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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

anyone adopted 3 siblings

166 replies

Mule22 · 28/06/2016 19:28

Hi
We are nearly ready to start stage 2 and we are wanting to adopt 3 this is somthing I have thought long and hard about and know I manage as i have a wonderful support network .......... But every time I say to someone 3 ! They always say why 3 ! Really why 3 though 2 2 is much better
One of my reasons is that many sibling groups are spilt so as they can be adopted more easily we have the financial stability room in our home and definitely a lot of love to offer
Just wondered if anyone could comment on there experience of 3 or more
Thankyou X

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Kr1stina · 08/03/2017 13:27

On a practical note - Fc will not dematerialise after placement. It's not a problem to text them and say " I forgot to ask you - is it mushrooms or tomatoes he's allergic to? "

Most are very happy for adopters to keep in contact after placement - they want to help and know LO is doing well .

Mule22 · 08/03/2017 16:00

Thanks no your not raining in my parade am just super excited I really appreciate your advise 😊 x

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Kr1stina · 08/03/2017 16:38

Totally normal to be super excited. Just use the head as well as the heart.

tldr · 08/03/2017 17:21

This is a list of questions that was crowd sourced on the Adoption UK website;

www.adoptionuk.org/resources/article/questions-foster-carers-and-social-workers

But like Kristina says, this meeting mightn't be the time.

First time we met FCs and nursery worker though, we were just met with a wall of 'they're normal' which wasn't strictly true, but nothing we asked unearthed anything useful.

They volunteered a lot more info during intros (which of course would have been too late if it was game-changing).

I'm sure there is a good way of eliciting what you need to know, but I'm not sure I know what it is.

Kr1stina · 08/03/2017 18:14

Some of them have been ordered to give the correct answer " they're normal ". Some of them just feel under pressure to give the correct answer, because they love the child and want them in a permanent placement . Or dislike them and want them to move on.

So you need to catch them with their guard down, when they think you are talking about something only indirectly related to the child concerned .

So I wouldn't ask closed questions , or you get

Is he a good eater ? Yes he's totally normal
What does he like for breaksfast ? Toast

You want to get them to talk . Depending on how chatty they are m you might need to ask your " rice crispier or cornflakes " questions first. But even if he lives off toast for every meal, she's not going to tell you that anyway.

So I'd say stuff like

Oh gosh, we are a bit nervous, this is the first item we've done this and I'm not sure what to ask.where should we start ?

Jane his SW tells me that he's made great progress since he came to you . What was he like when he came ?

How nice for him that you / your neighbours /sister have a cat / budgie.

It will be hard from him to move away from all his school friends /kids in the street / football club.

These may seem random but they are probing for information about his past ( BF and former Fc placements if applicable ) . You really want to find out discreetly why he moved from another FC and why he's not with any of the BF. FC will be more honest than SW.

You are also looking for red flags - like cruelty to animals and smaller children / babies, issues around food and elimination , behavioural problems, indiscriminate affection

You need to ask as inexperienced people seeking her advice and not as an examiner looking for the right answer.

Mule22 · 14/03/2017 14:28

Met foster carer yesterday (they do an amazing job)
She vocalised strongly that social services do not need to drag there feet with the move he is more than ready and asks everyday now if they have found him a forever mummy and daddy and she believes the long he waits the mor anxiety he will feel about it and she is more than happy with the match she was so lovely 😊
He dosnt have an allocated adoption social worker as he has just been passed on from the original safeguarding social worker so there will be a delay due to this not sure how long bit the family finder was chasing it again yesterday I feel a little like they are drip feeding us info and then that is making the wait a little more unbearable each time we have heard about him he just sounds more and more amazing 💕x

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MrsMontgomerySmythe · 14/03/2017 17:27

Ahhh lovely update!
Great to hear he is being so well prepared by his foster caters for his adoption. And that they are so supportive. They truly sound like they have his best interests at heart.

Hopefully it will not be too long until introductions.

Mule22 · 29/03/2017 11:30

Still feels like slow moving but we have life appreciation day on Monday and social worker has asked us to contact the school we would like him to attend as they would like him to have a couple of weeks there before the school holiday so he won't be as anxious in sept 😊💙 very excited and we are meeting the foster carer and hour before life appreciation to just have a chat with her again I'm thinking all this is really positive but we still don't have a panel date yet 😕 xx

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MrsMontgomerySmythe · 30/03/2017 06:59

Looks like things are moving forwards albeit probably slower than you would like!

Have you been to visit schools yet?
Must make it all feel more and more real.

Mule22 · 30/03/2017 09:32

Hi
We haven't no I have done a lot of research of the local schools and have a nephew that goes to one and we decide on the local catholic primary school as the other one is still only a primary school and he would have to love at age 7 to middle school and with him already moving once we thought it better to be at a school untill the Change into high school
I'm very excited about meeting the head tomorrow 😊

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Flower20166 · 01/04/2017 22:34

Ah just read the whole thread. I'm so happy you've found your little boy! Please update us as you go along, I've loved reading your journey :)

Mule22 · 01/04/2017 23:02

😊 thankyou I really hope we have just need to get a panel date set and then get through that hoping to have him home beginning of June x

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Mule22 · 03/04/2017 22:12

Life appreciation day today
Wow ! Just wow ! Amazing day roll on 42 days hopefully we will be at panel ! 😊

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Flower20166 · 04/04/2017 08:46

Ahh amazing!! When do intros start?

Mule22 · 04/04/2017 19:36

Hopefully 26th ish of may 💙 x

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MrsMontgomerySmythe · 04/04/2017 20:21

So glad it is all moving forward.

I hope the meeting with the head teacher went well?

Mule22 · 04/04/2017 20:33

It did thankyou the school was lovely it's a definite yes to them x

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MrsMontgomerySmythe · 05/04/2017 06:00

So good to have found a school and a head teacher you like a lot. Please do keep us posted.

Kr1stina · 06/04/2017 19:05

Glad its all moving along, even though it's soooooo slow .

Mule22 · 18/04/2017 15:12

Hay everyone quick update we have been delayed due to paperwork not being in on time from LO social worker so panel has been moved to 6th June 3 extra weeks seems like I'm missing 3 extra years ! I know that over dramatic but very frustrating x

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flapjackfairy · 18/04/2017 18:38

Oh mule that is frustrating but hang in there. You are nearly there. So exciting x

Mule22 · 05/05/2017 20:28

Ok little update
report for panel signed today submitted on Tuesday we are set to go on 6th June 😊 4 weeks and counting. ! X

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C0RAL · 05/05/2017 22:35

Thnaks for the update ( its kris Tina BTW)

Glad to hear you are good to go on 6 June. Will the agency decision maker be at panel or do you have to wait for ratification ?

Hope you have a plan in place for introductions to start straight away after that 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Claram55 · 05/05/2017 22:55

Awe congrats I think I read on here before he moves in to put loads of
Photos of him in his room x
I thought it was so sweet as it make
His room immediately familiar x

Mule22 · 06/05/2017 02:05

Thankyou 💙
Yes meeting on Monday to make the plan but they think intros will start day of adm which is the following Wednesday it was going to be the Monday after adm so I was super happy they were thinking earlier they are going to give LO the book after panel so I'm hoping that's positive that they think adm will say yes he's 5 so for him to get the book and then get a no would be really awful for him so I'm taking it as a positive xx

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