children hadn't been coerced by us and that they were driving it. She had no concerns about their needs being met by us etc. It's all been very positive for us. The children have no desire to know birth father because they have no memories of him and he hasn't taken any steps to have a relationship with them. He literally disappeared from their lives. Not even the child support agency could find him for 4 years.

They are 6, 9 and 10.

Sorry for the delay Another, had a hell of a week. I don't think you need to worry to be honest. Have you spoken to the SW and the CAFCASS officer re your views about the children's names and if so what were their responses?

Bless you. Hope all is well now, at least it's the weekend and you can have a rest

Yes, I spoke to the sw right away and she said he's being utterly ridiculous and will look a fool in court. Haven't been able to get hold of the cafcass officer at all. Papers were supposed to be in today so I'm sure she'll have been rushing around this week, as well as the countless other cases she probably has!

Well that sounds positive with regard to the SW's view. The courts are very familiar with this sort of behaviour from parents who demand their rights without actually exercising the responsibilities that come with them. He'll get short thrift is my guess.

Good luck with and keep us updated.

Thank you crisp, you've been very helpful and reassuring. I feel confident about it.

I'll pop back to this thread and let you know the outcome.