anyone adopted 3 siblings

[Mule22]

Hi
We are nearly ready to start stage 2 and we are wanting to adopt 3 this is somthing I have thought long and hard about and know I manage as i have a wonderful support network .......... But every time I say to someone 3 ! They always say why 3 ! Really why 3 though 2 2 is much better
One of my reasons is that many sibling groups are spilt so as they can be adopted more easily we have the financial stability room in our home and definitely a lot of love to offer
Just wondered if anyone could comment on there experience of 3 or more
Thankyou X

Good luck mule i have everything crossed for tuesday for you !

Mumto3 - that sounds awful, hope DH is recovering. What a stressful time for you all.

Please hang around the adoption boards, we will not dump you after 6 weeks. There are so many families at the early stages of the process and it's encouraging for them to hear from others who have survived .

Also you get to boast about the things your kids achieve which are no big deal in other families but are extra special for us. And no one NO ONE will ever say " You are over reacting , all kids do that "

Hi first time poster here,we adopted a sibling group of three back in December 2014,aged 9 months,2.5 years and 3.5 years,I have years of childcare experience but even that did not prepare us for how hard would be.The children have settled well especially the two youngest ones who have come out of there shells and really progressed,the oldest one has struggled with the transition but is making steady progress and we have seen him develop and mature. The hardest thing for us is carrying out everyday activities and meeting everyones needs. We consider our marriage to be strong but the last year has really tested us to the limit. Unfortunately we have had little support from social workers who just have left us to get on with it,fortunately we have managed and feel there is light at the end of the tunnel but it has been unbelievably hard. I am glad we have our three even with all the challenges we face on a daily basis and might still face in the future I would say to anyone going through the progress that it is very hard stressful but worth it in the end. Good luck to everyone, if anyone wants to chat and find out more about our journey so far then feel free to pm me xx

Hay guys so meeting today went well we think ! Was supposed to be at 12.30 bit LO social worker turned up at 12.00 ! So we had half an hour with her on our own but she wouldn't talk about any of it till our social worker and the family finder got here so had to make small talk 😱 but it was ok we managed they spoke about him with huge beaming smiles on there face 😊 he really does sound perfect 💙 they said a week for a decision! A week ! She said they normally push for Same blinking day ! Or day after
They will prob be a little delay as LO social worker has to transfers them over to there placement social worker she shouldn't have still been with them but she wanted to make the decision on placement so the new social worker will hopefully! Be given all the info and get up to speed but the placement decision will be made before its transferred over just all the paper work will be done by another social worker
Gosh I hope it went well !

😊😊💙 omg I can not wait a week ! Xx

Oh that's fantastic news , I'm so pleased for you !

Ooh v exciting. Everything crossed for a smooth journey x

Hay hoping for some reassurance I think we haven't herd anything from LO SW as of yet she did say a week I know but we were told they don't hold on with this stage and tell u asap I feel it may be a no if she knew we were right with no doubt surly she would of made a decision by now but if there is doubt then 😞

It may be that she just has her way of doing things. A SW we met with had told us she'd be in touch in three or four days but our SW and the family finder said that was too long a wait. Without your SW having advised for a sooner call, it could just be that she's dealing with other things, did she say she was meeting other prospective adopters? Also she's got the handover you mentioned too, try not to be too anxious and don't give up hope just yet

I know thank you my SW said she was a very old school SW so maybe that's something no as far as our SW said we were the only people looking at this LO
I'm not giving up just yet just feeling a little low about it it's just such an emotional roller coaster x

Try not to read into it Mule22, there could be any number of reasons why she hasn't got back to you yet. It's a shame not to have found out today, a whole weekend of worry fret but social workers don't seem to think like that unfortunately! Good luck :O)

Thank you I hope so we have had this little ones CPR with photos for nearly a month now and it's so hard not to keep picking it up and looking and reading through about him x

The social worker said yes ! She said yes 💙

😬👌🏼🍸🍾🥂🍷

🎉🎊🎈🍬🍦🍰🍫🎂🍩🍪🍔🌭🍕

That's the food for the party, in case you were wondering

Just found and read this thread while I'm ill in bed 😷

What great news!! I can't wait to hear how it goes. Congratulations!

Well done mule on your single child...read your first post again and smile. Adoption is a journey you just have to roll with

Thanks everyone one still not sunk in yet we are so happy I feel so lucky right now and I know we have to get through panel yet but I'm just so sure that they will see what a perfect match he is for us that it will be a quick unanimous positive recommendation 💙😊

Great news :O)

Really lovely news for you. Congratulations!

Congratulations Mule, great news

Thankyou 💙
Meeting foster carer Monday morning at there house LO will be at school 💙 so excited

Good stuff . Do you have your list of questions ?

Remember to focus on decision critical questions, this is not the time to ask what breakfast cereal he likes. FC may not know this if she's new, she might be as nervous as you.

You want to get a FEEL for what it's like to live with him. Let her talk as much as possible ( assuming it's about him ). Ask a lot of questions and for her advice .

Don't tell her how great you are, it's not the apprentice

Oh 😕 I feel a little silly now i wanted to know if he likes bubbles in his bath 😕I know to ask about his daily routine what other questions do you feel would be good he is 4 nearly 5 thankyou 😊

I'm sorry I don't mean that make you feel bad

This is how I think of it ( just my opinion of course )

Right now you are still trying to get all the information to decide if he's the right child for you. So you need to focus on that issue - what are his needs, can you meet them, what are the implications of these needs for you, your job, your marriage, your family, your Lifestyle. Talking with FC is your best source of this information , she lives with him 24/7.

Once you have got this information ( as much as you can get ) , you and DP neee to discuss it all. Have a very, very tough talk and be very honest with each other.

Then you can decide to go for it. There will be plenty time during introduction to ask about bubbles vs non bubbles. Or he's 5, you can ask him.

It's too easy to get seduced into all the nice and fun bits of parenting ( decorating his room, buying cute clothes and toys ) before you have done the hard thinking about how this is going to work for you all.

So, will he every be able to cope with childcare?
If not, who is going to give up work / go part time and for how long ? One of both of you ?
How will this affect your savings and pensions?
What about the one who works full time - how will they feel about that ?
What about your career in the longer term?
how will it affect your social life and hobbies if this child can't cope with the things you do ?
How will you cope with the reaction of friends and family ? Many are cool with a baby , less so with a ready made child.
Will he be able to attend a mainstream secondary school and if not what are the options in your area ?
Does he nee any medical input and what is there locally ?
Does your relationships have the resilience to cope with this lads needs ? ( im thinking of the thread here where an newly adoptive father was whining that he didn't get enough " couple time" )
What will it REALLY be like to live with any behaviours he has?
How would it be if you were never able to change them and he was always like that ?

I know you have thought through these issues in general but it's very different when you have the needs of a specific child right in front of you.

I'm sorry , I know I sound like a hard cow and you are not buying a house. But many adopted children have a lot of needs and many adoptive couples split up over it, so make sure you are 100% agreed on this.

I'm sorry, I realise I am totally raining on your parade.

And lots of adopters will have totally opposite views and they are equally valid. I know people who chose their child because they had the right star sign /shared a birthday with granny.

We all do things differently .